Sukeban

“You know, we could have taken you back to school.”

Tomomi glanced over at Mami and promptly shook her head at the blonde’s suggestion. Mami had made the same suggestion of sneaking Tomomi back into school after they had left Omar’s house and as much as Tomomi did think it would be best to be in school, how could she explain the morning absence? Lying to her teachers was never something Tomomi was good at and she doubted she would be very convincing even now. For the brunette, it was a lose-lose situation. If she didn’t go to school, she risked her parents being called but if she did go after not attending morning classes, she risked having to lie about her whereabouts and still risk having her parents called.

“I’m not sure if it would make much of a difference, Mami,” Tomomi responded carefully. She looked down when she saw Mami glance over at her just before she heard the chuckle from the blonde. Beside her, Mami ruffled her hair and looked up at the sky. She did feel a bit bad for dragging Tomomi along like that when she had already gotten the innocent girl into enough trouble.

“I should never have drug you along in the first place,” Mami admitted, “I wasn’t thinking very clearly at all. It was irresponsible of me.” Mami felt a heavy weight pull at her heart as she admitted what she had done wrong.

Was this how Haruna felt? When her plans didn’t work out or when she failed to think clearly, did she feel this heavy with guilt? Mami didn’t know but she had a strong feeling that Haruna did feel the heaviness, even if the hardheaded brunette would always deny it. Mami couldn’t stop the guilt that ate at her for dragging Tomomi along. She was their temporary leader; it was her job to keep them safe now and on the first day as leader, she had put Tomomi at risk of getting into more trouble with her parents. It wasn’t as bad as some of the risks Haruna made them take but it was still enough to cause the dosage of guilt in the blonde.

“Don’t worry about it,” Tomomi’s soft voice interrupted Mami’s inner struggle. “What’s done is done. Besides, I know you were simply focusing on getting to Rina. I don’t blame you for dragging me along or for the harsh tone you used.” Mami cringed at the words; she had forgotten how harshly she had snapped at Tomomi when the brunette had attempted to talk them out of ditching school as they headed to Omar’s… Although, Tomomi hadn’t gotten farther than a few words in that attempt before Mami had quieted her down with words and a tone she wished she could take back.

“Right… I did that too…” Mami muttered under her breath. Tomomi could hear the grumbling from the blonde but chose not to address it. She felt it would be better if she didn’t try to push Mami’s buttons too much; Mami’s buttons had already been pushed enough as it was today.

Despite everything that had happened, there was a part of Tomomi that wanted to feel a bit of happiness. They knew Rina was safe and, during this walk, Tomomi was also seeing a softer side of Mami again. It wasn’t much but for the girl who acted so harshly, it was enough to put even a small smile on Tomomi’s face. She wanted to believe that Mami was softening her behaviors and thoughts. Just the thought of Mami softening and becoming a better person was enough to make Tomomi feel even a little bit happy.

“So… What are you going to do now? I-I mean about Rina and everything…” Tomomi’s sentence trailed off and she kept her eyes down, not daring to look up at Mami in worry about what sort of expression she would see for such a sensitive question. Instead of hearing a grunt or huff from behind her, Tomomi simply heard a small sigh leave her companion. Still, she refused the urge to look over at the teenager.

“That’s not your concern.” Tomomi wanted to sigh at the words she heard from Mami, but she couldn’t say she hadn’t seen that coming. She was hoping Mami would answer her honestly but she knew how foolish it was to even hope for that much. Tomomi didn’t understand though, how could it not be her concern? She might not be much help but she wanted to help Rina as well.

In reality, Mami hadn’t answered Tomomi because she didn’t have an answer for Tomomi. She couldn’t admit that though; what sort of leader would she be if she admitted she didn’t have a plan? Mami wished she had a plan and she hated that she couldn’t think of one. She knew Haruna would have one by this point. Even if it was stupid and careless, Haruna would still be able to think of something but Mami… Mami simply had nothing in her mind.

The two continued the walk down the nearly deserted sidewalk in silence, neither of them having anything to say. Tomomi had a lot of questions in her mind but she’d given up on the idea of asking them. If Mami had responded so coldly to such a simple question like that, it made Tomomi worry for how the blonde could respond to her other questions. In a way, Tomomi did feel a bit guilty. Mami already had enough to deal with and Tomomi hadn’t thought of what sort of strain her seemingly simple questions could put on the blonde.

“We’re almost to your house, Tomomi.”

The words snapped Tomomi out of her worried and frantic thoughts. She looked up, a feeling of almost sadness coming to her. She was happy to be home but she knew being home meant that Mami would leave, and Tomomi was sort of enjoying her company right now despite the heavy air that surrounded the girls. Perhaps it was even because Tomomi was feeling a bit of worry for how well Mami was going to be handling the situation.

“Guess this means that I should let you go, huh?” The blonde spoke up again. Tomomi looked up at Mami now, drawing in a breath before nodding her head slowly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at school though, right?” Mami chuckled softly at the worried tone Tomomi had used and nodded her head, giving the brunette a pat on the back. Tomomi, in turn, turned to Mami, trying her best to put a smile on her face.

Tomomi didn’t think much when she inched a bit closer to Mami, her eyes staying on the blonde the entire time. She saw as Mami watched her with caution, probably trying to figure out what Tomomi was doing. Not even Tomomi knew what she was preparing to do though, or even why she was preparing to do this. Tomomi reached out the hand that wasn’t holding her bag, gingerly reaching for Mami’s free hand. Her fingertips had barely touched the skin of Mami’s palm before the teenager roughly pulled her hand away, stepping back and putting a decent amount of distance in between the two girls.

The brunette gasped a bit and recoiled her hand in a mixture of fear and hurt. She kept her eyes on Mami, noticing the moment of fear that passed through the blonde’s wide eyes before her expression relaxed, the usual emotions Tomomi always saw on her coming back. That one moment though… Tomomi couldn’t wrap her head around what she had seen.

“Mami…”

“I have to go,” the blonde said quickly, ending Tomomi’s words abruptly. She looked away from Tomomi before abruptly turning on her heels, beginning to walk away from the brunette who couldn’t find it in her to call after her. Tomomi could only stand stunned and watching as Mami left in a hurry.

Tomomi looked down, feeling a sense of hurt in her heart from how Mami had left but attempting to shake it off. Even if she could shake off the sense of hurt, Tomomi couldn’t forget what she had seen temporarily in Mami’s eyes. She couldn’t forget the fear she had seen shining in the blonde’s brown eyes. She could never remember seeing such fear in Mami’s eyes; it never seemed as if the emotion was possible for her.

What was Mami so scared of?

***

A soft sigh left the blonde’s lips as she leaned further back into the park bench she sat on, her head tilted backwards and her eyes staring at the darkening sky. Splashes of red dotted the sky, signaling that the sun would soon set on her. Not that it mattered to Mami much anyway; she was often out after dark as she avoided the possibility of going home. Although today, Mami knew that she didn’t have too much of a point in avoiding her house. It’s not as if her mother had spoken to her in days, but Mami would rather not set foot in that house and have to deal with any possible comments.

“What’s up, blondie?”

Mami scoffed at the nickname she heard the high pitched voice use. Her eyes darted away from the sky for a split second to see Yukako take a seat next to her. Mami had called her shortly after leaving Tomomi’s house but she hadn’t expected Yukako to be able to escape her parents’ sight so quickly like this. She had been expecting a little more alone time.

“I’m surprised you managed to escape your parents so quickly,” Mami commented back to her sarcastically. Yukako chuckled, leaning back against the bench in a similar form to how Mami sat. She rested her injured arm against her body, her eyes surveying the blonde who was looking back at the sky again.

“I guess there are perks to having doctor parents who often get called in for late shifts,” Yukako responded in a casual tone with a shrug of her shoulders.

Mami let out a bitter chuckle. She could admit that sometimes she felt jealous of Yukako, and she knew she wasn’t the only one. Unlike the others, Yukako came from a life of money. She didn’t have to struggle for anything monetary; her parents had it all. And Yukako should have had it all as well but she didn’t. There were other times where Mami pitied Yukako. When Mami looked past the money her family had, she could see how alone Yukako had been for much of her life. Her parents were never around; they were always busy. The money her parents could provide her with didn’t make up for the loneliness they caused her.

“What’s wrong?”

The two simple words stopped Mami’s thought process instantly. The thought of asking Yukako to come hang out with her being a mistake crossed her mind but she quickly dismissed it. She had clearly already given enough away to Yukako, she had to keep her cool above all else with her now. Even with how close she was to Yukako, there was no way that she could let any of this slip out to even her.

“What makes you think that something is wrong?” This time, it was Yukako’s turn to laugh bitterly at Mami’s rebuttal. She always was so stubborn; Yukako didn’t expect anything different tonight.

“Well for starters, you’re avoiding going home tonight.” Yukako paused, waiting for some type of response from Mami. When she didn’t hear even so much as a small noise from the blonde, she chose to continue, “Whenever you call me out of my house when I’m in this much trouble is usually an indicator that something is wrong and you want a distraction. Did you fight with your mother again?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Does it have something to do with Haruna?” Yukako eyed Mami, making a note of the way her body stiffened a bit at the mention of Haruna’s name. “I may be out of the loop lately but I do know that Haruna has been missing for a number of days… You know something about her disappearance, don’t you?”

“Curiosity killed the cat, Yukako.” The pigtailed girl in question laughed at Mami’s threatening tone she had used. Mami wouldn’t hurt her; not in her current state when she was unable to defend herself. She knew Mami might to do that other people, but she knew the blonde cared enough about her to not put her in such a situation despite how threatening she might speak.

“There has to be something about her disappearance that you’d be willing to tell me.” Mami sighed softly, letting her eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. She pushed herself up again, bending her body forward a bit and directing her eyes onto the ground now.

“All you need to know is that Haruna will be missing for a few more days… And she made me the leader until she can come back. Nothing more needs to be said.” Yukako’s eyes widened a bit when she heard Mami’s words. She had been convinced Haruna was in some kind of danger from how long it had been since she was last seen but now she was even more convinced of this.

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Yukako’s words were spoken softer now, sounding as if she was unsure of what she was saying.

“It’s just….frustrating.” Mami sighed again; she was doing her best to conceal her emotions but doing that was getting a lot harder these days. She bit down on her bottom lip, fighting back the emotions that tugged mercilessly at her heart. She didn’t understand how Haruna did it; she didn’t understand how Haruna could conceal her emotions at every moment as she did. She didn’t understand how Haruna could stand as hard as stone in the face of nearly everything.

“That’s not everything that’s bothering you though, is it?” Yukako took the chance to question. She braced herself for an angry reaction from Mami but no reaction came at all. “I know being the leader might be frustrating for you, but I can also see right through you, Mami. Something else is bothering you.”

“I’d really suggest you stop talking.” Yukako pursed her lips at the blonde’s empty threat; this was only confirming Yukako’s suspicions. Mami was doing her best to scare Yukako into silence but the brunette knew her friend better. She knew that at the moment, she had nothing to fear from Mami. After her cast was off, however, was a different story. But Yukako knew she could worry about that another day.

“Is it more about Haruna?” Yukako paused, gauging Mami’s reaction. When she saw the blonde’s body remain still, she decided that it couldn’t be the main thing bothering her. “Is it about Tomomi?” It was going out on a limb but Yukako knew she had to try… And she was glad she did when she saw Mami’s body shift slightly at the question. “So it is…”

“This is none of your business,” Mami interrupted her quiet musing with a rough tone. Her eyes snapped to Yukako and she narrowed them into a glare, doing her best to menace the slightly older girl. Yukako shook off the glares, deciding it was best to push forward.

“It is about Tomomi… Did something happen to her?”

“Tomomi is fine. She got grounded by her parents just like you did but we’ve been getting her back home with just enough time to spare.” Mami attempted to answer in the calmest voice she could manage and she had thought she had done pretty well with it as well. She was regaining the control she could feel slipping away. “There’s nothing to say with Tomomi.”

“Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Yukako…”

“Did you two have a fight?”

“Yukako…”

“Mami, something is wrong. You need to tell--”

“Just shut up!” The shout that had come from the blonde rattled Yukako from how loud it had been and how rough it had sounded. The brunette had been silenced near instantly from the shout, now only being able to stare at the blonde who glared menacingly at her. “Just shut the hell up already, Yukako. The nonsense you’re spouting off is beginning to annoy me.”

“But, Mami…”

“No, Yukako. You’re wrong, okay? Nothing happened between me and Tomomi. Nothing happened between anyone. Nothing is wrong.” Mami punctuated each of her last three words, attempting to drive her point home with Yukako in hopes that the brunette would give up before one of her questions got through Mami’s barrier.

“That’s not true.”

“Don’t tell me that I’m lying,” Mami growled out lowly. She snapped her eyes away from Yukako, huffing softly and biting down on her bottom lip again. Her hands twitched as she resisted the urge to curl them into fists. “You’re wrong; you’re just being annoying now.”

“You’ll always be stubborn,” Yukako murmured out at a volume she was certain Mami wouldn’t be able to hear in her moment of rage. She usually didn’t hear most things when she got overly angry; it was both a blessing and a curse depending on how someone looked at it.

“What was that?”

Yukako froze from the low tone Mami had spoken in. The one time she really had wanted Mami to not hear her and yet, Mami had heard her clearly. She drew in a sharp breath, narrowing her eyes into a glare of her own. Mami wasn’t the only one who could be bullheaded here.

“I said that you’ll always be stubborn,” she responded in a louder tone. Mami clenched her hands into fists but Yukako ignored it, continuing to push. “You’ll continue denying your feelings for Tomomi; you’ll continue tormenting yourself like this.”

“I’m denying it because you’re wrong. I see Tomomi as nothing but a friend… And I barely see her as that,” Mami spit out venomously. Mami gulped lightly; why did she feel like this? Why did she feel such hatred towards herself and the words she was saying? Why did she suddenly feel a wave of guilt over her words?

“You’re such a liar, Mami,” Yukako said with a light chuckle at the end. “I’ve seen how you look at her and I’ve seen how you act with her. You treat her better than anyone; including Haruna. You’re more careful and gentle around her. I know you practically better than you know yourself; I can see what you feel for her. You should know there’s no use in lying to me.”

“You must not know me as well as you think you do in that case.” Mami could hear another light laugh from Yukako and she glanced up at the brunette in time to see Yukako push herself off the bench. Yukako turned her back to Mami, shaking her head slightly.

“Instead of pushing Tomomi away, you should feel thankful she’s taken an interest in you at all… You should be thankful anyone is bothering to care this much for you. You know, Mami, with a girl like Tomomi, you’re only going to be able to do this for so long. You’re only going to be able to push Tomomi away for so long before she gets hurt and gives up. You’re only going to hurt yourself in the end if you keep this up.”

Yukako didn’t wait for a word from Mami before she walked away, deciding it was best to make her way back home. That wasn’t how she wanted that to go but it was the only way for things to go. There were certain times where even Yukako had nothing to do for Mami.

She ruffled her hair with her good hand, sighing softly, and looking straight ahead. She wasn’t going to look back at Mami; she couldn’t. She knew her words to Mami were harsh but she also knew that Mami needed to hear them… She just wished Mami would actually listen for once in her life. But she knew Mami wasn’t going to be able to do anything the easy way.

Mami watched as her companion left, falling back against the bench when Yukako was out of sight. That wasn’t how Mami wanted that to go at all. She didn’t want Yukako to ask any questions; she simply wanted to feel the company of the pigtailed brunette beside her. She hadn’t been expecting Yukako to push the way she did; her defense mechanism had simply kicked in as it always did.

The blonde let her teeth sink into the soft flesh of her bottom lip, allowing her eyes to close while her hands laid motionless by her side. Yukako was right. She was pushing Tomomi away like she pushed everyone but she didn’t know how to do anything else. She had learned a long time ago that being alone was always better. When you were alone, no one could hurt you… And you couldn’t hurt them.

Mami hated admitting she was scared of anything. Fear made someone weak; it made them vulnerable and vulnerability always led to bad things. But Mami couldn’t deny it to herself. She was scared. Mami knew she wasn’t scared of Tomomi. She knew she had little to fear from the brunette. Rather, she knew it was herself who she had to fear. Mami knew herself and she knew that she was becoming a spitting image of her mother.

Mami would never forgive herself if she hurt Tomomi like that.