Tainted Love

She was in Kansas City. Shane’s sister had been very helpful apparently, I told Johnny not to lay a hand on her, but she had given Johnny some mail to deliver to Shane. Apparently she wasn’t told not to tell people about where he had gone. Johnny was buying a few things for me, he had picked up an air mattress, and was taking the seats out of my SUV, and he was going to put the air mattress back there for me. I was only going to be home for half an hour, I was going to get Ary as soon as possible. Even if she struggled, we’d find a way to deal with it. She was mine, and she knew it.

I’d be back from tour in a few days, and when I was, I would go home, repack a few things for her, and then be on my way. I would find her, and bring her home soon, and she wouldn’t be able to get away from me this time. I would have her home. I was going to get my house outfitted if need be. I would change the security codes, I would install restraints if need be. She would be staying this time around, whether she liked it or not. I was going to bring her home, and she would have to get over it.

Johnny G. could prepare my house for me if I asked him too, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to help me with the more intimate things. I wanted to set up our house; I wanted to make it comfortable for her, as comfortable as I could.

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to just pop up and grab her. Johnny had gotten me her address, so I was going to be able to keep an eye on her, I would be able to watch her movements, and see when she was alone. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, she was going to put up a struggle, and I’d have to grab a bit of her things, including Ryder. I wouldn’t be able to leave him; she loved him more than anything. I would also have to look around the house to find any ultrasound pictures of Button. I knew those would be good to keep in the nursery, and I knew she’d want to keep the ultrasounds.

I was going to make her as comfortable as possible. I knew that she wasn’t going to be happy here, at first, but it could change over time. I would make her be comfortable here; I would make her want to be home. She would get used to it once she realized our child would have a better life with both of us. With both the mother and father in baby’s life, I knew it would make it better for baby. I didn’t want Shane to raise my child as his own; this was my child to raise. I know I had made mistakes, but I didn’t want that to happen, this was my child, not Shane’s.

I needed to clear my head though, I wanted to think about everything I was planning, but I knew if I thought it through too much I knew I wouldn’t be able to go with any of this. But I wanted her home, I wanted her with me, she was mine, I had claimed her, and that’s all there was to it. No other man could have her; no other man should be able to have her.



I couldn’t be happier. Shane was here, he had brought all of my furniture, and his. I had the nursery sort of set up, I wasn’t going to buy as much as I had when I was with Matt, I didn’t have Matt’s bank account to back it up anymore. I know I sound like a gold digger, but he had given me unlimited access to his bank account, and I had used most of the money on our child.

I shuddered at the thought, Button was officially our child. The DNA test had proved it. There was no question about it, Matt and I were having a baby together, and instead of this being a happy occasion for me, and I ran. He was my rapist; I was having my rapist’s child. This was ridiculous. I dropped my head in my hands, and just took a deep breath. I knew that Shane would want answers to why I had run out on Matt, but I wasn’t sure I had them. I was going to just try to take his mind off of it for as long as possible, I didn’t want to answer all the questions he was going to throw at me.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to answer them, anyways. I knew that I would have to deal with the fact that I had left Matt eventually. I would have to answer for what I had done, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t even want to think about it anymore. I knew that I’d be thinking about it every day for the rest of my life, eventually little Button would ask me about who their father was, I’d have to answer the questions that would hurt us both, but I knew I’d have to. I couldn’t just ignore the questions all through Button’s life. He or she would deserve to know some things, but I didn’t want them to know until they were at least 18. It would be hard to explain to a teenager, it would be really hard for anyone to explain to a child I believe. I wasn’t quite sure how I would do it.

I walked out towards the back yard, Ryder was running around in excitement. I sat down knowing I’d have a few moments to myself and ran a hand over my little baby bump.

“Listen Button, because I’m not going to explain this again till you’re at least 18. Daddy is a bad man, he was an evil man, and we don’t like daddy. I’m going to keep you safe from him for the rest of your little life. Mommy promises.”