Tainted Love

Matt had stopped at some random side road in the middle of nowhere. I sat up and waited for him to get out of the car, knowing that I was going to be let out of the truck. I hadn’t even tried to run from Matt, I was afraid of him tackling me, and hurting Button. He opened the back hatch of the truck, before slowly helping me out of it. He took the tape off my mouth, and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I’m so sorry it had to be like this Ary. I don’t want to hurt you, you know that.” I didn’t bother to reply; I pulled my head away from his, and jumped out of the back hatch before walking down the road a bit. Matt was only ten feet behind me the whole time but I needed to stretch my legs and work out a little, it was good for Button. He had taken the zip ties off my hands earlier, and they were now bound by a few fabric ties, that way it was easier on my wrists.

I didn’t want him to be ten feet away from him; I wanted him to be 10,000 miles away from me. But I’ve learned, I don’t get what I want. I turned around and almost bumped into Matt, not knowing that he had been that close to me. He grabbed my hips to steady me, and rubbed his thumbs across my small bump. I pulled away before walking around him and back towards the truck.

“Fuck you Matt.” I had had enough, I was going to get my feelings out now, and I was going to make sure he knew exactly what I was dealing with.

“Ary, please?” I rolled my eyes, and just shook my head.

“No, fuck you Matt. You’re a bad fucking person. You RAPED ME! You have no fucking respect for me, if you could do something like that to me. Now, I’m carrying a child, which I never want you to touch. I don’t want my child to be anything like you. You know, maybe if you hadn’t been a fucking nut case, we could’ve been something! You could have just asked to have me come back stage that first time, but no, instead you caught me in a back alley, you pushed me up against a wall, ripped my clothes off and stole my virginity. If you had been the Matt from that second time we could be fine together! I’d still be in California; you wouldn’t have had to prove that you’re beyond fucking gone in the head, by kidnapping me! So let’s just add up your list of fuck ups, shall we Matthew? Rape, stalking, kidnapping, and now look, child endangerment! What a man!” I was out of breath, I couldn’t say anything more, and I just turned my head before he could reply and walked back to the truck. I knew there was a cooler back there, I could just get a bottle of water, and maybe some baby carrots if there were any left. I needed a snack, I was hungry, and I needed to make sure Button ate. I could hear Matt’s footsteps on the gravel behind me, I just didn’t care anymore. I was done dealing with this bull shit. The moment I had a chance to get away, I would, and I’d make sure he couldn’t follow me.

“Ary, can I just give you my side of the story?” I growled and turned on him again, marching up to him.

“Your side?! What possible side could you have Matt? You’re a rapist, you’re a kidnapper, and you’re putting your own fucking child through a bunch of stress, because you’re obsessed with me! We could’ve just been together if you would’ve thought things through! But, you’re an idiot! You don’t think, you don’t care, I’m pretty sure you can’t love anyone, because you’re not capable of empathy!” I turned away again, this time I didn’t hear his footsteps on the gravel behind me, and I didn’t really care anymore. I was resigned to the fact that I was stuck with him for a little. But I would get away, I’d just have to act like a decent person in California, I’d have to make him believe this could work. Up until I could stab him, shoot him, send him to prison. I wasn’t sure, but something. I wanted him to suffer, I wanted him to hurt, and right now the only way I could make that happen was with words, so I was using that to my advantage.

“Ary, I’m sorry. Okay? That’s all I can say.” I rolled my eyes; of course the ogre couldn’t leave me alone. Of course he’d have to come here and talk about this bull shit, I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to hear his apologies; he didn’t mean them at all. He’s just a bad person.

“I can’t say anything more than that. I can tell you how much I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you, I can tell you how excited I am that we’ve created a perfect little life. I can tell you that I don’t want my child to make some of the mistakes I have. I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to make you feel like less than you are. I just wanted you, and I was an idiot and went about it the wrong way. I know I did, but I can’t take any of that back now. I can’t take the rape back, and if I could, I would in a heartbeat. I would invite you back stage, I would try to make it like that second time we had been together. I loved that, I loved every second of that. I want you to think back to that, and remember how happy we were. I want you to realize, we can be happy like that again. I’ve fucked up, I know that, but all I can do is apologize, and try to show you that I mean it.” I sat on the air mattress, and just thought about what he said. He sat opposite me, and looked down at his hands. He seemed genuine about it, but there was no way to tell. He was a rapist, and a kidnapper, how right in the mind could he be?

“I never wanted it to come to this Ary. I wanted us to be a family the right way; I wanted us to be together the right way. I am sorry that it came down to this, but, we need to be a family. I could give you and Button everything. I will give you all that I can. I want Button to sleep in the beautiful nursery you designed; I want you in bed next to me. I want to wake up to see you; I want to hear Button in the next room. You two are my family, and I’ve never given up on my family. I’m not about to start.” It was my turn to look down at my hands. I had nothing else to say to him, he could act upset all he wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if I could ever believe it.

“You should probably start driving again.” He sighed, and nodded before making sure I had a few extra blankets to sleep with. He grabbed Ryder, and put him on the leash, making sure he went potty, before loading him back up into the truck. I laid down on the bed, Matt got into the hatch with me before kissing my forehead.

“I’m not going to cover your mouth anymore. You kind of talk in your sleep, it’s cute.” I rolled my eyes, and rolled over, but that didn’t stop Matt. He rubbed a hand across my little bump, before leaning down and kissing it. “I love you Button, Daddy loves you so much.”

“Drive Matthew.” I heard him sigh, before he grabbed my shoulders, and put me back on my back. He pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly.

“Daddy loves Momma too.”