Tainted Love

I couldn’t believe that I had spent all day with my favorite band, Matt had kissed me goodbye, when Shane said we needed to go back to the hotel and grab our things. He was right, and I knew I had to go home, but I just didn’t want to. He gave me his number, and told me to text him. He insisted I couldn’t give him my number, until I had made that step. Which was surprising, but whatever, I guess he just wanted to feel wanted.

Something was still eating away inside of me, telling me that Matt was familiar to me in some way, but I kept pushing it off. I had drunkenly had sex with him, so of course I was going to think his body was familiar, right? Or maybe there was something else, something deeper. But I couldn’t figure it out, and I wasn’t sure I was going to. Shane was rambling on about something, and I wasn’t listening, I felt bad, but I was just completely exhausted after everything that had happened today.

“Shane, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I’m going to pass out.” He laughed, before nodding. I didn’t just want to start snoring, making him feel like I was ignoring him. I grinned, and curled up in the seat, tucking my legs under me, before closing my eyes, leaning back into the seat, and just relaxing. It didn’t take long for me to drift off to sleep.

I was crying against his hand, there was nothing I could do, this man was about to take my virginity, up against a brick wall, and I was stuck. I was stuck here, strong arms locked around me, and his hand was holding my mouth shut. I could taste my salty tears, the ones that managed to get between his tight hold over my mouth. I could smell him, he smelled sweaty, and like a certain cologne. I feel like I knew it from somewhere, but I couldn’t remember where.

His face was somehow becoming clearer, clearer than it had ever been, and when a pair of hazel eyes met mine, I knew my fate.

“ARY! WAKE UP!” I screamed and started hitting the air, I wanted away from whoever had a hold on me. “Ow! Goddammit Ary!” I opened my eyes all the way, seeing Shane sitting in the car, just across the console from me, rubbing his jaw. I took a deep breath, and looked around us. He had pulled off into a rest stop, apparently to wake me from my nightmare.

“Are you okay?” I nodded, not wanting to tell him what I had been dreaming about. He still didn’t know about the rape, and there was no way I could tell him. Not if what my dream had just made me think of was real. I was hoping it wasn’t, but at this point there was no way of telling. I had to get home and take another pregnancy test, I needed to know. I knew it wasn’t safe, but there was always a way I could take a DNA test, before waiting the 9 months for the baby to be delivered, and if I was pregnant, it was obviously my rapist’s. It couldn’t be anyone else’s. A pregnancy test wouldn’t tell me if I had just gotten knocked up, it’d only tell me if I was a week in.

“Shane, just get me home please? I want to be cuddled up with Ryder, in bed.” He nodded, but gave me a look that said our conversation would be continued another time. He obviously wanted to know what had given me a nightmare. I had only had a few nightmares after the rape, and before that, I don’t think I had one since my childhood.

This didn’t make sense, it couldn’t be possible, Matt wouldn’t rape me. He wanted to be with me, and there was just no way it was him outside the building that last time. There was no possible way it could be him, or at least I hoped that was the case. The concert had ended about half an hour before I even left the venue, and the door was a back entrance, one that would lead towards the backstage area, not the rest of it. But, he wouldn’t. Right?