This Is How I Disappear

"Okay, now... Like I mentioned, don't tell him what's going on. Just come by the house, and act like you didn't know I was out. Then, just hang around til I 'come back', and maybe you guys can talk a little bit," he reminded me for the hundredth time. I leaned against the wall and sighed.

"Yeah, I know, Mikey... Don't make it suspicious. I got it," I replied. He went quiet for a minute, and I heard some shuffling.

"Alright then. Well, I'm headed out now. So, come over in like half an hour or so."

"Alright, I will. See you later," I said as I hung up the phone. I shook my head and looked at the clock. I estimated how long it would take me to walk to their house. I headed down the hall to my room and grabbed my bag off the dresser. I turned the light off and shut the door behind me. "What the hell did I agree to..."I muttered as I grabbed the keys from the table. I headed out the door, making sure to lock it behind me. I reached in my bag and pulled out my smokes and a lighter. I lit a cigarette and felt the smoke burn my lungs. I started off towards the Ways' house, trying to gather my thoughts and figure out a plan of attack. "God, Taylor... He's going to think you are so retarded... Just gonna hang around til his little brother gets back? Fuck!" I cursed myself. Before I knew it, I was standing on their steps. I knocked on the door, and wait for what seemed like an eternity. I turned to head back home when I heard the door open. Fuck... Too late now...

"Hello?" He asked softly. I mentally smacked myself in the face and turned back towards him.

"Hey... Um, I just came over to see if Mikey wanted to chill..."I said, totally forgetting any plan of attack I may have thought of.

"Oh, he's not here," he replied. There was an awkward moment of silence. "Ah, you can wait here if you want to. I'm the only one home right now..."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess I can wait for him..."I said quietly. We stood there for a minute before I broke down and reached for another cigarette. I lit one up and inhaled deeply. Why did I agree to this?

"Hey, can I have one?" He asked, looking longingly at the pack in my hand. I nodded, handing him the pack. "Thanks. I've been out for a few days... It really sucks." I laughed.

"Oh, I know. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. Luckily, all I gotta do is ask my mom for some money, and boom, I can get some." I took another hit and exhaled. "What do you prefer?"

"Ah, Marlboros, I guess. I mean, Camels aren't bad, but I just prefer the taste of Marlboro," he said as he exhaled. I nodded. "What about you?"

"Eh, it's hard for me to choose, because there are some Marlboro flavors that I love, but Camel has some pretty good choices too," I explained. He grinned.

"How come I've never seen you smoke? You seem very opinionated, like a pro." I shrugged.

"I guess because you've never really been around me to know," I replied, inhaling the smoke, letting it fill my lungs. I saw his expression change, and I felt a need for subject change. "Anyways, Mikey talks about you a lot. He says you're into art." He nodded.

"Yeah, I am. It's one of the few things that I can do well," he said with a hint of bitterness behind his words.

"Do you mind if I see some of your work? I'm a terrible artist, but I love seeing it." I mentally smacked myself again. How stupid can I sound?

"Oh, um... Yeah, sure... I got some stuff in my room," he said quietly. "Oh, wow. That sounded like a cheesy pickup line... Shit, I meant-" I cut him off.

"Haha, yeah I know what you meant. It's all good,"I chuckled. He shook his head and tossed his butt towards the road. I did the same and followed him into the house. I shut the door behind me, and continued after him down the hall past Mikey's room. He came to the third door on the left and opened it.

"Uh, sorry about the mess... Not really the neatest person in the world..."He said awkwardly as he walked into the room. I followed and shut the door behind me, as I was used to doing with Mikey. He looked at me and raised a brow. I shrugged and he walked over to a box by the wall. "You can have a seat anywhere you can find room to." I smiled and went over to his bed. I took my shoes off and sat Indian-style on the edge of his bed.

"So, is it all in that box?" I asked, noting the box he was now carrying towards me. He nodded, setting it down on the table by the bed. He handed me a sketch pad. I took it, and opened the covered. Instantly, I could tell that Mikey wasn't kidding about his skills. There was a drawing of a forest, most likely at night. The detail was so delicately added. I turned the page, and there was a drawing of a park. The detail was so exact, I couldn't help but be amazed. I turned the other pages, before coming to one that caught me off-guard. Instantly, I realized what it was. It was a drawing I had attempted a couple years earlier, but I got so frustrated that I just threw the book and all across Mikey's room. I guess he had found it, and added to it. "My sister's grave..." I looked up at him. "Why did you keep this? It wasn't anywhere near what I had hoped to make it..."

"Well, it may not have been what you thought it would be, but it was beautiful... I just added a couple details to it... Wow, that sounds really creepy... I didn't mean it like that..."He said quickly. I nodded.

"Yeah, I know... You know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words... It says a lot about someone... You put so much detail into your work..."

"Yeah, it says I got too much time on my hands," he said with a hint of sadness. I reached out towards him, and placed my hand on his cheek. He locked eyes with me. For the first time ever, I studied him. I noted the dark circles under his eyes, the scar on his left eyebrow. I also noticed how much darker his eyes were than Mikey's. His were a dark, chocolate brown. My eyes moved down his body, noting each detail. I noticed the scarring on his neck and forearms from previously failed suicide attempts. I looked back into his eyes.

"No, it shows that you have patience, and that you have a beautiful view of things. You are an amazing artist," I said inspirationally. He seemed to be studying my expression, almost as if he was trying to find out if I was lying. "You're just a little different... People don't get that... But, if they took the time to try, they'd see what they were missing..." He bit his bottom lip.

"Yeah, maybe... I guess I just don't seem like the type to even bother getting to know... It's been like this for as long as I can remember. Mikey was like that, too. We never really had any friends, except each other. Then, he met you, and he started making more friends. I'm glad he finally found people who understood him, so he would end up like me," he muttered bitterly. I shook my head and tilted his chin upward, so we were again making eye contact.

"Well, maybe that's what you need. You just need someone who is willing to take the time and put forth the effort to get to know you and find out who you really are." He sighed.

"I'm already out of high school. Where am I going to find someone like that?" He asked, hopelessness evident in his voice. I smiled reassuringly.

"Right here." He looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you can find it right here, with me. I want to try to get to know you better. After all, it's been 6 years and I barely know your name. Besides, Mikey's got study groups and shit he's always doing. So, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to when he's gone all the time." His lips let a half smile slip through.

"Okay..."He said, still seemingly unsure of my truthfulness.

"So, let's start from the very beginning. Hi, I'm Taylor. What's your name?" I asked, sticking my hand out towards him.

"I'm Gerard," he said as he took my outstretched hand.

"Well, it's nice to finally get to talk to you, Gerard." He smiled faintly.

"It's nice to finally get to know you, Taylor."