Inside of Me

On Monday, Patrick and Pete met up with Andy, Joe, Brendon and Spencer at a local restaurant to catch up.

Patrick wasn't having a good day. He was still feeling self-conscious about his weight gain and his morning sickness was horrible that morning.

As they all got seated at a round booth table, Patrick sat between Andy and Pete and looked at the others.

"So.. How was your tour?" Spencer asked.

"Fun. Really good." Andy said with a nod. "Crowds were amazing." He added.

"That's great." Spencer replied.

A waitress brought over menus and got their drinks.

"I'm getting some steak." Pete said, stretching his arms above his head.

"I'm trying their Veggie Burger." Andy said. "Patrick, what are you getting?" He asked.

"I don't know.." He murmured. His stomach was turning in circles at the thought of even one bite of food. He wanted to go back to bed, to be curled up in blankets with Pete.

"What about a burger?" Pete suggested. Patrick shrugged. "Yeah I guess so." He murmured, picking up his glass of water and drinking some. He hoped that would help.

Brendon looked at him, sensing something was wrong, but not wanting to say anything.

"Can you order for me? I have to use the restroom." Patrick said suddenly. Pete nodded, looking worried.

He moved over Pete and hurried towards the other end of the restaurant, and into the bathroom. He went into a stall and leaned against the door.

The others were waiting for their food when Spencer got up. "It's been nearly 10 minutes.. I'm going to go check on him."

Pete nodded. "Yeah."

Spencer headed into the bathroom and could hear coughing. Patrick groaned and emerged from the stall. His eyes caught on Spencer.

"You okay?"

Patrick fought every ounce in him that was yelling to just tell him everything, but he buckled. "No.. I'm not okay." He breathed.

Spencer walked over to him. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"No.. Not like.. I.. I mean, it's not contagious.. I'm pregnant."

"What?" Spencer asked, staring at him.

"Yeah."

Spencer moved forward and hugged him. "That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah."

He looked at Patrick, right in the eyes. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He replied.

Spencer pulled him closer and kissed his cheek.

Patrick was still, not sure what to do. Why was Spencer kissing him? It's not like he knew that he was already dating Pete. He hadn't told him who the Father of the baby was.

"We should get back to the others." Patrick said quickly and Spencer nodded, not angry but smiling.

When they got back to the table, the food was there. They both sat and Pete whispered to Patrick. "You okay?"

"Yeah.. Better now." He said.

Pete nodded and started eating, chatting along with the others. Patrick ate a bit, but was too focused on Spencer now and unsure of how to feel.

Later that night when they got home, Patrick made it a point not to tell Pete. He was too scared and he didn't want to mess anything up or start a fight. Spencer had just gotten out of Rehab. He didn't need any extra drama.

He stepped on the scale in the bathroom after a shower and blinked. 7 pounds. He'd gained 7 pounds since he found out he was pregnant. "Fuck me." He muttered.

"What was that?" Pete asked, walking in and staring at the singer's towel, which was wrapped around his waist.

"I said Fuck me. I've gained 7 pounds!" He exclaimed.

"And I don't have a feeling that you actually want me to have sex with you right now, either." Pete murmured

"No! I'm ugly." Patrick shouted. "All I do is get fat and what the fuck is this?" He asked, pointing at his face.

"A pimple?" Pete shrugged.

"Try like 10! I thought you were supposed to be all glowy and shit during pregnancy!" He yelled.

"Trick.... Just chill. You look fine." Pete said, trying to get him to end his self-image rant.

"No. You don't get it, because you're not the one dealing with it!" He cried.

"I am dealing with it! Just differently than you! I gotta' worry about protecting you and buying all the shit this baby's gonna' require, plus make sure no one else finds the fuck out that you're a fucking pregnant man and I can't sleep with you getting up every 5 minutes to stuff your face with more food!" He yelled.

He instantly regretted it. Especially since he didn't mean the last part.

Patrick's eyes glazed over with tears and he silently moved past him and into their room. He shut the door and got dressed, before getting into the bed and covering himself with blankets.

Pete stood in the hallway, feeling like a jerk, and though he would never tell Patrick, he was crying too.

After a half hour, he figured Patrick had calmed down, and entered the bedroom. "Hey.. Can we talk?"

"Go away." Patrick murmured, his voice cracking.

"I'm sorry for what I said.."

"Go away." He repeated.

"Come on, Patrick. Don't be a baby." Pete muttered, then wished he hadn't said that. He was really just fucking things up today.

Patrick buried his face in his own sleeve, crying silently as he lay curled up on his side with his other arm over his stomach, which was aching now.

Pete moved closer. "Are you okay?"

Patrick dropped his madness at Pete because the pain was too bad to give a fuck. "No.." He managed.

"What is it? Is it the baby?" Pete asked quickly.

"My stomach just hurts... It's like.. Cramping.. Like when you pull a muscle.. But really bad.." He groaned. The colour was gone from his face and he was sweating.

"I'll call the doctor." Pete said, standing up. When he did, he noticed a red spot on the sheet that was over Patrick. He stared, then pulled it back to find him laying in bloody pajama pants. He felt his heart race.

"Fuck.." He picked him up and hurried him to the car, keeping a blanket around him to keep him warm. Patrick had now seen the blood and was crying his eyes out.

Pete drove with one hand, and held Patrick's hand with the other, reassuring him that he'd be fine.

The Doctor took him in straight away and examined him and the baby. Pete was forced to wait in the hall and decided to call Andy, since he knew Joe was out with his wife.

Andy hurried over to the hospital as soon as he heard and found Pete, still in the hallway.

"What's going on, man?" Andy asked.

"I don't know yet. They've had him for an hour." Pete murmured. His eyes were red from crying and he was stressed.

"What happened?" Andy asked, hugging him, knowing how worried he was.

"It's my fault." Pete murmured, instantly going to self-blame for what happened. "We had a fight.. And he was crying and then he was in pain and bleeding."

"You think something went wrong with the pregnancy?" Andy asked.

Pete shrugged. "I have no idea.. I just want him to be okay."

They waited for 15 minutes before the Doctor walked up to them.

"Patrick is fine." She started quickly, to give them some relief.

"And the baby?" Pete asked.