Don't Leave Me Alone
Nine
The entire night, I found myself really quiet around him, and I had a feeling he might take it the wrong way. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like him, but I also didn’t want to impose on his life. This was all happening so fast, and I didn’t need any more drama in my life. My heart was still broken.
“You know, you were a lot more chatty last night” he said as we left the restaurant.
I shrugged, “Must have been the alcohol”
“Are you okay?” he asked, “You seem really distant. You didn’t have to come tonight”
I sighed, “I’m just…”my voice trailed, and my train of thought did too. What was I supposed to say?
“Just what?”
I stopped in front of him and faced him as we stood in the middle of the sidewalk, “I have been here less than 48 hours and I’ve already slept with someone and had a date in about 16 hours. A lot is happening and it’s happening really fast and I don’t know if I’m ready for this yet. My heart is still broken”
He sighed and then shoved his hands in his pocket, “I completely understand” he replied, “I’m in that position too, but I like being around you, you make me forget for a while”
“How long has it been?” I asked as we began to walk again.
“A month” he said, “You?”
“A month” I replied, “Crazy”
“How long were you together?” he asked, “If you don’t mind me asking”
“Are we actually talking about our exes right now?” I asked.
He shrugged, “We have to talk a little bit about our past, right? No matter how recent. Who knows how it could affect the future”
I chuckled, “So deep”
“You’re avoiding the question”
I sighed, “About three years” I told him, “What about you?”
“Four” he said.
“Wow, that’s a long time”
He nodded, “Yah, and it ended so quickly.”
I met his eyes for a moment, “I’m sorry”
“It’s fine” he replied, “I’m getting over it. It was probably for the best anyways”
“That’s what we all say”
“Was it true for you?” he asked.
I nodded, “The more I think about it, the more I think it was for the best. When someone gets tired of you and they decide they want to leave, you have to let them, no matter how hard it might be. If they want to walk out of your life, it’s their choice. It’s really hard, and I miss him every day, but he didn’t want me around anymore, so I’ve been working really hard to let him go”
“And you thought my answer was deep” he said.
I smirked a little and then let out a laugh, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how that all just came out”
He smiled, “It’s really okay, I agree with every word. I just wish it weren’t so difficult”
I shrugged, “Maybe we can help each other out if we’re in the same boat”
“You think so?” he asked.
“Why not?” I shrugged, “We understand what we’re going through, who better is there to talk to about it? Because I know I’m tired of thinking about it on my own and hearing the same ‘he wasn’t worth your time’ or the great ‘there’s other fish in the sea’ or even ‘the right guy will come when you’re not even looking’. It gets really tiring”
“I’m tired of the sympathetic and pitied looks at me around the locker room, like I’m some sad lost puppy. I got dumped, it’s not an abnormal thing to happen in life, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. She was a big part of my life, and now she’s not. Maybe they just can’t accept that”
“Have you accepted that?”
His face fell a little and he looked down at the ground as he walked, “I don’t know. She almost became a part of the team, any team I played for. Dallas and now Pittsburgh. She stayed with me. She was my best friend”
Now I felt bad for the guy, and I knew a sympathetic look was not what he was looking to see right now, so I kept my eyes down as I walked, “I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to lose your best friend—or one of them”
He didn’t reply, he just nodded. It got quiet now as we walked downtown Pittsburgh. It was getting cooler as the sun was nearly down and the moon out. I didn’t mind though, I felt comfortable in the silence, which was never something I felt before. I felt comfortable around him in general. I kept it quiet between us and then we made it to the car.
“Come over” I told him, “Come hang out at the apartment”
He raised an eyebrow, “I thought that—“
“There’s probably a game on” I said, “Or a movie, or something” I pressed my lips together tightly and raised both eyebrows as I looked at him.
He took a second or two to think about it but nodded, “Okay. I can work with that. But no seducing me” he said, “At least two feet apart at all times once we enter the apartment”
“You’re joking right?”
He shook his head and let out a laugh as he started the car, “Do you not understand sarcasm?”
I pouted and then shrugged, “Sometimes”
He smirked, “It’s a good thing you’re cute. It’s one of the only things you have going for you”
I reached over and smacked him on the arm.
“Two feet!” he said.
“We’re not there yet!” I shot back. He laughed again and I found myself enjoying the sound of it along with the brightness of his smile.
“We might actually make it through this heartbreak Neal” I told him.
He smiled, “Well Brown, I think you might be right”
“You know, you were a lot more chatty last night” he said as we left the restaurant.
I shrugged, “Must have been the alcohol”
“Are you okay?” he asked, “You seem really distant. You didn’t have to come tonight”
I sighed, “I’m just…”my voice trailed, and my train of thought did too. What was I supposed to say?
“Just what?”
I stopped in front of him and faced him as we stood in the middle of the sidewalk, “I have been here less than 48 hours and I’ve already slept with someone and had a date in about 16 hours. A lot is happening and it’s happening really fast and I don’t know if I’m ready for this yet. My heart is still broken”
He sighed and then shoved his hands in his pocket, “I completely understand” he replied, “I’m in that position too, but I like being around you, you make me forget for a while”
“How long has it been?” I asked as we began to walk again.
“A month” he said, “You?”
“A month” I replied, “Crazy”
“How long were you together?” he asked, “If you don’t mind me asking”
“Are we actually talking about our exes right now?” I asked.
He shrugged, “We have to talk a little bit about our past, right? No matter how recent. Who knows how it could affect the future”
I chuckled, “So deep”
“You’re avoiding the question”
I sighed, “About three years” I told him, “What about you?”
“Four” he said.
“Wow, that’s a long time”
He nodded, “Yah, and it ended so quickly.”
I met his eyes for a moment, “I’m sorry”
“It’s fine” he replied, “I’m getting over it. It was probably for the best anyways”
“That’s what we all say”
“Was it true for you?” he asked.
I nodded, “The more I think about it, the more I think it was for the best. When someone gets tired of you and they decide they want to leave, you have to let them, no matter how hard it might be. If they want to walk out of your life, it’s their choice. It’s really hard, and I miss him every day, but he didn’t want me around anymore, so I’ve been working really hard to let him go”
“And you thought my answer was deep” he said.
I smirked a little and then let out a laugh, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how that all just came out”
He smiled, “It’s really okay, I agree with every word. I just wish it weren’t so difficult”
I shrugged, “Maybe we can help each other out if we’re in the same boat”
“You think so?” he asked.
“Why not?” I shrugged, “We understand what we’re going through, who better is there to talk to about it? Because I know I’m tired of thinking about it on my own and hearing the same ‘he wasn’t worth your time’ or the great ‘there’s other fish in the sea’ or even ‘the right guy will come when you’re not even looking’. It gets really tiring”
“I’m tired of the sympathetic and pitied looks at me around the locker room, like I’m some sad lost puppy. I got dumped, it’s not an abnormal thing to happen in life, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. She was a big part of my life, and now she’s not. Maybe they just can’t accept that”
“Have you accepted that?”
His face fell a little and he looked down at the ground as he walked, “I don’t know. She almost became a part of the team, any team I played for. Dallas and now Pittsburgh. She stayed with me. She was my best friend”
Now I felt bad for the guy, and I knew a sympathetic look was not what he was looking to see right now, so I kept my eyes down as I walked, “I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to lose your best friend—or one of them”
He didn’t reply, he just nodded. It got quiet now as we walked downtown Pittsburgh. It was getting cooler as the sun was nearly down and the moon out. I didn’t mind though, I felt comfortable in the silence, which was never something I felt before. I felt comfortable around him in general. I kept it quiet between us and then we made it to the car.
“Come over” I told him, “Come hang out at the apartment”
He raised an eyebrow, “I thought that—“
“There’s probably a game on” I said, “Or a movie, or something” I pressed my lips together tightly and raised both eyebrows as I looked at him.
He took a second or two to think about it but nodded, “Okay. I can work with that. But no seducing me” he said, “At least two feet apart at all times once we enter the apartment”
“You’re joking right?”
He shook his head and let out a laugh as he started the car, “Do you not understand sarcasm?”
I pouted and then shrugged, “Sometimes”
He smirked, “It’s a good thing you’re cute. It’s one of the only things you have going for you”
I reached over and smacked him on the arm.
“Two feet!” he said.
“We’re not there yet!” I shot back. He laughed again and I found myself enjoying the sound of it along with the brightness of his smile.
“We might actually make it through this heartbreak Neal” I told him.
He smiled, “Well Brown, I think you might be right”
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