Mama, I'm in Love With a Criminal

I haven't left Jack's house in days. Well, to be completely honest, I haven't left Jack's bed. This was the first time I've stayed in Jack's bed too. It's kind of awkward giving the circumstance, but I like being in here more than I do my room. The sheets smell like him, they give me a sense of comfort. Like he's there, but not really there. Does that even make sense?

But ever sense the little accident with Austin, I haven't spoken to or touched Jack. I know better than to think Jack would ever hurt me. Yet when he touches me or gets to close it causes flashbacks. Bringing back the pain. Not physically, but mentally. I can't help but think it was my fault. I could have screamed louder. Fought back harder. But I let the fear of me and Jack's secret getting out control my thoughts. And know here I am. Mentally destroyed and even more fucked up because of a situation I put myself in. Of fucking course.

"Lex? Are you up, baby?" Jack whispered threw the door.

I couldn't help but smile a little when he called me baby. Maybe it's cliche to feel, but I feel important hen he says it.

I 'hmm-ed' a response and he opened the door, poking his head in. "There's someone on the phone for you." I made grabby hands at him, so he brought the phone in to me.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my leg. It made me flinch a little, and cause a small flashback, but I soon melted into my boyfriends touch.

Ever since I told Jack what happened, he's been acting a Hell of a lot nicer than he usually did. It made me mad in a sort. I know it's just because he cares, but it makes him seem fake. And I don't like that.

"He-hello?" My voice creaked and sounded husky. From not speaking. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hello?" Jack smiled and mouthed 'It's good to hear your voice again' I leaned up and pecked his cheek. Feeling the warmth. Jesus I've missed his touch.

"Hey Alex. It's Andy." His unbelievably deep voice sounded threw the phone. "Austin wants to speak to you. Like now. He seems real mad, or something." Andy said.

My breath got rapid, and honestly if it weren't for Jack rubbing small circles above my knee with his thumb I would have screamed. Why would Austin want to talk to me?

"I-I-I... Umm- No." I finally said.

"Man you can't say 'no'. He's a head." My mouth couldn't form words, so after about 3 minutes of silence, and me softly sobbing into Jack's lap, Andy spoke up again. "I'll see you in a few. Oh and good job with the shooting score! You almost beat Jack! That's never happened before man!" With that Andy ended the call.

I brought the phone from my ear, and threw it at the wall without my head leaving Jack's lap. I started screaming, I couldn't stop, all the pent up anger was coming out. I stood up and jumped off the bed, punching four holes threw the wall, still screaming. I stood in the middle of the room, violently shaking.

Jack came up and wrapped his hands around my hips. Kissing the top of my head. I turned around in his embrace, falling into it. We fell to the ground due to my sudden weight, but Jack kept holding me.

I calmed down after a while. Crying; I seem to be doing that a lot.

"I have to go into the house." I say flatly getting up from Jack's lap.

"No. No you do not." He said pulling me back down. I didn't resist, I fell back into his arms.

"I have to. Austin wants to s-speak to m-m-me. A-and I can't s-say no because h-he's a fucking head!" I started crying again. Jack rocked us back and fourth a little, petting my hair, singing softly. In no time it calmed me down.

"Why do you still listen to them rules? Why do you still want to be part of that?! You've seen first hand what they do to people Alex!" Jack whisper yelled finally.

I pulled from his grasp and stood so my back was to him.

"We've had this conversation one to many times Jack. I don't see why you're so bitchy about it, you were in the same position as me a few years ago!" I yell turning back to him.

I was right, we did have this conversation to much. This was about the time Jack would leave, in defeat, realizing I was right. He was here a few years ago -minus the rape- trying to get in, earn there respect, be one of them. Just cause he got caught doesn't mean I will. His time ran out, and mine is starting. I guess Jack doesn't like that.

But today, however.

I couldn't be more wrong.

"C'mon, story time Lex." Jack said pulling me to the bed.

Today is the day.

Jack is gonna open up to me.