Diary of Mari Delrous: Blue Apple
FEBRUARY 2013 PART 1
Friday february 1st 2013
I just had a weird dream. Two actually. Last nights dream, and todays nap. Ill start with last night. These dreams annoy me alot.
Last nights dream: I think we were exploring churches. I ended up holding charlys hand and sneaking into the under church with him to find a ghost. Then we ran off and i woke up. Typical scooby doo scene going on there.
Naps dream: i Think there was a sort of play going on so i was being my hyper self walking around a gymn with Caleb, socializing and admiring walls. Caleb was being himself ignoring me until a point where his arm just got around me. I played along still walking around loudly admiring walls until a point i was silent and i felt a kiss on my cheek. EH?!?! From then i froze up in the dream with awkwardness but not was it only awkward, it was also something else. I just dont know. I litterally woke up sweating and extremely warm. I dont know what to think. I dont have lucid dreams so i cant control them. So could this mean something i dont know within consciousness?
God i feel like some sort of dream whore. Just no really, I keep getting dreams like this except the people keep changing. So its like im promiscuous or something. So really. Im getting annoyed.
I keep getting them of either charly, Cavor, Nolen, random guy at school i dont even talk too...This was the first time it was actually Caleb in my dream.
In reality when i think about it i get excited to talk to him somehow. Hes my complete opposite but theres something so fun about Caleb. And i got to admit, i love watching him debate because he has the best facial expression along with Novis.
But sometimes i amusingly despise him. Not in a bad way but mostly only when he says something that even though he may not mean it, makes me sound dumb. Also i HAAATE it when he leaves me blabbing and im ignored... I dont blame him though. Im probably really annoying heh....
When i annoy people i even annoy myself i just wish i had control but too much control makes me the person nobody wants to see.
Anyway Caleb is pretty awesome. Fun to fight with too. End of story.
I just dont know what to think of these dreams. Its just...becoming uncomfortable and too much like reality....
FEBRUARY 5TH 2013
I NEED to get my mind off boys. Dear god it pathetic!!! Especially at this current moment i dont even know what to think i need to NOT focus on ANY BOY AT ALL!
....but isnt that what im already doing.....?
FEBRUARY 10TH 2013
I was crying. Simon told me not to be ashamed and to follow my heart...and this is where it brought me...And it still feels right. Im happy again. Yet afraid.
Im sorry i left you...And i was afraid youd think i hated you like you thought...But i returned to you. To find you waiting and just as happy...How long has it been....three months? You thought of me everyday? Heh. same here....i hope we never disappear..
Therefore we wont. Unless we choose too...Not them..those two..Because im in love with you. And if your in love with me, they should let us be.
I know this adventure will change me from the person i was before.
But i love you, and shall stay.
Even if it means war.
Dawn of wolves, i wont loose you again. Not without a fight. And i wont let us loose, since in heart, it is right.
I just had a weird dream. Two actually. Last nights dream, and todays nap. Ill start with last night. These dreams annoy me alot.
Last nights dream: I think we were exploring churches. I ended up holding charlys hand and sneaking into the under church with him to find a ghost. Then we ran off and i woke up. Typical scooby doo scene going on there.
Naps dream: i Think there was a sort of play going on so i was being my hyper self walking around a gymn with Caleb, socializing and admiring walls. Caleb was being himself ignoring me until a point where his arm just got around me. I played along still walking around loudly admiring walls until a point i was silent and i felt a kiss on my cheek. EH?!?! From then i froze up in the dream with awkwardness but not was it only awkward, it was also something else. I just dont know. I litterally woke up sweating and extremely warm. I dont know what to think. I dont have lucid dreams so i cant control them. So could this mean something i dont know within consciousness?
God i feel like some sort of dream whore. Just no really, I keep getting dreams like this except the people keep changing. So its like im promiscuous or something. So really. Im getting annoyed.
I keep getting them of either charly, Cavor, Nolen, random guy at school i dont even talk too...This was the first time it was actually Caleb in my dream.
In reality when i think about it i get excited to talk to him somehow. Hes my complete opposite but theres something so fun about Caleb. And i got to admit, i love watching him debate because he has the best facial expression along with Novis.
But sometimes i amusingly despise him. Not in a bad way but mostly only when he says something that even though he may not mean it, makes me sound dumb. Also i HAAATE it when he leaves me blabbing and im ignored... I dont blame him though. Im probably really annoying heh....
When i annoy people i even annoy myself i just wish i had control but too much control makes me the person nobody wants to see.
Anyway Caleb is pretty awesome. Fun to fight with too. End of story.
I just dont know what to think of these dreams. Its just...becoming uncomfortable and too much like reality....
FEBRUARY 5TH 2013
I NEED to get my mind off boys. Dear god it pathetic!!! Especially at this current moment i dont even know what to think i need to NOT focus on ANY BOY AT ALL!
....but isnt that what im already doing.....?
FEBRUARY 10TH 2013
I was crying. Simon told me not to be ashamed and to follow my heart...and this is where it brought me...And it still feels right. Im happy again. Yet afraid.
Im sorry i left you...And i was afraid youd think i hated you like you thought...But i returned to you. To find you waiting and just as happy...How long has it been....three months? You thought of me everyday? Heh. same here....i hope we never disappear..
Therefore we wont. Unless we choose too...Not them..those two..Because im in love with you. And if your in love with me, they should let us be.
I know this adventure will change me from the person i was before.
But i love you, and shall stay.
Even if it means war.
Dawn of wolves, i wont loose you again. Not without a fight. And i wont let us loose, since in heart, it is right.