Diary of Mari Delrous: Blue Apple
MARCH 2013 PART 2
MONDAY MARCH 11 4:32 AM
I seem to be in some sort of weird phase at the moment. i tell myself, dont go to sleep. Whats warning me....
Id think the wolf would keep me up but i haven't heard him at least clearly in a while now. It irritated me because i start to question. And I'm worried i may be lying to myself again.
Im a professional at that.
I lie everyday it would seem. Even to the closest person i am close to at the moment. Even Nolen i give everyone this image of who i am, but its not me...
I simply wear a smiling mask....
And yet i dont even know what there is to be found behind it. Who am i beneath the mask? All i know about who i am is that in hidden i am unhappy and just mad...god.
anyway outside of that im starting to notice something really weird...I may have mentioned this before im not certain but lately it has been increasing at an alarming rate.
I keep experiencing these...sort of visions...It brings up this weird five second deja vu....
What happens is like, ill be asleep...Im sleeping and in my dream a small scene will appear. One exactly like reality. Itll be in a conversation or doing something...Then ill wake up and forget about everything.
Until a moment which is usually a few days or weeks later ill be doing something to realize suddenly in a shock im in the exact same scene i dreamt of...
Its scary because this has been happening numerous times now. Like id say this would be around the 30-40th time this has happened.
Today i was on itunes and i bought steve aokis album..wonderland...Ive never seen the album art in reality until now, but i saw it all in a dream already.
The other day i found myself in math class talking to Simon the exact same way i once dreamt.
These are very small things but im getting scared by how much it is increasing. I feel like im going mad...
8 minutes until five simons supposed to visit tommmorow...i mean today...Guess i should go to bed...
Goodnight world....
FRIDAY MARCH 15TH
well i said before i was worried about wolf. Nevermind. Its his exam week and hes been pretty busy. You know its interesting, I think im starting to have a thing for really smart people...like Alex in loosetown......Sort of Caleb....But i was loosing my mind then. We are definetly just friends and now wolf since hes back....Though its always been wolf since i got here...
Hes taking an advanced math class, what was it, trig/pre-calc....
Which i hear is pretty complicated. Anyway so two days ago he was studying for his exam, which was yesterday...I may have been...distracting...a bit...only a tiny bit...
....I was cheering him on...
And i ended up making a parody of eye of the tiger into eye of da werewulf....
ME THROUGH MESSAGING:
Bam! Bam bam-bam! Bam bam bam! Bambam BOMMMMMM!
Rising up! Back on the street!
Did mah time! took mah chances!
Did the studyin now im back on my feet, Just a man, and his will to pass the graaaaaaaade...
ITS THE! EYE OF DA WEREWULF its the THRILL OF DA FIGHT!
Risin up! To the challenge, of the EXAAAMMS!!!!
N: having fun? xD
M: YES I AM! now get back to studyin!
Id also do some other stuff like some preppy cheers....
“Gimme an N! N!
Gimme an O! NO!
Gimme an A! OK!
Gimme the H! HELL!
WHATS THAT SPELL?!
WEREWULLLLF! Nolen! Nolen! Nolen! WOOO! go nolen you got this! HEY BATTA BATTA BATTA HEY!
He can do it! Yes he can! Cmon werewulf you da man!
Bring it up OOOH! undowah! Wa?
Neptunes got da powah!!!
*until i realized i may have been distracting so i began to freak out xD*
M: OH OOPS AM I DISTRACTING?! ...sorry!
N: No worries, ;P my notifications are off so do what you want haha!
M:YEES! thank you notification trigger!
So yea i cheered him on quite a bit...so tommorow which is actually later today, i meet an agent.
No not the fbi agents, an agent.
My modeling career starts by then. Were gonna take some shots and make a portfolio and send them to anyone who would want me in an agency. Sounds neat huh? i hope it goes well.
anywho goodnight reader, i be going to sleep...
MARCH 20 2013
ugh....
at the moment i am suffering the symptoms of pink lemondade after shocks... You should already somehow know by now that pre little drop of pink lemonade can get me high...well five hours ago i chugged an entire bottle of sparkling pink lemonade while my parents were gone and this is the cost to pay...
I woke up to find odd bruises on my body, shades on my eyes, my hair half straightened, lipstick smudged on my face, shoes on the sealing, room in a wreck and weird memories in my head.
I tried dialing 666 on the phone...they hung up on me...
And then i roll to the side, empty...
Maybe the music from my speakers that i fell asleep on was a little too loud. So many things arent where i left them...god...i never thought it could be this bad....
...Why is there white stuff on my.....
MARCH 28TH 2013
So uh...yea it would seem the last time i wrote i was really high on lemonade to such an extent of...orgasmic measures...AHEM WELL...
Simon and Eza keep talking like they want me to get a boyfriend...and “Explore the world” In...reality? But...they know about...No...
How can they say that when they know about him...Who ive missed for so long...who changed my views of leaving the world how can they say i need to go to reality when he saved me from myself....Well not exaactly..he doesnt know too much....same for them....They dont know about my depression and visions of rhighteous suicide so..They dont see how much i need him...and i wont tell them about that old me...But why would i want to be with someone at school...Nobody there actually cares...I only get hurt. And i may get hurt with Nolen..I probably will but...Its been long...i need someone to be the reason to stay...I know hes not a BIG reason but still....
Its either that or nothing...i need someone....
I seem to be in some sort of weird phase at the moment. i tell myself, dont go to sleep. Whats warning me....
Id think the wolf would keep me up but i haven't heard him at least clearly in a while now. It irritated me because i start to question. And I'm worried i may be lying to myself again.
Im a professional at that.
I lie everyday it would seem. Even to the closest person i am close to at the moment. Even Nolen i give everyone this image of who i am, but its not me...
I simply wear a smiling mask....
And yet i dont even know what there is to be found behind it. Who am i beneath the mask? All i know about who i am is that in hidden i am unhappy and just mad...god.
anyway outside of that im starting to notice something really weird...I may have mentioned this before im not certain but lately it has been increasing at an alarming rate.
I keep experiencing these...sort of visions...It brings up this weird five second deja vu....
What happens is like, ill be asleep...Im sleeping and in my dream a small scene will appear. One exactly like reality. Itll be in a conversation or doing something...Then ill wake up and forget about everything.
Until a moment which is usually a few days or weeks later ill be doing something to realize suddenly in a shock im in the exact same scene i dreamt of...
Its scary because this has been happening numerous times now. Like id say this would be around the 30-40th time this has happened.
Today i was on itunes and i bought steve aokis album..wonderland...Ive never seen the album art in reality until now, but i saw it all in a dream already.
The other day i found myself in math class talking to Simon the exact same way i once dreamt.
These are very small things but im getting scared by how much it is increasing. I feel like im going mad...
8 minutes until five simons supposed to visit tommmorow...i mean today...Guess i should go to bed...
Goodnight world....
FRIDAY MARCH 15TH
well i said before i was worried about wolf. Nevermind. Its his exam week and hes been pretty busy. You know its interesting, I think im starting to have a thing for really smart people...like Alex in loosetown......Sort of Caleb....But i was loosing my mind then. We are definetly just friends and now wolf since hes back....Though its always been wolf since i got here...
Hes taking an advanced math class, what was it, trig/pre-calc....
Which i hear is pretty complicated. Anyway so two days ago he was studying for his exam, which was yesterday...I may have been...distracting...a bit...only a tiny bit...
....I was cheering him on...
And i ended up making a parody of eye of the tiger into eye of da werewulf....
ME THROUGH MESSAGING:
Bam! Bam bam-bam! Bam bam bam! Bambam BOMMMMMM!
Rising up! Back on the street!
Did mah time! took mah chances!
Did the studyin now im back on my feet, Just a man, and his will to pass the graaaaaaaade...
ITS THE! EYE OF DA WEREWULF its the THRILL OF DA FIGHT!
Risin up! To the challenge, of the EXAAAMMS!!!!
N: having fun? xD
M: YES I AM! now get back to studyin!
Id also do some other stuff like some preppy cheers....
“Gimme an N! N!
Gimme an O! NO!
Gimme an A! OK!
Gimme the H! HELL!
WHATS THAT SPELL?!
WEREWULLLLF! Nolen! Nolen! Nolen! WOOO! go nolen you got this! HEY BATTA BATTA BATTA HEY!
He can do it! Yes he can! Cmon werewulf you da man!
Bring it up OOOH! undowah! Wa?
Neptunes got da powah!!!
*until i realized i may have been distracting so i began to freak out xD*
M: OH OOPS AM I DISTRACTING?! ...sorry!
N: No worries, ;P my notifications are off so do what you want haha!
M:YEES! thank you notification trigger!
So yea i cheered him on quite a bit...so tommorow which is actually later today, i meet an agent.
No not the fbi agents, an agent.
My modeling career starts by then. Were gonna take some shots and make a portfolio and send them to anyone who would want me in an agency. Sounds neat huh? i hope it goes well.
anywho goodnight reader, i be going to sleep...
MARCH 20 2013
ugh....
at the moment i am suffering the symptoms of pink lemondade after shocks... You should already somehow know by now that pre little drop of pink lemonade can get me high...well five hours ago i chugged an entire bottle of sparkling pink lemonade while my parents were gone and this is the cost to pay...
I woke up to find odd bruises on my body, shades on my eyes, my hair half straightened, lipstick smudged on my face, shoes on the sealing, room in a wreck and weird memories in my head.
I tried dialing 666 on the phone...they hung up on me...
And then i roll to the side, empty...
Maybe the music from my speakers that i fell asleep on was a little too loud. So many things arent where i left them...god...i never thought it could be this bad....
...Why is there white stuff on my.....
MARCH 28TH 2013
So uh...yea it would seem the last time i wrote i was really high on lemonade to such an extent of...orgasmic measures...AHEM WELL...
Simon and Eza keep talking like they want me to get a boyfriend...and “Explore the world” In...reality? But...they know about...No...
How can they say that when they know about him...Who ive missed for so long...who changed my views of leaving the world how can they say i need to go to reality when he saved me from myself....Well not exaactly..he doesnt know too much....same for them....They dont know about my depression and visions of rhighteous suicide so..They dont see how much i need him...and i wont tell them about that old me...But why would i want to be with someone at school...Nobody there actually cares...I only get hurt. And i may get hurt with Nolen..I probably will but...Its been long...i need someone to be the reason to stay...I know hes not a BIG reason but still....
Its either that or nothing...i need someone....