Status: In Progress <3
Letters to Jack
Eight
January 15th, 2013
Dearest Jack Barakat,
This letter should explain everything. I decided to wait until January to send it because I didn’t want to ruin your holiday, or anyone else’s. I’m not completely heartless, although I suppose sometimes it can seem that way.
The reason I had to leave is more serious than you think, and that’s why I’m so eager to get you to come live with me as soon as possible…that is, if you even want to. You see, at the beginning of Warped Tour 2012, I went to see my doctor for a check-up, expecting everything to be totally normal, right? I’ve always been fairly healthy, and I haven’t done anything that could kill me while we’re touring.
Well guess what? The doctor told me in May that I have stomach cancer, but I refused to accept the fact that I had cancer and do anything about it. I was afraid that it was going to ruin our careers when we were finally at the peak of it. It could have been cured if I did something about it early on, like chemotherapy, but I ignored it. And now I’m living near a cancer hospital as they rapidly try and get rid of my cancer. I’m scared, Jack. Actually, that’s an understatement. I’m terrified.
Most of my hair is gone. After a few sessions of chemotherapy, it started to fall out in clumps, and I got sick of watching my hair come out. You know how I am about my hair, I’m obsessed with making it look good. Well, I went to the store and bought hair clippers and shaved all my hair off. I have a buzz-cut with bald spots on my head. In what way is that attractive?! Well, I mean, Rian's hair is shaved, but he isn't partially bald and the shaved-head look is good for him - not me.
I’m sick and tired all the time. All I really want to do is sleep, but I know that I have to go to work and continue to live my life as normal as possible. I’m throwing up all the time, and food doesn’t even taste like food anymore. Everything has this weird metallic taste to it – it’s weird and gross, but I guess I can’t be picky, right? Another thing is that my brain is cloudy a lot and sometimes I don’t think straight; they call it “chemobrain” I guess?
I’m not trying to make you feel bad for me. If this is too much for you to handle, that’s fine. I can power through on my own. I’m a big boy. If I could make my dreams of being in a successful band come true, then I can use that same willpower and motivation to kick this cancer in the butt and get rid of it. I’m doing this all for you, by the way.
Somewhere in the envelope, there should be a phone number on a slip of paper. It’s not linked to my address or anything, so don’t bother googling it. Just don’t give it out to anybody, and if you finally want contact with me (which you probably don’t, and that’s totally fine), just call me or text me or something so I know that you’re reading these letters. I miss hearing your voice. Also, you should sing more. I like hearing you sing, even if you think that you suck at it.
I hope to be hearing from you soon.
Forever yours,
Alexander William Gaskarth
Dearest Jack Barakat,
This letter should explain everything. I decided to wait until January to send it because I didn’t want to ruin your holiday, or anyone else’s. I’m not completely heartless, although I suppose sometimes it can seem that way.
The reason I had to leave is more serious than you think, and that’s why I’m so eager to get you to come live with me as soon as possible…that is, if you even want to. You see, at the beginning of Warped Tour 2012, I went to see my doctor for a check-up, expecting everything to be totally normal, right? I’ve always been fairly healthy, and I haven’t done anything that could kill me while we’re touring.
Well guess what? The doctor told me in May that I have stomach cancer, but I refused to accept the fact that I had cancer and do anything about it. I was afraid that it was going to ruin our careers when we were finally at the peak of it. It could have been cured if I did something about it early on, like chemotherapy, but I ignored it. And now I’m living near a cancer hospital as they rapidly try and get rid of my cancer. I’m scared, Jack. Actually, that’s an understatement. I’m terrified.
Most of my hair is gone. After a few sessions of chemotherapy, it started to fall out in clumps, and I got sick of watching my hair come out. You know how I am about my hair, I’m obsessed with making it look good. Well, I went to the store and bought hair clippers and shaved all my hair off. I have a buzz-cut with bald spots on my head. In what way is that attractive?! Well, I mean, Rian's hair is shaved, but he isn't partially bald and the shaved-head look is good for him - not me.
I’m sick and tired all the time. All I really want to do is sleep, but I know that I have to go to work and continue to live my life as normal as possible. I’m throwing up all the time, and food doesn’t even taste like food anymore. Everything has this weird metallic taste to it – it’s weird and gross, but I guess I can’t be picky, right? Another thing is that my brain is cloudy a lot and sometimes I don’t think straight; they call it “chemobrain” I guess?
I’m not trying to make you feel bad for me. If this is too much for you to handle, that’s fine. I can power through on my own. I’m a big boy. If I could make my dreams of being in a successful band come true, then I can use that same willpower and motivation to kick this cancer in the butt and get rid of it. I’m doing this all for you, by the way.
Somewhere in the envelope, there should be a phone number on a slip of paper. It’s not linked to my address or anything, so don’t bother googling it. Just don’t give it out to anybody, and if you finally want contact with me (which you probably don’t, and that’s totally fine), just call me or text me or something so I know that you’re reading these letters. I miss hearing your voice. Also, you should sing more. I like hearing you sing, even if you think that you suck at it.
I hope to be hearing from you soon.
Forever yours,
Alexander William Gaskarth
♠ ♠ ♠
Just to let you know, I actually know about chemotherapy because of close family member experiences, but I did have to do a little research on stomach cancer because that wasn't the kind of cancer my family members had. I'm not basing everything off of the Internet - I guess that's what I'm trying to tell you.Sorry about any hearts I crushed?
(P.S: I hope I didn't offend anyone when Alex talks about going bald and saying "In what way is that attractive?!" I seriously don't want to be mean I've watched people lose their hair during chemo that's just what he thinks about himself)