Never Look Back

“When is the food gonna be done?” Jack called to me from the living room. I had decided to take another shot at cooking and was making spaghetti, something I knew they would like.
“Hold on,” I replied. I quickly drained the spaghetti, poured the sauce on and was proud of myself for a job well done. “Alright it’s ready!”
They all gathered around the table, “Wow, this food actually smells and looks good,” Alex said eyeing the food. I smiled proudly as they complimented me on the taste as they stuffed their faces.
September was cooling off for us and I was enjoying every minute of the air, fall will always be my favorite season. I still didn’t know when Alex and I were gonna give our second first date a go. It seemed like all I had to do to get him to mean what he said about ‘being there for me’ was ask and he did exactly that.
“Thanks for dinner Alyssa, you’re the best,” Jack said quickly as he picked up his dish, threw it in the sink and ran back out to the living room. I playfully rolled my eyes at him but noticed Patrick and Alex do the same thing. Well, so much for family dinner time.
I eventually cleared my plate and started in on the stack of dishes in the sink; I could hear Patrick and Jack in the background cheering about some football game. It wasn’t the Ravens though, they were cheering for another team to beat a team they didn’t like. Alex came up behind me and leaned against the sink.
“Need any help?” He asked looking at my stack.
“No I got it,” I said, shooing him away. I dried my first plate and set it aside.
“I want to help.”
I sighed and handed him a wet soapy rag and he happily accepted, wiping the plates eagerly with it. The plate slipped from his hands and landed in the sink filled with soapy water, I was left getting sprayed in the face with bubbles.
“Alex!” I shrieked as it fell in and he erupted in laughter when he saw the bubbles on my face. I shook my head, grabbed a handful and wiped them across his face.
“Whoa, hey!” He laughed and it was my turn to crack up. He splashed me and I did it right back, all of the water going everywhere and over the floor. We both laughed and I tried to take a couple steps forward to wipe more bubbles on his face when I lost my balance and slipped. Alex tried to catch me but also slipped in the process, I landed safely on his chest.
“Thank you,” I whispered, the blood pooling to my cheeks from embarrassment.
“Of course, we wouldn’t want someone to gain another concussion” he whispered back and wiped some bubbly soap on my nose. I giggled and we stared at each other like that for what felt like hours.
He closed the distance between us and connected his lips to mine. He tasted of soap and tomato sauce, not a very good combination but I wasn’t complaining.
“Alex!” Jack called abruptly. “You got to get over here and watch this replay!” I broke the kiss and helped Alex up, no words exchanged between us. As Alex went to investigate what Jack needed, I finished up the dishes, Alex’s soft lips lingering on mine like they were still there. Part of me was ashamed for what I did and the other half couldn’t get over how exhilarated I was for kissing him. I had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t let that happen again until we grew more serious, I planned to take everything with Alex as agonizingly slow as humanly possible.
I slipped out of the kitchen and back to my room, feeling Alex’s stare bore a hole into my back, demanding I turn around to talk about what just happened between us but I ignored him.
In my room, I sighed heavily and squeezed my eyes shut, my head was starting to pound and fatigue taking its toll. Figuring it was from my concussion, I obeyed its wishes and slipped into more comfortable clothes and plopped on my bed. I wrapped the blanket around me to drown out my thoughts and concentrate on sleeping, something that I needed more than an awkward conversation with Alex.

I rubbed my eyes as I woke and stretched my limbs. All the memories from last night swirled around in my head, confusing me for a laugh. I happily shook my head but I also hoped things between Alex and I wouldn’t be uncomfortable, that was something I definitely didn’t need right now.
I showered and changed into ripped skinny jeans, a white all lace shirt with a gray cardigan over it and short tan Ugg boots. There was no sign of Alex but I could hear Jack talking to himself in his room as he changed into what I hope was clean clothes. He flung his door open and was wearing his regular outfit, skinny jeans and a GK shirt.
“Hey Alyssa, Alex is running a little late, but he said he’d be here in like…a couple minutes,” Jack said as he shut the door behind him. I nodded and watched a little television with him before Alex showed up and walked in.
“Let’s go! We don’t want to be late for school!” Alex said enthusiastically while he clapped his hands together. Jack and I lazily got up and walked with him to the car, I of course got stuck in the back like always. Alex didn’t explain why he was late on the way there like I figured he would, I decided not to ask; I didn’t want to be pushy.
We pulled into a spot and the three of us walked into the building, Alex followed me to my locker then we walked toward first period together which happened to be two floors up and all the way across the building. As we headed up the stairs, Alex spoke first.
“So, about our second first date…” Alex said smiling and looking at the ground. “I was thinking that I would like to try us again on Friday night before the game.”
“Hmm, and what do you have in mind?” I asked, looking at him from the corner of my eye.
“I take you to out to eat after school, we’ll hang out at your house then we go to the game together and after I’ll spend the night- in Jack’s room of course.”
“Oh, there’s only one problem, Matt takes me home after school,” after those words left my mouth, a devilish smile formed on his lips and I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Alex.” I sighed but he quickly followed up.
“Don’t worry about it; it’ll just be a one-time thing. I’m not letting you go home with Flyzik,” he demanded and I playfully rolled my eyes.
“Fine, do as you wish,” I said as we came up on one of Alex’s guy friends.
He put him arm around Alex and walked with us, “Alex, my man…who’s this lovely lady next to you?” He tried to whisper but made it just barely loud enough for me to overhear. “Are you hitting up another one? You dog! This just might be the best looking one so far…after Lisa of course, she’s a babe.”
“It’s Alyssa Barakat, Jack’s sister. She’s-“
“Bro! You’re hitting on Jack’s sister? Dude, that’s fucked up!” He whisper yelled and chuckled at the thought; I scoffed quietly and rolled my eyes.
“No dumbass, she just moved here. We’re just dating right now; she’s like the coolest girl I’ve ever met.”
“Whoa wait…you’re dating someone? You’ve never dated anyone…this girl must be the fucking Virgin Mary.” The kids’ eyes got huge. Something inaudible was said between them and the kid turned and walked the other direction.
We sat in our seats at Creative Writing and Mrs. Hurley gave us a new project.
“Okay, our next assignment is writing a letter to someone telling them why you love them or like them or appreciate them. Then I want you to give it to them and write down their facial reaction, response and etc. The letter must be at least one page and must be handwritten in original form. Give it to your mom, girlfriend/boyfriend, best friend, dog, dad or anybody.” As she explained the rubric and passed out the outline I nearly shit my pants. There was no way I could write a genuine letter to someone I loved. I wouldn’t even know where to start.
I glanced over at Alex, I could only make out some words, “I feel like...new…hate me…weird feelings…only if…you,” he scribbled down his first draft letter on a sheet of paper. Obviously this assignment was too easy for him or something. I wondered for a second who he was writing to…maybe his mom?
I sighed and shoved my stuff into my bag as the bell rang, Alex waited patiently for me and I stood up to walk with him.
“Pretty easy assignment huh?” Alex said and I laughed.
“Of course it is for you Mr. Amazing Voice but I…. I have no idea what I am going to write about or who I’m even gonna write about.”
He shrugged, “I already know who, what I’m going to write and when I’m going to give it to them.” I thought about how maybe it was me who he was going to give it to but diminished it immediately; Alex wasn’t going to write a stupid sappy letter to me. There was no way I was going to think positive about our relationship until I was sure we both felt the same strong way about each other, since we would never get that far I hopefully have nothing to worry about.