Never Look Back

Alex's POV
“Alex what’s happening?” Patrick whispered and rose from his chair. More tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn’t bother wiping them away, they would just be replaced by more.
“She went back under cardiac arrest,” I choked, unable to meet their eyes.
“Oh God,” Jack breathed on my right, putting his hands on either side of his head.
“The doctor said that going under cardiac arrest nearly always causes brain damage. If she went under twice…” Patrick trailed off, tears now running down his cheeks. I couldn’t believe this was happening, I just got Alyssa back and already she was being taken away from me again, it wasn’t fair! What was worst was the guilt constantly eating away at me, knowing that she was on the verge of death because of me. She doesn’t deserve this, she doesn’t deserve any of the bad that follows her but I do. That should be me dying, not her and that’ll forever haunt me.
I looked around and coming through the entrance were Rian, Zack and Kara. I looked back down at Jack.
“I asked them to be here,” he mumbled, still looking at the ground.
“Oh Alex,” Kara said, the first one to reach me and pull me in for a hug. “Stay strong and be hopeful, she’s going to be fine.” As she held me tears streamed down my cheeks and I squeezed my eyes shut. Hoping that when I opened them I would be in bed, waking up from this cruel nightmare.
Kara had been with me through all my hardships, I wondered why I didn’t introduce her to Alyssa before today. We let go and I exchanged hugs with the guys before we all sat back down in the waiting room, impatiently awaiting the news.
Two hours took an eternity before a new doctor came out, looking distressed. “Are you the family of Alyssa Barakat?”
“Yes,” Patrick answered weakly.
“We did everything we could to get her heart beating again, I’m so sorry but we couldn’t get it started,” he whispered.
“No no no no,” I mumbled weakly to myself, a sob ripped through my lungs as my hands pulled the hair on the side of my head. The doctor left and I collapsed to the ground, sobbing hysterically.

Alyssa’s POV
The darkness lightened and I looked around me, finding myself in my old house.
“Hello?” I called.
“You remind me so much of myself at your age.” I turned to see my mother standing before me, smiling.
“Mom?” I whispered.
“Yeah, it’s me honey.” I ran to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her, tears streaming down my cold cheeks. I felt her thin, warm arms squeeze me tightly before letting go.
“I can’t believe it’s you, I’ve missed you so much.” I smiled at her and dabbed my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I knew you’d come back.”
“Alyssa, I didn’t come back, you came to me.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You have to go back Alyssa.”
“Back where?” I asked in frustration, I didn’t understand why she was pushing me away when I haven’t seen her for so long.
“It’s not your time Sweetheart.” Her words seemed to fill the spaces and it all made sense.
“Am I…dead?” She stared solemnly at me for a moment before looking at the ground and I knew the answer. “Why do I have to go back? Why can’t I stay here with you?”
“Now is not the time, now is not the time for you to die. When it’s time, then we can be together but not here like this, you have to go back.”
“If it wasn’t time then why did I die?”
“Maybe I just wanted you here with me so bad but no you have to go back and live your life.”
“Mom please don’t do this, there’s nothing for me out there! I want to stay here!”
“I’m so sorry I was such a horrible mother to you Alyssa. I loved you so much I just want you to know that.” She pleaded with me.
I shook my head, “No don’t say that, you weren’t a horrible mom.”
“Yes I was and now I’m getting you out of here so you don’t cause them all pain. You have Alex now, and your brother and Patrick. You need to be with them.” I walked up and hugged her tightly, not knowing when the next time I’d see her would be.
“I love you mom,” I whispered.
“I love you Alyssa, keep that with you.”
She let go, holding just my hands until she slowly walked away from me, my hands dropping from hers. Everything went black.
~~
“Doctor! Her heart is starting up again!” I heard someone call, footsteps ran to the side of my bed.
“Oh my God, she’s alive,” said a different voice. “Alyssa, can you hear me?” I couldn’t talk but I was screaming on the inside, all I could see was darkness everywhere.
“Alyssa, if you can hear me squeeze my finger,” I felt someone put their finger in my mid closed hand and I focused all my strength to try to move my hand. My hand didn’t budge no matter how hard I tried, I put every ounce of strength I had. I had to move it, I had to do it for my mother, my father, Jack and….Alex.
“Oh, her finger moved,” one man said to the other. “This is incredible!”

Alex’s POV
“Alex, I’m so sorry,” Kara whispered in my ear, her arms wrapped around me.
“I can’t believe she just left me,” I said weakly.
“Mr. Barakat!” A doctor called, running up to Patrick. “Alyssa heart has started back up and she’s responsive, it’s the most peculiar thing I have ever seen. Would you like to see her?” He asked out of breath from running.
I shuddered and gasped, shaking from the enormous news that hit me like a bus. As I looked up everyone was in tears, hugging each other tightly.
“Yes.” Patrick nodded and we followed the man to Alyssa’s room where her eyes met all of us. I stood in the back, behind everyone, I didn’t want her to see my red, swollen eyes. Patrick hugged her and kissed her cheek, whispering something to her. Jack hugged her too, pulling back and just staring at her before another tear slipped down his cheek. Kara and Rian and Zack all did the same until Patrick spoke up.
“Let Alex see her,” he said. They all cleared a path for me to get through and her eyes met mine, blank and unresponsive.
I pulled up a chair next to her and repeated what I did the first time I saw her, I smiled this time and rubbed her cheek with my thumb. She closed her eyes peacefully as I took her hand in mine, feeling a very small squeeze. I kissed the back of it and a tear slipped from her cheek, opening her eyes to meet mine again.
“I love you so much Alyssa and nothing’s going to change that. I will stand by your side for as long as I live.” I stood to kiss her cheek but she turned her head slightly and my lips hit hers. I laughed softly at her as another tear rolled down my cheek.

“We will keep her for another couple days in the hospital just to make sure that her temperature stays up and her heart stays regulated. From going into cardiac arrest, she definitely had brain damage done so we will do tests to check her condition and we have also put a boot on her leg for her broken ankle.” The doctor who told us Alyssa’s heart was started again explained to us. We all nodded, it was getting late and Patrick had to work tomorrow so he and Jack left as well as Rian, Zack and Kara.
“Take care man,” Zack said to me as they left Alyssa’s room. I nodded at them before looking back at Alyssa. She had been sleeping for an hour now, my hand still in hers.