Sequel: Painting Flowers ›
Never Look Back
I Miss You
Alyssa’s POV
“I’m sorry I’m such a klutz.” I joked with Alex. He was telling me everything that happened while I was out, that I walked home, broke my ankle, hit my head, blacked out, rolled into a snow bank and so then obtained Hypothermia. The only thing I remembered from me being in the hospital was dying.
“At least you’re still here with us now.” he smiled. The doctor walked in, he was middle aged with dark hair and almond eyes.
“How are you Alyssa?” he asked, smiling down at me.
I shrugged, “I’m well for the most part.”
“We got the results back from PET scan, it looks like the most damage you suffered was to your Hippocampus, so your memory will have the most trouble. You’re going to forget how to do simple tasks, so you’re going to need lots of help around the house. Also, you’re going to have trouble concentrating, so I don’t recommend driving, stay home from school this next week, et cetera.”
“Oh that’s it?” I joked half-heartedly and the doctor chuckled before continuing.
“I hate to say this but there is some bad news that comes with being a survivor of cardiac arrest.”
“Yes?” I asked impatiently.
“Well over half of cardiac arrest survivors live only for another year, the rest only three years, your chances are slim,” he said quietly. “Since you went under twice, those chances narrow even further.”
“So there’s a huge chance that I won’t make it past three years?” I asked and he nodded slowly, causing me to sigh. “Can I just be discharged now?”
~~
They finally let me out of the hospital and Alex drove me home, I was so relieved, hospital food was not appetizing.
I was resting on the couch, my body in between Alex’s legs and my head on his chest, intertwining our left hands. We were listening to music that played from the television and just talking.
“Thanks for always being there for me, I obviously find any way I can to get myself into the hospital,” I said with my eyes closed.
“Well, what are boyfriends for?” He whispered in my ear. “You know what?”
“What?” I asked.
“It’s almost February.”
“So?”
“That means it’s almost Valentine’s Day.”
I sighed, “oh God. That means I have to do something extravagant to show how much you mean to me, which is something I’ve never been good at.”
“You don’ t have to do anything but I do, I have to make up for the fact that I wasn’t there to give you a ride home. All of this is my fault.”
“No it’s not Alex, I was stupid enough to walk home when I probably could’ve just waited til school was out and asked Rian or Matt but I didn’t because I’m impatient.”
He kissed my hair and remained silent despite that I knew he was dying to argue but I didn’t want to fight either.
“I’m exhausted,” I sighed. I felt the on come of fatigue and heavy eyelids, after the events in the hospital I-….what happened in the hospital? I don’t even remember being discharged…
“I’m sure you are, I’ll take you to bed,” Alex said breaking my confusion. He wiggled out from under me and scooped me up off the couch bridal style.
“Alex, I don’t remember being discharged from the hospital, when did we leave?” I looked up at him and his eyes widened before he quickly recovered.
“Uhmm, we left at around six, the doctor said you would have some memory loss,” he assured himself more than me. He laid me down on my mattress and pulled the covers over me.
“Good night Alyssa.” He smiled and kissed my forehead before shutting off the lights and closing the door behind him.
It was a pain that I couldn’t remember ever being in the hospital. I don’t remember what the doctor looked like or what his name was, I know I hated the food but I can’t remember what they served. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that this didn’t stay with me forever.
~~
Alex’s POV
It had been about a week since Alyssa was discharged from the hospital and so far…I don’t know what I thought of how things were. She would forget what she was doing, where she was going or what she was going to tell you but she was trying. She visited her “brain trainer,” as we call her, daily and exercised her hippocampus by playing memory exercises.
All Time Low had been signed a while ago and was just now getting to work in the studio, writing songs and beginning to work on an album. All of it was great work and an amazing experience but having someone tell you that you need to sing a certain part again because “it sounded weird” was a thing I had yet to get used to. Alyssa had been dying to get to come to the studio with us but the guys who run it don’t like having too many people in the studio that didn’t need to be there. She still had yet to venture out into the world more now that she has no memory.
Everyone knew how she felt about her memory loss, she hated it. She would have mental breakdowns when she would forget something and then forget why she was crying, her memory was practically deteriorated but it was improving. Whether she liked to admit it or not, her memory was slowly coming back and she was doing better.
It was hard watching her cry countless times because of where she was, I would have to hold her and whisper to her that everything was going to get better.
“Shh, it’s okay Alyssa. Take a deep breath and calm down, you were going to throw away your candy wrapper, it’s right here see?” I told her softly, taking the candy bar wrapper from her hand. I had bought it for her before I came over, not even thinking she’d have to throw the wrapper away. We were sitting on the kitchen floor, my arms wrapped around her.
“Yes,” she said squeezing her eyes shut. “That’s right.” She wiped the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand before she took the wrapper back and threw it in the trash, taking a deep breath after. I stood up with her and snaked my arms around her waist, knowing what would cheer her up.
“Would you want to come to the studio with us?” I asked and felt her perk up.
“Did they say I could come?”
“I’ll talk to them about it.”
“Please don’t make them angry though Alex,” she pleaded.
“I won’t, I’m just going to discuss it with them.”
“Hey Alex, we’re leaving in five,” Jack came in and told us, then walked back out to the living room. I excused myself from Alyssa and went to call the studio, scared they’d say no.
“Hello?” I recognized the voice, it was Sam Hollander, he was the head producer.
“Hey man do you mind if Jack’s sister, Alyssa, came to listen to us?” I asked and explained everything she’s been going through.
“Uhh, sure whatever but only this once, see you in five,” he agreed and hung up. I told Alyssa and we headed out to pick up the others.
We went in through the side entrance that opened it up to the studio where Sam and Matt Squire waited, I knew too many Matt’s.
“Hey guys you made it on time, that’s a first.” Sam grinned, he was young, only about 21 or so and always wore hats, today he wore a black Yankees cap. Sam worked more in producing the music and Matt helped write songs and give tips on how I sang.
“Why don’t you guys set up in the main?” He suggested.
The main was the big space to record, where we performed the song as a whole. We entered and Alyssa and Matt Flyzik sat on the couches behind Sam and Matt.
“Ready?” Matt Squire asked into the intercom to us and we gave him our thumbs up.
Alyssa’s POV
“So you’re Jack’s sister?” Sam asked me, swiveling around in his chair as Matt S. fiddled with the knobs on the desk as All Time Low played some song I obviously didn’t recognize.
He was pretty damn attractive, he had messy dark brown hair that was similar to Alex’s under his hat, a white smile, slightly tan, crazy blue eyes, a little bit of stubble on his face and oddly enough he smelled really good. He wore a dark gray V-Neck, denim skinny jeans and white Vans.
“Yep, and please don’t tell me if you can see the resemblance,” I joked, looking at Jack playing through the window.
He chuckled, “I wouldn’t say you look like Jack as much as Jack looks like you, he carries a lot of girlish features,” I laughed.
There was a silence before I spoke, “How long have you been with Hopeless?”
“Uhh, about two years or so, I was hired right after I graduated high school. It’s a pretty small label with not many bands but I prefer that over some large corrupted industry you know?” He asked and I nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s my excuse. In reality, even if I wanted to work at a big label I would never be hired anyway.” Again I had to laugh. “Anyway, must be pretty cool to see your brother up there in front of a couple hundred local fans.”
“It is, I mean I had no idea that he was in a band for the longest time because we didn’t see each other much but when I saw them perform it was weird and incredible at the same time. It was a whole ‘nother side of Jack,” I said nodding.
“After this album comes out Hopeless is planning to have them go on tour to get them out of Baltimore and get known more,” he smiled. I noticed Matt being oddly quiet next to me, it was surprising and a little awkward at the same time.
“A tour? That’d be amazing, do they know about it yet?” I asked looking over at the boys who had just finished their song.
“Yeah, they know all about it.”
“That’s great guys! Alex, if you could head into the booth for back up and Jack and Zack I need you for chords and progression,” Matt Squire said into the intercom. Rian, Zack and Jack came out and sat on the couch with us as Alex went into the booth. Matt had Alex sing over a couple parts and had him re-sing a ton other parts. Time was flying by as we had now been here for an hour, I just talked to Sam for the most part.
My stomach growled under me and I looked down at it.
“Hungry?” Sam asked me and I shrugged.
“Apparently,” I hadn’t even realized I was hungry.
He chuckled, “I’ll take you to get something to eat.”
He stood and Alex said, “I can take her.”
“I would let you but you gotta record again soon,” Alex opened his mouth to say something back but closed it again and I followed Sam out to the hall.
“What’s with him?” He asked once we started down the hall that was white with flooring and tan with its walls with pictures of musicians and bands. “He gotta thing for you?”
“Something like that,” I grinned.
“Heard about him, that he lays chicks night and day with no regards to feelings. I have a lot of friends like that.”
As we turned a corner, I blanked.
“Where am I?” I asked panicked, looking around.
“You’re at the studio watching your brothers band perform remember?” Sam asked, talking slowly and placing his hands on my arms.
“Who are you!” I jumped back from his grip, my heart rate rapidly increasing.
“I’m Sam, I’m the producer here, you said you were hungry so I’m taking you to get something to eat.”
“Oh,” I said calming down. “I’m sorry.”
We took a right into the break room that had candy, chips, beverages, energy bars, fruit snacks, actual fruit and crackers.
“Take anything you want,” he said as he picked up a bag of Skittles. I looked around and grabbed four bags of candy, he chuckled. “Sweet tooth?”
“Kinda,” I grinned.
“Me too,” he said picking up handfuls of bags. “Favorite color?” He led out of the break room and back down the hall.
“Navy blue, you?”
“Silver, favorite food?”
“Candy,” we said together.
“Duh,” he smiled and continued. “Favorite animal?”
I thought about it, “Maybe a meerkat?”
“A meerkat? Your favorite animal is a meerkat?” He asked and I nodded. “Okay, my favorite animal is a water buffalo.”
“A water buffalo is just as weird as a meerkat!” I argued as he held the studio door open for me and I sat back in my spot.
“No it’s not, a water buffalo is completely normal. Hardly anyone knows what a meerkat even is.” I smiled and shook my head, opening a bag of Jawbreakers and popping one in my mouth.
“Zack, go ahead,” Matt said as Jack came back into the room.
“Favorite article of clothing?”
“Hoodies.”
“Sweatpants.”
“We both like to keep it comfortable,” I grinned.
“Favorite song?” He raised an eyebrow. I could feel Alex’s eyes on me, probably wondering if it was an All Time Low song. He was wrong.
“I Miss You by Blink,” I said and he smiled.
“I love that song.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a klutz.” I joked with Alex. He was telling me everything that happened while I was out, that I walked home, broke my ankle, hit my head, blacked out, rolled into a snow bank and so then obtained Hypothermia. The only thing I remembered from me being in the hospital was dying.
“At least you’re still here with us now.” he smiled. The doctor walked in, he was middle aged with dark hair and almond eyes.
“How are you Alyssa?” he asked, smiling down at me.
I shrugged, “I’m well for the most part.”
“We got the results back from PET scan, it looks like the most damage you suffered was to your Hippocampus, so your memory will have the most trouble. You’re going to forget how to do simple tasks, so you’re going to need lots of help around the house. Also, you’re going to have trouble concentrating, so I don’t recommend driving, stay home from school this next week, et cetera.”
“Oh that’s it?” I joked half-heartedly and the doctor chuckled before continuing.
“I hate to say this but there is some bad news that comes with being a survivor of cardiac arrest.”
“Yes?” I asked impatiently.
“Well over half of cardiac arrest survivors live only for another year, the rest only three years, your chances are slim,” he said quietly. “Since you went under twice, those chances narrow even further.”
“So there’s a huge chance that I won’t make it past three years?” I asked and he nodded slowly, causing me to sigh. “Can I just be discharged now?”
~~
They finally let me out of the hospital and Alex drove me home, I was so relieved, hospital food was not appetizing.
I was resting on the couch, my body in between Alex’s legs and my head on his chest, intertwining our left hands. We were listening to music that played from the television and just talking.
“Thanks for always being there for me, I obviously find any way I can to get myself into the hospital,” I said with my eyes closed.
“Well, what are boyfriends for?” He whispered in my ear. “You know what?”
“What?” I asked.
“It’s almost February.”
“So?”
“That means it’s almost Valentine’s Day.”
I sighed, “oh God. That means I have to do something extravagant to show how much you mean to me, which is something I’ve never been good at.”
“You don’ t have to do anything but I do, I have to make up for the fact that I wasn’t there to give you a ride home. All of this is my fault.”
“No it’s not Alex, I was stupid enough to walk home when I probably could’ve just waited til school was out and asked Rian or Matt but I didn’t because I’m impatient.”
He kissed my hair and remained silent despite that I knew he was dying to argue but I didn’t want to fight either.
“I’m exhausted,” I sighed. I felt the on come of fatigue and heavy eyelids, after the events in the hospital I-….what happened in the hospital? I don’t even remember being discharged…
“I’m sure you are, I’ll take you to bed,” Alex said breaking my confusion. He wiggled out from under me and scooped me up off the couch bridal style.
“Alex, I don’t remember being discharged from the hospital, when did we leave?” I looked up at him and his eyes widened before he quickly recovered.
“Uhmm, we left at around six, the doctor said you would have some memory loss,” he assured himself more than me. He laid me down on my mattress and pulled the covers over me.
“Good night Alyssa.” He smiled and kissed my forehead before shutting off the lights and closing the door behind him.
It was a pain that I couldn’t remember ever being in the hospital. I don’t remember what the doctor looked like or what his name was, I know I hated the food but I can’t remember what they served. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that this didn’t stay with me forever.
~~
Alex’s POV
It had been about a week since Alyssa was discharged from the hospital and so far…I don’t know what I thought of how things were. She would forget what she was doing, where she was going or what she was going to tell you but she was trying. She visited her “brain trainer,” as we call her, daily and exercised her hippocampus by playing memory exercises.
All Time Low had been signed a while ago and was just now getting to work in the studio, writing songs and beginning to work on an album. All of it was great work and an amazing experience but having someone tell you that you need to sing a certain part again because “it sounded weird” was a thing I had yet to get used to. Alyssa had been dying to get to come to the studio with us but the guys who run it don’t like having too many people in the studio that didn’t need to be there. She still had yet to venture out into the world more now that she has no memory.
Everyone knew how she felt about her memory loss, she hated it. She would have mental breakdowns when she would forget something and then forget why she was crying, her memory was practically deteriorated but it was improving. Whether she liked to admit it or not, her memory was slowly coming back and she was doing better.
It was hard watching her cry countless times because of where she was, I would have to hold her and whisper to her that everything was going to get better.
“Shh, it’s okay Alyssa. Take a deep breath and calm down, you were going to throw away your candy wrapper, it’s right here see?” I told her softly, taking the candy bar wrapper from her hand. I had bought it for her before I came over, not even thinking she’d have to throw the wrapper away. We were sitting on the kitchen floor, my arms wrapped around her.
“Yes,” she said squeezing her eyes shut. “That’s right.” She wiped the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand before she took the wrapper back and threw it in the trash, taking a deep breath after. I stood up with her and snaked my arms around her waist, knowing what would cheer her up.
“Would you want to come to the studio with us?” I asked and felt her perk up.
“Did they say I could come?”
“I’ll talk to them about it.”
“Please don’t make them angry though Alex,” she pleaded.
“I won’t, I’m just going to discuss it with them.”
“Hey Alex, we’re leaving in five,” Jack came in and told us, then walked back out to the living room. I excused myself from Alyssa and went to call the studio, scared they’d say no.
“Hello?” I recognized the voice, it was Sam Hollander, he was the head producer.
“Hey man do you mind if Jack’s sister, Alyssa, came to listen to us?” I asked and explained everything she’s been going through.
“Uhh, sure whatever but only this once, see you in five,” he agreed and hung up. I told Alyssa and we headed out to pick up the others.
We went in through the side entrance that opened it up to the studio where Sam and Matt Squire waited, I knew too many Matt’s.
“Hey guys you made it on time, that’s a first.” Sam grinned, he was young, only about 21 or so and always wore hats, today he wore a black Yankees cap. Sam worked more in producing the music and Matt helped write songs and give tips on how I sang.
“Why don’t you guys set up in the main?” He suggested.
The main was the big space to record, where we performed the song as a whole. We entered and Alyssa and Matt Flyzik sat on the couches behind Sam and Matt.
“Ready?” Matt Squire asked into the intercom to us and we gave him our thumbs up.
Alyssa’s POV
“So you’re Jack’s sister?” Sam asked me, swiveling around in his chair as Matt S. fiddled with the knobs on the desk as All Time Low played some song I obviously didn’t recognize.
He was pretty damn attractive, he had messy dark brown hair that was similar to Alex’s under his hat, a white smile, slightly tan, crazy blue eyes, a little bit of stubble on his face and oddly enough he smelled really good. He wore a dark gray V-Neck, denim skinny jeans and white Vans.
“Yep, and please don’t tell me if you can see the resemblance,” I joked, looking at Jack playing through the window.
He chuckled, “I wouldn’t say you look like Jack as much as Jack looks like you, he carries a lot of girlish features,” I laughed.
There was a silence before I spoke, “How long have you been with Hopeless?”
“Uhh, about two years or so, I was hired right after I graduated high school. It’s a pretty small label with not many bands but I prefer that over some large corrupted industry you know?” He asked and I nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s my excuse. In reality, even if I wanted to work at a big label I would never be hired anyway.” Again I had to laugh. “Anyway, must be pretty cool to see your brother up there in front of a couple hundred local fans.”
“It is, I mean I had no idea that he was in a band for the longest time because we didn’t see each other much but when I saw them perform it was weird and incredible at the same time. It was a whole ‘nother side of Jack,” I said nodding.
“After this album comes out Hopeless is planning to have them go on tour to get them out of Baltimore and get known more,” he smiled. I noticed Matt being oddly quiet next to me, it was surprising and a little awkward at the same time.
“A tour? That’d be amazing, do they know about it yet?” I asked looking over at the boys who had just finished their song.
“Yeah, they know all about it.”
“That’s great guys! Alex, if you could head into the booth for back up and Jack and Zack I need you for chords and progression,” Matt Squire said into the intercom. Rian, Zack and Jack came out and sat on the couch with us as Alex went into the booth. Matt had Alex sing over a couple parts and had him re-sing a ton other parts. Time was flying by as we had now been here for an hour, I just talked to Sam for the most part.
My stomach growled under me and I looked down at it.
“Hungry?” Sam asked me and I shrugged.
“Apparently,” I hadn’t even realized I was hungry.
He chuckled, “I’ll take you to get something to eat.”
He stood and Alex said, “I can take her.”
“I would let you but you gotta record again soon,” Alex opened his mouth to say something back but closed it again and I followed Sam out to the hall.
“What’s with him?” He asked once we started down the hall that was white with flooring and tan with its walls with pictures of musicians and bands. “He gotta thing for you?”
“Something like that,” I grinned.
“Heard about him, that he lays chicks night and day with no regards to feelings. I have a lot of friends like that.”
As we turned a corner, I blanked.
“Where am I?” I asked panicked, looking around.
“You’re at the studio watching your brothers band perform remember?” Sam asked, talking slowly and placing his hands on my arms.
“Who are you!” I jumped back from his grip, my heart rate rapidly increasing.
“I’m Sam, I’m the producer here, you said you were hungry so I’m taking you to get something to eat.”
“Oh,” I said calming down. “I’m sorry.”
We took a right into the break room that had candy, chips, beverages, energy bars, fruit snacks, actual fruit and crackers.
“Take anything you want,” he said as he picked up a bag of Skittles. I looked around and grabbed four bags of candy, he chuckled. “Sweet tooth?”
“Kinda,” I grinned.
“Me too,” he said picking up handfuls of bags. “Favorite color?” He led out of the break room and back down the hall.
“Navy blue, you?”
“Silver, favorite food?”
“Candy,” we said together.
“Duh,” he smiled and continued. “Favorite animal?”
I thought about it, “Maybe a meerkat?”
“A meerkat? Your favorite animal is a meerkat?” He asked and I nodded. “Okay, my favorite animal is a water buffalo.”
“A water buffalo is just as weird as a meerkat!” I argued as he held the studio door open for me and I sat back in my spot.
“No it’s not, a water buffalo is completely normal. Hardly anyone knows what a meerkat even is.” I smiled and shook my head, opening a bag of Jawbreakers and popping one in my mouth.
“Zack, go ahead,” Matt said as Jack came back into the room.
“Favorite article of clothing?”
“Hoodies.”
“Sweatpants.”
“We both like to keep it comfortable,” I grinned.
“Favorite song?” He raised an eyebrow. I could feel Alex’s eyes on me, probably wondering if it was an All Time Low song. He was wrong.
“I Miss You by Blink,” I said and he smiled.
“I love that song.”