Never Look Back

“That was fun,” I said climbing out of the car behind Jack.
“Yeah you sure had fun,” Alex grumbled and I looked over at him with a puzzled expression.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” We were now in the living room, he followed me down to my room to talk more in private.
“No, I don’t. If I did then we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” I argued.
“You were practically drooling over Sam!” He said raising his voice.
“Sam?”
“Oh come on Alyssa, don’t act dumb. You talked to him the whole time we were there, you ignored me and almost everyone else. I saw the way you looked at him.” His jaw clenched as he gazed intently at me.
“I don’t know anybody named Sam.” My eyebrows furrowed, trying to remember who this Sam guy was.
He sighed and rubbed his hand over his head, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay I probably did something stupid,” I said softly and placed my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him, he followed suit to me.
“I love you Alyssa,” He said kissing my hair.
“I love you too Alex,” I replied and looked up to meet his lips to mine. He lengthened the kiss and moved me to the bed.

I woke next to Alex who had his arm sprawled across my chest. I gently set it next to him, not wanting to wake him and slipped out of bed, putting my underwear back on and adding on sweatpants and a shirt before heading out to the kitchen.
“Nice sex hair,” Jack mumbled through a mouthful of his usual cereal.
I glared at him, “Shut up.”
I settled on eating a blueberry pop-tart, chewing it down quickly next to Jack.
“Was that makeup sex? Last I left you, you were fighting.”
“I remember us fighting but I don’t remember what for...hmm doesn’t matter we weren’t fighting for every long.” I grinned to myself and looked over at him giving me a horrified expression, I could help but laugh.
“Ew,” he shuttered. I had just finished my pop-tart when I felt it suddenly coming back up, I sprinted for the bathroom and puked it back out. I frowned when I finished, staring down at the once yummy pop-tart, I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out with water. I supposed I was coming down with something and groaned, the last thing I wanted was to be sick.
“You okay?” Jack asked when I came back out to the kitchen.
“Yeah, I think I’ve contracted something though, it’ll probably pass.”
“Good morning all!” Alex called, coming out from the hall dressed in Jack’s pajama bottoms, his hair messy.
“Alex! Can we do something today?” I asked and he shook his head.
“We can’t, we gotta go to the studio all day,” I pouted and he smiled.
“What am I supposed to do today then?” I asked and they shrugged.
“Hurry up and eat Jack, we gotta leave soon it’s past one already,” Alex told Jack and retreated back to Jack’s room. It surprised me how late we slept, Patrick was already at work and we were still sleeping.
“Oookay,” Jack said now quickly shoveling spoonfuls into his mouth. I went back to my room to grab my phone and call Kara, hopefully we were close enough that we could hang out for a day, since I had no one else. I went through Alex’s contacts on his phone that was also on the nightstand and found Kara’s, typing her number into mine and then texting her.

Me: Hey it’s Alyssa Barakat, are you doing anything today?
Kara: No, Rian’s leaving me for the studio. Alex too?
Me: Yep, I don’t have anything to do, wanna go somewhere?
Kara: Yes! Where? Lunch? Hair/Nails?
Me: Both?
Kara: Oh perfect! I’ll pick you up at 3?
Me: Sounds good, see you
Kara: Bye bye!

I smiled at how adorable Kara was, she was someone I saw myself being friends with. I set my phone back down and snuck in the shower before the boys. Changing into a cuffed Spiderman t-shirt with black skinny jeans and black boots.
I left a half hour after the boys left, excited when I finally climbed into Kara’s car.
“Ready?” She asked and I nodded, she pulled out of the driveway and headed down the street to the salon. We didn’t talk about much along the way, mostly about Rian and Alex and the recording thing and how stupid they can be sometimes. I don’t know why Alex didn’t introduce me to her before when we were so much alike.
“This is so nice, I haven’t had my nails done in a while,” She said closing her eyes as the petite lady worked to scrub and scrape her nails. I had to agree, I haven’t had my nails done since I left Pittsburgh, which is highly unusual for me.
“How are things going with Rian? He’s so quiet most of the time, how do you get him to open up?” I asked.
“Oh Rian is a lot more outgoing around me, I don’t know why he doesn’t talk more with the guys,” she replied and I nodded.
“He’s just a big teddy bear,” I giggled and she joined in.
“He is isn’t he?”
Our nails didn’t take long to do and I was relieved to go get something to eat, I was surprisingly starving.
“Do you eat at home? You ordered as much as Rian does and that’s a lot!” Kara asked me and I shrugged.
“I don’t know, I’m just extremely hungry for some reason.”
“Rian texted me saying they finished writing another song back at the studio, well that only took them all day.”
I sighed, “I can’t wait until this recording thing is all over with and the album just comes out.”
“After their album is out, Rian told me they are going on tour right after so about a week after we graduate,” Kara said between sips of her Diet Coke.
“The album won’t be done until we graduate?” I asked in disbelief.
She nodded, “Yeah it won’t be done for another two or three months, so around April or May.” I groaned at the thought of having Alex be gone almost all day and not getting to see him. I’m not the clingy type at all but I also did want to spend time with Alex and so far he’s spent the past two weeks holed up in that studio. I also know that now because my memory is improved, getting to where it was like it never got damaged in the first place. The doctor is extremely impressed with my progress, said he’s never seen a recovery like mine.
“How many songs have they finished?” I asked.
“Uh, maybe one?” She guessed. “I don’t know, Rian just talks about how one of them keeps messing up or something like that.”
Our food arrived and I scarfed it down quickly, putting my stomach growlings to peace. Kara didn’t seem freaked out though so I was happy especially since I was pleasantly full.
“Want to go clubbing tonight?” Kara asked as she stared intently at her phone.
“Sure.”
“The boys want to, Rian says they had a bad time in the studio and need to take a load off, I think it’d be fun,” she said looking up.
“I haven’t really gotten out much since my visit to the hospital so it’d be good for me too I think,” I nodded. “What time is it now?”
“Almost six thirty, we’ve been out for a while.”
“Should we head back?” I asked.
She shrugged, “Sure, we have nothing better to do.” I paid for at least my half after our pretty brutal argument on who should pay, she wanted to but I felt guilty so I insisted I would since she drove. She dropped me off at home so I could change and get all gussied up for the night, the boys were still not home.

I took some pills for my now pounding headache and skimmed through my closet. I really should’ve gone to the mall with Kara before we went.
Feeling bored with my recent look I pulled out the chest that sat under my bed, it held almost all of my past in it and was locked up tightly so no one could get into it. I unlocked the two combination locks and opened the trunk, in it held several racy outfits and lingerie. I found what I was looking for, an incredibly tight, red, short short short dress that had some chunks out of it, made so everyone could see my hips and bare back. I quickly stripped and squeezed it on, pleased to see it still fit and went to check out myself in the mirror.
The back was open, exposing my entire bare back and the dress ended high on my thigh, it fit my boobs perfectly which was a plus since it didn’t have much for cleavage. The sides were cut out, showing sections of my hips. I felt like my old self again, the slut I left behind in Pittsburgh. It was one of the main reasons everyone claimed to have hated me even though all my friends were bigger whores than I ever was. I shook the memories away and slipped into Stilettos then made sure my hair was perfectly curly and voluminous. I had to admit I did look pretty damn fuckable.
“Where are you going wearing that?” Patrick asked, I hadn’t heard him come in.
“We’re going clubbing,” I said simply.
“You’re too young, don’t you have to be 21?”
“No, not the one we’re going to. It allows 18 year olds.”
“I don’t think you guys should be going,” He said slowly and I sighed into a slump. I really didn’t want him to ruin my hot night for me. “Alyssa, I hate to say this but you look like a hooker.”
“I know but I want to look good tonight. Please can we go? We’ve gone out before and we haven’t gotten in trouble.”
He sighed, “Fine. Just be back by one.” With that he trudged out of my room and into his.
I heard the boys storm in and head straight to the couch and turn the television on, I looked at the clock on my phone. It read 9:09, we should be leaving soon.
“Alyssa, are you ready?” I heard Kara ask as I heard heels click against the wood flooring. “Whoa.” She whispered when she saw me.
“Too much?” I asked meekly and she shook her head.
“No, girl you look sexy!”
“Thanks, I mean I would say the same for you but I always tell you how pretty you are, I feel like it loses its meaning but I’ll say that you look slamming in that dress,” I joked and she laughed. Kara wore a tight, short, white dress that was loose in the sleeves, she wore black heels with it and bright red lipstick. She of course looked amazing.
“Ready to go? The guys are all dressed,” she asked and I nodded. I followed her out to the living room where Alex’s eyes locked on mine.
“Holy shit Alyssa,” he whispered as he looked me up and down.
“Ready?” I asked him and we shuffled out of the house and into the car.
The club we went to was called The Sun, the inside of it was pretty crazy. It had fog looming low to the ground, strobe lights of all colors bouncing off the walls, the bass pounding out of the music, people dancing and strippers swinging themselves around a pole.
“Lap Dance!” Jack screamed and I lost him as he ran into the crowd, Zack followed him. Kara and Rian went the opposite way to the bar to get a drink and I looked back at Alex.
“What do we do?” I asked and he smiled at me mischievously.
“I’d love to dance with you in that dress.” I bit my lip and tugged his arm onto the dance floor with a bunch of sweating people. The music playing was more hip hop, beats and techno, so copying the others I grinded on Alex, he fully accepted.
“What has gotten into you tonight?” He yelled over the music as he gripped my hips tightly, pulling my backside closer to him.
“I’m feeling nostalgic!” I yelled back and didn’t hear a reply. When the song ended I went to grab a drink quick, all that dancing made me thirsty. I ordered a mug of beer and downed it, asking for another, then another and another…feeling totally drunk.
“Pace yourself.” Alex whispered into my ear.
“Alex, this dress is too tight!” I whined. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
“I’ll take you.” He pulled my arm through the massive crowd of people toward the bathroom which the women’s was thankfully empty. “Here you go, I’ll be here when you’re done.”
I shook my head and grinned. “Nope, you’re coming in with me.”
He looked at me like I was making no sense at all, I tugged him into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
“This dress is too tight Alex, could you take it off?” I asked and turned my back to him and held my hair up.
“Alyssa, you’re drunk and we’re in a bathroom, this isn’t-“ I cut him off by whirling around and smashing my lips to his. I could tell he was hesitant but almost immediately began kissing me back, pushing me up against the wall. Then I felt it and shoved Alex back, rushing to the toilet and throwing up mostly beer. He rushed to me and held my hair back, I wiped my mouth when I was finished and slumped next to the toilet.
He sighed, “We need to get you home.” He slung my arm around his shoulder and snaked his right arm around my waist, leading me carefully out of the bathroom. He yelled at Zack to tell Jack that we had to leave and Zack said it was okay to take the car that they’d get a ride from someone else. He thanked him than led me out of the house and into the car. I felt bad, he had to do this with me many times before and I wasn’t making his life any easier.
“Alex, I’m sorry I’m such a horrible girlfriend,” I slurred as he started the car and began to drive back to the house.
“You aren’t a bad girlfriend Alyssa, you make mistakes just like I do, we are the perfect couple,” he chuckled. I sighed and stared out the window, thinking about where my future was even heading. Alex, Jack, Rian and Zack all have their future planned out and it’s happening, what am I supposed to do after high school? I didn’t want to do photography my whole life but I didn’t really want to go to college either. I closed my eyes and shook my head clear of my thoughts, I shouldn’t be thinking about it right now while I was drunk…but when was I gonna think about it?