Never Look Back

A little over a week had passed since the party and nothing had gotten any more interesting. All Time Low spent a ton of hours in the studio and I was stuck at home gaining weight…literally. I had gained 8 pounds.
“Slow down Alyssa, you’re gonna choke,” Alex laughed next to me as I shoveled the potato chips into my mouth. I didn’t have time for breakfast that morning so I was more than hungry.
“Sorry, I’m just starving,” I said after swallowing the greasy chips. “Are you guys recording tonight?” I asked as I now slowly bit into one chip at a time.
“Yep, we started on our third song. Pretty exciting right?” He grinned and I shook my head at him.
“I can’t wait til recording is over, we don’t get to hang out anymore.” I frowned.
“It will in time, it’s starting to get on my nerves too but then I think that this is the only way that our new album will come out and that will be a huge turning point for us when it does.”
“I know, I’m proud of you guys,” I sighed.
“Me too, I’m happy that you guys are doing this and I hope it becomes a hit,” Kara agreed and nodded. “I never thought you guys would get this opportunity and now that you do it’s…it’s unreal to see you doing it.”
“Aww, group hug!” Jack announced and everyone leaned in to wrap our arms around each other, we held it for a second before letting go.
“Whoa, I have to pee,” I said and almost ran to the bathroom with the sudden urge that I’m gonna burst. I slipped into the stall and relieved myself, cleaning up before I walked out of the bathroom out to everyone else. It seemed normal but I had already peed four times today and it was only lunch. The bell rang right as I reached the table and Alex got up and grabbed my hand, taking me to our next class.

I opened the door to find Patrick home, I said hi to him before plopping down next to him on the couch.
“Why you home so early?” I asked.
“My hours got set back so I leave for work pretty soon but won’t get home until late at night,” he said, his eyes planted firmly on the T.V.
“What are you watching?”
“Some show about women not knowing they were pregnant, strange program. I don’t know whether to believe it not I mean they show no symptoms, not even a belly. But I mean they all do miss their period but the pregnancy tests all come out negative. Weird right?” He exclaimed as he watched.
I felt my face blanch, realizing my period was two weeks late. That didn’t add up though, I shouldn’t be showing symptoms already! Then it hit me, the first time Alex and I had sex…was three weeks ago.
“Yeah…so weird..uhh, Patrick I’m gonna go to the store,” I said quickly and he nodded as I bolted out the door. It was a good thing that Alex was at the studio or I would’ve sold myself out. I drove to a pharmacy that wasn’t far away and bought a couple pregnancy tests- well actually three different ones. The lady at the register looked at me funny but I was too nervous to care.
Not wanting to be too obvious about it I drove across the street to the gas station and ran for the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and pulled out the test, quickly peeing on all three of them then impatiently waiting for the answer, praying to God I wasn’t going to find out I was pregnant in a scummy bathroom in a gas station. I looked up at the ceiling that was filled with splotchy dark stains before bringing my eyes down to look at the answer, but just as I was about to look my phone vibrated in my back pocket.
“Hello?” I asked the caller, I hadn’t looked to see who the caller I.D. was.
“Alyssa! Hey, we’re gonna be done at the studio early,” Alex said excitedly on the other end and I felt my heart thump against my chest.
“Oh…that’s great,” I said pathetically.
“Well, it means we can hang out like you wanted,” he said like I hurt his feelings and I felt guilty immediately.
“Yeah, thanks Alex. I’ll see you later at home,” I said before hanging up on him. If I wasn’t under the current situation I would be ecstatic to hear he was coming home early. I put my phone back in my pocket before taking a deep breath and pulling my eyes to the three tests.
All three showed positive.

Alex’s POV
“That sounds great Alex, you can go home now,” Matt Squire said through the intercom. I nodded and went out to the main room to meet the boys.
“Finally!” Jack yelled and rubbed his stomach. “This was getting boring and I’m starving, Alex let’s go.”
“Hey Alex, tell Alyssa I said come back anytime. Recording is getting boring without her.” Sam grinned at me and I clenched my jaw.
“Yeah…sure.” I muttered and quickly followed Jack out to my car.
“What are you and Alyssa doing tonight?” Jack asked as we climbed into the car.
I started it and drove out of the lot before responding, “Uhh, I’m not sure. She just wants to hang out so we might just stay at the house, but I’m starving so we also might go eat.”
“I’m soo hungry, can I come?!” Jack whined next to me and I gave him a look before returning my vision to the road. “Fine,” he mumbled.
“I just want as much alone time with Alyce as I can get, I feel bad that I have to keep leaving her all the time to do this all day.”
“Yeah especially since she doesn’t have any friends,” Jack joked and I glared at him quick.
“Kara is friends with her,” I objected.
“Oh one friend, my bad.”
“She’s also friends with me, you, Rian and Zack. So technically she has one more friend than you have,” I smiled at my insult.
“Hey! I have more than just you guys as my friends…I just spend all my time with you guys and not them so hah!”
“Yeah okay Jack whatever you say.” I shook my head. I pulled into the driveway and followed Jack into the house.
“She’s in her room,” Patrick said when he saw me and I continued down the hall.
“Alyce? You alright?” I asked her, concerned by the way she sat on her bed with her eyes wide open staring at the ground and biting her nail. She looked up at me, desperation in her eyes before she shut them tightly.
“Alex I need to tell you something,” Her eyes opened back up to the ground, scanning it for an answer.
“Yeah sure, what?” I felt my heart beat faster, scared of what she was going to say.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” she practically whispered and I quickly sat next to her on the bed.
“Whatever it is you can tell me.”
She looked at me with her eyebrow furrowed and said in such a soft voice I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly, “I’m pregnant.”
I gave her a confused look, “What?”
“I’m pregnant Alex,” she repeated more clearly. My hearing was correct and I felt my heart sink at the news.
“Are…are you sure?”
“I’m positive, I took three different pregnant tests and all came back positive. I didn’t want to tell you but I knew I had to and I’m sorry Alex I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” she pleaded and I shook my head.
“Is this some sick joke?”
“No! Why would you think that? I’m pregnant Alex, I would never joke about something like this, please I don’t know what to do.” she still pleaded up at me. My hands ran up either side of my head and grabbed my hair, my breathing increased as I frantically looked at the ground just like she had.
“This is your fault.”
“Alex please, we can get through this just please don’t leave me,” tears slipped down her cheeks.
I shook my head, “I don’t want to be with you and your baby.”
She stood, angry now. “Well you’re the father whether you want to be or not, this is YOUR baby too!”
“No, it’s not. Keep it away from me!” I yelled.
“I don’t want to have this baby any more than you! I thought you loved me I thought you would always be there for me through thick and thin.”
“I do love you Alyssa but I can’t be there for you right now,” I said and left her room quickly. I went past Jack and Patrick who were looking at me confused and out the door to my car. Driving away with tears forming in my eyes but I wouldn’t let them fall because it was all over. No baby was going to trash my reputation that I built up as a wall. I didn’t think I’d even last a day, all the mockery I’d face. Not to mention I’d be a horrible father to an innocent face and I couldn’t ruin another kid’s life.
When I made it home, I sped to my room but not before my mom stepped out in front of me to ask me why I was crying.
“Alyssa’s pregnant,” I hissed through my clenched teeth. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her reaction, I stared down the hall at my room above her.
“What are you doing here?” She asked.
I looked down at her, “Walking away.”
She furrowed her eyebrows up at me. “Alex, you can’t just leave her at a time when she needs you most.”
“You’re acting like it’s okay she’s pregnant.” I hissed back.
“It’s not okay that she’s pregnant and I’m disappointed at both of you but that gives you no right to let her take all the blame. This was as much your fault as hers, maybe more, so you need to take responsibility. You love her Alex, how could you just shut her out?”
“It was a huge mistake that won’t go away, it’ll follow me around and I don’t want people at school-“
“The people at school?” She asked in disbelief and I realized my mistake. “This is why you don’t want to help her? You’re afraid you’ll be judged by the kids at school?” She searched my eyes for some reasonable answer but they didn’t have one.
“I didn’t know you cared more about the people at school than the girl you’re madly in love with,” she said quietly.