Never Look Back

Alyssa’s POV
The next day Jack and I drove ourselves to school since neither of us wanted to deal with Alex and I think he felt the same way. I had already told Jack and Patrick about my pregnancy minutes after Alex stormed out of the house as they were looking to me for answers. It had to be the most nerve racking moment of my entire life.
~
“Patrick I need to talk to you,” I said softly, tears from Alex streaming down my cheeks.
“Yeah sure,” he said and I followed him into his room and shut the door behind us.
“I don’t know how to tell you this and when I do I just wanna say I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I didn’t mean for this to happen, it was an accident,” I rubbed my hands nervously.
“It’s okay Alyssa, just tell me.”
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered and he went pale.
“You’re pregnant? Are you sure?” He asked.
I nodded, “I’m positive.”
“Alex?” He asked and I nodded again.
“Patrick I’m so sorry, when I told Alex he…he left me and said he didn’t want anything to do with it and I was so afraid to tell you cause I thought you would be angry and I…I just failed you completely and I came into your house and then I just went and added another load that you’d have to take on and I’m so sorry,” I choked out through sobs. He pulled me into a tight hug, my head on his chest.
“Shh Alyssa. We’ll get through this I promise, I won’t leave you,” He whispered to me as he held me. I heard someone come in through the door, I could see who it was though since my back was to the door.
“What happened?” Jack asked.
“Jack, Alyssa is pregnant,” Patrick told him softly and I didn’t hear a response from him for a while.
“It was Alex wasn’t it?” He asked and I felt Patrick nod. “That’s why he left isn’t it? Shouldn’t he be here?”
“Alex broke up with me, he said he didn’t want anything to do with the baby because it would ruin his image,” I sobbed.
“That fucking prick, I’ll beat the shit out of him I swear to fucking-“ Jack growled before Patrick cut him off.
“Jack, that wouldn’t help things. We need to be here to support your sister.” I let go of Patrick and threw my arms around Jack.
“I’m so sorry Jack,” I whispered.
He squeezed me tightly, “It’s okay Alyssa. I’m here for you.”
~
After everything Alex and I have been through, after how many times he told me he loved me and how he would never leave me, all of that meant nothing.
As these thoughts circled in my head I wanted nothing more than to fall to the ground and cry as I walked alone to Calculus, which is normally where Alex and I walk since we have it together. But as it was, Alex didn’t even show up at school today, not like he’d walk even near me anyway.
“Are you okay?” The fidgety girl who obsesses over Alex and I asked me, placing her hand gently on my shoulder.
I nodded, “Yeah I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You’re crying, something’s wrong. Where’s Alex?”
I felt a tear slid its way down my cheek as I spoke, “I don’t know.”
I wiped it away with my palm and pushed past her, past my class and down the hall to the bathroom. I closed the stall door behind me before I sat on the toilet with my knees pulled up to my chest and my face buried in them, I felt all the tears that were building up flow and they came out in harsh sobs.
I was paying full price for a mistake that wasn’t only my fault and not only did I have to carry this mistake around with me but I also lost Alex in the process. Abortion was never an option, it either came down to keep it or give it up for adoption.
I soaked my jeans as I sobbed into them, I disappointed Patrick, Jack and my mother.
My mother.
I sobbed harder as I thought about what she would say if I told her, it would break her heart. I was all alone in taking care of this baby, I never would have thought that Alex would choose his reputation over me but I guess I was wrong. Alex and I were done so abruptly, I thought he’d comfort me and make me feel better when he found out. I obviously knew he wouldn’t be happy but I thought he’d be there…I think a lot of things that aren’t true.
~~
I hadn’t stopped crying until I got home, it had all made me so exhausted I couldn’t cry anymore. I went to bed early, but sleep didn’t come very easily despite my fatigue. I thought about Alex, Patrick, the baby, school, Jack. Who knows how long I stayed up thinking about all the fucked up things happening in my life before I finally managed to get some sleep.
~
Valentine’s Day came and went without anything from Alex, he didn’t even show up at school until Monday.

Alex’s POV
“What happened to the bitch? Aren’t you dating?” Lisa snapped her gum lazily as we made our way to the cafeteria, keeping her eyes straight ahead.
“No, we’re done and I know you know her name so say it.” I added with a hiss.
“Whatever, so are we going to Peter’s party together or not?”
“Yes we are, I’m picking you up at nine so wear something sexy.” I grinned at her mischievously like I did with Alyssa but the one she gave me back didn’t work as well with her face as it did Alyssa’s.
Lisa and I walked over to our table where the usual group sat, my eyes locked onto the back of Alyssa’s head. I shouldn’t be surprised to see she had the guts to continue to sit at this table and yet I was. She had made me hurt in too many ways and I had to do whatever I could to get her out of my mind, the sooner the better. One girl was not going to ruin everything I had worked years to build up and she sure as hell wasn’t going to ruin my future with All Time Low. I didn’t want to see her suffer but the more she hated me, the more she stayed away and the more I was with Lisa, the less time I had to think about Alyssa.
“Hey guys,” I grinned as I sat down next to Rian. Jack death stared me and I figured he must know about what happened which kind of sucked since I already had to deal with Alyssa but I should’ve known.
Kara also gave me the death glare, damn she told the whole fucking table, also should’ve known, it was so like Alyssa to put everyone against me. I felt the whole lunch room watching us, watching Lisa sit at this table with me so close to her.
“Lisa and I were talking about how we were planning on going to Peter’s party this weekend, you guys coming?” I asked lightly, trying my best to ignore Alyssa’s obvious discomfort.
“Yeah, I think we’re going,” Rian said in a monotone voice.
“Alyssa, don’t you want to come?” Lisa asked in an annoyingly innocent voice. Alyssa’s eyes frantically snapped to Lisa’s, thinking of an answer.
“No,” she practically whispered and I felt a pang of guilt for doing this to her but dismissed it as quickly as I could.
“Why? It’ll be such fun, I can help you find a date,” Lisa said smiling, enjoying every minute she was on the throne.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Kara snapped at her and Lisa jumped slightly. “You think you can just waltz up here acting like you’re hot shit? You sure as hell aren’t and I want you to know that you aren’t welcome here…neither are you Alex.” I rolled my eyes at her and her petty jab but Kara was the one to get through to me more than anyone so I had to watch out for her.
“Well that’s a shame Kara because this is MY table,” I shot back. Everything went silent for a while so I cranked it up a notch and got closer to Lisa, rubbing my hand up and down her thigh and whispering sweet talk into her ear.
She giggled insistently as I nibbled on her ear, making the entire table cringe.
She was the perfect partner in crime, she wanted Alyssa hurt way more than I did and she was good at trying to make sure that happened. As I whispered to her how ‘undeniably sexy’ she was she turned her head fast and kissed me on the lips. She grabbed my face in between her hands and deepened it, it took me by surprise but I could feel it working by how quiet and unsettling the air was.
I pulled back and kissed behind her ear, making her giggle like crazy. I quick glanced at Alyssa to see her biting her lip and staring down at the table. She was obviously trying to hold back tears and I felt a sharper pang of guilt, I hated to see her cry. I quickly pulled back from Lisa and she gave me a puzzled look but I just barely shook my head at her so no one would notice.
The bell rang and I walked Lisa to her next class, she droned on and on about how she hated all the girls at our school, especially Alyssa and how they are probably all jealous of her. It was painful but I did it and sped away from her class as soon as we got there.
Nothing happened in math with Alyssa, but then again I didn’t really plan or expect anything. When the bell rang and it was time for Alyssa and I to leave campus I knew she didn’t have a ride but I couldn’t bring myself to ask her if she needed one because I knew she would say no. I stayed behind to talk to some guys before I got all my stuff together and made the drive home.
As I turned onto another road, I noticed Alyssa walking through the snow slowly. She only had on a small jacket and was staring at the ground with every step, I pulled over to the side of the road.
“Alyssa,” I called to her and she looked over at me. “Get in, I’m taking you home.”
“I’d really rather walk,” she replied.
“I can’t let you walk home Alyssa get in,” I told her in a stern voice to tell her that I was serious about it. She didn’t seem to care.
“That’s a problem for you then not me.”
“Come on it’s freezing outside and all you have on is a jacket, you must be cold,” I said but she still just shook her head at me. “Please Alyssa I’m begging you, let me take you home. I really don’t think I can take a repeat of the last time you walked home.”
“Really because with the way you acted at lunch you wouldn’t be able to tell you even knew of my existence!” she yelled back as she stopped in her tracks to glare at me.
“Get in the car Alyssa!” I yelled.
“No!”
“Why? Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time? Why can’t you just do as your told for once?”
“Because I don’t wanna get hurt!” She shot back. “You broke my heart Alex and you stomped on it at lunch for good measure! What makes you think I want to spend any more of my time with you? It’ll just kill me to know that you don’t love me anymore but yet I still care about you like what you said to me never happened and we were still the perfect couple happily in love.”
“You don’t think I care? I’m insisting on giving you a ride so you don’t have to walk in the cold and get Hypothermia again. Remember that Alyssa? You drove me crazy with worry that I would never see you again! So please just for once listen to me and get in the car! None of this is easy for me either but you dying won’t do anyone any good!” I was screaming at her by now.
She stared at me for a moment before reluctantly getting into the passenger’s side of the car. I drove her home, intentionally turning the heat up when I noticed her shivering.
“Thanks,” she mumbled as I pulled into her driveway. She climbed out of the car and into her house. I stared up at it for a moment before starting the car again and driving back home.