Status: asdfghjkl
Shed Those Faded Memories
Maybe We're Meant to Lose the Ones We Love
I woke up the next day in my room. That was odd, I don't remember coming here after I went to the beach. My parents probably took me back, they're the only ones who know of my hiding place besides Jinxx. Sometimes Jinxx feels like a better best friend to me than Ash, especially now. I don't even think I would call Ashley a friend anymore.
I get out of my bed, slowly standing up. I know that my mom won't let me stay home from school, no matter how much she knows it hurts me. She does care about me; she just wants me to have a good education and doesn't want a relationship to get in the way of that.
I slip on my Motley Crue shirt and a pair of grey skinny jeans. I wear a pair of fingerless gloves up to my elbow, too. There's no way I'm letting anyone know what I did last night. I grab my backpack, step into my lucky converse and get into my car. As I drive to school, I wonder what will happen today. After all, it's going to be pretty awkward with Scout and Ashley. I know my other friends will be really mad at them, but c'mon, I can fight my own battles.
When I get to school, Jinxx and Jake run up to my car with Sammi, Ella, Matt, CC and Sandra following close behind.
"ANDY!" Jake yells and gives me a massive hug. I remember how all of them chose to keep leading me on and I squirmed out of his arms. A saddened look passes over his face. "Andy... are you ok, buddy?" I get pulled out of the car so now I'm in the middle of everyone.
I give Jake a cold stare. "No, Jake, I'm not alright." He cowers back, but keeps his head up high. "You guys let Scout just lead me on, when you could've saved me from more heartbreak and told me as soon as you found out!"
"Andy!" Jinxx yells, then he sighs. "We couldn't have told you, no matter how much we wanted to. It was between you and Scout, so she had to be the one to tell you."
I couldn't take it anymore. I burst into tears on the spot. Even though everyone was comforting me, I was mentally scolding myself for showing weakness. As soon as I calm myself down enough to look up, I see Scout and Ashley talking a little bit away from us. I assume that they're together now, so I start sobbing hysterically. They look over at us and see me crying. Scout looks hurt but Ashley looks like he's about to cry. He has no reason to cry, it's not like I matter to him at all.
Sammi eases me into the back seat of my car, and sits down with me. Someone, I assume Jinxx, starts up the car and drives away from the school. I try to stay awake to see where we are going, but instead I just fall asleep.
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I wake up in my room again, for the second time that day. And I don't even remember getting into my room, again. The first thing I do is check the time on my phone. 12:38pm. I've slept awhile now, but there's no way I'm going back to school. I feel a bit better so I decide to see who has left me messages.
There's 2 from Jake, 3 from Jinxx, 1 from CC, 1 from Scout and, surprisingly, 6 from Ashley. I also have 2 missed calls. All from Ashley. I don't really want to call Ashley back, but I settle for reading his latest message.
Andy please respond to me :( Im so sorry about what I did, could you ever forgive me??? I really didnt mean it, honest. And I could never live without you being my friend Andy youre my best buddy. We tell each other everything. Andy plese im begging you at least talk to me D: I miss you so much and Im so so so so so sorry :'( -Ash<3
I don't really know how to react to that. Truth be told, I miss him too, but I can't really trust him anymore. He did cheat on me with my girlfriend, after all. I want him as a friend in my life, but I also really hate him at the moment, and I may hate him forever. If I could, I'd probably just forget about him and Scout. I can't though, because he's the bassist in my band and even though I do hate him, he's my friend. And I don't want to lose that.
Since he seems so sad without me, I text him something neutral so he isn't quite so lost, but he still knows I'm mad at him.
"Band practice tomorrow at 6. You better be there"
Before I can know his reply, I turn off my phone. No matter how much I miss my best friend, I can't talk to him right now. I'm still really mad that he would pick Scout over me though.
Wait, what? Shouldn't that be the other way around, that I'm mad that Scout would pick Ashley over me? I can't love Ashley; I'm as straight as a ruler. And, even if I wasn't, I should be mad at him right now, and I should hate him. I probably thought of it like that because I'm too tired to think right. I should probably get some sleep then, I don't want any more thoughts like that.
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After waking up, again, I look at the time on my alarm clock. 6:38. I turn on my phone and see I've gotten another text from Jinxx.
Hey Andy, I know you're feeling down, but why don't you come over to my place? Jake and CC are here, we're just eating some pizza and hanging out. It might make you feel better x
What harm could be done in that? I reply, saying that I would be over in about 10 minutes. As I get ready, I have this strange hope that Ashley will be there. I shake my head quickly. So much for not thinking like that again.
When I get to Jinxx's house, everyone tackles me in a group hug. I look around and Ashley isn't there. I feel a bit sadder, although I don't really know why. Whatever, this is supposed to be a time to hang out and have fun.
"Andy, we were so worried about you, are you ok?" Jinxx asks.
"I'm fine buddy, I just want to have some fun right now." The first parts a lie, but I'm actually telling the truth for once on the last part.
Jinxx smiles and we all head inside. After playing x-box and eating pizza for a few hours, I finally feel better about the whole Scout thing. Looking back on it, I don't think I loved her as much as I made myself believe. I smile again, but it's not forced this time.
Close to one in the morning, everyone goes to bed except me. I get on my phone and go through all of my text conversations with Ashley. I'm not really sure why, except it makes me happy when I do this. I went through our conversations while I was in a relationship with Scout, too, so it's not really anything new. Whenever I read a text where Ash complimented me, I feel my face heat up and my grin get larger. Again, I'm not quite sure why, but it's a nice feeling and I won't let go of it. Everything is going fine until one text shows up.
It's a picture Ash sent to me. He's shirtless in it and only in a swimsuit. The worrying part about it is that looking at it... turned me on. I had to suppress a moan just looking at him. I wasn't gay though. It shouldn't make me feel like this. I immediately turned off my phone and threw it on the floor. I curled up in my blankets.
I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I don't like Ashley, I'm not gay... I repeated in my head over and over again. As I fell asleep, the last thing that popped into my head was a picture of Ash smiling which made me smile.
I get out of my bed, slowly standing up. I know that my mom won't let me stay home from school, no matter how much she knows it hurts me. She does care about me; she just wants me to have a good education and doesn't want a relationship to get in the way of that.
I slip on my Motley Crue shirt and a pair of grey skinny jeans. I wear a pair of fingerless gloves up to my elbow, too. There's no way I'm letting anyone know what I did last night. I grab my backpack, step into my lucky converse and get into my car. As I drive to school, I wonder what will happen today. After all, it's going to be pretty awkward with Scout and Ashley. I know my other friends will be really mad at them, but c'mon, I can fight my own battles.
When I get to school, Jinxx and Jake run up to my car with Sammi, Ella, Matt, CC and Sandra following close behind.
"ANDY!" Jake yells and gives me a massive hug. I remember how all of them chose to keep leading me on and I squirmed out of his arms. A saddened look passes over his face. "Andy... are you ok, buddy?" I get pulled out of the car so now I'm in the middle of everyone.
I give Jake a cold stare. "No, Jake, I'm not alright." He cowers back, but keeps his head up high. "You guys let Scout just lead me on, when you could've saved me from more heartbreak and told me as soon as you found out!"
"Andy!" Jinxx yells, then he sighs. "We couldn't have told you, no matter how much we wanted to. It was between you and Scout, so she had to be the one to tell you."
I couldn't take it anymore. I burst into tears on the spot. Even though everyone was comforting me, I was mentally scolding myself for showing weakness. As soon as I calm myself down enough to look up, I see Scout and Ashley talking a little bit away from us. I assume that they're together now, so I start sobbing hysterically. They look over at us and see me crying. Scout looks hurt but Ashley looks like he's about to cry. He has no reason to cry, it's not like I matter to him at all.
Sammi eases me into the back seat of my car, and sits down with me. Someone, I assume Jinxx, starts up the car and drives away from the school. I try to stay awake to see where we are going, but instead I just fall asleep.
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I wake up in my room again, for the second time that day. And I don't even remember getting into my room, again. The first thing I do is check the time on my phone. 12:38pm. I've slept awhile now, but there's no way I'm going back to school. I feel a bit better so I decide to see who has left me messages.
There's 2 from Jake, 3 from Jinxx, 1 from CC, 1 from Scout and, surprisingly, 6 from Ashley. I also have 2 missed calls. All from Ashley. I don't really want to call Ashley back, but I settle for reading his latest message.
Andy please respond to me :( Im so sorry about what I did, could you ever forgive me??? I really didnt mean it, honest. And I could never live without you being my friend Andy youre my best buddy. We tell each other everything. Andy plese im begging you at least talk to me D: I miss you so much and Im so so so so so sorry :'( -Ash<3
I don't really know how to react to that. Truth be told, I miss him too, but I can't really trust him anymore. He did cheat on me with my girlfriend, after all. I want him as a friend in my life, but I also really hate him at the moment, and I may hate him forever. If I could, I'd probably just forget about him and Scout. I can't though, because he's the bassist in my band and even though I do hate him, he's my friend. And I don't want to lose that.
Since he seems so sad without me, I text him something neutral so he isn't quite so lost, but he still knows I'm mad at him.
"Band practice tomorrow at 6. You better be there"
Before I can know his reply, I turn off my phone. No matter how much I miss my best friend, I can't talk to him right now. I'm still really mad that he would pick Scout over me though.
Wait, what? Shouldn't that be the other way around, that I'm mad that Scout would pick Ashley over me? I can't love Ashley; I'm as straight as a ruler. And, even if I wasn't, I should be mad at him right now, and I should hate him. I probably thought of it like that because I'm too tired to think right. I should probably get some sleep then, I don't want any more thoughts like that.
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After waking up, again, I look at the time on my alarm clock. 6:38. I turn on my phone and see I've gotten another text from Jinxx.
Hey Andy, I know you're feeling down, but why don't you come over to my place? Jake and CC are here, we're just eating some pizza and hanging out. It might make you feel better x
What harm could be done in that? I reply, saying that I would be over in about 10 minutes. As I get ready, I have this strange hope that Ashley will be there. I shake my head quickly. So much for not thinking like that again.
When I get to Jinxx's house, everyone tackles me in a group hug. I look around and Ashley isn't there. I feel a bit sadder, although I don't really know why. Whatever, this is supposed to be a time to hang out and have fun.
"Andy, we were so worried about you, are you ok?" Jinxx asks.
"I'm fine buddy, I just want to have some fun right now." The first parts a lie, but I'm actually telling the truth for once on the last part.
Jinxx smiles and we all head inside. After playing x-box and eating pizza for a few hours, I finally feel better about the whole Scout thing. Looking back on it, I don't think I loved her as much as I made myself believe. I smile again, but it's not forced this time.
Close to one in the morning, everyone goes to bed except me. I get on my phone and go through all of my text conversations with Ashley. I'm not really sure why, except it makes me happy when I do this. I went through our conversations while I was in a relationship with Scout, too, so it's not really anything new. Whenever I read a text where Ash complimented me, I feel my face heat up and my grin get larger. Again, I'm not quite sure why, but it's a nice feeling and I won't let go of it. Everything is going fine until one text shows up.
It's a picture Ash sent to me. He's shirtless in it and only in a swimsuit. The worrying part about it is that looking at it... turned me on. I had to suppress a moan just looking at him. I wasn't gay though. It shouldn't make me feel like this. I immediately turned off my phone and threw it on the floor. I curled up in my blankets.
I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I don't like Ashley, I'm not gay... I repeated in my head over and over again. As I fell asleep, the last thing that popped into my head was a picture of Ash smiling which made me smile.