When Sadness Was the Sea, You Taught Me How to Swim.

*Kellin's P.O.V*

"No." I said flatly. Then I watched carefully as all eyes went wide, except for mine. He asked a question, I answered it honestly. What's the big deal?

"Wasn't the answer you were hoping for?" I ask, not trying to be snotty or anything. I had asked it nicely, polite. Genuinely curious.

Tony shifts a bit under Mike. "I guess not." He says nervously, looking at me like I was on my deathbed. "I thought we'd have to force it out of you."

"Well, it was pretty obvious." I say, fighting back a few laughs. I poke one of my ribs for a bit of emphasize, and I held a scream in the back of my throat. Okay, so those were still very, very tender.

"You okay?" Mike asks, probably noticing my sharp intake of breath and suddenly tensed body.

"Well," I say through gritted teeth. "As you can see, my ribs are really fucked up." I turn, so they can actually see the bruises, and I already knew what was coming up next.

"How the hell did that happen?" Vic asks, crawling closer to me. "You'd better give us an honest answer, Kells."

I try my best to let out a sigh, but the pain in my torso only causes me to bite back another shriek. "If I tell you, you have to promise to be good friends and keep it a secret."

Vic looks to the other two, and they share worried glances.

"Should we be concerned about who did this?" Mike asks, breaking the silence as his eyes stare into mine. He was definitely concerned already, and I wanted it to stop. They didn't need to worry. I had carried myself for this long. I'd be okay...right?

"No," I lie. All I needed was for them to promise. I could hold that against them, and if they told all I had to do was just leave. As shitty as it sounds, I'd have to run back to Austin if worse comes to worse. "You guys have to promise me."

"Serious?" Tony asks, his grip getting visibly tighter on Mike's scrawny waist. Wow, he was skinny...I'd never really took enough time to notice it. To take it in. I fought off the envy, so I could answer Tony's question. I'd take a better look later.

"I'm dead serious." I say, biting my lip, feeling it swell. "Please, just promise me."

Once again, they all look to each other before Vic nods. "Alright," He says. "I promise not to tell anyone." After Mike and Tony promised, which took another ten minutes to get them convinced, I sucked it up and told them.

"Uh, it was my step-dad."

It was like every noise in the entire world had just...stopped. Now, I knew that wasn't possible, but the silence that was building was practically strangling me. Their eyes had found my beat up ribs again, and I shuddered as all three pairs of eyes widened in realization.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Mike says, looking up to me. "Who...who the fuck does that to their kid?!"

"Its, uh, its fine, Mike." I tell him. "I'm okay, see?" I try to move around a bit, but of course, my breath catches in my throat, and this time I actually scream.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I hiss under my breath over and over again as I hold my mid-section, hunched over myself with my head down. They all remain silent until I look up at them, forcing a smile.

"Its f-fine, really." I force out, giving a convincing smile along with it.

"Kellin, this isn't okay..." Tony says, his eyes getting shiny from the tears that were building up in them. "You're getting hurt..."

"Well, its better than me doing it to myself, right?" I ask. Wow, for once I was the one who was trying to lighten things up.

"Yes, but Kells," Vic says, looking at me with sad eyes. "You're killing yourself."

I take the best deep breath I can. "I...I need to make a quick phone call." They all look utterly shocked for a moment, before nodding and exiting, Vic being the last one out. He casts me a sad glance, but then his corners of his lips curl up into a small smile. I do my best to do the same.

After the door had been closed, I look around for my phone, and finally found it on the nightstand beside me. For some weird reason, I didn't have a pass code lock on it. But, I was pretty hammered last night. No doubt I changed a few things on it. When I dialed his number, I realized it wasn't saved. I must have deleted that too.

"Hello?" Austin asks, that beautiful voice once again filling my ears.

"Hey, beautiful." I grin, and Vic's face pops into my head. I try to push it out.

He lets out an excited squeal. "Kells! I'm surprised you actually called back! I tried to reach you a million times last night!"

I frown. "I'm sorry, babe. I drank a little too much last night. Been sleeping all day."

"Are you doing okay, sweetheart? I know how you get after nights like those." He asks, and really, he did know me. That was the one thing that always got me. Austin knew me. Everything about me. And didn't mind a single thing. Seen every scar, bruise, panic attack. Seen me at my absolute worst, and only made himself closer to me. He was the one who always called me beautiful when I had just gotten out of the shower, water droplets dripping off my wet hair, and naked body. He'd seen everything, and could still look me dead in the eyes and tell me honestly that I was the most stunning thing he'd ever seen in his life. He still referred to me as 'The Love of His Life' when meeting anyone new, friends and his parents. I realized, I couldn't leave him.

"Y'know," I say, smiling like he was standing right in front of me. And I really, really wished he was. "I love you, Austin. I love you so, so fucking much."

"I knew that, Kellin." A smile in his voice. God, how I wished I could see it. "I love you too, beautiful. When...when can I see you again?"

My cheeks were probably as red as roses. "Maybe you could come down for Winter Break? You've never been to California." I suggest, silently begging for a yes. I'd beg outloud if I had to. Austin had never been one to say no to me.

"Of course I can," He says happily, but then it falters. "What about John?"

"He's never done anything to us while you were there...it'll be fine. " I assure him, surprised he didn't already know the answer. It was true. It seemed as though John loved Austin. Even though he was gay, and my boyfriend, he always treated him very nicely. I almost liked him while he was around Austin. But then I remember all of the awful things he's done and said to me, and I hate him all over again.

"Is he still doing that shit to you?"

"No." I lie, knowing how Austin would react if he had seen me right now. Hickies coating my neck, and bruises wrapped around my mid-section. I felt so ashamed. How could I have done this? Cheated on him, with the same person, TWICE. He didn't deserve this.

Austin sighs, and I assume that he ran his fingers through his hair. "Babe, why don't you just tell someone?"

"We've had this conversation before, Aus." I say in a warning tone. "Besides, its not like anyone would believe me. My permanent record says I'm an alcoholic. He'd use that against me."

He clears his throat. "And when, exactly, where you planning on telling me that you relapsed?"

"W-What?" I ask, my jaw practically falling to the floor. There was no fucking way that he could have found out about that. The guys don't even know his last fucking name! Eventually mine, if everything works out how we wanted it to.

"You told me you had quit drinking," He says. It was like the heavens opened up and just showered me in good news. Although, I still felt like shit for breaking a promise to him. I assured myself it wouldn't happen again.

"I tried, sweetie. I really did." I bit my lip. "Things just got so...so overwhelming I couldn't help myself. It was either the bottle or the blade."

I hear him take a deep breath, and I realize that I've upset him. "I'm coming down there, the second we get out for winter break. All I've wanted for the past couple weeks is just to have you back...My life is completely pointless without you in it."

"Aus," I say quietly, blushing like a fool. "I can't wait."

"Can you just, answer something for me?" He asks.

"Of course. Anything you want, hun."

"When I get down there, and when we go to bed that first night, and you take your sweatshirt off," He pauses, exhaling. "Am I gonna find any more scars on your arms?"

We sat in silence for about thirty seconds. Him, beginning to cry. And me, wondering if I should tell him the honest answer. I decided that I had to. It was either the easy way, or when he saw me in person, he'd obviously notice a radical increase in marks.

"Yes," I murmured quietly into the receiver, hearing him choke back a sob. "A-Are you okay?"

"It just kills me to see such a beautiful person, like you, be that sad, because you deserve so much better than that."