Fighting Feelings

" It's must be hard comin back to your home town" I commented as we drove down the lonely streets of St joseph heading towards his Aunts house, passing all the places that seemed to hold a place in his heart.

" Yeah it is, but I dont want to talk about it.So can we drop it" He replied sounding miserable and angry while I tried to ease the mood between us. He was alright driving here but it seems as soon as we entered his home town he decided to shut down and put that wall back up blocking me out of how he is feeling.

" Sure sorry. Look if you dont want me there its fine, I can just wait in the car" I replied right when he drove into the driveway. Straight away you know that we dont fit in here and this part of Detroit is a lot different to the estates we live in.

" Nah its fine, just come in" He said as we made our way out of the car and towards the front door of this little villa House. Looking around I can tell Marshall has spent some money getting it fixed up because it looks a lot nicer than the other houses in the streets and well looked after.

Walking in I notice photo frames and photos of family all around the house and special furniture and equipment to help her live a normal lifestyle. There were a couple of nurses doing things around the house and cleaning up when they noticed us walk in, right away finishing up there jobs to come and greet us and take us into see his Aunt that was in bed.

" Marshall, you came" she mumbled as we walked into the bedroom, straight away seeing Marshall change his attitude and become this protective, caring nephew who obvisouly cares deeply about his Aunt.

" yeah, I needed to check up on my favourite Person" He smiled before walking over and giving her a gentle Kiss anda hug making sure she was comfortable and all. I have never seen this side of Marshall beforem, so caring and gentle.

" Oh my, You didnt tell me you were bringing anyone" she said when she noticed me standing there at the door, right away trying to sit more properly up to get a better look.

" Oh god your that singer, Ashley.... um " she continued trying to remember my last name. I am surprised that she even knew I was famous, but I guess since having a famous Nephew she is pretty down with the gossip.

" Ashley's fine. Its nice to meet you Edna" I politely spoke taking the time to walk over and gently shake the hand that she was holding out for me, making her smile. She is a lot prettier than i originally expected, she actaully reminds me of my grandma who also has short perm grey Hair and has that gentle smile that seems to change the whole mood of a room.

We talked and got to know each other for a while, as Marshall made sure to check up on her every now and than. Even though Marshall didnt tell her we are just friends, she started chatting to me and telling me stories of his past and his childhood, she even started showing me pictures and gosh I had no idea how adorable he was. She was nice to sit and talk to, I enjoyed answering her questions about my kids and life no one really bothers to take notice or care about my normal life and family, but with her she loved hearing things and for a few minutes It felt like I was back home catching up with my family.

" I might give you a few minutes, can I get you tea or coffee" I asked noticing that these past few mintues Marshall has been sitting back quietly not really saying much, and as I glanced over at him I can tell he wanted to speak to his Aunt by himself.

" Oh that would be great sweetie. I will have a coffee with one Thankyou" she replied smiling as I got up to get her a coffee and give her and Marshall a few minutes, but right as I was about to leave I heard Marshall speak.

" She'll have a tea with no sugar.Thanks Ash" He said before i left the room, smirking as he heard his Aunt try and sneak a coffee.

" Oh thats right, I forgot I'm not allowed to treat myself to any caffeine every once and a while" she sarcastically joked back to Marshall, getting upset that he wasnt letting her have a coffee.

" we all know what happens when you have caffeine, remember last time " I heard him replying while laughing at his Aunts child like behaviour just because she couldnt get her way. I'm guessing part of her diet was she isnt allowed any caffeine, including Coffee.

Her house was small but nicely furniture just by the amount of photos I saw while making my way into the kitchen I can tell she really has been a big factor in Marshall's and his girls life and really cares deeply about them. Seeing how much Marshall has changed since he was a child and how much he looks like his brother really intrigues me, because I didn't expect Marshall who is fairly good looking now to look the way he did when he was a kid.

While getting the things ready for her tea i couldn't help but look back into her bedroom where Marshall and her were having a conversation.

" I don't think I've met someone who cares so deeply about someone" Edna's nurse said from behind me, scaring me a little and making me realize I was staring at the interaction between Marshall and his aunt between the ajar door.

" Comes here once a week without a day" she continued as I looked at her while beginning to make her tea, happy that she was helping me because I had no idea where anything was.

" Really?" I said, sounding a bit astonished that he had the time to come by without the amount of work he has going on.

" Yeah, and if he has to go away for work than he makes sure Nathan comes by to check up on her" she replied while placing a few cookies beside Edna's tea, obviously her little treats for the day

I allowed her nurse to take it back in just because I didn't want to disturb her and Marshall's conversation, I came by with him to make sure she was alright and to ease his mind of worry so I just wanted to give them some space.

Marshall P.O.V

Making this trip here wasn't as bad as I was expecting, surprisingly Ashley and my aunt have been getting in really well, but I guess Ashley can get along with anyone she just seems to have this

Certain charm about her.

" so you and Ashley?" by aunt Edna asked after Ashley left to make her a tea, I knew this moment was coming. my Aunt is very nosy and is always asking about my love life etc .

" Not what you think, we are just friends, close friends if you get what I mean" I stated trying to make it very clear that Ashley and I are just friends and for her not to jump to any conclusions about us.

" But you like her more than a friend don't you?" she asked, just by her tone already knowing where she is going with all of this. Clearly she can tell we have sex but wants to sit down and talk about my feelings as shit.

" I don't know" I just shrugged before quickly glancing out the door and seeing Ashley chatting along happily with the nurse.

" Even if I did, nothing can ever happen. Besides this little arrangement we've got going on will probably fizzle out soon" I continued looking down at the ground and trying to hide the sadness. Trust me I am so confused about my feelings for her, I've just gotten to a point where I don't even bother wasting by time and energy trying to figure and work them out,instead I just push them behind.

" Why can't anything happen? You're single, she's single. You both obvisiouly like each other, I don't see a problem." she replied, as always she is the best person to talk to and always turns into that mother figure that I never really had.

" It's just the entire factor about us both being in the spotlight, her being known as the sexist female Alive who usually dates models. It just wouldn't work we both come from entirely different lives and social status." I explained knowing Ashley is alway been the female most men want in their lives, always being nominated for beauty awards and getting noticed for her sex appeal, but with me I'm the total opposite, always Being bad mouthed by the press, hated by so many people around the world for my lyrics. Unlike her who is the perfect celebrity I'm far from it.

" i know she will soon get over me, when she decides to get back into the spotlight this will all become something of her past, something she never mentions again because she'll be ashamed." I continued, knowing that's exactly how this will all end. There is no way she'll admit to sleeping with Eminem when she starts getting her confidence back and having people like Ryan gosling fall for her. I'm just something she likes at the moment because I make her feel good about herself as we have a lot of things in common when it comes to being insecubout ourselves.

" Like what Mariah Did?" She stated knowing straight away who I was referring to and why I'm so sure that Ashley will get over this shortly. Since Dating Mariah and than having her publically say she didnt really hurt, I dont show a lot of people how much it actually did sting to hear she was so embarrassed she couldnt even admit it.

" I dont know, I guess" I shrugged while looking down and trying to think of a way to guide this conversation somewhere else, but knowing my Aunt she is hooked on getting on the details and getting to talk about my feelings which kills me everytime.

" Lets talk about something else" I declared putting my happy face and trying to get her to forget this conversation

" I like her, i know I never met Mariah so i cant compare and say she isnt the same, but from what I've seen today she generally seems like a nice, geuine Lady" MY Aunt continued talking about Ashley, telling me all the things I already can see but still for some reason say its all fake. Thats what I do a lot, I tend to make sure everthing I see is bad so when it does go down hill I at least can say it wasnt even that good, when deep down I know its a lie and its only because thats what I've pushed myslef to see.

" We'll see, It'll probably all turn to shit with all my baggage" I said, knowing somone like Ashley isn't going to stick around and handle someone with all my problems and past baggage that just seems to keep returning.

" Don't let your past still run your life" she persisted on continuing ,again saying another thing she regularly says knowing I can tell exactly who she is talking about. You see when she says that she is always referring to Kim who keeps popping back Ito my life whenever she hears I have moved on, I have know idea how she does it but she just seems to be able to come in and take over and convince me to go running back to her bit usually gets over me within a month of constant bickering, again realia in we aren't good for each other, but she doesn't seen to care the road she takes me down and how much pain she causes me every time she wants to break up again, she just likes to know if she can't have me than no one else can.

" I know" I replied before helping her get out of her seat and staying with her as she wanted to walk outside and sit in her lounge room for a while, knowing deal or no deal usually starts soon.

Walking out I see her nurse getting her area ready while Ashley kindly places her tea on the table beside.

" Thank you dear" my aunt politely said before slowly sitting down.

" You know I never actually thought Marshall would end up being friends with you. I remember when he was little he was constantly watching you on tv and him and his friend Uncle were always taking about how gorgeous you were" my aunt continued while Ashley found a seat in the sofa next to her. Straight away I feel the embarrassment rising as my Aunty cities bringing up childhood stories of how I used to have a crush on her.

" Did he now, you never told me that" she replied while giving me her cheeky smile and trying so hard not to burst out laughing.

" Yeah okay let's stop talking about my childhood, it was embarrassing enough" I said smirking towards Ashley while taking a seat next to her knowing very well my Aunty isn't going to resist telling another story or too, but surprisingly she did hold up on them, she mainly kept askin Ashley questions and enjoying listening to her stories about her life back home and family, I have to admit I actually enjoyed listening to them too, we never really talk about her life back home because most of her memories have happened here in America, however I do know she is probably admired more over there with all the success she has had.

"Again Thank you so much. It was really nice to meet you" Ashley smiled while saying her goodbyes to my Aunty, and promising to come back more.

"I'll be waiting in the car" she whispered softy to me squeezing my arm before walking outside, allowing me to have some space while saying my goodbye. Just like I was expecting my Aunty couldn't help add in a few of her opinions and suggestions about Ashley and I, and like always I actually did consider them for a while before the negative things started to arise again. I have to admit though bringing her here and hearing my Aunty's approval has eased my heart a little and has made me want to explore the possibility of Ashley and I being a couple, which in a way has made things ten times more worse, because now I know I will start to develop more feelings but have them shattered when Ashley walks away, leaving me gutted and wondering what things could have been like.

Ashley P.O.V

Happily waiting in the car I noticed why Marshall like coming here a lot it's so quiet down these Detroit streets , and well let's just say his Aunty seems to be a very funny woman with an amazing sense if humor.

" Your Aunt Edna's a sweetie" I commented as Marshall got back into the car and began driving back out of Detroit like hadn't even stepped back into his hometown.

" Yeah she is, and she adores you. I think I'll be hearing about this for the next couple of months" he joked back while smiling towards me. His behavior actually surprised me a little, I wast expecting him to be so happy since he was angry when we first arrived, it was like he was relieved that me and his aunt got a long do well.

" So you've been crushing on me since you you were little hey! " I playfully teased him, loving that his Aunty told me a lot about Marshall when he was little. I was actually flattered ton hear that him and proof used to watch me all the time and talk about me.

" Don't flatter yourself, I think I had a crush on majority of female species" he replied making me laugh, but knowing very well he had a thing for me and deep down wishing he would have feelings for me now.

We continued driving back towards michigan enjoying each other's company while listening to the radio, but changing it every time it started talking about celebrity gossip, both of us not wanting to go back to the alto egos waiting back at the studio.

" You're going to the Bet awards right?" I asked as Marshall continued driving in the highway.

" Sure am, are you?" he replied while glancing at me and asking the same question making me nod in response. Both of us didn't even need to say anything we straight away knew we would have to make sure we book the same hotel so we could sneak into each other's room without getting caught.

" So fifty's coming down tomorrow, wants to so another poker night. would you ?" Marshall mentioned after his hand had lightly reached over and took mine before resting it in the middle with his.

Marshall P.O.V

" He doesn't know about us, right ? "she asked curiously glancing over towards me. straight away I feel my heart getting hurt as I could sense she doesn't want him to know because she is embarrassed about us hooking up.

" No only that we are friends and hang our from time to time" I replied sounding a bit sad and hurt from how she doesnt want anyone to know our little arrangement.

"not that I would care if he did or anything, I just thought its more easier if he didnt" She quickly added probably hearing the hurt in my voice as I continued looking straight ahead. Hearing her trying to reassure me and make it right just madde me laugh to myself at how much she is trying to jusity her first answer.

" Dont worry, I know what you mean" I smirked before glancing down at our hands and than leaning over to give her a kiss. Trust me as much as it hurt to hear her wanting to keep it a secret, i know waht Fifty is like and how he loves knowing everything and trying to be the perfect match maker, Ashley is right it will only make things so much more complicated, and right now I like what we have going on, I'm just hoping that this attraction I have for her doesn't evolve into anything else, knowing I don't need anymore stress or complications.

Ashley P.O.V

I enjoyed how Marshall and I are, I love how we can just be comfortable holding hands and occasionally kissing while driving and not make it into a big deal it anything.

" What are you smiling about?" he asked while glancing over and see that I couldn't help but smile at how much I was just so relaxed an calm.

" Nothing" I replied, gently squeezing his hand trying to not make him look to much into it. I just couldn't help but smile, its been a while since I can actually just sit and enjoy the moment and enjoy my company, but I wasn't going to tell Marshall.

" Come on Ash, i can tell something is on your mind " he continued going on, obvisiouly he can see the happiness come over my face whenever I think about the upcoming days and how there is nothing I'm dreading in doing or there's no worries

" nothing! I know this sounds corny and everything but that's what's making me so happy. For once I'm not dreading on doing anything or worrying about anything" I answered while glancing across and seeing if he thinks I'm a complete freak, trust me I'm not the coolest person, Ashley Ann is but just Ashley is actually quiet a freak and has these randoms moments where she can't explain her feelings, but looking into Marshall's eyes I see that he somehow understand where I'm coming from and trying to say.

" Don't worry about it, I'm just being a weirdo" I added wanting to end all this attention on me. Guys don't want girls that have these girly and corny moments of happiness, they rather girls who don't express their feelings and have these moments where they can't stop smiling or control their feelings, seriously I could run up and hug randoms I am that happy.

" No you're not a weirdo. I think I actually understand what you're feeling" he quickly said after hearing me bag myself and wanting to drop this topic.

" I used to feel it a lot after becoming sober and as I started getting my shit together and dealing with my problems. " He continued making me stare at him and become more eager to find out if I wasn't the only one to have these feelings.

" Since all the shit that happened with proofs death, for literally years every time I thought about my life in general all I could think about was negative shit , I even manage to turn my positive things like my girls into situations I didn't even want to face. But after becoming sober and really working my shit out, there were times when I used think about things and all happiness seemed to wash over me because there was nothing still wearying me down and everything seemed just right." He explained, straight away I knew he has felt it too and he knows exactly how I'm feeling. for once my life problems and insecurities aren't wearing me down, trust me being insecure and having no confidence can wear you out so much.

Instead of answering him I just simply kissed the back of his hand that was still tangled with mine, knowing words weren't needed in these circumstances and that I can relate to what he is saying and once again contempt ness was felt when Marshall realized what I'd did and looked over at me. Taking the situation of being stuck in traffic on the highway he leant over and kissed me but this time more passionately, instead of a little peck we didn't mind taking our time and making the kiss more into a make out session, before breaking as the traffic slowly moved forward.

Once again I couldn't help the smile appear on my face, as I looked out my window hoping to hide my blush and the girly reaction you usually get when the guy you likes compliments you, but knowing very well that Marshall saw my reaction to his caring moves.

These arent the feelings that are meant to arise when you not specifally seeing somone. I cant help but feel the same way I used to when I went on dates or was seeing someone, but you cant really classify our actions and behaviour as the way you would be towards a Fuck buddy, this goes way deeper but I dont think either of us want to actually bring it up or face the feelings or this connection between us, so instead I'm just not going to think about it too much and keep tellng myself that I'm not the only one his sleeping with and acts this kind towards. His bloody Eminem, he probably has heaps of girls he is flirtying with or seeing on the side, so I know i shouldnt look into it to much knowing im only going to get hurt in the end.

Instead of reading to much into it, we continued making small talks about normal things, Mostly was about his Aunt Edna and surprisenly his hometown. I have no idea what was going on today, but there was so much traffic trying to get back into Michigan, it like took us longer to get back home than it did to get there.

While we talked quietly to each other I couldnt help but hear a car listening loudly to music only a few cars down from us. For the majortity of the time we slowly moved through this traffic this car has been playing their music very loudly, but it wasnt how loud they have been playing their music it was who they were playing and listening to.

" They've been listening to your music this whole time" I commented to Marshall, glancing back and seeing the car that was listening to Eminem, there are about 4 girls in it with their windows down and music up full blast while sitting in this traffic jam.

" I know aye, Great Taste in Music" he joked before I sarcastically slap him as he continued messing around and bragging about himself while the car of teenage girls continued to listen to random tracks of Eminem and sang a long very loudly.

" They're really going at it, arent they" he commented after a while of watching these girls sing and acting crazy. They couldnt sing to save their lives but they knew that and still didnt care, instead they were enjoying themselves not caring if they were making a fulll of themselves and others were watching.

" Haha yeah they are, but they're enjoying themselves that's the main thing" I added smiling while we both were watching them over our shoulders. I felt happy knowing they didnt care what others thought and instead mucked around like Teenagers should. I remember i used to be like that, there were days before I became famous and was a mother that whenever I would go away with friends we would always play our favourite songs and sing lke no one was watching, back in those days legends like Michale jackson, and the police were around.

We both laughed as the got hell excited when Not Afraid came on and started blasting out the lyrics, both of us were quite amazed as how well they knew the lyrics and could actually keep up with them.

Finally we came closer to the turn of for our area of Michigan and we knew it wasnt much longer before we out of this traffic Jam. I noticed the car that was blasting Eminem was gradually drifting forward until it got to a point where it was right next to us.

Marshall glanced at me and straight away I could tell we were thinking the same thing.

" Should I?"he asked glancing back and fourth between me ad the car beside us, since Marshall has very dark tinted windows we knew they couldnt see inside the car and wasnt aware of Eminem being right next to them.

I didnt even have to reply before he knew my answer because I knew what he wanted to to do and was looking forward to seeing their reaction.

Taking one glance at me before turning back to the other car, Marshall knew he had to time this thing perfectly, so right when we are about to both head of in different directions Marshall gradually and very slyly winds down his window, doing it very slowly so they couldnt tell he was only doing it to get their attention. As he casually played along and placed one hand on the steering wheel showing his very expensive watch, he started acting like he was any other person sitting in the traffic jam.

Even though I shouldnt even be watching their reaction to see what happens just in case we got spotted together I couldnt help but glance over at this scene.

As there car came to a still right next to ours still blasting Eminem through the speakers, I watched as Marshall looked beside him towards there car, and because they were banging their heads from side to side it only took seconds for them to notice Marshall/ Eminem beside them.

They didnt recognise who he was straight away and I think the girl in the drivers seat was the first one to actually take in his appearance before the others caught on.

I couldnt control my laughter as I watched these girls go from singing crazily to freaking out and trying to figure out if its really Eminem beside them. but as Marshall glanced at them before giving them his famous smirk and a little head nod they became fully aware of his presence.

Not wanting to make a scene and from great timing, Marshall and I were only sitting beside them before driving of towards our entrance and them splitting of the other. however that didnt stop them freaking out and man you could hear them from a mile away, screaming and gossiping to each other wondering if it was really Eminem. They we so shocked and surprised that they didn't know what to do and to think about it, it makes me happy knowing that brief interaction probably made their week.

Marshall P.O.V

I was trying very hard not to Burst out laughing and keep a straight face as I pretended to act all casual while siting beside them, but hearing them start freakin out and kind if arguing if it was really me just made the situation harder, it also didn't help that Ashley is beside me laughing her head of as well.

Luckily though we only sat there for a few seconds before starting to merge our different ways. Very aware of who was sitting next to them, they couldn't help but speak louder to try and get my attention, but as they moved forward beside us it was becoming a lot easier for them to see that I wasn't alone, and I guess As much as Ashley tried to keep looking the opposite way they must of seen her as well because within seconds hey begun to freak out even more.

Even though we were merging our own way that didn't stop me from hearing them questioning themselves to each other wondering if it was really Ashley, but as one was pretty sure the others kept questioning it saying comments like ' why would Someone like Ashley be hanging with Eminem' which hurt a little to hear and basically confirmed how bizarre and random our friendship is, showing me that we couldn't never really be anything else.

" Your such a tease" Ashley commented after we were away from the traffic and nearly at hers. I just smiled in reply knowing very well that those girls will never forget that moment. I guess Ashley could tell something was upsetting me and it wasn't a big deal or anything it's just stung a little but I guess you have to be able to handle these things if you want to be on top.

When we arrived back at Ashley's i made sure of kissing her one more time before getting out of the car.

We barely said anything to each other as we entered hers before heading straight to her bedroom where we spent most of the night.

I guess we both could tell this was bound to happen, since their has been so much sexual attraction building up between us all day, and from all he dramas with my aunt Ashley could just tell I needed to get it all out and spend the night blocking out all feelings and worries that have constantly running me down.

Surprisingly it wasnt rough and hard as I thought it would be and I think out of the whole night we only actually had sex a couple of times which was really weird. instead we spent most of the night making out, watching tv and just mucking around. Now I know I said I needed to relax and push all the feelings behind and I'm guessing this really wasn't the way to forget them, you know spending the night being closer than ever and acting like an actual couple rather than fucking like I do with the groupies, but some how it actually worked. I loved it, I loved getting lost with her and not talking about Eminem or Ashley until the next morning. These are nights I've missed, and nights I want to spend with my girlfriend in the future if I ever get one. But right now it's making things a lot worse since Ashley isn't mine and well these feelings just seem to be getting worse.