Fighting Feelings

" Eminem, you're on in 2 minutes" some guys called out as I made my way to the stage getting ready to close the ceremony.

Ashley stayed in my dressing room until she heard my team was coming back, I have no idea how she does it but once again she noticed I was nervous and knew just how to calm me down without smothering me and now thanks to her

I have finally gotten in the mood and allowed Eminem to take over my body and I'm ready to smash it out there.

I was leaning against the brick wall waiting to be called to stage making sure I knew what to do when I get out there. I noticed Paul was stuck talking to Christine as she nagged him about something, I guess she gave up after a while because she stormed of down the hall giving me a dirty as she passed by.

I have no idea how Ashley puts up with her or why she puts up with her, if it was me I would have fired her ages ago.

It was only a few minutes later when I heard someone whispering in the room beside me, i recognized Christine's voice straight away making me curious as to who she was bickering with. Thinking it was Ashley she was talking to I got a little closer towards the room hoping to hear more. I know it's a little bit nosy but since Ashley is a friend i wanted to make sure she wasn't get bullied into anything she didn't want to do.

" no she actually is starting to like the dude. They are hanging out after these awards" I heard Christine whispering to someone on the phone quietly in the corner thinking no one could hear her.

" yeah I just spoke to Ashley and apparently he asked if she wants to hang out in his hotel instead of going to the after party" she continued talking on the phone to someone. It came a lot clearer after hearing Ashleys name knowing very well the other person she was referring to was that Jordan guy, since she wouldn't be boasting about me and Ashley hanging out.

It explains why Ashley said she couldn't hang out after the awards when I asked her if she wanted to do something more causal and private.

Fifty was having a party in his hotel room but since I wanted to spend it with Ashley I wasn't going to go but hearing that she is actually spending time with that Jordan guys kind of hurts me knowing she lied when she said she was going to head to the after party because Christine wanted her to because she would rather hang out with some younger guy than me.

" I least she is getting away from hanging out with those drugged up rappers" Christine said into the phone, I honestly just wanted to go and yell at her. I already knew she was referring to me and fifty since we are the ones she is closest too.

Knowing I couldn't stand and listen to any more of this shit, I storm back towards the stage, of course I just had to spot Ashley standing in the corner laughing with that dickhead Jordan, just by the way she is standing I can see she is flirting with him and is enjoying being his center of attention and being seen with a younger guy.

" Marshall you're on" Paul commented softly before gesturing me to get ready To go.

Shoving all this drama and all the shit I just heard Christine talking about, I take the mic and get ready to prove that Eminem is still down with it and can still kill it.

And of course I did, so as always I spent most of the time after the ceremony getting praised and hit on by hot groupies.

Ashley tried to speak to me, but after hearing what Christine said and how Ashley is planning on meeting up with Jordan tonight I didn't really like playing nice any more, so if she is going to lie and play games with me I'm going to do the same.

So instead of acting nice I lightly brushed her of and continued making my way back to the hotel, where I decided to attend fifty's party.

" congrats man on the performance, you smashed it " fifty cheered as I entered the party in his penthouse. As always it's packed with new comers and of course young single women dying to get some attention and luckily tonight I'm in the mood to get Ashley out of my head.

I hope she's having a wonderful time with that jerk, it seems she enjoys him more than me. I'm not jealous or anything, she can do what she likes but I just hate how she lied to me saying she was going to the after party when clearly she had organized to meet up with that loser.

" thanks man" I replied being polite but I couldn't help glance around the room seeing of anyone stood out. I noticed Royce and the other guys all hanging around together talking to a few girls, but as I looked to the right that's when I saw her.

She was tall, Blonde, fit and tall with no doubt a good rack on her.

Literally all it took was a few glances and flirtous looks before I had her under my charm.

She was pretty, but as I stood standing there I couldn't help but compare her to Ashley, unlike ashley she didn't have this natural beauty about her and majority of it was makeup, and she couldn't hold a conversation like Ashly can.

Gosh I have to stop this, I can't keep comparing everyone I meet to Ashley it's not good because we aren't even dating.

So knowing I would keep thinking about Ashely, I skipped the whole flirty comments and got down with what I came here and do.

" want to take this somewhere more private" I whispered into her ear while softly rubbing her hip bone knowing this gets them all the time and just like I expected she nodded her head slightly before following me to the nearest bedroom getting prepared to be my distraction for the night.

Ashley P.o.v

As always Christine is in my ear about me going on a date with Jordan, even though I decline every time she keeps on my back, so knowing she wouldn't stop I agreed to go to the after party just to keep her happy, but since it was so boring I snuck out as soon as I lost her through the crowd.

Even though Marshall seemed weird towards me after his performance I still decided to head to fiftys party hoping he would have changed his attitude by now. I honestly don't understands what gets into him, one minute he can be happy than the next her can be angry and pissed off, like he was texting me all night wanting to hang out privately but I kept saying I had to head to the after party for a while and we could hang out later after that but as I soon as his performance was over he just brushed me off like I had done something wrong.

But since I'm such a nice person and would rather hang out with Marshall rather than the stupid after party I'm hoping he will still be at fiftys party.

" well finally you made it..." Fifty cheered as entered the packed party. Of course fifty is waisted with two randoms hanging of his hip, but you got to love his energy and cheerfulness as I enter, this is one of the reasons I hang out with these dudes because they generally seem interested in me and not just Ashley Ann.

" where's your boy toy ? " he smirked laughing as he pulls me into a hug, knowing I wouldn't take offense to his stupid comments about Jordan. He Is fully aware of what's happening with that, but the only thing he doesn't know about is Marshall and I hooking up.

" hey Royce" I smiled while going to greet Royce and a few other guys knowing they weren't as pissed as the others were. Since becoming friends with fifty and Marshall I have managed to become friends with Royce and the d12 guys, we all play poker some times and it's act silly nice to actually hang with some generally normal people, rather rhan the stuck up models you find at the party's Ashley Ann is invited to.

" hey ash, I thought you were hanging with Jordan tonight ? " he asked after giving me a friendly hug. I didn't actually know what he was talking about since this was the first time hearing about Jordan and my plans. I don't even understand how he knows, I'm guessing fifty must have told him.

" No um ...... I went to the after party but I never had plans with Jordan" I replied curiously as to what he was going on about.

" oh must have heard it wrong, if your looking for Marshall, he seems to have disappeared a while ago" he continued, once again making me quite shocked at what I was hearing and I'm guessing he could tell I am quite stunned at his comments.

" Ash, I'm Marshall's best friend of course I know about you two" he smirked joking about it. Okay I wasn't expecting him to know about us hooking up since we swore we wouldn't tell anyone.

" don't worry my lips are sealed" he added, obvisouly sensing my shock as the concern he was going to tell someone about us and it was going to get around, which is something we both can't afford right now.

Royce P.O.V

Man Ashley is a genuine kind person, even though I have met her before it seems tonight she's a lot more confident than before.

Even though she hasn't come out and admitted she was here for Marshall I can just tell by her little sneaky glances around the room trying to see if he has arrived back.

I hated standing there and watching her do so, when I know exactly where here is and what he's doing. I honestly can't believe they are trying so hard to push their feelings away in order to keep this relationship or whatever they are very casual and no emotions. I can't believe they both have been this hurt and betrayed that they just can't admit to liking each other.

Ashley p.o.v

It was probably around 10 ish when I heard fifty starting to cheer happily inside the house. I tried to stay connected to the conversation but I couldn't help but glance and see who was making fifty so happy and that's when I saw him walking out of the room fixing his clothes, that's when I saw Marshall come out after using some chick.

I know I shouldn't be feeling the slightest bit of jealousy since it's just sex between us but watching him emerge out of this room fixing his clothes while a stunning and gorgeous blonde followed loving the attention they were getting made my stomach drop.

You could tell she was loving the cheers they were getting from around the room it was like the guys were literally congratulating him for picking up someone so beautiful, it's serious made me sick watching them all give him a pat on the shoulder like he had just Used the most precious prize of them all.

Marshall p.o.v

" can I get you a drink?" The blonde woman I just slept with asked after we had finally emerged out of the bedroom. She has been nice to hang with for the evening but there is no way I could see her again, our conversation didn't flow and there was nothing to talking about.

" no thanks I'm cool" I replied, I think I have told her three times that I'm sober but she still keeps asking like I'm going to change my mind after a while and give in to the temptation.

I know I shouldn't but I can't help but get my phone out to check it hoping Ashley May have called or texted but when I see another blank screen that's when my thoughts start to head towards all the negative situations she is probably doing with that Jordan guy.

I don't wait for the blonde to get back with her drink before I start making my way through the party allowing guys I don't even know come up and greet me, pretending to be nice and collected while listening them talk about total shit including listening to them rave on about the woman I just came out with. It's like that felt the more the praise me the more I'm going to want to stand round and chat, or the more I might want to become friends with them but when in true honesty I didn't come here to make friends, I don't actually know the real reason I did come here, all I know is I would rather be here than sitting at home alone where my mind can just wander of and think about Ashley.

"Yo congrats man on the big win " some guy can up and said. I recognized and knew he was an old friend of fiftys, so I had to be nice.

" thanks man" I replied smiling as the man started talking about total shit, I guess these are the types of conversations I'm going to get since all the guys are Already wasted. As I stood there listening to him and pretending I actually know what he is talking about my eyes start to wander the room.

I notice a few groups of guys all laughing and joking around, while I also notice a few eager groupies already eyeing me down even though I just literally came out of the room with someone, it's like they don't care, how do they know that the woman I just came out with isn't my girlfriend or something? Maybe she was more than a groupie to me?, but to these women it's like it doesn't matter they have no respect for other woman and they just want a piece of me.

But tonight that's not what caught my eye, it was actually the beautiful blonde standing behind them talking to a few guys. From the side she looks a lot like the woman I just slept with, tall, slim,and toned. The thing that caught my eye was how this woman held her presence with the guys, unlike the groupies this woman wasn't eyeing every man down trying to seduce him, she wasn't wearing the shortest dress so she could tease random guys through the night, instead she looked presentable and elegant but most importantly she held herself with respect and this is what really caught my eye, but the more I kept staring at her the more my body and mind were telling myself I knew this woman from somewhere but I just couldn't put where from.

It's when she turned and glanced at me, like she could sense my fascination with her that I finally saw and realized who it was.

The woman I've just been admiring turns out to the woman I've been trying to get of my mind, the woman was Ashley.

Guilt is the only thing I'm feeling when she glances at me and we make eyes contact.

What is she doing here?

How long has she been here ?and is he here with her?. All these questions started rushing to my head making me quickly excuse myself from the conversation hoping I could get closer to her.

But looking at her again that's when I saw the emotion in her eyes, it was like she is literally sad and upset to see me and before I can get any closer to her she quickly excuses herself from the conversation and gets lost in the crowd.

Okay so she is defiantly ignoring me but for what reason though. Why is she doing everything not to talk to me? I guess she does have a reason since I did brush her of at the ceremony but other than that she shouldn't be angry, it's not like we are dating and she has just caught me cheating or something.

" yeah man I wouldn't hold my breath, she seemed pretty upset before" Royce randomly said behind pulling me back and not allowing me to go follow Ashley, straight away I know he is referring to her even thought we don't talk about her much. Royce just knows we are hooking up that's all..

" why?" I asked turning round to face him. I honestly don't know if he is upset with me or for other reasons. Hearing that she is upset just makes me want to go comfort her and make her smile knowing she shouldn't be upset or sad especially after her big win tonight.

" come on man" Royce said looking like I should already know the answer and that me being completely unaware is ridiculous.

" even though you guys are just fucking, it still was hard for her to see you come out after having sex with that model" he continued explaining her reaction when she saw me. Hearing how she basically watched me getting cheers from everyone while coming out of the room made my heart sink. I couldn't help but feel guilt and angry at myself knowing Im the reason she is upset and is refusing to talk to me.

" and I know if it was the other way round you would feel pretty useless and insecure as well" he added at the end making a very good point. I know how angry I was when I heard she was hanging with Jordan tonight rather than me, I wanted to hit someone but most impotently I felt down and not good enough for her.

I listened to Royce and stood with him and the guys I knew, getting in on their conversations and jokes hoping to take my mind of Ashely.

The woman I slept with Claire came and stood with us trying to fit in with the conversation, I'm guessing she thinks if she keeps with me tonight that we are going to go home together, which is probably true since Ashley refuses to talk to me.

I literally stood there listening and talking for like an hour while still trying to keep my eyes on Ashley. Even though she doesn't want to talk to me I can still keep an eyes on her and make sure she is alright, and by the looks of it she seems to be drinking to keep her self entertained since it wasn't the funniest if nights.

Her and fifty were joking about something while walking past our group, seeing fifty loves to have a good time and basically knows everyone here he couldn't help but cut in on our group saying something ridiculous since he's blind drunk. It makes more sense seeing Ashley was actually looking after him and trying to keep him from falling over.

While the others including Mr porter and his wife Susan, bizarre and his girlfriend Andy all listening and laughed at fifty, I couldn't help but stare at Ashely who tried to stay out of being center of attention.

I'm guessing Royce noticed her presence as well because he quietly started talking to her as she waited for fifty to get tired and move on to the other group, but I'm guessing she was wrong because even though he did get tired and quieten down a little he still stood with us and joined in on our conversation, while Royce and Mr porters wife Susan talked and laughed softly with Ashely on the other side, allowing us to merge as one big group.

Now I'm determined not to let Ashley's sudden sad mood get me down since I haven't done anything wrong, so gradually I started to get more louder and allow more Eminem to come out as I mucked around and joked with them , knowing there's no point in holding back just because I can't stop trying to figure out what Ashley is thinking about.

" I forgot to say but you were amazing tonight onstage" Andy bizarre girlfriend said complimenting Ashley quietly but just as she did the whole group quieten up.

" aww thank you" she said happily being very polite but I can tell she hated everyone agreeing with Andy making her the center of the group, I can tell she would rather just sit back on the side and watch from there, but as Andy complimented her the more the guys agreed and well let's just say fifty being drunk and very proud of her, liked making a big deal about it and of course embarrassing her.

" I thought after your big win, you would be celebrating with your boyfriend or something" Claire said beside me, making me curious as to why she said it.

" nah no boyfriend, I'm single" Ashley replied being as polite as she could, but even I noticed she was a little self conscious talking about her private life.

" well that doesn't mean you can't be enjoying other guys." Claire added making me glance at her wondering where she is going with this and why she is talking to Ashley about her sex life when she has no idea about her.

" Ashley isn't that type of girl" fifty said, not really realizing what he is actually saying, but he is just trying to be polite and stick up for Ashley since for some reason Claire has decided to take interest in her life. I can tell by the way Royce quietly chuckled he realized fifty just paid out Claire without even knowing it.

Claire noticed him referring to her as a slut and from that moment I saw her face I can tell she was going to be a bitch.

" well it'll be easy tonight. All the guys are so drunk, so they wouldn't realize you are a little bit older than the rest of us girls" Claire replied really bitchy, making me nearly choke on my water. I can't believe she literally just came out and said that without any regret. Out of everyone tonight, Ashley looks the prettiest and by far the youngest, these other girls are so fake you wouldn't be able to tell what age they are.

I couldn't help but glance at Ashely and see the sadness in her eyes. Once again this is all my fault, the only reason Claire is hanging with us is because I slept with her after I found out Ashley didn't want to hang tonight. I should have just man up and resisted the urge to sleep with Claire.

Royce shot me a glare showing me Claire's bitchy attitude is not acceptable, and that I need to fix this.

" can I talk to you for a sec?" I whispered into Claire's ear before making her follow me into re spare room. I don't know what her problem is but I'm going to find out.

" what the hell are you doing?" I yelled after we got into the same bedroom we just had sex in. I'm furious, but I don't know if in furious with her or myself, we both hurt Ashley.

" just testing out a theory" she smirked back, taking a sip from her drink and not really caring how bitching she was towards Ashley. I have no idea what game she is playing.

" and what theory is that?" I continued yelling taking a step forward and getting angrier seeing the way she is acting like she hasn't done anything wrong.

" that something is going on between you and Ashley" she blurted out, acting like she is king shit. When I heard her say that I immediately stopped yelling and went silent. I can't believe she has only spent less than half an hour with us and she has already figured out something is going on between us.

" I don't know what you're talking about" I said acting dumb about the whole subject and acting like I'm completely unaware of anything she is saying, but seeing Claire's face she knew exactly what she is talking about.

" come on Marshall, I see the way you've been looking at her" she yelled back getting angry for some reason.

" plus Im not dumb, It's not like I didn't hear you moan her name a few times while we were doing, so clearly you were thinking about her while having sex with me" she continued yelling.i honestly thought she wouldn't have noticed the few times I moaned her name when she was giving me head and while we were having sex, but come on Ashley is the only girl I've been sleeping with of course I'm going to her tongue twisted.

" look, it doesn't matter if Ashley and I are just fucking or if we are together . None of it's your business because if you haven't realized we just slept together nothing else and nothing more" I yelled and telling her straight out before giving her one last look and than walking out. I couldn't even look at her, I am that angry. What gives her the right to judge or comment on my personal life, all she is, is someone I fucked nothing else, where at least Ashley is someone I care about.

Walking back over to the group I notice that Ashley isn't standing there anymore, I glance around hoping she has just mixed groups because she didn't want to be close to Claire but I honestly couldn't see her anywhere.

" where has Ashley gone?? " I asked Royce quietly while everyone got on with their own conversations between themselves.

" you just missed her, she decided to head of" Royce replied looking over at me and seeing the anger in my face.

" Marshall, I asked where she was going and she said she's not the only one getting laid tonight. Whatever that means" he added, making me even angrier knowing exactly what she was talking about. She is heading of to get Laid by who knows who.

" I'll be back" I muttered before walking away and towards the front door after seeing her heading there only a second a go. This is way to confusing and needs to be sorted out.

I see her walking down the hallway in her little dress heading for the elevator

" so what your going to go have sex just because I did" I spoke getting closer towards her making her turn round.

" no Marshall, I'm going to go have sex because you're not the only one that has urges. That is why I came here, but obviously I was to late" she replied after turning round and facing me.

Her eyes were telling me she was sad bit like always she never sheds a tear.

" you were with Jordan so I found someone else" I replied, explaining she was the one to first cancel our plans and seem not interested in seeing each other.

" I wasn't with Jordan, I told you I was going to the after party for a bit to keep Christine happy, than we could meet up" she said, still playing the whole after party game even though I know she was with Jordan.

" don't lie, I know you were with Jordan. I even heard Christine on the phone talking about you finally agreeing to a date with him. So don't lie Ashley" I began to argue back knowing very well that Ashley was with Jordan. So I don't understand why she is getting so upset over this and needs to go have sex with another person.

" you heard Christine!....... Really Marshall after everything I have told you and said, you couldn't see that she was playing. She probably knew you were listening. Because trust me I didn't go to Jordan's after" she said. The more I thought about it the more it made sense, maybe Ashley was right, that Christine was playing me this whole time and knew I was listening to her, she did storm past me so it's not like she didn't see me and she will do anything to get me out of the picture.

" that's not the point Ashley. You shouldn't be getting upset about this anyway, it's just sex" I said sounding and feeling guilty when It came out. Of course this is more than sex we both know it and can see it.

" I'm not upset Marshall you can sleep with whoever you want, but don't text me all night begging for it but than go find someone else when I can make it right than at that moment. It just makes me feel used and cheap like those girls inside" she said getting annoyed over my behavior. I know she is right I shouldn't have done what I did, but I swear I thought she wasn't available tonight, but I still could have waited

" you're nothing like them" I commented sincerely hoping she listens and knows she is nothing like them inside, but watching her face I can tell she isn't listening and is already taking Claire's comment to heart.

"Could have fooled me" she softly said managing to wipe a tear that had fallen.

" I got to go, but have a good night" she quickly said smiling and putting on a happy face so I couldn't see her sadness for to long. Trust me all I wanted to do was go up and hug her, but I couldn't seeing the way she was so eager to get out of here.

" the nights still young, we can still head of " I added before she was about to leave, hoping she might change her mind at the last minute, but seeing the way she has already Begun walking backwards towards the elevator I can tell she is eager to leave,but at least I saw a small smile spread across her lips.

" haha no way Marshall, you blown you chance for tonight." She chucked back making a quick joke before turning round and acting all cheery while walking off, going to go meet up with her mystery date to have sex with them.

Now if I thought i was driving myself crazy earlier this evening at fiftys while thinking about Ashley, nothing could compare to the night I'm about to have and the negative thoughts they are going to cloud my head while thinking about Ashley. I'm just prepared to have no sleep what so ever because even though we keep saying this is just sex between us, there is no doubt that I have feelings for her and kind of already act like she is mine.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get rid of these stupid thoughts and feelings because no way would Ashley ever be completely and utterly mine.

Hope you enjoy :)