Fighting Feelings

" so your seriously not going to talk to me" I asked following Ashley into the kitchen as the guys stayed out the back playing poker. Both Ashley and I were over at fifty's house while we are in la doing separate gigs. Last night Ashley and I were meant to spend the night together but after her manager came over and told her she has to go on a public date with Jordan tomorrow night I kind of lost it and gave it to her.

" there's nothing really to say, you said it all last night" she replied not bothering to even look at me as she continued to get some more chips. I'm lucky the guys are still outside because I know I really needed to fix this with her.

" I didn't mean it like that" I said trying to make her understand that the comments I said last night came out completely wrong. You see after Christine left, I kind of accidentally lost it at Ashley and basically called her weak for not sticking up for herself and standing up to Christine, which thinking back is something I should have said a bit more politely.

" I don't care Marshall, you can think what you like. You have no idea what you're are talking about" she spat back, I get why she is so mad at me. I shouldn't have had a go at her but I know I'm going to try and make it up to her because I really don't want our friendship to end. It's been nearly two months since her concert and since than a lot has happened, she managed to hang out with my girls a couple of times when they came to the studio, I'm still surprised they aren't suspicious that something is going on between us because Ashley Ann and Eminem don't have any upcoming releases planned, but still they don't suspect a thing they honestly think we are just friends.

" look I know I'm weak but I don't need you having a go at me and rubbing it in my face" she continued sounding a little bit sadder than usual. I know she is aware that she isn't as confident as before but it's something I want to help her get over instead of putting her down.

" I know that's why I'm trying to apologize " I replied allowing her to have a go and get all her anger out on me. Trust me if I had someone like Christine there would be moments I need someone to take my anger out on stub out having to worry about hurting them.

Glancing back and seeing if we are in the guys view I quickly grab her wrist and pull her close allowing her to rest her head on my chest as I hold her tightly trying to make this right between us.

" I just want to go back to the way I was" she explained while her head was nuzzled under my chin, trying really hard not to cry. She must hate how much he has changed over this short amount of time.

" I know you do, but it's understandable why you are different. " I said trying to explain how no one expects her to be so strong after something like the incident she went through.

" after our fight I thought about it and I figured out why you are like this and I should be more understanding" I continued explaining hoping she doesn't think I'm prying. Holding her tightly while she tried really hard not to cry it's kept thinking how weird it is that she is the biggest female artist in the world.

" so why am I like this, because I have tried to figure it out but I still haven't gotten anywhere" she asked taking a step back and looking at me confused and sad. Most people usually know what's wrong and they refuse to get help but Ashley still couldn't see why she is being this way.

" well come on Ashley. Every time you did something wrong or argued with your ex he would hit you and bash you. So it's understandable that you don't like arguing with people, especially abrupt people like Christine" I said explaining my theory to her as to why she's like this. It's not uncommon for people to change after being in a domestic relationship, I guess even I changed even though I was the guy in the relationship. I can't imagine what Ashley is going through.

" I guess I never really looked at it that way. It makes sense" she said thinking deeply about what I had just said, before a smile creeped over her face.

" how do you do that. We barely ever talk about our past, but you still manage to notice the smallest of things" she said smiling softly at me. I guess I'm kind of more of the observing quiet type rather than the loud type.

I just chuckled knowing some people think I'm mean because I say what I'm thinking but Ashley seems to understand I don't mean to come of rude I just tell the truth.

" I do think Christine knows about this and she's using it against you" i added knowing very well that Christine can tell Ashley is weak due to what happened with her ex and she using it to get what she wants, since she knows Ashley won't argue with her.

" maybe your right, but hey what can I do" she just said before grabbing the bowl of chips and walking back outside. There's a lot of things she can do, I just think she's to afraid to take a step forward or come to grips with the fact that Christine doesn't care about her, she only cares about the money.

Ashley p.o.v

A few weeks have gone by since that poker night. Marshall and I hung out as usual making sure to slip in a dinner with his girls before I headed to L.A for a while to work on my album. Luckily I've managed to keep Christine away and out of my ear so I can think and allow myself to write a few songs.

But it's been just over a week and even though it was the week my boys spend with their father, it's still time to head home back to Detroit and see them.

Fuck I get lonely while traveling, yeah it's good when you can visit your friends like fifty, but other than that there's nothing good about it. I love staying home and close to Detroit and it's not because Marshall is there, it's just because I like having a routine and know when I wake up, I don't have to do anything I don't want to.

Speaking of Marshall, everything is going great and on track with us. There's nothing really new to add, however I feel he's pulling away from me.

For example, we haven't spoken this whole week, which is unusual for us. Usually even when we are both traveling we still make time to call and check in every couple of day, but recently that hasn't happened. Whenever I call him or text him there is always no reply or answer, he even has declined my calls recently and I have no idea why.

The worst part is, I can't really call anyone to see if he's okay or even Alive because no one except for Royce knows about us.

Now I know we are not dating and he doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to, but since we had sex the night before I left I think I have the right to at least an explanation for his sudden ignorance.

Ashley you can't be like this, you spend all days worrying or thinking about Marshall when clearly you know he's probably screwing someone else and that's why he refuses to talk to you.

But since it's time to head home I guess I can figure all this shit out and try to work it out.

I was meant to meet up with fifty one last time but since Christine made me do extra time rehearsing I'm not going to have time to, so I guess a phone call is going to have to do.

Fifty: hey, I'm guess you are calling to cancel on me.

Me : hey, yeah sorry I got stuck at rehearsals.

Fifty: that's cool. I was just chilling in the studio working on some tracks.

Me: well that's good. I don't want to hold you up or anything, I'm just calling to say goodbye.

Fifty: it's not like your leaving me forever, besides I'll see you in a few days anyway.

Me: you will? I thought you weren't coming to Detroit for a while?

Fifty: yeah but I just found out that Marshall's aunt died so I'm heading down to help him out and see how he is.

'Me: oh shit! He was really close with her wasn't he?

Fifty: yeah, she was more like a mother to him than he's actual mother. So I'm a little but worried about how he's dealing with it all.

Me: must be hard on him losing he's someone that raised him.

Fifty: yeah and you know Marshall, he's not that well at letting people in, so we're all trying to stay close so he doesn't shut us out and maybe go back to his old ways.

Me: yeah I think that's a good idea. Least he has good friends like you around.

Fifty: haha I try, I try

Me : anyway I have to go Christine is losing it over here. We'll catch up when your in Detroit?

Fifty; sure will, I talk to you later.

Me: see ya

With that I hung up shocked and sad, no wonder Marshall isn't talking to me. Here I am thinking he's angry or something and he's at home grieving because he has just lost the closest thing to a mother.

That's so sad to hear and I feel so sorry for Marshall and his girls, luckily I'm going home because maybe Marshall might come round if he needs some company.

A day after arriving home, I've finally settled back home and am enjoying my time with my boys. As much as I love L.A nothing is better than spending lazy days at home watching as my boys bicker with each other and try to find new exciting things to do round the house.

But as I watch the smiles and laughter of my own children I can't help but think about Marshall's household and how it's doing. I know he has his girls this week, so it must be hard trying to grieve but also try to be a father at the same time. I've tried to give him space and wait for him to call but since Marshall isn't the type to ask for help or let anyone In I know the only way going to see how he's really doing is by going over there myself.

Walking up to his driveway early in the morning I have never felt so nervous. I'm holding a bowl of chicken pasta that i made, I figured since he probably isn't in the mood to make dinner every night It will help because the girls can just heat it up themselves.

I think I knocked about three times before I heard a little girl scream from inside that she'll get it.

" Ashley!" Hailie happily cheered wrapping her arms around me and Giving me a little hug. I know all this excitement is from me being Ashley Ann and one of her favorite artist, but I don't mind.

" hey. How are you? " I asked sincerely, even though Hailie is all smiles I can tell she isn't herself, you can just see the sadness in her eyes.

" I'm doing alright actually" she politely answered before glancing down towards the food I was carrying.

" I'm sorry about your aunt, I just heard and I thought I might bring over some food for guys." I said sincerely knowing how tough this might be for them.

" I know how Much you guys liked my chicken pasta and I slipped some Tim tams in there as well " I joked remembering how much they raved on about my cooking last time we had dinner. Least this will help take some of the stress off.

" oh thanks heaps ash!" She cheered smiling widely as I passed her the containers. She was in the middle of commenting about it still being so warm when I began to hear Marshall ask who it is as he was walking towards us.

" Ashley" he said shocked and stunned after opening the door more wider and seeing me standing there talking to Hailie. He just looked so shocked to see me that he stood there speechless which allowed me to see how down he looks.

" hey, I hope I'm not interrupting or anything" I said standing there as Marshall continues glaring me down not knowing what to say, making me feel very uncomfortable.

" hey Hailie why don't you go back inside I think Whitney was looking for you" he said gesturing Hailie to return inside the house. I guess he doesn't want me here, I knew it was a bad decision but I couldn't go without seeing if he's alright.

" okay. Thanks again for these Ashley" she said once more smiling widely while hugging me one last time before heading back inside completely unaware of the awkward tension between Marshall and I.

" what are you doing here. Just because I haven't been answering you calls doesn't mean you have to come over, I'll talk when I want to" he spat as soon as Hailie was out of hearing reach. As much as I'm hurt by his words I know I have no right to get angry since I can tell he's just upset and grieving. Besides maybe I am being inconsiderate coming over here.

" I'm sorry I just..... Fifty told me.... about your Aunty and I just came over to see if you were okay I knew you have your girls this week so i thought If I bought some food over it might take some stress away." I explained sincerely and nervously since Marshall continues glaring at me. I wish he would just hurry up and see that I'm only here as a friend nothing else.

" oh thanks. You didn't have to" he replied, his face softening as the sadness becomes more visible while he a stood standing there in a post of tracksuit pants and a tight singlet even though it's freezing out here.

" so how are you?" I asked, knowing I still haven't asked him but I'm pretty aware of the answer I am going to get from him.

" I'm fine" was all he said, answering just as I expected, very short and vague. But the one thing I've learned from Marshall is you can see all his real feelings when you look into his eyes and as I stare at him I can see confusion, hurt, sad, angry. Every little negative emotion you can be feeling.

We stood in silence for a few Seconds not knowing how to react and what to say. All I really wanted to do was to pull him into a hug and be there for him but I know Marshall tends to push people away when times get tough, just like he's doing now.

" I......" I began saying hoping to ear this tension, but just when I went to open my mouth I hear something behind him.

" babe, who's at the door" I hear a female say behind me, surprising both Marshall and I. But before he can do anything I see a woman come stand beside him, automatically wrapping her arms around his waist.

Now she wasn't like the other girl I caught him with, but she was still stunning for an older woman. Straight away I recognize who she is since I've seen numerous photos around Marshall's house of her.

" oh wow, your Ashley Ann" she said politely getting all excited to see Ashley Ann at the front door.

" ashley this is Kim, Kim this is Ashley" Marshall awkwardly said, introducing the girl he was sleeping with to he's ex wife.

" hi, nice to meet you" was the only thing I could seem to get out of my mouth, since I'm in shock to see her here at Marshall house.

" I had no idea you guys were friends" she commented, still a little bit stunned herself to see me standing here. Everyone thinks it's odd that Marshall and i even have made a song together, so they usually are more shocked to see we actually socialize out side of work.

" yeah, I'm close with fifty so we okay poker every now and than" I answer after looking at marshall trying to figure out what to say. I know I can't come out and say ' yeah well Marshall and I have been sleeping with each other for months now'

Besides Marshall wasn't helping the situation just standing there staring at me not knowing what to say.

" Ashley just bought some food over from the fifty and a few other guys that have heard the news" Marshall got the balls to finally jump in and help me. But I think it was till late because I could see and notice Kim coming to realization of what was really going on between us.

I swear I thought she was just going to let it pass since they are divorced, but instead I'm surprised to see her place her hands around Marshall's, causing her to show more of what she is wearing, more like not wearing. Here she is standing in a silk nightie with a silk gown tired loosely around her not covering anything, while smiling really fake.

This just answered my question about Marshall wearing hardly anything, obvisiouly she slept here the night

" Thank you that's really nice of you and the guys." She commented, again being polite when I knew it was a fake. Just by the way she is rubbing her finger tips over Marshall's stomach and along his arm was an indication and a warning to back of. Flirting in front of me was not only to hurt me, but to also rub it in my face that Marshall has come running back to her.

"Well I should get going, my boys would be wondering where I am" I finally had the courage to say, knowing if I didn't walk away now than in Minutes tears will be running down my face.

I know I have no right to be sad or angry about this whole situation Since Kim is the girls mother and has more right to be there than me, I just wish he would have told me before I came and embarrassed myself.

" alright well I'll see you when we film the music video" Marshall said making me look at him, knowing very well he could tell I was hurting and stunned, but I saw sadness in his eyes as well I just don't know if it was from grieving or from me finding him with Kim.

" yeah I'll see you than. It was nice meeting you " I politely said making sure to act like this wasn't hurting me or bugging me when deep down it was before I turned round and walked to the car. Since Marshall said he will see me at the music video which is next week I'm guessing he Isn't planning on coming by.

I'm so dumb to actually start really liking Marshall when clearly he can't just move on from his ex. I should have seen the signs, besides he has daughters with her there alway going to be a connection between them, a connection I'll never have.

Marshall p.o.v

Closing the door I can't help but feel guilty for putting Ashley through that. Here she came over to see if I'm alright since I have ignored her all week to find me with my ex wife.

I know I should have called her and at least told her what happened. You have no idea how many times I wanted to ring and just hear her voice, but since I found out about my Aunty Kim has been by My side, looking after me and talking care of the girls as well. It's just been like the old days, and this incident has really shown me that Kim loves me for who I am, she loved me before the fame.

" what was that about?" Kim asked walking into the bedroom after hanging with the girls. After Ashley left I could tell she was pissed and suspicious.

" what do you mean? " I asked back acting all dumb when I clearly no why Kim is angry. She has been since ash left.

" well it was a bit weird her bringing food over like you are a charity case" she rudely said, just by the way she is talking I can tell she isn't happy that Ashley and I are friends and knows something is going on between us.

" she was just being friendly that's all " I answered knowing Ashely was being considerate since she knows how much I loved my Aunty and how hard this time if for me.

" look Marshall, I don't know what's going on between you two but obviously she wants something" Kim said this time a lot nicer while coming to sit beside me on the bed. Catching me of guard I just looked at her wondering why we would say something like this.

" have you ever thought maybe we're actually friends " I said getting annoyed that Kim would comment when she doesn't have the slightest idea about Ashley and I.

" no offense Marshall but people like Ashley aren't friends with people like us, even if you are rich. Come on just by that brief meeting I could see her looking Down at us thinking she was better." She explained, telling me she thinks Ashley is using me for something.

" Ashley doesn't fit in around here, because all her life she's been given what she wanted, she probably has never faced the things we have. " she added, I know Ashley grew up in the spotlight with people admiring her but that doesn't mean she doesn't understand normal lifestyles or hasn't been through social dramas just like I have.

" I just want you to be careful that's all and stick to what you believe in. I would hate you for you to get caught up in all that glamorous lifestyle again. I think you remembered what happened with Mariah, she did the exact same thing as to what Ashley is doing now" she said making sure to remind me of the disaster between Mariah and i.

Maybe Kim's right, maybe I am just digging myself a hole to get hurt in. It's not like Ashley knows anything about having shit parents, nor does she know anything about the streets of Detroit, it's like she moved here and straight into a mansion, she has no idea how much I have Been through to get where I am today.

Thinking about what Kim said made me think, yeah Ashley likes sleeping with me but I don't think she would stick round when times get tough or if she would ever be with me. All last week while I've been here grieving she's been going on dates and fucking that model Jordan, she was to busy with him to even give a shit about me. Yeah she might have called a few times but if that was me and she wasn't answering all week, I would have gone to all lengths just to see if she was okay, but with Ashley it's a bit convenient that she waits till the day before coming home to call one of my friend to see if I am okay, it's like she knows she's heading home and wanted me there ready to jump into bed with.

I'm pretty dumb to think she even gives a shit about me, who knows maybe her and Christine are in this together and are completely playing me just to get extra attention for Ashely Ann before her album release in a couple of months.

" come here" I smirked quickly turning towards Kim and pulling her into my arms and kissing her passionately.

" Thank you for being here for me" I whispered before pushing her gently down on the bed where we've both been sleeping, knowing I need to get Ashley out of my head and be with someone who has loved me from the start.