Fighting Feelings

Ashley p.o.v

"Ashley, Ashley.......over here!!"

"Ashley Ann..... How was Australia??"

" did you break up with Jordan?"

" are you still having troubles?"

" are you glad to be back in America?"

" You seem a lot happier these days..... Is there a new man in your life??"

" give us a smile...... Ashley Ann"

All these questions being thrown at me only 30 minutes after waking up is not a good way to start the day especially since I'm finally back In America.

Luckily my boys are spending another week back home in Sydney so they don't have to deal with this craziness.

You have no idea how good it feels to be back home in Detroit, Even though paparazzi are swarming around me like a pack of dogs I know this will all be over as soon as I get in my car and on the open road where I can head back to my mansion in Michigan.

These last couple of weeks have been amazing, I didn't realize how much I needed to head back home and spend time with my family in Sydney without being Ashley Ann or having people like Christine around me.

Marshall was right, I needed to clear my head and these last couple of weeks really gave me the opportunity to do that an to really figure where I'm heading in life. I guess I just needed familiar faces to do that.

Marshall P.o.v

" pizzas here guys" I yelled from the kitchen after answering the front door to a very shocked and stunned pizza guy who couldn't seem to say anything as I politely paid him giving him an extra large tip.

Walking over to the guys I placed the pizza down next to the other junk fatty foods sitting on the coffee table. Since we all needed a break I have invited the d12 guys round, fifty , Royce and Paul to watch the football game between Detroit and New York, even though we usually do poker I know that there's a lot of deals and bets being made between the group since Paul and fifty both live in New York.

" just in time, second half is about to start after the break" fifty cheered getting excited knowing New York are probably going to win like they always do.

Taking my seat we all quickly dug into the pizza eating and chatting waiting for the second half.

For some reason as soon as the news opening song started playing we all eased our conversations up and were focusing on the nightly news update. I have no idea why we do this but we always seem to watch the news eagerly paying close attention to incidents in our surrounding neighboring towns.

Royce and I continued talking quietly since we are sitting on the same lounge and going for the same team.

These last couple of months Royce has been awesome especially with all the dramas I had with Kim and Ashley. Even today, months after our fight I can still see how much Royce continues trying to make it right and make up for lost time between our friendship. I just wish we were friends back in the day proof was Alive, I know Proof was eager to try and mend our friendship but since I was a stuck up prick back than I never have Royce the time of day until I realized how precious time and life is.

Turning back round I watched as some pictures of a crushed car under beside a truck displayed on the screen. I hadn't paid attention to the actual incident until the end of the segment and all I know is some drunk driver killed him and his three mates while trying to overtake the truck.

Instantly that made me sad knowing how tragic things are and how young drivers seem to think they are invisible.

And in other news.

Singer sensation Ashley Ann was surprisingly all smiles even after she was bombarded with paparazzi and fans at Detroit airport earlier today, who waited in the crazy rain just to see her.

Rumors that she was coming back to Detroit earlier than expected started to spread yesterday after a fan posted a tweet of her and Ashley at Sydney airport.

But even though she wasn't expecting the turn out, she was still happy to sign autographs and take pictures with a few lucky fans as she managed to make her way out through the crowd and paparazzi with the help from local authorities.

" god she's fucking hot that woman" bizarre commented making the other guys agree as they watched the news about Ashley being back. Of course Royce couldn't help but nudge me quietly giving me his famous smirk seeing how much the guys seemed to keep getting excited of Ashley being on screen

" fifty I think you have to be one of the luckiest guys" me porter added after bizarre, I couldn't help but laugh quietly as fifty began boasting about his friendship with Ashley and how close he is to her, not knowing I'm even closer. I would have loved to start bragging about my relations with Ashley but since I'm still not sure what we are or if we are ever going to be anything than I just continue to sit back allowing the guys to openly talk about how hot she is.

Suddenly after hearing that news article I have become a lot happier for some reason. Ashley's been gone for nearly three weeks and we haven't talked, but that's because we decided it is better if she went home and got her head right before contacting me. I just want her to be happy with herself and her life and I honestly think going back home to Sydney would help.

" you guys haven't talked have you?" Royce said quietly to me as the guys did the final beer round before the second half started, luckily they are all still mucking around loudly to hear my conversation with Royce.

" nah, she told she would call when she got home but she probably has forgotten or just won't" I replied kind of sad knowing there's every chance she's not going to call.

" why the fuck do you say that man?" He asked sounding stunned of my answer to his recent question. It's not hard to see why I'm thinking like this with all my dramas with Mariah.

" come on Royce look at her. Someone like Ashley doesn't go out with someone like me. It's just a common fact" I said feeling sad knowing Ashley has probably spent weeks around rich perfect guys and she's realized how much better she can do. I'm not some Ryan gosling or brad Pitt who are usually seen out with girls that look as beautiful as Ashley.

" man you've got to give yourself my credit. You know I never saw her smile once when you were back with Kim, she looked so miserable. But now look at her. She's looks like she's finally got it together again" he said explaining how she was when I hurt her, I do recall the massive smile on her face that they just showed on the news.

" that's exactly what I'm worried about" I managed to say before fifty and bizarre came back into the lounge room making Royce and I quieten. That's exactly what I'm worried about, I'm worried there's a chance she has finally gotten herself back on track and has decided she wants to bury our fling that we had and move forward in her life, probably marrying or letting some rich model who suites her perfectly. You have to understand I'm not dumb and I'm pretty well aware that she can do so much better than me and she has in the past.

Slowly our conversations ended until we started watching the second half, luckily my mind started to forget the worry in my head as New York kept scoring making fifty and Paul rub it in our faces very loudly.

There was a time when Detroit got a penalty which New York didn't agree with, fifty and Paul were in the middle of yelling at the tv when out of nowhere fifty answered his phone while still disagreeing with the ref.

" yo! ash can I call you back later........ Alright cool. I'll see you than" we all heard fifty say in his phone listening to him quickly brush Ashley off. Everyone knows it's Ashley and the Guys suddenly start teasing him about how lucky he is and how he should call her back, but he's just interested in the football match.

Sadness flashes over me when I hear him talking to her, even though it was very quick it still hurts knowing she has remembered to call fifty before talking to me. This just makes me more hurt knowing she defiantly is over me and has moved on because if she was keen than she would have called me first as soon as she got of the plane.

The rest of the game I couldn't really concentrate, not because we have already lost but because Ashley kept my mind busy and confused. I don't know if I should call her? Or if that sounds to clingy. I guess If I call her than she probably just thinks she has to talk to me.

I think it was 15 minutes until the game was over when I felt my phone vibrating in my poker.

A Smile starts to appear as I read the name and see Ashley's name appear across the screen.

" thought you said she wasn't going to call" Royce smirked quietly after also noticing her name on my screen and laughing at how wrong I was.

Knowing we have already lost the game I quickly got up and excused myself from the lounge room to answer her call.

Me: well, well If it isn't Ashley Ann, I saw that you are back in town.

Ashley: as much as I loved being at home, I knew it was time I come back.

Me: well Im glad. How have you been? How's was Sydney?

Ashley: I've been really good and Sydney was incredible, the boys are actually staying an extra week. While I organize a few things.

Me; oh are they, that's good. I was wondering why you have decided to come back early.

Ashley: yeah well I realized a lot of things back home in Sydney and it's like I've had this sudden breakthrough of ideas that I just couldn't wait to begin. I just needed to come home and get started on........ It's incredible.

(she sounded so excited talking really fast like she has a time limit and needed to get everything out. It's a lot different to when she could barely speak without crying or getting emotional)

Me: you sound a lot happier than before. So I'm guessing going back to Sydney really helped."

(I asked hoping that some of the ideas and things she has thought about included us or what we are)

Ashley: omg it did so much...... Just hanging out with my family and cousins and seeing my boys with them made me realize why I began singing in the first place. I just can't explain how relieved I feel right now. It's incredible..............

Me: that's good ash, I'm really pleased and happy for you.

Ashley: thanks.... But enough of me, I don't want to bore you with my problems...... What's been happening with you?

Me: you're not boring me Ashley

Ashley: you're just being nice, like always

Me: I'm not, I honestly want to hear all your stories about your family and going back home,

Ashley: you do?

Me: yeah I really do. You sound so happy and excited so I am really eager to hear about what you have decided to do....... Maybe you can come over for dinner tomorrow night?...... If you're not to busy or anything? ( I asked with slight hesitation and nervousness, not knowing what way she's decided to head. )

Ashley: no I'm free as a bird..... that sounds like fun I would love to... Can I bring anything?

Me: just yourself.... I'll take care of everything else.... Do you want to come over round about 7ish?

Ashley: yeah 7 sounds good..... I'll bring the desert but

Me: okay sure. I'll see you tomorrow night

Ashley: yeah see you than.

With that I hung up a lot happier than I was before. Ashley is back and I only have to wait till tomorrow to find our what's going on between us. All these emotions ran through me which I had to try and cover up before heading back towards the guys, knowing I didn't want to tell them about us.

But even sitting back down Royce straight away knows the conversation went well and he can't help but try to get some of the dish out of me, but I wasn't budging especially when fifty and Paul are only a few meters away.

Looking at fifty and Paul I start to think about if Ashley and I ever went out, who would be harder to tell, fifty? Or Paul?

I'm aware fifty has been by Ashley's side through everything and sticks by her through thick and thin, but I'm also aware he's been by My side and has seen how awful I used to treat women back in my early days.

It's like he knows all these bad things about me, no way is he going to agree about us dating.

But hey I'm just jumping ahead since we haven't even talked about dating and probably won't since Ashley's seems to be back on track and is back to being one of the hottest woman Alive.

Unlike me who seems to have more negative things than positive things in my life and don't get out as much as others. Actually I don't go out at all, id rather stay home where people can't invade my space.

Ashley p.o.v

Finally the time has come, I've spent hours trying to figure out what to wear, but at the end I just decided to wear something causal. I have no idea what's going to happen tonight or how Marshall still feels, all I know is I've been thinking about him like crazy and I'm finally ready to make a move into my future.

Walking up to his door, I'm nervous as hell and can't seem to stop my hands from sweating.

I want to say so much to Marshall and speak to him about how I feel, but I'm scared of letting him in again and getting hurt.

I understand he doesn't want to let anyone in because he's afraid of getting hurt but can't he see that he's hurting me instead.

It only took a few seconds for Marshall to open the door, and crap he looks good. Tonight he's wearing a leather jacket with a dark long shirt underneath followed by jeans and nike shoes plus a chain around his neck.

" hey you" he smiled, opening the door and seeing me standing there not really knowing how to act. I've been nervous all night but it's like as soon as I see him all my nerves seem to disappear and happiness takes over my body.

" hey, how are you?" I asked smiling while he pulled me Into a friendly hug.

" I'm good, what about you?" He asked, lightly squeezing me gently. I tried to stay strong but I know it's going to be hard tonight since he looks incredible and smells even better.

" I'm really good" I answered, getting all my strength to pull back out of his arms knowing we can't stay here all night hugging.

" holy shit your like nigga" he laughed, stepping back and looking me up and down noticing the color I've developed from laying under the sun nearly everyday back home in Australia. Yes it might be freezing over here but over in Australia it's so bloody hot.

" I feel like a ghost compared to you" he continued joking after inviting me in from the cold and closing the door quickly hoping to keep the warmth created by the fire he has going on in his lounge room.

I was going to answer him with some sarcastic joke but before I could speak, out of nowhere I heard yelling coming from the kitchen, before two girls came running out.

" Ashley!!! It's been Ages" I heard a young girl scream straight away I notice it's Hailie and Whitney coming out to greet me. I honestly didn't know what to do, I'm quite surprised to see them here. When Marshall rang yesterday I thought he meant having dinner by ourselves but I didn't know we were going to be accompanied by his daughter.

" hey guys! Sorry I haven't seen you guys in a while, I've been back home in Sydney with the boys" I replied smiling as they both came up and gave me a big hug as Marshall stood behind watching. Glancing up I see him quietly saying sorry since I wasn't expecting to see the girls here, but from the way Marshall is looking he wasn't expecting it either.

" girls,you need to remember to take your jackets with you, it's cold outside" I head another older women. Glancing up I'm even more startled to see Kim walking towards us not really paying attention to a thing but herself. Listening to their mother the two girls run quickly upstairs to grab their jackets, allowing Marshall to come and stand next to me.

" im really sorry, this wasn't planned but I'll explain later " he whispered in my ear, softly placing his hand on my lower back not caring his ex wife is only in the next room.

I watched as Kim made her way down towards the entry, she still hasn't noticed me, it's only when she's a few meters away does her face change into shock after seeing me standing beside her ex husband.

" Ashley....... Um good to see you again" she finally said after trying to figure out what to say. Why the hell didn't Marshall tell me Kim was going to be here. I wouldn't have come because holy crap this is awkward.

" yeah you to..... I like your outfit" I managed to compliment, trying to figure out how to make this less awkward since Marshall isn't saying much or helping out, this just reminds me of last time us three were all in the same room.

" well I better be going, I don't want I be late for my date" she continued to say, not bothering to even thank me for my compliment since I was just tying to be nice towards her.

Hearing her come out and say Something like this shocked me, but hearing her say it in front of Marshall stunned me even more. How can someone be this disrespectful towards someone, they might be divorced but they're still have to much history for her to come out and be so open in front of Marshall. Even between my ex and I, we still can't talk about our relationships to each other.

" thanks again for taking the girls on short notice" she added being polite thanking Marshall before screaming out to the girls to come down and say goodbye.

Watching the way Kim flaunted her stuff I can tell she's trying to tease Marshall, from the tiny skirt she's wearing any guy wouldn't help by have a quick look. But as I glance towards Marshall he doesn't seem interested in her, he's just casually standing there looking down towards me with an apologetic look on his face.

" the girls will be leaving soon for a sleepover." He leant in and whispered not caring that Kim is trying to flaunt her stuff in front of him. It's weird how he only seems to be interested in trying to explain things to me rather than check he wife out as she keeps bending down.

" its okay, you don't have to get rid of them. I'm happy if they stay" I replied, trying to sound as calm and relaxed even though deep down I really just want to spend time with Marshall. It's not that I don't like the girls it's just I've been thinking about Marshall for ages and I really want to spend some general time together before things get to hectic.

" nah don't worry it's been planned for a while now" he just replied flashing me a quick smirk before creating space between us just when the girls come skipping down to say goodby to Kim. I can tell she saw our little quick interaction and from her glaring she doesn't seem that happy to have Marshall paying more attention to me. I swear Marshall said it's over between them, but from her anger I guess that's not true or unless she's one of those real jealous women.

I watched as Kim said goodbye to the girls before heading off, from the way Marshall and her hardly spoke i guess they aren't that friendly anymore, or they could just be pretending and really they are still fucking each other?

" so what are you doing here anyway. Dad didn't mention you were coming over?" Whitney asked happily, I'm guessing she wasn't trying to be rude and is generally curious, but everyone noticed how rude it came off that's why Hailie nudged her and told her not to be rude.

" ummm... Well" I stuttered not really knowing what to say, so I glanced up at Marshall for some help but he just looked as worried as I am.

" well..... I wrote a new song, which is like part 2 of love the way you lie and I came over hoping your dad might get Involved. I know it's late but it has to be finished as soon as possible" I finally explained after thinking up a really good excuse why I'm here at their home so late. It wasn't all a lie, majority of it was true, it's just I changed the dates a little bit.

"Oh exciting" Hailie cheered, getting all excited that there's going to be another love the way you lie. Which I'm hoping happens as well, at the start I was a tad nervous thinking this its probably going to turn out crap and it will mess up the first life the way you lie but after a while I came more and more used to the idea and excited to write something.

" by the way Ashley, your boyfriend is drop dead gorgeous. You're so lucky" Haile added with Whitney agreeing with her. I honestly didn't know what to say I felt so bad seeing the hurt come over Marshall's face. He's aware that it started of as a fake relationship but he's probably heard from fifty that something else started to happen.

" we're not dating, just friends that's all" I quickly gushed, hoping Marshall can see that I'm trying to reassure him that nothing is going on between us, but glancing into his eyes all I see is sadness and anger, now I know I defiantly have to explain to him later.

" that's to bad, but hey you're still lucky. You Have like every guy dropping at your feet" she replied smiling before continuing talking about something else, like she doesn't realize how wrong she was or how much I hated people saying things like this to me especially in front of the man I want to be with but just can't have.

But seeing how happy the girls are, I quickly pushed away any anger towards her statements and got over the whole thing and continued talking about random girl things like we always do.

Making our way into the kitchen I hung out with the girls for a while before there friends came and picked them up taking them home to have a girls sleepover.

" I'm so sorry about that" Marshall apologized, walking back into the warm house after making sure the girls got into the car safely.

Looking at Marshall I can tell he's quite devastated knowing we have waisted so much time waiting for Kim and the girls to leave.

" seriously it's fine. Your girls are amazing to hang with"I replied, trying to show him how happy I am to be here. No way did having the girls here wreck our night, it only made the night a little bit darker and later before dinner was served but it's still amazing as ever.

Before he even served it, he made me wait outside for some reason.

" this smells and looks amazing. All of it looks amazing" I gushed, glancing around and seeing how much effort he's gone to. Now I know why he made me wait out in the family room before allowing me to enter the dinning room.

" yeah well it was going to be set up earlier but since Kim decided to randomly show up and drop the girls of I didn't have a chance to get set up" he explained, from the sounds of it he didn't seem that impressed by Kim's actions, but looking around he doesn't seem to understand how happy his efforts have made me. Many people don't go to the effort off making dinner and Setting the table really nicely, but what I like about Marshall is he doesn't make things to over the top and mushy, like tonight for instance the table it set with just a bunch of flowers in the middle nothing to over the top.

" well I love it, Thank you" I just replied smiling and showing how happy I am to be here. Marshall can never take a compliment, he always disagrees or gives someone else credit for the work.

We started chatting about random things like we had planned to do. He asked a couple of times what my boys are up to and when they are coming home.

" so did you mean what you said to the girls about having a song you want me to look at, because I thought you said that you didn't think doing a part 2 was a good idea?" He curiously asked, wondering if I lied to his girls or if there is really a song I want him to look at.

" I know I said that part 2 wasn't a good idea, but I wrote something back in Sydney and basically it's on the same topic but instead of coming from your point of view it's comes from mine and the females point of view" I explained, we have been talking about a part 2 for a while but they are wanted to continue on from part 1, where I think it's only right to at least explain the girls point of view and how she feels being in the domestic relationship.

" interesting I never thought of doing it that way, Ill defiantly listen to it" he smiled, sounding happy and excited over the song just as much as I am.

" so it really seems you got things sorted out and inspired back home" he commented, taking a sip of his water while wanting to hear all about my time back home in Sydney, which in a way I could talk about all night if someone was interested in listening.

" yeah well that's why I'm kind of back early....... I kind of wrote and recorded majority of the songs for my album and I gave it too Christine yesterday so she could show my label" I said, laughing and smiling as I thought about how inspired I got back home and how relieved I am to finally have finished recording it. This whole time Christine wasn't aware that I basically recorded something without her, and had to delete some songs just to fit my new songs on.

" no way that's awesome. Christine's going to hate it..... But who cares, if you are happy with the songs that's all that matter" he joked making us both laugh knowing Christine is going to flip when she sees I've decided not to put a few songs I had already recorded on the album. But Marshall's right if I'm happy with them that's all that matters, and so far I'm so pleased with the outcome of the album.

We sat for ages talking about my holiday and talking about general things. He kept asking me questions and always seemed interested in listening, but he didn't like talking about himself to much so he continued to just keep listening to me babble on about my recent holiday.

As we walked back into the kitchen, things have seemed to lighten up between us and we're now acting like I haven't been away for nearly four weeks and non of those issues occurred between us.

" what's with all the boxes?" I asked after noticing the stack of boxes piled up in the corner of the family room. It's looks to me that someone is moving in or out but since it's only Marshall, the girls and Nathan that live here I wonder who it can be.

" oh I'm just moving bedroom rooms, to the one around the corner" he replied, cleaning up making sure I don't lift a finger. I'm quite surprised to see he's moving rooms since usually the house only has one master bedroom so it's not nearly as big as the one he used to be in.

" why? You to old to walk up the stairs? I joked making him turn round laughing.

" no! if you must know, I just thought a change would be good. It's kind of like making a fresh start.... If you get what I mean" he explained, as I came and helped with cleaning up even if he's been refusing to let me help for the past 10 minutes, but since he made such a wonderful dinner it's only fair to help and do my bit.

" no I completely understand. Hey you are talking to the girl that packed up and moved when she needed a fresh start" I joked, handing a plate to Marshall to place in the dishwasher. From the smile he gave me he completely can relate to me.

Basically silence came between us as we finished cleaning up, but it wasn't awkward silence it was more of a contempt feeling more than anything. There was so many time where I had to stop myself from getting caught up in his eyes, there's so many things I want to say to him, but Since he hasn't bought any of 'us' up than I didn't want to push it just in case he's moved on or something.

" um..... So it looks like the girls have gotten into your desert" he said sadly. After opening the fridge and seeing Half of my desert has been eaten only leaving a tiny little bit. I only made enough for Marshall and I so now it's not Enough for both of us, but that doesn't really matter. It's just I can tell Marshall isn't very pleased or happy over them eating it.

" far out, this wasn't meant to happen, I had everything planned out" he yelled, getting angry and Slamming the desert on the kitchen bench. He must have had everything planned since he's very OCD and the girls showing up wasn't part of the plan.

" Don't worry about it Marshall" I said softly, walking up to him and placing my hands in his trying to ease his anger and frustration. I hated seeing how upset he gets over the smallest things, I just wanted to see him happy.

" look we can just share, it's rich anyway so you only can eat a little bit before feeling sick" I continued trying to calm his anger. I can tell he's just annoyed that Kim showed up unexpectedly and it's kind of ruined his night.

Getting a plate from the cupboard I quickly served my desert with some ice cream before taking Marshall's hand and dragging him towards the lounge that's facing the nicely lit fire. Tonight has been amazing, Marshall thinks he always has to go to a lot of trouble to satisfy me, but it's nights like these that I love for once I don't have to worry about anything but being Ashley.

" Mm.....yum" I moaned, stuffing my face with this amazing chocolate Tim tam desert I made earlier today, my Caring Christine has still got me on that stupid diet.

" try some" I said not allowing Marshall to really decline before tempting him with a spoon full of chocolate. I remember when he bought me Tim tams back from Australia and said how much he feel in love with them, so it didn't take much convincing before I was feeding him seductively, while he just continued staring at me.

" you really know how to cook don't you" he commented tasting it and loving it. Since we are sharing the desert somehow we had come closer and closer together until I had my legs laying across his lap as my arm rested behind Marshall's head on the back of the sofa.

" I have to admit, your handling things pretty well" I said, randomly referring back to earlier and how Kim showed up an through the girls on him, but I guess Marshall doesn't understand what I'm talking about.

" I just mean, it must have been hard hearing Kim being so open about her dating life" I continued knowing Marshall had no idea what I was talking about, but since I can tell it's been bothering Marshall all night I want him to know he can talk to me.

" nah doesn't bother me, we're over and that's it" he answered Coldly, from his face and the way he didn't even flinch over the subject he must really bury his problems deep down and don't want to talk about them

" yeah but she's still your first love, I know I still hate it when my ex husbands talks about his wonderful dating life" I said trying to make him see I can relate to what he's going through, but like always Marshall doesn't want to let me in and instead Of staying seated next to me he gets up quickly and begins storming away from me.

" Marshall, come on" I yelled loudly trying to follow him into the kitchen. I can tell he's mad but I'm just trying to make things good between us so we can go back to being able to talk about things like this.

" I'm just saying, you can talk to me about Kim. " I continued, I know he thinks he can't talk about his past but I want him to feel he can with me. We used to talk about things all the time, but since the incident nothing has left his mouth.

" there's nothing to talk about ash. Kim and I are over, completely over" he yelled back, turning round and showing me how much my question and comments have gotten to him. I wish he would just let me in for goodness sake.

" I know and I'm not doubting that. But you must be feeling sad over it" I said more calmly taking this chance to walk up to him, hoping he sees I'm just trying to be a good friend.

" to be honest I'm not. Yeah I feel different but that's just because I know that chapter in my life has ended" he finally answered showing me the side I wanted him to show. He didn't show heaps but he finally decided to let me in a little bit

" it's time to move on and for once I finally want to" he added as I kept moving towards him. Looking closely in his eyes, I can see he's telling the truth and he's does really want to move on with his life, but the question is does he want to move on with me?

" that's good, I'm happy for you marshall" I smiled, quickly squeezing his hand before walking away and placing our entry dish in the dishwasher.

A much as I wanted to lean in and kiss him, I know I can't push it. He invited me over here for dinner that's all, I just have to stop thinking this could go further.

" what about you? How's Jordan?" He randomly asked while I'm cleaning up the last bits In the kitchen. I wasn't expecting him to ask me this, especially since he knew from the start that Jordan and I were a fake couple, but I guess if he saw all the headlines these past few months than in understand he might be confused.

" I don't know, I haven't seen him or talked to him for like a month. I told Christine that I'm not doing any more fake relationships and that in future it's up to me who I date and want to be with" I answered him truthfully, I want him to know the truth about me, I don't want to keep secrets from him because all that causes is more problems.

Marshall

Tonight's has been going good, Ashely seems like a completely different person and I know going back to Sydney has been good for her.

At the start I wasn't expecting the girls to rock up and not give me a chance to make sure everything was perfect before Ashely came, but in the end she seems to be enjoying herself, even though it's like torture for me since I desperately want to make a move, I just don't have the courage and I really am confused about us at the moment.

I have no idea if she has even thought about me when she as away, did I even come to her mind? Or was she having to much fun with other guys?

Even though she just said that she has told Christine she's going to date who she wants to in the future, I still don't know if we are ever going to have a chance. Her life is so pact with younger guys dying to win her heart, I find it pretty hard to believe she wants to settle for someone boring like me.

So I guess I'm going to have to keep putting on a brave, strong face like I am tonight so where still capable of being friends.

" I should head of" she randomly announced right when we are about to finish the movie we sat down and watched. Knowing having conversations about or dating lives was way to hard to handle, so this way i was able to ease my mind for a while.

" you could always stay ?" I asked knowing im taking a massive risk in asking her this. But I haven't seen her in four weeks and I just wanted to spend more time with each other talking and catching up. I didn't necessarily mean have sex, but that would be nice of she want to of course.

" I don't think that's a good idea" she answered, automatically breaking my heart when hearing those words come out of her mouth. I though tonight was going good, we had gotten more closer and comfortable with each other, but I guess I must have been reading the wrong signs.

" oh..... Don't worry I get" I sadly said, getting up quickly hoping she doesn't see the hurt that has appeared all over my face. She's been sending me all these signs all night but just like I thought, I'm not good enough

" you do?" She asked sounding quite surprised that I actually understood her answer. I've heard it so many times and I'm so used to it.

" yeah I do, you have finally gotten your head and shit together, so now you want to forget anything happen between us." I replied rudely, not bothering to even turn around and face her instead just walking out of the family room, hoping to get rid of her before I really start to loose it with my desires for her.

" Marshall that's not it, trust me" she pleaded softly, following closely behind. I'm not dumb, I can see when she doesn't want to be as close as we used to be. But hey it's all my fault, since I'm the one who fucked things up in the first place.

" seriously it's fine, it's not like it hasn't happened before" I said trying to reassure her so she doesn't feel the need to lie to me to keep me company. If she wants To go, than go.

I began Walking into my study to grab a few CDs for her so she can quickly get going and all I can hear are her footsteps getting louder and quicker behind me.

" Marshall, just stop!!!!! And listen to me" she demanded angrily, getting the speed to catch up and grab my wrist so she can turn me around to face a very sad and hurt Her standing in front of me

" please, that's not why I don't want to stay, because honestly I do want to stay. I just can't! " she pleaded for me to forgive her and understand she simply just can't stay here. Hearing how mysterious she is being towards me I can't help by figure that she's keeping something from me and not telling me the whole story.

" than why!!!!..... And please don't make up some bullshit about Christine, because tonight I'm not asking Ashley Ann to stay I'm just asking you" I yelled. Straight away I knew she was going to make up some excuse that involved Christine and her career, but I don't want Ashley Ann i just want her.

From the sudden quietness that came over her, and the tear that I saw escape before she looked away I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me, so I had to calm down before I saying something stupid.

" Marshall I can't go back to being you little fuck buddy, I'm sorry" she whispered, inches away from my face after I cornered her to a wall. Hearing her saying that, made my heart drop and I couldn't even look at her without feeling my eyes begin to water.

" so that's it, I make one mistake and you want throw away our friendship" I sadly muttered, knowing very well how much she wants this to end. That's why she hasn't been so forward towards me, tonight's the night she wants to move on and forget our little thing we had going on.

" look at us Marshall, seriously we are both standing here upset..... When we started this Little sex fling it was meant to be something really causal and more about friends with benefits, we used to call each other up whenever we wanted some, we didn't mind that we both were sleeping with other people as well, and basically it was more about friendship....... But these days it hurts so much Marshall" she whispered, tenderly placing her hands in mine standing inches away from each other. We were so close, but I just wanted to be even closer to her, as she tried to get through to me.

" you have no idea how much it hurts to be with you....... Every day I wake up and I think about you, you're on my mind constantly. It kills me to even imagine you with another woman these days when before I was fine with it. Whenever I'm confused or I need to talk to someone, you're the first person I want to call..... and when we have nights like these and you cook dinner, I find myself not wanting them to end" she explained, holding my face close to hers so I can't look away and she can see exactly how I'm feeling. Trust me from the way she started I thought she was about to tell me that she doesn't want to be with me, but I literally can't stop my heart from beating faster while standing hear listening to her say all these sweet things that I can relate to.

" do you understand now why I can't just sleep with you like we did in the past? " she asked, it takes me a while to figure out she actually asked me a question and wanted an answer, because I just stood there looking deeply in her eyes not knowing what to say or what she's getting out.

" because every time I'm with you I tend to fall for you more.... And it hurts to know you don't feel the same" she answered realizing I didn't know what to say, but as soon as the words leave her mouth, the words I've been dying to hear and to afraid to admit to her, I knew this is gods way of giving me a second chance. But even though I'm happy I couldn't help but respond angrily when she presumes how I feel and thinks she knows what I'm feeling inside.

" who says I don't feel the same Ashley!! .... Why do you think I came to Philadelphia?..... I was sick of trying to deny my feelings for you" I yelled taking a few steps back and walking towards the lounge trying really hard to stay calm. It's hard to hear that the woman you want to be with feels the same but hasn't mentioned anything to you and deep down you know you've just been wasting time mucking around and hiding your feelings for no reason.

" fuck.... And instead you walked in on me and another dude" she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief and feeling more guilty and sad knowing I was there to actually tell her how I feel, but it's not all her fault and she shouldn't blame herself for something that happened in he past

" but it's not like I didn't hurt you, I guess it was calmer for the way I treated you" I replied more calmly now as I sat on the lounge in my study as she leaned against the desk. How the hell did It come to this? We started of being as close as best friends, even after fucking we laid talking about something's I never mentioned to anyone else, and now hear we are months later finally telling each other all these feelings we've been keeping from one another.

" you got to forgive yourself for that Marshall, I have or else I wouldn't be here" she said, leaning away from the desk and walking towards me and sitting on the coffee table in front Of me, knowing I couldn't hide my feeling or reactions if she's in front of me in between my legs.

" I know I should, it just still hurts knowing I fucked up something really good" I replied softly, still not being able to look at her and continuing to look down towards at the ground as I leaned on my knees. If I didn't go running back to my past and giving into Kim, than Ashley and I wouldn't have drifted apart for months and months.

All these feelings were going through my mind as I looked down toward the ground it's like I was hoping a solution would just jump out in front of me. That's until I notice Ashley feet come into my view telling me she has moved even closer towards me.

" who said you fucked up.. If you had I wouldn't be here tonight confessing my feelings for you, very aware that you could use this against me..... But I'm not worried because some how I trust you" she said, making me look up at her and wonder what she really wants. Here she is telling me all the things I want to hear but how do I know she isn't just going to stab me in the back like Mariah did.

But hearing her so that she trust me, I can't help but allow the smile to spread across my face. You have no idea how much I've wanted her to say this to me, it's like I've spent so many nights alone thinking if Ashley and I would ever be together without all these dramas, and here she is finally admitting her feelings, but I still can't shake of how much better she could go.

" please say something Marshall. The silence is killing me" she spoke up not realizing I had gotten caught up thinking about so many thing and leaving her hanging like this.

" I'm crazy about you ash....... you have no idea how much I've been driving myself into the ground with worry not knowing if you were going to come back and not want anything to do with me." I explained, not wanting to sound to depressed but it's just how I feel, and I know I have a lot more worries inside that I should really tell her.

" well I do, so your not getting rid of me that easily" she joked making us both laugh and ease the serious mood between us.

Smiling brightly, she just gets up and joins me on the couch as I pick her feet up and place them over my lap.

" look at us" she continued joking knowing we need to calm down and just relax. We both always need to change the atmosphere after having a serious conversation like this.

" I know, who would have thought" I laughed, running my hands over soft cold feet as she leaned her hand against the back of the couch just smiling at me.

For a few seconds we just sat there looking at each other not knowing what to say. I guess we have revealed so much within such a small time frame that we need a few minutes to soak everything in and really think about a few things.

" what happens now?" She asked after spending a few moments thinking of her. Glancing towards her I can see the worry come over her pretty dam quickly.

" well we have three options, we can pretend that tonight never happened and go back to just fucking, or we could end all of this and stop being friends altogether, or we could actually try the whole relationship thing and just take it extra slow and see where it takes us" I nervously said really wanting her to take the last option since I just want to be with her and don't want to risk losing her in anyway. It doesn't mean we have to move fast, it just means we drop all the complications that come with friends with benefits.

" I like the last option, it sounds good to me" she answered, a smile forming across my face hearing she wants the exact same thing.

" same" was all I had to reply to make her start smiling in excitement and instantly becoming happy knowing we are on the same page.

" can I kiss you now" I asked, Ive spent hours watching her lips and trying so hard not to lean in and kiss her.

So you have no idea how excited I was when she didn't answer me but instead pulled me by my shirt so I was on top of her.

Instead of saying anything I just brush my lips against hers as I'm running my hands up and down her side. I've missed being this close and being able to touch her like this.

So without any hesitation, slowly I lean in and brush my lips against hers teasing and building up the anticipation, but not holding of any longer I finally close the gap and press my lips against hers, feeling and tasting her strawberry lipstick I have missed so much. Within seconds it had escalated and soon we were groping and ripping each other's clothes of trying to make up time we have missed being apart.

Moving into my new bedroom I get Ashley settled before quickly locking up the house ready to spend the night finally being with Ashley the way I want to be.

" fuck...... Now I'm tired" Ashley joked,laying in my arms after spending nearly 3 hours properly catching up. Fuck I've missed this, I missed being with her and his being so comfortable with someone.

" same, but seriously best way of spending my first night in this room" I laughed, glancing around and seeing the boxes that I still haven't unpacked. So this night has been hectic, Ive caught up with Ashley, we managed to finally admit our feelings and decide to be in a relationship rather than just fucking, or and we have also managed to spend 3 hours having sex.

" so I know we got on the same page before on what we are feeling, but just to clear a few things up..... Does this relationship mean we are actually together, like boyfriend and girlfriend" she asked, leaning on my chest and looking at me, but because it's dark I can't see if shes worried or concerned about everything.

" well yeah that's what I kind of was heading in, but we don't have to if you don't want to" I replied, trying to see if she's worried or having doubts. When we decided to finally be in a relationship I thought that what she wanted, but maybe she's already re thinking everything, I wouldn't blame her.

" No No..... I defiantly want to be with you, I just wanted to make sure we are both on the same page. But I defiantly want to be with you exclusively" she replied, leaning down and kissing my chest sending vibrations through my body while showing me she defiantly is happy to be here. I can't help but get butterflies knowing I'm probably the luckiest dude ever.

" yep, no one else but us" I whispered kissing her head before she leant up and kissed my lips, making me quickly flip her over so I can deepen kiss. I can't help but kiss along her jaw line before creating hickeys knowing how much she hates them and how much I want to make this night a memory that's going to last.

" so how do you reckon Christine's going to react to the news your dating Eminem" I joked already knowing she's not going to be very happy. Ashley just started laughing her head of.

" she's going to freak..... But I don't give a shit" she laughed, pulling me closer so she can kiss my lips as the heat between us began to increase. I already know Christine's going to freak but I'm also pretty sure Paul and fifty aren't going to be to impressed either since she is fiftys best friend and well Paul knows what happened last time with Mariah.

" so I think we both agree keeping this a secret for a while before we tell anyone, just to we get our footing" I said, laying on Ashley lightly rubbing my hands through her silk blonde hair, already knowing this is the best thing for us and our families.

" defiantly" she just replied before we know more words need to be spoken, only tender touches as we start making out and cuddling before knowing it's only a matter of minutes before we are both fast asleep in each other's arms, like we should be.

Ashley p.o.v

I can't seem to fall asleep tonight, even though I'm exhausted I just want to keep lying here and thinking about how perfect life is at the moment. Finally we have decided to give us a go, I never would have imagined dating Someone like Marshall, but hey I never thought I would be dating Eminem either.

We're both right about wanting to keep this quiet and just between us, I know for sure Christine is going to flip when she hears. I'm also unaware on how fiftys going to react, I just hope he can be happy for me and see that I've met someone that I feel safe and contempt when I am with, I don't have to hide myself or keep trying to be this amazing, perfect woman, because Marshall's seen every side of me and he still seems to be interested.

I have no idea how this is going to turn out, if this relationship is going to work between us or fizzle out which I'm hoping it doesn't. But all I know for sure is, our relationship is going to turn the music industry upside down.