Fighting Feelings

[b[Ashley P.O.V
Once again time flew by and before we know it dinner time the next day was arriving. Since we've been tucked away in his bedroom the whole day we promised each other that we might go hang out in the lounge area for a while and actually leave his bedroom.

" so we can get takeaway or there's leftovers, um noddles, there's heaps of things.... So what can I get you?" Marshall asked showing me all this food that we can have for dinner since were both to lazy to actually make something.

" I'm just cool with toast" I replied Knowing my belly is full of junk food and chocolate that we've been snacking on since the other night.

" you sure?" He asked turning round and once again looking concerned that I'm not eating enough but it's just because I'm full from before.

" yeah, I'm fine with toast" I smiled giving him a quick kiss and showing him I'm cool with my dinner choice as he began heating some left overs. Guys actually forget that they can eat so much more than us women, like Marshall's been eating all day but here he can actually eat an actual meal and not put on any weight.

Just as we got comfortable watching a movie, Marshall's phone rang indicating Whitney wanted to talk to him. Straight away he got up and answered it knowing Whitney likes to say goodnight to him every night. It's sweet seeing how close she is with her dad, I remember I used to be that close with mine, I guess I still am it's just he lives so far away.

Taking Marshall's absent as an opportunity to look at a few photos hanging on the wall. For some reason I'm always intrigued to look at Marshall's photos and seeing how he's family has developed over the years. Even as the photos are placed just reminds me of my family home, how there seems to be a whole wall dedicated to showcasing our children and their lives. As I look at them all I see are similar ones I have hanging at home, like the Santa photos and of cause the sporting photos. Each one reminds me how happy I am that I made decision to let my sons grow up like normal kids and not in the spot light.

" Whitney just wanted to ask if I've eaten her chocolate came she left me" Marshall said while coming back into the room and making me come out of my thoughts.

" yum I love chocolate cake" I said while I'm still happily looking at his photos on the wall.

" yeah trust me you wouldn't like this one, she forgot to put milk in and pretty sure she used salt rather than sugar" he joked making us laugh at Whitney's poor cooking skills, even though Marshall isn't that much better.

" she's so adorable" I commented knowing Whitney is probably one of the cutest little kids you could possibly meet. She reminds me of me when I was younger, little blonde thing that loves spending more time at home playing PlayStation and dolls. I wouldn't classify myself as a tom boy because I honestly loved doing everything, from playing sports to playing with dolls.

I listened as Marshall agreed with me and began gushing on about her. But it's like while I'm listening to him, I walk past a photo of Kim a Marshall back when they were teenagers which gets me thinking about what Royce told me the other day.
I guess Marshall noticed my curiosity in this one photo and saw that I've gotten caught up looking at his ex wife.

" I can take it down if It makes you uncomfortable" he commented from behind, scaring me a little since I didn't even hear him walking up to me. Straight I see that he's noticed and he now thinks I don't like it up since they do have history.

" what!!!.... Noooo. I'm fine with it, I know you guys have history and I'm cool with it" I said turning round and making sure he knows I'm not worried or jealous. He has the same kind of history I have with my ex husband, there's way to much to just pack up and get rid of.

" it's just..... You never told me why you guys decided to end things earlier this year?" I asked sounding really nervous since I know Marshall hates talking about it, I guess that's why he's never gone into detail about it.

" I didn't really think it was any of your business" he rudely spat back, putting his arrogant mask on knowing I've hit a rough spot.
I followed him as he walked into the kitchen and away from me obviously not wanting to talk about it, but I wasn't planning on letting his go.

" well it kind of is since you came running back to me only a few weeks after....... So I want to know why you ended things" I continued on knowing he isn't happy about me digging into the past, it's just I'm curious after Royce told me a completely different thing to what Marshall told me.

" Ashley just drop it" he yelled while not bothering to look at me. But of course I continued following him.

" no I don't get why you don't want to tell me, you've told me everything else. Why can't you tell me this?" I asked not understanding how he can spend hours talking to me about his feelings but he just can't seem to tell me this.

As he stopped walking away I saw the anger when he turned around and faced me for the first time and man he wasn't happy.
Looking down towards the ground I can tell he's nervous.

" she thought I was in love with you" he said softly, barely even looking at me in the eyes as he told me this.

Complete silence came over us as I heard what he said. I didn't really know how to respond since I wasn't expecting I had anything to do with the breakup. But seeing the way Marshall can hardly look at me, i start to actually wonder myself.

" was she right?" I asked him, as a rush of confidence came through me and I really started wanting to know.

" excuse me?" He said while completely staring at me. I'm not sure if he just didn't hear right of if he did but was angry that I actually asked him. But I guess it doesn't really matter since either way I want an answer.

" was she right? Are you in love with me ?" I asked again but this time more nervous and shy than before. I don't want Marshall to totally freak out and end things, but if I don't ask him I'm just going to be driving myself crazy wondering if Kim's suspicions were correct.

Even though anger was fuming through him he still didn't turn away and when I asked again I saw how flustered he became.

" no....... Yes....... Maybe........ I don't know. I just don't know" he stuttered changing his mind so many times before giving up and walking way in confusion, leaving me standing there wondering what the hell has just happened.
It all happened so quickly one minute we were talking than the next he was storming into his study slamming the door behind.

I can't believe he just left me like this, not giving me an exact answer and leaving me wondering how his manners can change so quickly.
I don't get why he got so angry, if it's not true just tell me I wouldn't have been mad if he said he didn't love me just yet, but instead he left me standing alone in the kitchen.

Marshall's p.o.v

I've been sitting In this study for a while now wondering how our night can quickly change like this.
I guess Ashley bringing up my past just caught me if guard and I wasn't expecting her to ask me all these questions. It's In the past I don't get why she wanted to know all of the sudden.

The more I thought about her question the more I thought about how I've been desperate to tell her how I feel these last couple of days. I just had the perfect moment, why am I so dam stupid to mess it up like this. I've been dying to tell her how I feel for so long, I don't understand why I mess everything up, I guess I'm afraid that she's not going to feel the same way.

I guess it was around 11 pm I decided to finally tell her the truth since ive been thinking about it for the last hour or so.

Walking into my room I'm surprised to find her curled up asleep on the couch likes she's afraid I'm going to get angry if she sleeps in my bed, but to be honest that's only where I want her.
I can't help but smile at how adorable she looks while I slowly bend down and pick her up to carry her quietly over to my bed hoping not to wake her up.
But that doesn't happen because as I place her down she starts stirring.

" Marshall..... What time is it?" She whispered quickly adjusting to the darkness and panicking since she wasn't expecting to fall Asleep and from the way her bag is packed in the corner she was thinking of heading home.

" it's late, you should go back to sleep." I said, gently trying to push her back down so she can drift of to sleep, but I guess she had other plans.

" I'm sorry about before...... I shouldn't have stormed of into my study" I apologized while taking off my clothes and sliding into bed next to her. I know I acted immaturely before and instead of talking to her I acted like a kid.

" no it's my fault, you were right I shouldn't have demanded to know since it's not my business" she quickly said now deciding to take the blame even when I clearly know its all my fault.
A guess happiness just came over me and instead of speaking I just kissed her wanting to show her how she makes me feel, deep down I'm still hoping she can notice how I feel so I don't need to tell her but I'm guessing she not going to.
Within seconds the kiss turned passionate and once again we have found ourselves rolling around the bed getting lost in each other as we removed our clothing.
I've noticed recently that Ashley loves being in charged, so once again I find myself lying on my back with Ashley on top kissing me and pleasuring me. Just by the way she touching me and being so forward I was defiantly close to letting go, but since I've been in my study thinking about this for a while I needed to tell her.

" you were right about before" I blurted out making her stop kissing me and just look down at me wondering why i bought this up now. Taking this as an opportunity I quickly flop her over so I'm able to fully talk to her.

" what was I right about?" she asked innocently as I hovered over her admiring just how beautiful she was. I can see from the smirk plastered on her face that she knows what I am talking about but wants me to go out of my comfort zone and talk to her about my feelings.

""When I got back with Kim, at the start it was good and in a lot way I started thinking things had changed and that our future together was bright" I started explaining knowing i could only really Tell her how I feel if she hears everything from the start.

" but as time went by the more the hype started to wear of and the more I began thinking about you...... For a while I thought it was just because I felt guilty for the way I treated you" I continued, gently playing with her hands and touching her skin trying not to get distracted.

" But then I started thinking about everything we did and I actually started comparing Kim to you, which is weird because its always been the other way round. It's just it got to a point where I missed us and you so much........ You see it was alright when we fucked but other than that everything else between us was dead, we never hugged like we do, never talked like we do, generally just never wanted to be with each other" I Went on babbling. Not once does she drop eye contract with me and get disinterested in the conversation. I still can't believe I'm telling her this much, and showing her this side of me.

" anyway at night was the worse for me. It's like after we finished having sex and she fell asleep, that's when the silence came over and that's when once again I started think if about you, wanting to call you so badly......... Trust me I felt bad for what I was doing to Kim, here we are meant to be starting over and I can't stop thinking about another woman...... I didn't realize how much Kim started to see what was happening..... because I always used to hang downstairs at night time and i refused to let the girls watch programs of you just so no one noticed how upset I was" I said
Softly knowing in quickly coming up to the part that's going to be the hardest and can potentially change everything.

" anyway one day Kim confronted me and...... It's not like we argued it's just she said things that were true.....and I just didn't want to admit these things to myself, but when I heard them come from her....... I started to really realize she was right" i said, getting less confident as we got closer. I was hoping this was it, that she might put the rest together, but of course she wanted more.

" what's things did she bring up?" She asked, smiling knowing She's teasing me while lightly running her fingertips up and down my back.

" just that I still had feelings for you and..... That I was in.....love with you" I smirked saying the last bit really quietly. To distract her I began kissing her neck and gently slid my fingers down her stomach, feeling how wet she is down there just from hearing my story.

" are..... You..?" She continued asking while trying so hard not to moan and get lost within my touch.
But I can't tell I was really beginning to please her.

" Marshall...... You haven't answered......my question..... Are you ....in love with me...?" She continued asking while also moaning. I thought from the way she's thrusting her hips up meeting my fingers while I'm kissing her chest that she might just let me move on and past this question In really worried to answer.

" I can show you how I feel" I whispered hovering above her as foreheads rested on each other. I swear seeing her so close she might actually forget everything I was going to say.

" you can...... Later!!!...... But.... But .....I..... want ....... To hear you...........ohhhhh shittt Marshall!!!!!!" She started saying but in the end couldn't control the rush of pleasure shooting through her body as she was about to orgasm. I take this opportunity to gently slide into her knowing it will heighten her pleasure even more.

" ohhh fuck" we both moaned as we moulded together quickly as one, loving how amazing she feels.

" youuuu..... Suckkk..... So baddd...." She moans making me laugh seeing how close she is as I begin thrusting.
I know she wants to hear my Answer and trust me I want to tell her but I guess I'm better at showing her.

Leaning Closer into her I continue thrusting sending her of the edge nearly straight away. We continue this for a while, changing positions and kissing constantly but unlike other times I'm not rushing this, I'm not trying to be rough or try new things, this time I take my time and soak up the feeling of being with her. I never thought slow, tender sex could feel so amazing but doing it with Ashley and seeing just pure pleasure displayed in her eyes makes this feel so fucking incredible.

We both continue staring at each other as our lips hover inches away from each other, feeling her hot breath on mine.

" I love you " I randomly blurt out, not really realizing what I just said until it's left my lips. I know a lot of guys say shit like this during sex and really don't mean it, it's just they get caught up in all the pleasure, but I guess since we were talking about it before we started having sex she knows I mean what I'm saying, it's just I was afraid to tell her before.

" good, because I'm in love with you too" she replied smiling as I finally told her the truth. Emotions like Happiness, worry, concern, thrill all came over me as soon as I heard this knowing so much is going to change now.
She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was the woman I love and we all know the mess that comes with being in love, but imagine being in love with the worlds sexiest woman.

Soon we began to reach the end as the pleasures and desires took over. Holding each other tightly as jolts of pleasure flashes through our bodies, still not once disconnecting our bodies until we had fully recovered.

" you know you could have just told me, you loved me" she commented on the way I told her but agreeing it was incredible

" yeah well you know me, I'm weirdo." I replied leaning in and kissing her once again as I bought the blankets up over us not wanting her to get cold.

" still at least your my weirdo" she said back making me once again feel fantastic and safe with her. This isn't meant to be going so incredible, it was only a couple of months ago I was just waiting till she leaves me, now as I hold her I can't imagine my life without her.

Ashley p.o.v

" I can't believe we've got at least three weeks until we can have some days off like before" Marshall said as we both sat in my home office trying to organize when we can spend at least more than 2 hours together. It's now 2 weeks since Marshall and I both said the L word and spent nearly a week not leaving his house, now it's back to business and back to trying to schedule time in to see each other.

" I know it sucks, it really does suck" I said tearing myself away from my computer to pay attention to Marshall. He's on his lunch break from work and has popped round to see me before he heads of to New York for a few days. I hate how much work seems to take away from actually enjoying each other, but I guess that's what you get when you both have careers to uphold.

" so I was thinking next week fifty is coming down, maybe it will be a good time to tell him. I know we have another poker night together and it's going to be pretty hard to keep my hands of you" he said now that I'm listening to him more and not worrying so much about work I need to show Christine. I can see how desperate Marshall is to tell fifty and I understand since they have been best friends for years.

" next week sounds good, but I have to admit I'm kind of nervous since I have no idea how he's going to react" I admitted knowing fifty is very unpredictable, as much as he has been trying to set me up with friends and get me to date people I don't know how he's going to react to dating his best friend and I can also see Marshall's nervous as well.

" yeah I know same, but the more we keep it off the more it's going to get complicated, besides the sooner we tell him the sooner we can tell our kids and than we won't have to sneak around as much" he said explaining how this is for the best and everything will get easier. I swear Marshall's one of those people that knows how to push my buttons and annoy me, but than he also knows how to calm and relax me which a lot of people find hard to do.

" I have to head of soon" he added looking down at his watch and seeing it's getting closer to his flight. I hate him leaving, I honestly have no kids this week and I was hoping to spend all my time with Marshall but once again other plans seem to get in the way.

Slowly I walk until I'm between his legs as his sits on the side of my desk where's he's been keeping me company for the past hour or so.
" I hate saying goodbye" I whispered in his ear as he wraps his arms and holds me close, knowing his feeling the exact same kind of loneliness I'm feeling. For seconds we just standing there holding each other close wondering when all this secretive shit will be over. We both just want to be able to be together without having to lie to our closest friend, we don't mean and don't want the public finding out but least our management and friends.

" it's only for a few days, then I'll be back and we can hang out for sure" he replied trying to comfort me, he knows how I get when people leave and he knows how lonely I feel sometimes, so whenever he leaves he always tries to reassure me it won't be long until we are together again.

As we pull away and look at each other we both can't hold back from leaning in and placing kisses on each other trying to soak up these last couple of minutes together, but of course something just has to disturb us and without warning my office phone starts ringing beside us.

Naturally we both don't even flinch or consider answering it as we are busy kissing and hugging like normal couples do when one leaves to go away. But since we ignored the phone, we know we have to listen to the answering machine and hearing Christine's voice come over the machine straight away ruins our moment.

Ashley, it's Christine
You need to stop ignoring my phone calls and call me back.
We need to talk about you dating status, since you have an album coming out soon you really need to get back into the spotlight and start being seen with people.
We need people to talk and rumors to start, this is the only way you album is going to get known.

Anyway I sent you a list of very attractive, young models who will suit you so well and are keen to start something . I just need you to pick one and let me know.

I will call again tonight.

I continued kissing him placing small little pecks along his jaw line, hoping he doesn't pay attention to her message but the more she continued the more I can feel Marshall pulling away and loosing interest in our moment.

"I need to go" he randomly said pushing me away from him as he gets up in a hurry. I can tell by his eagerness he isn't happy or thrilled about her message since I'm usually having to drag him out of here just to get him back to work on time.

" Marshall come On, you know I'm not actually going to look at some dumb list and choose a guy" I said trying to make him see I'm not going to give into her demands or weird plots Just to get me back in the media.

" how do I know that Ashley? All I know is in a couple of weeks I'll be seeing you plastered on all the magazines with some model beside you. How do you think that makes me feel........ To be honest i don't give shit anyway. " He yelled back getting upset how Christine always organizes these fake relationships just to get me up their and back on the radar.
Tears are now running down my face as I watch Marshall gathering his things up not even bothering to look at me.

" I'll see you when I get back" he mumbled looking at me for the slightest second before walking away and towards the front door.

" please Marshall...... Please don't leave like This....... " I literally cried after him not caring how stupid or weak I look. I just don't want him leaving on such a bad note.
But not even a glance back or even a flinch of regret as he walks straight out my door.

Marshall p.o.v

Crap I shouldn't have left like that, yeah I'm mad but I promised to her I would help her get over her worries and trusting me, she even admitted she gets scared when we have fights that I'm going to go of and fuck someone else, so I can imagine how worried and upset she must be feeling now.
Buts it's too late, I don't have time to head back to her house I'm already on the way to the airport to meet the guys. I guess I'm gonna have to come up with another idea.
It was right before I boarded the plane that I came up with an idea that might ease her worries.

Ashley p.o.v

As soon as marshal left I deleted that Dam email and rang Christine to abuse her since I've told her multiple times that I'm not doing anymore of that faking dating, but it's not like she Listened away.
Tear marks are still smudged on my face as I try to keep my mind occupied and my thoughts positive, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about Marshall and how he's going away for a few days, I can already imagine what he's going to get up to.

It was close to 5 time when I heard the door, at the start I thought it might have been Marshall since my guard only allows visitors I know come straight up, but I was upset to greet my security guard at the front door, However he was carrying a massive bunch of red roses for me.

" these are for you" he smiled passing over the massive bunch of roses before walking back towards his station. I kind of wondered who they were from since i have a few people who send me flowers every now and then, including my parents who send them just to show me they are still thinking about me, but this is the first time I've ever received Roses and I can't help but wonder who they are from. I notice the small card that's attached to the letter and see that's its got love hearts all over it and is nicely packaged.

I'm really sorry about before. I will call you tonight.
I love you

I couldn't help but smile at his small gesture. I'm guessing he's realized what he did was wrong.

Luckily I didn't have to wait to long until I saw my phone buzzing with Marshall's name, since the kids aren't home I've spent my whole night tucked away in my room watching chick flicks, when I'm not with Marshall this is what I love doing.

Me: hey
Marshall: Hey, how are you?
Me: I'm doing better, what about you?
Marshall: yeah I guess I'm the same.........
Me:.......... Thanks for my flowers, I love them I smiled glancing up at looking at them sitting on the table in my room
Marshall: I'm glad............. After I left I wanted to come back and apologize, but I was already running late.... so I thought flowers might be nice.
Me: I've never gotten roses before....i can't stop looking at them, they must have cost heaps if money...

Marshall: it doesn't matter how much they cost......I'm just glad you like them.

Marshall: I'm sorry again..... About before......i shouldn't have walked out on you like that especially since I was heading away for a few days.

Me: you had every right to be angry and upset..... but I wasn't going to actually listen to her.

Marshall: I know but it doesn't matter to Christine, she will still set you up and I will still have to deal with seeing you on the cover with other guys. How do you think it makes me feel?

Me: you must hate it..... I softly mumbled sadness coming over me knowing how unwanted he must feel

Marshall; yeah I do, just as much as you hate the groupies that hang around me as soon as he said this tears started flowing. I hate even thinking about those groupies and how much they want Marshall.

Marshall: Fuck......... I'm sorry that came out the wrong way he quickly apologized noticing how I'm now crying again.

Me:she might be able to spread stupid rumors but she can't physically make me step out In public with these people...... Besides I've already called her and abused the crap out of her I tried explaining but all of it was just mumbling and tears

Marshall: I know she can't, but she's clever she's know what she's doing.

Me: Marshall I'm in love with you, and I don't want to be with anyone else.

Marshall: and I love you, it's just sometimes things come between that and love doesn't become enough

Me: what are you saying Marshall.....I asked not quite sure how to react. his voice seems so uncertain about us.

Marshall: I'm just saying you don't see Paul making all these rumors just to get me into the spotlight. maybe you just should get some confidence and stand up to her.

Me: no your manager just sets you up with young groupies I spat back angrily getting annoyed and upset at the same time

Marshall: that's only because he doesn't know about us, but it's not like I accept his offer anyway.

Me: how do I know that? Right now you seem to be having a lot of doubts about us. how do I know you're not with some chick and this is your way of feeling less guilty I yelled getting more and more angrier that I had originally planned since I thought he was ringing to work this out

Marshall: seriously Ashley you need to get over all this fuckin bullshit you go on with, it's so annoying and unattractive. he yelled from the other end, I can't believe he's getting angry at me when I'm the one who's sitting home crying and I'm the one who should be upset, not him

Me: and you don't have problems...... why are you with me then........Marshall? If I'm so unattractive and annoying than just leave me again and go be with all those model and groupies who will give you everything you want. I cried this time not caring if he can hear all my sadness and how I've absolutely hurting so much right now.

Marshall: ash....ii... he said this time more calmer, like he knows once again he's fucked up

Me: no...... before we started dating you knew I was working on some issues, just like you are.........but I don't get why you keep using my faults to hurt me......I'm trying so hard here I cried trying to make him see how he words actually hurt me and make my confidence go down

Me: do you think I want to be like this Marshall?.... To always be worrying about what others think of me, or worrying that I'm being a good enough girlfriend. Im trying so hard to make everyone happy. I never get angry when you hound me for information, or question whether I'm being honest, because I know your working through trust issues as well. so why do you get angry at me? I continued, not allowing him to actually answer my questions, I just need him to here all this.

Me: look I'm gonna go...... I'll call you later or something.
Marshall: Ashley.... please don't just hang up......
Me: why....it's not like you didn't walk out on me today.....

With that I hung up before I placed the phone away and curled up crying myself to sleep

Marshall p.o.v

Crap how the fuck did I manage to hurt her again. I wanted to fix this but I keep making things worse. Once again she was right I do keep bringing up her faults and using them against her, I should be helping her just like she's helping me with mine.

" let me guess girl trouble again" Royce asked noticing I've excused myself from watching football with the Guys hoping to fix things with Ashley, but I just seem to make it worst.

" I keep hurting her and I don't mean to" I said sadly, already feeling guilty knowing Ashley is back home crying because of my stupid mouth that just seems to make things worst.

" I need to fix this" I said after thinking about all my options,

" how?" Royce asked while standing in the doorframe. He doesn't seem to mind listening to all my problems, you see tonight was one of those nights where the guys would invite girls over to have sex with while their wives are at home, Royce and I are the only ones not paying attention to them.

Thinking about Royce's question he's right, how am I going to fix this I can't send her roses again and I'm pretty sure she's not going to listen to my voice messages, there's only one more option left.

" I'm heading home, I don't have to be here until tomorrow around about lunch time for this stupid meeting, It gives me plenty of time to head home and spend a night with ash" I said thinking about how my next meeting I have is around about lunch time tomorrow, I can easily get back here since it only takes about 1 hr and a Bit on the plane, I only had to come today because I had to meet Dre in the studio.

" you can't just leave, Paul won't let you" Royce said sounding quite surprised and shocked that I'm actually thinking about leaving just to see ash.

" you'll be home in a couple of days, can't it wait till than" he kept saying hoping to try and convince me that I'm sounding ridiculous, but in my head I'm not.

" no it can't...... Royce one of the reason Kim and I became so fucked up is because I always put my career first.... Now I've finally found someone again and I'm not going to let my career get in between us" I said while walking over to my suitcase and shoving a few pieces if clothing in there.

" come on it's a few nights that's all" he said watching as I frantically try to pack my things while the guys are outside getting lap dancers from the girls. Of course they are using their connections with me to actually get them to stay, but it doesn't seem to mind the girls who will do anything just to be in the same room as me.

" but don't you get it...... That's how it starts of. You tell yourself that you can fix it when you get back and before you know it.... You become like strangers to each other and they did comfort in someone else." I explained knowing how this all works. I did this with Kim and a lot of my other girlfriends, I actually even used being away as an excuse just to escape them, but i haven't felt so deeply for someone in so long I'm not going to let anyone or anything ruin it.

" look I've really fucked things up with ash and I've really hurt her....... So I'm not going to sit around while she's at home crying" I added, the guilt seems to double when I speak about her knowing she's crying all because of me.

Royce didn't say anything because he finally understood where I'm coming from, instead he just watched as I gathered my wallet and phone together.

" are you coming?" I asked after making sure I got everything. He just looked at me really confused and didn't quite know what I was asking.

" well you can either sit around here or come back with me and spend a night with your wife. It's your choice" I said explaining it better to him. He's been away more than me, always working with slaughterhouse in La. I feel sorry for Her since they do have two kids to look after as well.

Straight away I see the smile come over his face before he bolts of towards the door like a little girl obviously being super excited to go home to his wife and kids.
Now everything's packed and all I need to do now is somehow convince Paul to let me go home for the night.

Walking out I notice three young females started to enjoy the party with Paul and some other guys from my management team, but like always as soon as I enter they seem to come very excited to see me.

" come join the party Em. We got some beauties tonight" Paul yelled gesturing for me to come party with them, he didn't even tear his eyes of them while talking to me so he hasn't noticed the over night bag I have.

" nah..... I'm right" I said declining his offer like I've been doing all night, he just doesn't seem to get the message I'm not interested in them.

" come on don't be a party pooper!!!! I'll do anything you like" one of the girls cheered making me look at her and wonder how old she really is, since she's dressed like a hooker but talks like a 10 yr old. I guess she must have seen me look at her because out of no where she takes her top of seductively and begins strutting towards her. It's like she can't see my face and how bored and disgusted I look. Here she was only a second ago giving Paul a lap dance now she's trying to seduce me like I actually would want to touch her after she's been all over Paul. These are the moments that I really start to wonder why I used to get with so many groupies back in the day, not really caring if they've gotten with other guys before me. It's disgust me how some girls just allow any guy to touch them or do things with them, like they have no respect for themselves.
I know I rap about sluts and being a player but I guess I'm rapping based on old memories because today I seem to feel different about these things.
Don't get me wrong I'm not turning into a prude or anything and I'm not saying one night stands with women aren't amazing, there's a difference between groupies. There's one group who are just hot and seductive, but still have a little respect for themselves than there are these kind who are just plain dirty and there forward moves are not attractive at all.

However right now this girl and her moves are not doing anything for me since my mind can't stop thinking about Ashley and how I desperately want to get back to her, it's like the more she flirts with me the more eager and excited I become to actually head home and just spend one night with her, even if she doesn't want to speak to me.

" Paul I need you to get me a flight Back to Detroit, I need to head home for the night" I said not caring that there's a girl trying to seduce me

" what!!!..... Why do you need to head home?" He asked straight away looking quite angry and shocked that I want a plane ticket in such short notice.

" I just need to figure some things out okay" I answered refusing to give him a straight answer. Walking away from the girl I just go towards the Fridge and grab a Redbull for the plane trip.

" well you can figure these things out in a couple of days.." He answered like I was actually going to listen to him and that he calls the shots. Just hearing how he doesn't want to get me a ticket is actually making me quite angry and frustrated since I really need to see Ashley.

" Paul.... I'm not asking..... I'm telling you to get me two tickets. I promise I'll be back in time for this meeting tomorrow. I just need to go home" I yelled getting really angry and impatient. I'm hoping he doesn't keep refusing to otherwise I'm going to never get back in time

" why Marshall..... Your girls are at Kim's, Nathan's at collage. What so important, you can't wait till we head home" he asked, not caring that we are surrounded by other people. From the way he's shouting he sure doesn't want me to head home.

" oh god, please don't tell me you've fallen for someone or even worse hooking up with Kim again...... Come on Marshall, how many times do I have to tell you not to let girls come before your career" he yelled, seeing the way i couldn't deny that I've fallen for someone. Paul can see it all in my expression that I have a girl back home that I'm seeing.

" that was before everything happened Paul. Today's there's more important things than my career and right now heading home is more important. So get me two plane tickets" I explained calmly knowing yelling isn't going to get us anywhere. I've already made up my mind and when Paul saw I wasn't backing down he decided to get On the phone and organize my flight.

" I've booked you a return, you better not miss this flight" he said coming over to me and handing me the details of my flight. Straight away I'm grateful I have a manager like Paul and not one like Christine.

" thanks.... Sorry for clicking it before I just really need to work something out" i apologized knowing half on my anger was because of how I treated Ashley before.

" I understand that, I'm only doing this because I know how hard you've been working these last couple of months" he commented watching as I gathered my things up already knowing there will be a car downstairs waiting for Royce and I. Without a doubt Royce is going to be asking me question and knowing me I'll probably turn to him for advice like I always do.

Guilt and tears began to rise when I walked into her house and saw her lying fast asleep with smudge marks where she has been crying, curled up on her side she's holding herself trying to keep warm as the coldness takes over. Staring at her, I admire how far she's come along, more and more fat is now growing on her as she gets back to being healthy and fit. I shouldn't have said anything, but once again I opened my big mouth and have caused her so much pain, now I have to fix things.

Slowly I place my things down before I begin taking my clothes of, luckily I'm able to pull the cover back and slip Ashley's under it without waking her fully.

" what's going on???.... " she mumbled stirring more just as I slide beside her.

" don't worry it's just me..." I replied trying to get her back to sleep, but when she hears my voice she just becomes more shocked and confused.

" Marshall, what are you doing here?" she asked, still half asleep but becoming more curious on how I got here.

" I flew back for the night..... Just go back to sleep, I promise we'll talk about it tomorrow" I said while trying to keep her warm as secure under the blankets. For once she listened to me and just seemed to give up on trying to get answers and allowed me to hold her closely, like we aren't even fighting.
Giving her a few small kisses, I'm so glad that I've decided to come back.

As the night progresses, we both toss and turn trying to get comfortable. It's funny as much as Ashley and I aren't talking, it seems our bodies can't stand to be apart because throughout the night we move around the bed changing positions, but it's always to try and get more closer together. The only time I wake up is about 4am, glancing to my side I realize somehow Ashley has broken away from my arms and is curled up on her stomach on the other side of the bed facing away from me, but her arm still extended and placed on my stomach.
I lie their for a while contemplating whether or not she moved away from me because she's still angry or her body just did this while she's sleeping, but in the end I didn't care I just needed to be close to her. So slowly I slide over to her side and wrap my arms around her as I snuggle closer beside her hoping she doesn't push me away.
Straight away she moves again and for a few seconds I'm not quite sure what she's doing until I realize she's leaning up and turning herself around to face me. I'm happy feeling her quickly come back to me and also wrap her arms around me as we embrace in a bear hug. Without even thinking or even caring I just begin placing a few kisses on the top of her head as we just lay their embraced together, the small squeezes just shows me we can get through this.

" Marshall, you awake" I heard her whisper while we just lay their hugging. Somehow she can just sense that I'm fully awake and soaking in this moment with her.

" yeah" I reply barely being able to speak because of how bad I feel.

" why aren't you in New York?" She asked wondering why I left and somehow just found myself back to her bedside. Even though it's early I don't care if we stay up working through this, I know if I was still in New York than I wouldn't be sleeping because I would be feeling to guilty.

" I couldn't stand being away knowing I'd hurt you so I had to come back and fix things" I answered knowing this was the only option. From past experiences I know how much long distance can wreck things, I also know how much my career can wreck things and I'm not willing to let it wreck me and Ashley, we've both been through way to much shit to just walk away.

" so you came all this way just to fix things with me" she asked not sure if she heard correctly. I don't know if she's angry or happy.

" yeah, I'm so sorry for what I said..... and you were right for some reason I keep bringing your faults up, but I swear Ashely your not one bit annoying or unattractive" I said trying to explain how bad I feel and how deeply sorry I am. I honestly don't even know why the words unattractive an annoying came out of my mouth because they are the total opposite to Ashley, everyday she seems to surprise me and keep me entertained.

" it's okay" she whispered back after hearing my apology, but that's not what I wanted to hear.

" Ashley I don't want you to forgive me just like that, because I know it's not okay. I just want you to know I'm going to make it up to you" I said hoping she understands that I don't want her to forgive me just like that.

" Marshall, you hoped on a plane and flew back here just to apologize to me, I'm pretty sure that makes up for it. Anyways it was a stupid fight... And I know I can be annoying how I always question you and worry about the groupies but that is just because I've seen how far they'll go to get what they want and how guys can't stop themselves" she said, squeezing me tightly trying to show me she honestly is fine with my apology. As I listen I realized I've totally forgotten that her marriage ended because her husband couldn't get enough of her groupies or so did her last boyfriend. It's seems she's been hurt constantly by the same things and it always include girls who do whatever they want.

" you're not annoying and I completely understand you being weary, besides I'm pretty sure I'm the one who is constantly questioning you and jumping to stupid conclusions" I joked knowing I'm more annoying and worried than she is, but she never seems to get angry and she understands the pain I've been through.

" we're still working on each other" she joked back making the mood more easy since I know we are working through this.

I thought we would stay embraced until morning but straight after I feel her lean up on her elbows.

" Marshall I know we just talked about questioning each other, but I have to ask something" she said, making me get really confused since I have no idea what she's going on about, so instead of speaking I just listen.

" did you fly back because you felt guilty after what you said, or was it because you felt guilty about something else?" She asked, straight away I know she's referring to me sleeping with someone else, but I just don't understand where she would get something like this.

" Marshall, you smell" she simply stated, I kind of get embarrassed wondering if I've got BO but than she leans down towards my shirt.

" yep, defiantly Marc Jacobs perfume" she said after sniffing my shirt. Now I know what she's talking about and I can't help but sniff my shirt as well before I realize what's happened.

" I can explain... Trust me" I quickly state, making sure I hold her tightly so she can't get up and storm out thinking I've slept with someone else.

" Paul and some of the guys decided to have a few girls over, but I swear I just sat talking to Royce. Anyway when they arrived you called so I went in my room and the next time I came out was when I already decided to come home, but I had to get Paul to get me ticket and since he was having fun with this girl she thought I would be interested as well and tried to seduce me...... But I swear I didn't do anything and I kept pushing her away" I explained knowing it probably sounds really bad, but I know that I never asked for those girls and i never flirted with them or Anything.

" so they were there when I called?" She asked knowing we had a fight because she started assuming I had girls over, and since I didn't tell her I guess she was right.

" they had just arrived... but I swear to god Royce and I left as soon as possible. I didn't want to be there, I wanted to be with you" I answered hoping she hears how much I wasn't expecting those girls and I left before anything really begun.

" I'm gonna talk to Paul anyway when I go back and tell him I don't want groupies hanging around and if he wants to have some fun he can do it away from me and back in his hotel room. I think he might understand since he's figured out that I'm seeing someone" I continued, already knowing I'm going to have a chat with Paul to tell him I'm uncomfortable with these groupies. I know the only way Ashley is going to trust me is not by me just being faithful and showing her that I'm not interested in any Other girl, I actually have to make sacrifices and eliminate these girls altogether so she has nothing to worry about.

" I don't want you to upset Paul or change things just for me... I guess I'm going to have to get used to it" she said thinking she's the one that must adapt to this, I guess this is what she said to her last partners as well having to deal with this, but it's going to be different this time.

" no you don't.... Relationships are about making sacrifices and changes and I'm willing to do anything to make you comfortable and happy" I just whispered holding her face close to mine. Gently I lean in and kiss her hoping she realizes how I'm ready to make this right and work it doesn't matter if it involves my career or not.

" I love you Marshall" she whispered back before kissing me again allowing it to turn into a full passionate kiss not caring that is only about 4:30 am.

" I love you to" I replied before allowing us to get lost in the moment. It seems we spent a few hours making out and enjoying each other's company not caring that I have to leave again in the morning.
As she laid in my arms, I know all that travel just for a night with her was so worth it.