Fighting Feelings

" hey man" I smiled entering my studio to see Royce sitting there quietly doing his own thing as the rest of the guys slowly continue arriving.

" hey bro, how you been?" He asked looking up from his magazine and taking a sip of his coffee knowing his going to be jumping of walls soon from caffeine kick he's having.

" I'm great, what about you ? " I answered cheerfully, once again he can notice by my smile I'm in a happy mood just like I've been for the last month or so.

" I'm good, keen to get into the studio today" he replied, shuffling his papers of writing aside to make space for me as I take a seat next to him. Today we are mainly working on bad meets evil and I know he's got some ideas he wants to run past me which I'm open to hearing about. We're actually really up to date with this album and the songs just keep flowing out of us, we are defiantly going to have so many to choose from when it comes to picking the final song tracks.

Seeing he's got so many pages filled with lyrics I can't help but take a peek and within seconds I'm seeing some really good verses that we can definitely try with some beats. These days I'm so more open to trying new things and listening to other peoples ideas that I've noticed my stress levels decreasing and I'm beginning to really enjoy hip hop again. I know a couple of months ago I was working really hard and had so much going on that I probably became really angry and bad company to be around and to hang out with, but now it's defiantly easing up and I'm so bloody thankful to have people like Royce, D12, Paul, my girls and of course Ashley and her family who have stuck by me and have put up with my shit. Now it's my time to make it up to them.

" you know I never really got to thank you for sticking up for Ashley and I, and somehow convincing these guys to give Ashley a chance" I said sincerely, quickly glancing towards the D12 guys who are mucking around like always.
It was only a couple of days after telling the guys about Ashley and i that they came to my house and apologized for acting so Immaturely and being rude to Ashley, they also agreed to give her a chance and within week we organized a poker match so they could see how wonderful she is and since than I think their whole perception of her has changed.
I can tell they're still weary but she's come over here a few times and I have slowly notice them getting used to us being together, but I'm just happy they have stopped all their comments and jokes about her and actually make her feel welcomed whenever they see her.

" no problems man, I'm still stunned to see how Quickly they've warmed up to her" he said, noticing the same thing I have, but I guess it's pretty hard not to warm quickly up to Ashley since she's such a pleasant person to be around and is always so down to earth. I still find it hard to believe she's the worlds most famous female singer.

" yeah she's gets along really well with them." I replied smiling as I once again begin to think about her. She's managed to turn majority of my friends opinions of her around within a month, plus not to mention her and my girls are now getting along. After speaking to Whitney about what Hailie and Alaina told me I managed to convince her that Ashley wasn't the reason Kim and I
Ended things. I'm also doing everything possible to show her I'm not leaving nor am I ever going to disown her, she's my daughter no one else's.

" are you guys hanging out tonight?" He asked making me come out of my own little world since I'm always getting distracted by thinking about Ashley.

" yeah we are but I've got the girls tonight, so just a movie or something" I answered, once again Kim has decided to go out and leave the girls at mine, I'm not angry nor is Ashley but I just wish she would give me more notice. Luckily Ashley has been staying at mine for the past few days so it's not like we haven't seen each other and want to rip each others clothes of as soon as we get home, I think I can wait a few more days seeing Ashley doesn't really want to push things and start staying over to quickly.

The day goes by pretty dam quickly, all the guys are not as loud and energetic today maybe because it's a Thursday and it's getting closer to the weekend.
All I've been thinking about is seeing Ashley and my girls, since she finishes work early today she said she can go home and mind the girls allowing me to spend a few more hours here in the studio but also be home for dinner.

But by the time we are all finished in the studio my whole mood has changed.
Man I'm buggered, I thought today was actually go to be an easy one but once again it just seemed to slowly roll along.

" I'm home" I yelled placing my things down after entering the house. Straight away I hear squealing and screaming coming from the family room and just realize tonight's not going to be an easy one. Since it's been raining the girls have been stuck inside this afternoon and probably by now are restless and irritable which isn't good when you been dealing with energetic, immature guys all day.

" hey dad" Whitney yelled popping her head from around the corner as I'm making my way towards the kitchen. The first thing I notice is the smile plastered on her face, which is happiness i haven't seen for a while.

" hey sweetie" I smiled walking closer and kissing the top of her head since she's a little pre occupied. Entering the house I thought the girls were arguing but as I enter the kitchen I see Whitney standing at the bench of to the side with her hands covered in flour and meet, it's then I notice Hailie and Alaina standing in front of the stove busy cooking something in fry pan before finally seeing Ashley busy washing things up in the sink.

" something smells nice" I comment happily, smiling as I also go and place a kiss on Hailie and Alaina like I do every day. They're busy giggling away as they take turns cooking.

" yeah we're making hamburgers for dinner. So I hope your hungry" Whitney cheerfully answered while obviously making the actual meet paddys before handing them over to Hailie and Alaina to cook.

" I Sure am" I replied, grinning brightly as I make my way over to Ashley who's now busy setting the table. Gently I place my hands on her shoulders as she's placing the plates around the table.

" hey, how was your day?" She asked, turning around and placing a small peck on my lips. Usually we are more affectionate when we greet each other and probably by now I'll would have her on top of the counter pressing soft kisses over her body but seeing the girls are here, I know ashley doesn't want to shove all this affectionate stuff into their faces just incase there still getting used to the idea of us being together.

" it was alright a bit tiring. What about yours?" I asked her, after wrapping my arms around her and just hugging her gently, nothing to over the top just a friendly hug but it's not like it's worrying me I'm just happy to have her here.
It's taken a lot of courage to see what Ashley's done, not many would have the courage to step up and put herself in front of people who obviously had already judged her.

" it was good, just doing a few interviews that's all" she answered looking up at me and giving me one final peck before leaving my arms to continue setting the table for dinner.

" can I help with anything?" I asked, observing all the hard work the girls are doing while walking to grab a red bull from the fridge. I can't help but take a few seconds to study the scene upon me as happiness arises. I would never have imagined things turning out this well so quickly and seeing my girls get along with Ashley like there've known her for years and I can't help but imagine how perfect life would be if I got to come home to this most nights.

" nah basically everything's done" Hailie said, her voice snapping me out of my thoughts. Seeing there's nothing to be done I at least start rummaging through the mail that's been delivered while talking to my favorite girls.

Ashely p.o.v

Marshall looked wrecked after coming home from work, once again I can already see he's probably been wearing himself out at work trying to fit so much into one day.
This is one of the reasons I wanted dinner to be ready by the time he walked through that door, all so he didn't have to worry about getting the girls ready as well. It's moments like these where I try to help out as much as I can, it's just I know Marshall still probably has moments wear he craves taking tablets to help him get through the day or to help him sleep, but if it's not as stressful at home I know those Cravings won't be a severe

" these are awesome hamburgers"
Marshall compliments digging into the dinner the girls had cooked. Seeing he was finishing later tonight, hamburgers are a simple meal that can be enjoyed by everyone and watching as Marshall's digging into his he's obviously enjoying his.
The girls have been quite wonderful to hang our with, since it's raining I know it can get very boring being trapped inside the house, luckily making these distracted the girls and actually kept them busy and entertained for majority of the afternoon, leaving them now looking pretty worn out.

" yeah these are really nice girls" I added complimenting them as well while we are all sitting around the table enjoying our dinner and talking about the girls day. The only thing missing to make this moment perfect is my boys who I won't be having until tomorrow night.

We continued talking and catching up on things while sitting around the table, the girls were busy filling Marshall in on their enjoyable afternoon and what they're got planned for the weekend. Im so glad the girls have decided to give me a chance so I can show them how much I care about Marshall. I know they're still a little bit unsure about us being together so that's why Marshall and I are not being very affectionate towards each other, we don't want to rub it in or smother them with it just incase they change their minds.

" okay you guys can choose the movie we watch but you have to stack the dishwasher" Marshall announced after we've been sitting here for a few minutes listening to the girls talking about watching a movie.
Seeing how Marshall and I are both exhausted we already knew it's just a matter of time before we are fast asleep on the lounge supposedly watching a movie with the girls but more like relaxing while the girls get all excited over the movie.

" thanks for minding the girls and making dinner. I really appreciate it" Marshall whispered in my ear, gently moving his hand under the table and placing it on my thigh knowing the girls can't see it and aren't really paying attention to us.

" it's fine, I love hanging with your girls" I smiled, giving Marshall all my attention as we begin talking about a few things while the girls are cleaning up and getting ready for the movie. We just quietly sat next to each other casually catching up like we do every day usually it's either face to face or over the phone but I can't help but feel this different kind of happiness come over me as I think about how perfect life is at the moment.

Since the kitchen was already basically clean it doesn't take long until we make our way to the lounge room.

" I'm just going to call the boys" I said softly to Marshall, seeing how the girls still can't choose the movie I take this as an opportunity to call my boys and see how their night is with their friends since their father is away.
Like always they're as loud as ever and from the background noises I can tell they're having a guys night inn, watching the football and eating hot chips probably something Marshall's wishing he's could be doing tonight but instead he's stuck watching Alice in wonderland with four very talkative girls.

Marshall has left me a spot next to him seeing how the girls have collected all the bean bags, blankets and pillows and have made a massive bed on the carpet in the middle of the room giving them the best spot in front of the plasma.
This left Marshall and I to take up the lounge behind them, as much as we're trying not to be very mushy and affectionate I have to admit it's pretty hard not to get entangled with each other while lying on the lounge, I think just sitting beside each other holding hands lasted only 10 Minutes until we gradually begin to cuddle, entangling are arms more and more until we're snuggled up under a blanket.

" I missed you today" Marshall whispered very softly into my ear so we weren't interrupting the girls and the movie even though I think that's impossible since they have it blaring through the surround system.

" I missed you too! I hated that I had to leave early this morning" I replied, a little bit of sadness coming over me knowing Marshall wanted to cook breakfast and take it easy for a while, but once again work called and i had to leave unexpectedly.

" it's fine, least we still got to have some fun even if it was at 6 am" he smirked, placing a soft kiss on my head allowing me to nuzzle my head into his neck making us become even closer together. I can't believe I had forgotten the fun we got up to at 6, it was so random because we both just woke up and were still barely even awake before we got started and then after we just fell back asleep for a few hours.

Seeing the girls have virtually turned the lounge room into a cinema, enjoying the movie as it blared through the speakers, this allowed Marshall and I to take the advantage of sitting behind them to just catch up, now I don't mean sexually it involved more talking than ever.
I kept thanking Marshall for hanging out with my boys the other day and how they haven't stopped talking about it. He had come over one afternoon while his girls were busy with after school activities just to hang out for a bit, but once again worked got in the way and I had to do a few things on the computer, but when I came out Marshall had already begun versing the boys on the playstation.
This wasn't the first time they had hung out but it was still nice to see Marshall putting in effort to hang with them especially since he's now my boyfriend.

I think the movie was only half way through until we both noticed the girls fast asleep on the ground.

" I should get them to bed" he whispered, unwrapping his hands from around my waist so he could get up and get these girls upstairs.

It was so cute watching him lean down and try to wake them up peacefully as I turned the DVD off. Until I looked at the clock I hadn't even realized how late it was, I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep yet.

" good night, have a good sleep" I said quietly, watching as they all rubbed their eyes but barely even awake.

" night ash" they all mumbled, before dragging their tired bodies upstairs while Marshall followed along giving Whitney a piggy back ride. It's so adorable seeing this sweet, affectionate side of Marshall a side not a lot of people get to see seeing he's very into protecting his daughters privacy.

Marshall p.o.v

After tucking my girls into bed and saying goodnight, I make my way back to the lounge room where the most incredible woman sits waiting for me.
There aren't many women out their that have this special touch to them, the only ones i have known for years are my daughters and of course my aunt but i didn't expect to add Ashley Ann onto that very short list of women I admire.

I turn the lights off making it basically pitch black before sitting back beside Ashley and carefully wrapping my arms around her.
Not wanting to waste Time I quickly lean and smash my lips against hers just wanting to kiss her like I've been craving all day to do.
She can tell straight away my eagerness just to be close to her, so she doesn't seem to fight my moves off and allows me to bear hug her while placing small kisses on her neck.

" Marshall, I should go" she whispered, trying really hard not to enjoy my kisses and get caught up just like I am.

" you can stay over if you like, the girls don't care" I said, lifting my head and just leaning against her forehead pleading for her not to leave. I just want to hold her and fall asleep beside her like we have been doing this entire week.

" nah I should really head off, I have to be up by 5am anyway" she replied, managing to crush my heart as she declines my offer. But as much as I'm sad she's deciding to leave at least I know she's not leaving just because she doesn't feel welcomed or is afraid about my girls waking up to see her still here. But deep down I still want her here with me.

" I don't mind if you have to leave early, I can set my alarm" I said back, saying everything i can just to get her to stay, but even though I can see she's already made up her mind.

" nah I really should go" she replied, hearing those words that just crush my heart even more. I guess I can't be mad at her, basically I'm disappointed I won't be falling asleep with her by my side. Do you know how hard it is to sleep next to someone for a week and then all of sudden your back to sleeping alone wishing for them to be In between your arms where they belong.

" okay but just stay for a little bit longer" I said, kissing her neck again showing her exactly why I want her to stay. It doesn't take long to convince her and soon we are back to cuddling and making out like two teenagers.

I think we honestly sat there for another half an hour just kissing and talking about things we couldn't really bring up in front of the girls. It's funny every five minutes she would say she was heading home but not once could she just seem to get of the lounge and out of my arms.

I was in the middle of kissing her checks and lightly running my fingers along her stomach as my hands rested underneath her shirt, loving how her lips still taste like strawberries even after nearly an hour of kissing.
We only freaked out when all of the sudden the lights flicked on, creating light all through the lounge room as Ashley and I sat on the lounge making out.
You should have seen us, It would have been hilarious watching Ashley and I jump back and out of each other's arms in fright, quickly trying to straighten up before the person noticed us kissing on the couch.

" sorry didn't mean to Interrupt you two love birds " Nathan said, relief coming over me when I see it's only my brother arriving home and not my girls.

Ashley and I continue regaining our composure and straightening up seeing Nathan is home and the mood has been disturbed but he doesn't seem to interested on us, he worried more about what's in the fridge.

" I should head home now... But I'll call you tomorrow?" She said, walking to the table and gathering her things up getting ready to go and head home. .

" yeah call me after your meetings or something" I replied just following along behind her, seeing It's pointless trying to convince her to stay when's she's already made up he mind.
I guess she's just worried that we are rushing things with the girls since it's only a month ago that hated the idea of us being together.

" see you Nathan" she smiled laughing at him scoffing his face with food even though it's nearly midnight.

" see ya ash" he mumbled, turning around from the fridge with his mouth fill of food making it very difficult to figure out what he's saying.
We both just laugh before I grab her hand and begin walking her towards the front door.

" you better text me when you get home" I whispered, my lips inches from hers as we stand there holding each other.
Man I could stay like this every night, and hopefully the more Ashley gets used to my girls knowing the more she will become comfortable with the idea of sleeping over, so we won't have to go through all of this goodbye shit.

" if I remember, but you know Me I always seem to forget" she laughed, resting her forehead against mine. Shes actually is right, we both know she's not very good with remembering things especially stuff like that, but I still say it anyway.

Leaning in I just place my lips on hers, tasting his lip gloss as I quickly deepen the kiss by sliding my hands up under her shirt and coat.

" goodnight Marshall" she laughed, noticing my passion and not wanting me to get carried away. Even though the girls are in bed and it's dark at the front door, if they looked over the railings and down they would be able to see us making out in front of the front door.

" I'm sorry I just get carried away sometimes" I whispered, not allowing her to get out of my grip after I agreed to stop trying to take things further but instead just standing there holding her closely as her arms are wrapped around my neck.

" it's okay, and I promise things we'll be more easier in a couple of months" she promised, happiness coming over me when I hear those words leave her mouth. I can't wait to things are less complicated.

" I love you ash" I said, running my hands through her long blonde hair. How has this girls managed to make me act like a love sick puppy, she's managed to do what I thought was impossible, and that's make me fall so deeply in love with her and see myself having a long future together.

" I love you too" she smiled, leaning once more in and giving me a kiss which turned pretty quickly into a tongue filled, passionate goodbye make out lasting a few Minutes before we broke away.

She flashed me one last smile as I stood there watching while she walked to the car, not really wanting her to leave.

Seeing how I'm exhausted from working all day,after she left I quickly say goodnight to Nathan before heading upstairs just hoping Ashley will text me when she gets home.

But By the time I've gotten ready for bed and finally laid down, my phone still hasn't got a new message on it even though she should be home by now, but she's probably forgotten like she always does.

Just to ease my nerve and make sure she's home safely I text her a goodnight message knowing she'll read it and remember she had to text me. I didn't want to be on her back nagging her, so instead I simply write goodnight and how much I love her before placing my phone beside me.

Straight away the exhaustion finally sets in and it seems I'm only awake for another couple of minutes before I drift deeply of to sleep thinking about how good life is and how much better it would be if proof and my aunt were still alive to see how wonderful and happy Ashley makes me. They've always wanted me to find a nice woman and now I think I really have.

I was currently dreaming about something when all of the sudden it started going weird. You know when you dream but something is happening in real life to make you slowly wake up but you're more confused than ever? Well this is exactly what's happening and it's not until I wake up that I notice it's the vibration of my phone ringing beside me that wrecked my dream.
I have no idea how long I was asleep for, but seeing how Ashley hasn't texted me back I just answer it thinking it's her.

Me: hello

Kane: Marshall! It's Kane....
.it take a few seconds for me to recognize it's Ashley's son.

Me: hey man, what's up? Are you okay?
straight away worry coming over me wondering why he would be calling me so late.

Kane: I don't know what to do, it's about mum she's hurt.
he said really really fast so I could barely understand what he was saying, all I could hear was the sadness in his voice.

Me: Kane!!!..... Slow down and take a deep breath
encouraged waiting a few minutes as I listened to him taking my advice.

Me: okay now tell me what's going on"
I said still worried because I can hear how upset he is just by his breathing.

Kane: mums been in a car accident and the doctors are asking me all these questions that I don't know the answer to
my heart suddenly drops when I hear these words leave his mouth. My legs suddenly go weak and I have to sit back down just to comprehend what he's saying. My mind does blank and all I can think about is this some kind of cruel twisted nightmare I'm having.

Kane: Marshall??.........
I hear Kane repeating my name making me come back to earth

Me: sorry.... I'm here..... Where's your dad?
I stuttered, my mouth has gone dry and it's hard just getting words out.

Kane: he's away, I was at my friends house when I got the call......I didn't even get to see her before there rushing her to surgery....... And Christine is making all these calls and decisions while talking to the doctors but no ones letting me know what's going on"
he cried sounding so scared, making Tears begin to fall when I realize it must be bad if she's been rushed to surgery.

Me: don't make any decisions, I'm on my way now.

Kane: okay

I quickly hung up an rushed to get changed. This could not be real, I can't help but panic and worry not knowing what's happening.
I quickly tell Nathan before rushing to the hospital. It feels like déjà vu as I'm driving To the hospital knowing the last time I received a call like this is when Proof was killed

When I arrived I noticed the small crowd forming outside, somehow a few of the paparazzi have managed to learn about the news before me and are all setting up in front of the hospital waiting for some news.
Luckily I find an entrance door that's not the main hospital one, but I don't care if they see me anyway I just need to know my baby is going to be okay, I can't loose her