An Nimh Milse
Alone
Darcy made her way back to the court-yard and turned her phone to silent. She didn't want to talk, to anyone. How dare Gavin show up here, and then to lie like he did.
She sat back down on the rock where Sheila had found her at only a short time ago. She pulled the hood of her sweater up and tucked her hands on to her pockets. She just wanted to disappear where Gavin couldn't find her. After she hung up on him that day six years ago she nearly put an end to Darcy Findlay. It just wasn't worth it if the one person she thought she could rely on abandoned her.
But she didn't. She didn’t want him to know how much control he had on her. She didn't want him to realize how much power she'd given him. So she did what came natural to her, ducted her head and tried not to draw attention to herself. In the three years she'd known Gavin he never let her hide away from the birds of Prey and their torment got worse. It was like the more she stood up to them the more they made her pay for it.
She stood outside along the back wall of the school a cigarette hanging from her lips as she waited. It was five months after Gavin abandoned her and she was enjoying the spring air. It was cool and calming as she waited, and calm was what she needed to be right now.
“Okay freak you’ve got a lot of nerve calling me out here,” Jay Finnegan said walking towards her with an annoyed look on his pretty face. She’d known him since she transferred to the school and, because of their similar names, were stuck next to each other for the remainder of their school life. Jay was one of the birds of prey and he and Gavin clashed every time they came within ear shot of one another. Jay had never been particularly vicious to her unless Gavin was there but now Gavin was gone and she was becoming desperate.
“Desperate people do desperate things,” she muttered knocking the ash off the end of her cigarette.
“You’re desperate?” he asked raised an eyebrow, “For what? Everyone knows that you and Long are meeting each other’s physical needs.”
She didn’t react as she turned to meet his eyes, “I haven’t spoken to Gavin in months.”
He took a step back, “So what? You think I'm gonna help you out now? Sorry I don’t do seconds and defiantly not with Long’s slut-“
“That’s not what I want.” She said in a low voice.
“Then what?” he demanded getting louder
She turned away and whispered into the cool spring breeze, “I want to survive.”
He paused a moment, “What?”
She looked back at him, “I want to survive my last year here and then go far, far away and never see you or anyone from here ever again.”
“Then do it,” he sneered.
“I-I can’t,” she muttered taking another drag of her cigarette. “You and your friends are… making it difficult.
“And what? You think I can make them stop?” he laughed and she turned her whole body to look at him.
“No but they do look to you as their leader, or one of them at least.” She sighed looking down at the ground. “I know you all will never stop, not entirely. I just want to go back to being invisible, or something of the like.”
He studied her, “What makes you think I’ll help you?”
“I don’t know if you will,” she admitted, “that’s why I'm asking. I know I mean nothing to you. if anything you hate me because I was friends with Gavin; but you should know that, that’s over. I hate him as much as you.”
“That doesn’t change anything.”
“I know, but it’s like I said, I'm desperate.” She said looking into his eyes. “I don’t want to die but I can’t continue to live like this.”
His eyes went wide, “Wait what?”
She frowned and cocked her head to the side, “What?”
“Who said anything about dying?” he demanded, his voice raising an octave.
It was her turn to yell, “What did you think I meant by surviving?! I'm about two days away from taking as many pills as I can from the medicine cupboard to escape you guys; the birds of prey that circle the flightless bird to tease and torture her.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, his fear leaking into his face.
“Did you know the Blue Jay can be considered a bird of prey?” she asked. “You’re name sake… is a killer.”
“Whoa wait-“
“But not typically,” she continued. “I guess it just depends on the bird.”
Darcy graduated three months later without another incident.
And then Gavin started to call her. About nine months after he severed their friendship Darcy got a call. On instinct she answered, thinking it was her mom or sister, but the moment she heard his voice she hung up again. She didn't know what he wanted and she didn't care. Over the next year he would attempt to contact her several times a month. He left voice mails she didn't listen to and text she didn't read until eventually she changed her number.
During this time she was also attending the same colleges from which her brother was now graduating. She'd liked the school but the courses were boring and mundane. It was all busy work and a complete waste of her time so she left. She went home and returned to her job at the animal shelter. Nothing changed over the next five years for Darcy and she didn't mind it. She was content with the repetition of her life.
Then things changed. Sheila had taken Darcy shopping for a new wardrobe with the money her parents had given her for her birthday. Sheila was ecstatic. Darcy was less than thrilled, but it turned out to not be all bad. Sheila managed to pick out a new wardrobe that was fashionable and Darcy felt comfortable wearing. Sheila called it "punk-sheik."
On the way out of the mall, wearing one of the outfits Sheila had picked, (A mocha colored half-shirt with a black butterfly printed across her chest, her midriff was left bare to show off her "rockin bod". She wore light blue skinny jeans and black ballet flats. A black flower pin pulled back her hair to "complete the look".) a man stopped them.
"You are gorgeous," he said appraising Darcy with beady brown eyes.
"Um, thanks?" Darcy frowned, not sure what else to say.
Sheila however was quite familiar with this type of attention, "Back the hell off yah creeper. My sister is not interested."
He didn't even blink, "I apologize miss but you mistake my intent. I am happily married and have no intent on perusing your sister. I am but a man with an eye for beauty and I am the co-CEO of an international lingerie company." He turned to the store behind him and smiled, "this location just opened and I wanted to see how it was running."
"I'm sure," Sheila rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Does that work on mot girls?"
He laughed, "no, not a soul I tell ever believes me. But none the less I want to offer your sister...?"
"Darcy," she spoke up.
He smiled, "I want to offer Darcy an employment opportunity. As I said earlier she is a gorgeous girl and I know we are in need of a few more models to promote our brand. Here's the card of our regional manager and this one is my personal line in case something should go wrong."
"Who said-" Sheila began as Darcy politely took the cards
"That is only if Darcy is interested in my offer,” he said smiling at the younger girl. “I will respect her wishes of course.” Sheila and the man turned to face her and Darcy looked between the too. She knew that she should be the good Christian her mother raised her to be and say no. but personally she never really cared for the whole religion shtick and the look on her sister face told her everything she needed to know about why she was protesting so adamantly.
“Please don’t mind my sister,” she said to the man. “She’s just jealous because you offered it to me and not her.”
The man turned his eyes on her, “well she is a lovely girl too but not quite the right figure for lingerie modeling.”
“Hey-“
“Enough, La,” Darcy silenced her sister. “Let me handle this.”
In the beginning she just wanted to tease her sister a little but after her first photo shoot she found that she didn’t actually mind the work. Plus the money was wonderful. So she continued to model for the company but turned down her coworkers invitations to parties or events. She was there for her job and that was all.
Gavin started emailing her. He would attach his favorite photos of her and comment on how she seems to be doing well. He would send her letters about how sorry and out of line he was. She continued to ignore him. It got to a point where she would just throw the letters in the fireplace when she saw them. Soon Sheila caught on to the amount of hatred Darcy had for her former best friend and she started intercepting the letters before her sister saw them. Sheila never stood up for her sister when she was being bullied and now that she was older it was her biggest regret. Doing this, hiding and burning the letters, was the only thing she could think to right what she did wrong. Because when Darcy felt like she had no one Sheila should have been there to show her she wasn’t.
To Darcy the world had started to fall into chaos. With the change of the Little Birds feathers the other birds suddenly accepted and tried to gain her attention. Didn’t they know they were too late? She didn’t care anymore if they accepted her or not. She’d come to terms with her isolation and there was nothing they could do to change her mind.
As she sat on the rock, in the middle of the courtyard of the college her brother was graduating from, she reaffirmed that knowledge in her mind. Darcy was alone for a reason.
Being alone is what The Little Bird had, being alone protected her.
She sat back down on the rock where Sheila had found her at only a short time ago. She pulled the hood of her sweater up and tucked her hands on to her pockets. She just wanted to disappear where Gavin couldn't find her. After she hung up on him that day six years ago she nearly put an end to Darcy Findlay. It just wasn't worth it if the one person she thought she could rely on abandoned her.
But she didn't. She didn’t want him to know how much control he had on her. She didn't want him to realize how much power she'd given him. So she did what came natural to her, ducted her head and tried not to draw attention to herself. In the three years she'd known Gavin he never let her hide away from the birds of Prey and their torment got worse. It was like the more she stood up to them the more they made her pay for it.
She stood outside along the back wall of the school a cigarette hanging from her lips as she waited. It was five months after Gavin abandoned her and she was enjoying the spring air. It was cool and calming as she waited, and calm was what she needed to be right now.
“Okay freak you’ve got a lot of nerve calling me out here,” Jay Finnegan said walking towards her with an annoyed look on his pretty face. She’d known him since she transferred to the school and, because of their similar names, were stuck next to each other for the remainder of their school life. Jay was one of the birds of prey and he and Gavin clashed every time they came within ear shot of one another. Jay had never been particularly vicious to her unless Gavin was there but now Gavin was gone and she was becoming desperate.
“Desperate people do desperate things,” she muttered knocking the ash off the end of her cigarette.
“You’re desperate?” he asked raised an eyebrow, “For what? Everyone knows that you and Long are meeting each other’s physical needs.”
She didn’t react as she turned to meet his eyes, “I haven’t spoken to Gavin in months.”
He took a step back, “So what? You think I'm gonna help you out now? Sorry I don’t do seconds and defiantly not with Long’s slut-“
“That’s not what I want.” She said in a low voice.
“Then what?” he demanded getting louder
She turned away and whispered into the cool spring breeze, “I want to survive.”
He paused a moment, “What?”
She looked back at him, “I want to survive my last year here and then go far, far away and never see you or anyone from here ever again.”
“Then do it,” he sneered.
“I-I can’t,” she muttered taking another drag of her cigarette. “You and your friends are… making it difficult.
“And what? You think I can make them stop?” he laughed and she turned her whole body to look at him.
“No but they do look to you as their leader, or one of them at least.” She sighed looking down at the ground. “I know you all will never stop, not entirely. I just want to go back to being invisible, or something of the like.”
He studied her, “What makes you think I’ll help you?”
“I don’t know if you will,” she admitted, “that’s why I'm asking. I know I mean nothing to you. if anything you hate me because I was friends with Gavin; but you should know that, that’s over. I hate him as much as you.”
“That doesn’t change anything.”
“I know, but it’s like I said, I'm desperate.” She said looking into his eyes. “I don’t want to die but I can’t continue to live like this.”
His eyes went wide, “Wait what?”
She frowned and cocked her head to the side, “What?”
“Who said anything about dying?” he demanded, his voice raising an octave.
It was her turn to yell, “What did you think I meant by surviving?! I'm about two days away from taking as many pills as I can from the medicine cupboard to escape you guys; the birds of prey that circle the flightless bird to tease and torture her.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, his fear leaking into his face.
“Did you know the Blue Jay can be considered a bird of prey?” she asked. “You’re name sake… is a killer.”
“Whoa wait-“
“But not typically,” she continued. “I guess it just depends on the bird.”
Darcy graduated three months later without another incident.
And then Gavin started to call her. About nine months after he severed their friendship Darcy got a call. On instinct she answered, thinking it was her mom or sister, but the moment she heard his voice she hung up again. She didn't know what he wanted and she didn't care. Over the next year he would attempt to contact her several times a month. He left voice mails she didn't listen to and text she didn't read until eventually she changed her number.
During this time she was also attending the same colleges from which her brother was now graduating. She'd liked the school but the courses were boring and mundane. It was all busy work and a complete waste of her time so she left. She went home and returned to her job at the animal shelter. Nothing changed over the next five years for Darcy and she didn't mind it. She was content with the repetition of her life.
Then things changed. Sheila had taken Darcy shopping for a new wardrobe with the money her parents had given her for her birthday. Sheila was ecstatic. Darcy was less than thrilled, but it turned out to not be all bad. Sheila managed to pick out a new wardrobe that was fashionable and Darcy felt comfortable wearing. Sheila called it "punk-sheik."
On the way out of the mall, wearing one of the outfits Sheila had picked, (A mocha colored half-shirt with a black butterfly printed across her chest, her midriff was left bare to show off her "rockin bod". She wore light blue skinny jeans and black ballet flats. A black flower pin pulled back her hair to "complete the look".) a man stopped them.
"You are gorgeous," he said appraising Darcy with beady brown eyes.
"Um, thanks?" Darcy frowned, not sure what else to say.
Sheila however was quite familiar with this type of attention, "Back the hell off yah creeper. My sister is not interested."
He didn't even blink, "I apologize miss but you mistake my intent. I am happily married and have no intent on perusing your sister. I am but a man with an eye for beauty and I am the co-CEO of an international lingerie company." He turned to the store behind him and smiled, "this location just opened and I wanted to see how it was running."
"I'm sure," Sheila rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Does that work on mot girls?"
He laughed, "no, not a soul I tell ever believes me. But none the less I want to offer your sister...?"
"Darcy," she spoke up.
He smiled, "I want to offer Darcy an employment opportunity. As I said earlier she is a gorgeous girl and I know we are in need of a few more models to promote our brand. Here's the card of our regional manager and this one is my personal line in case something should go wrong."
"Who said-" Sheila began as Darcy politely took the cards
"That is only if Darcy is interested in my offer,” he said smiling at the younger girl. “I will respect her wishes of course.” Sheila and the man turned to face her and Darcy looked between the too. She knew that she should be the good Christian her mother raised her to be and say no. but personally she never really cared for the whole religion shtick and the look on her sister face told her everything she needed to know about why she was protesting so adamantly.
“Please don’t mind my sister,” she said to the man. “She’s just jealous because you offered it to me and not her.”
The man turned his eyes on her, “well she is a lovely girl too but not quite the right figure for lingerie modeling.”
“Hey-“
“Enough, La,” Darcy silenced her sister. “Let me handle this.”
In the beginning she just wanted to tease her sister a little but after her first photo shoot she found that she didn’t actually mind the work. Plus the money was wonderful. So she continued to model for the company but turned down her coworkers invitations to parties or events. She was there for her job and that was all.
Gavin started emailing her. He would attach his favorite photos of her and comment on how she seems to be doing well. He would send her letters about how sorry and out of line he was. She continued to ignore him. It got to a point where she would just throw the letters in the fireplace when she saw them. Soon Sheila caught on to the amount of hatred Darcy had for her former best friend and she started intercepting the letters before her sister saw them. Sheila never stood up for her sister when she was being bullied and now that she was older it was her biggest regret. Doing this, hiding and burning the letters, was the only thing she could think to right what she did wrong. Because when Darcy felt like she had no one Sheila should have been there to show her she wasn’t.
To Darcy the world had started to fall into chaos. With the change of the Little Birds feathers the other birds suddenly accepted and tried to gain her attention. Didn’t they know they were too late? She didn’t care anymore if they accepted her or not. She’d come to terms with her isolation and there was nothing they could do to change her mind.
As she sat on the rock, in the middle of the courtyard of the college her brother was graduating from, she reaffirmed that knowledge in her mind. Darcy was alone for a reason.
Being alone is what The Little Bird had, being alone protected her.