I Am Weakness, I Am Greatness, I Am Anything You Want Me to Be

Emilys POV
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Well I was late.. Such a great thing to figure out while your boyfriend is halfway across the country performing with his band… I got to spend more time with Natalie though so that was a plus side. I shook the thoughts about hanging out with Nat out of my head for a little bit as I looked at my calendar, I hadn’t come on in over a month.. I tried to remember the dates me and John had sex, I sat down on the chair in the bathroom, and began to think my head in my hands shaking my head back and forth. “No No No No, this can’t be happening.. I can’t be pregnant. No. Its just a confusion, maybe its just stress that has stopped my period from coming, that can happen right?” I mumbled to myself trying to keep myself calm when in my head all I could think about was having a mini me, or a mini John and that terrified me for now.

Obviously I hadn’t been that quiet because Natalie had woken up and was knocking on the bathroom door saying “Emily babe, what’s up?” In her sleepy voice which sounded like she was yawning at the same time, the band being on tour was good for Natalie though because that meant she didn’t have to see Kennedy as often, so it didn’t really break her heart all that much anymore, I tried not to talk about John too much when I was around her as well because I know how she must have felt lonely, not to mention she must feel like a third wheel sometimes, and I didn’t wan that for the girl I called my best friend. “I’m okay Nats, you can come in.” I said back to her and looked up at her only to be greeted by a hug “You aren’t okay.. Talk to me. Something is bothering you, I have known you for far to long for you to lie to me Emily.” She said and sat down on the side of the bath. I looked up at my long haired ginger friend and sighed. “I think I am pregnant.” I noticed her eyes go wide at that very comment and I chewed on my lip some of the tears I had tried my hardest to keep in just came flooding down my cheeks, I shook my head, “I am so stupid, I am sorry..” Natalie then looked at me and shook her head wrapping her arms around me, “Well first things first Em, we need to get you a test. We can’t be getting all upset if we don’t know for definite.. And if you are, then well we will deal with that.. And your baby will be the most gorgeous baby on the planet. And you know i’ll be here to support you no matter what, John or anyone says about it, you always have your little old ginger friend!” She said with a laugh. I looked at her wiping my eyes and nodded “That’s a good idea..” I mumbled how did she always manage to make things a little better, I was so scared incase I was pregnant what would I tell John was the most scariest part..

I got up and walked out of the bathroom with Natalie following behind me and I put my shoes on quickly and wiped my eyes and bit my lip and looked at Natalie “Well lets go get this damn test, but would you mind getting it..? I mean if the media see’s me by a test then its going to be all over the place, before John even knows.. Please..” I said looking at her hoping she’d do this for me, because I was scared.. I heard her say “Of course babe, what are friends for.. I’ll get the test for you!” She said with a smile grabbing her car keys we walked to her car and I smiled as she hoped in. “I’ll drive to the nearest supermarket that way we can buy some food for the guys too!” She smiled, Natalie was always thinking of others.. I looked at her and nodded “Yeah that sounds like a brilliant idea lovely.” I smiled trying to show her that I was okay even if I knew she could read me like a book, we both just had that kind of bond.. I looked up as we got outside the supermarket and got out the car.

Before I knew it I was at home holding the test in my hand, I was scared to take it I knew Natalie was just outside but I didn’t want to take the test I took a deep breath and done everything I had to do, and then waited for three minutes and then opened my eyes and looked down at the test and my heart sunk in my chest.. It was positive.. I was pregnant. With John O’Callaghan’s baby.. Great.. Niether of us had discussed having a kid and here was me pregnant with his baby.. We had only been together for what a few months.. I walked out and collapsed into Natalie’s chest. “I am pregnant..” I mumbled against her shoulder feeling her arms wrap around me and one of her hands stroke my hair and I heard her say “It’s going to be okay, you have me.. I’m here to support you and the little baby in your tummy with whatever you need..” I looked at her pulling away and wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve before saying “Thank you.” I then heard the door and I made myself look like I hadn’t been crying while Natalie went to answer the door to the guys who where back from tour today.. Just what I needed… Not.

I looked at John and smiled and rushed over to him and wrapped him in a hug, “I missed you so much..” I mumbled trying to seem as normal as possible, I hugged the rest of the guys before my hand got grabbed by John and then he led me upstairs to the bedroom we shared, I smiled at him before he pushed me against the wall, and I looked at him yeah I wanted to.. But I couldn’t… “John no.. Stop.. Please..” I mumbled and he pulled away from kissing my neck and he looked at me confused, “I’m not in the mood..” I mumbled to him softly but he then kissed my neck again “Baby please, I have been away from you for so long.. I need you..” He whispered and I almost caved in when he started begging but no I had to stand my ground. “No, John.” I whispered my voice croaking in the middle of that sentence before I pulled away from him completely before he said “Is there something I should know? Like why are you avoiding me, and why does our bed look like it had been slept in by two people!” He said raising his voice at me and I moved back a little bit scared of his reaction..

“John.. That was me and Natalie.. I was missing you, so she heard my crying last night and came in to hug me is all.. I am avoiding you because..” I stopped and looked down at my feet shaking, “B-because.. I am..” I said looking at him, “I am pregnant with your baby..” I mumbled waiting for his reaction and I was scared to be quite honest. “No you can’t be.. I wore protection every single time.. You can’t be..” He said shaking his head and i chewed on my lip and looked at him, “I am John.. I am so sorry..” I mumbled tears rolling down my cheeks and then I heard him say the next sentance, “Are you sure it is even mine, I have been away for what almost a month and half you could have got knocked up by someone else in that time?” He shouted at me and I chewed on my lip shaking a little bit I looked at him, “Of course the baby is yours.. I haven’t slept with anyone else..” I muttered back to him, why was he being so jerkish about this.. I knew he’d be scared but there was no need to be so horrible to me.. I then heard him say “Well I don’t want the stupid kid. Nor do I want to be with you, if you are carrying the stupid baby.” I then looked at him and I lost my temper. “You shut up right there O’Callaghan.. You may be upset and fucking scared but so am I, but I am not standing here insulting you am I? Or calling our baby stupid, how low can you get… It is your baby too, I thought you would be at least a little bit happy.. You said you love me. But you don’t do you. So fuck right off and don’t insult our baby.” I screamed and slapped him round the face before walking to the kitchen seeing that Nats had finished cooking and all the guys where sitting around the table, all except John of course. I took a seat down next to Garrett and smiled laying my head down on his shoulder. “Missed you Gare bear..” I said with a soft smile grinning as he said “I missed you too little Em.” I laughed and began to eat the chicken stir fry Natalie had cooked for us all I took some bites and smiled “Mhmm this is so good..” I smiled and looked at her with a soft smile before I combed my hand back through my hair. I knew Natalie could tell something was up. But she didn’t say anything, thankfully.. Then John came downstairs and sat down next to Jared and began to eat his food, “Well this is fun, food being cooked for us by some oh so wonderful girls…. What a lie.” He said laughing which is when Kennedy joined in and pushed his plate away from him towards Natalie and said “My toe can cook better than that..”

And before I knew it Kennedy was standing over Natalie shouting at her.

Please tell me this was just a bad dream.. No it wasn’t.. This was reality..