Carry On
Carry On
It's been one week since the accident. Seven days and the pain is still as strong as the minute they told me. I haven't cried yet, I'm hurting so much but the tears won't come. I don't know why I want them to. I know that the minute they do I'll break and I can't break. I promised her I wouldn't. I can't break, I won't break, but I need to. I need to break so the pain will stop. No. I don't need to break. I need her. I need her smile, her laugh, her voice... I grab my guitar and pull on my shoes. Maybe I just need closure, a walk down memory lane to say goodbye properly.
I start on my front porch, we sat here late into the night and chatted about anything that we wanted to. I remember how excitable she used to get when we discussed music, she loved obscure bands like Elliot Minor, sometimes she would sing really loudly and wake the neighbours "Do you remember that, Anna?" I ask the air "You used to sing Carry On all the time, my neighbours hated your late night karaoke sessions!" I laugh at the memory and continue to my next destination.
I arrive outside a small poetry cafe. "You got us banned from here, didn't you Anna?" I smile "Remember how you told me you were sick of all the Edgar Allen Poe rip-offs? You got up there and sang a rude limerick!" I readjust the guitar on my shoulder and sit down at a table outside the cafe next door. I can't remember how her limerick went, it was pretty awful though. Bad enough to get us both banned from setting foot in there again. It was a shame, we both agreed that they made the best hot chocolate ever. I sigh and put my head in my hands. What am I doing? I want to give up, but I've come so far! I have to carry on. I need to do this. I stand up and continue walking with a renewed sense of purpose to the woods, my last stop down memory lane. We used to camp out there all the time, not on purpose, we'd both fall asleep and end up spending the night on the forest floor!
When I finally arrive in our clearing, everything is exactly how we left it. I sit on one of the flat rocks and take my guitar out of its case. I check that it's in tune, then I begin to play. The song is so familiar that I can play it with my eyes closed, so that's what I do. The second I close my eyes, the memories swirl behind my eyelids. Good and bad in chronicle order, soon I reach my last memory of her: We're walking along a road, on our way home from school. She's singing and not really paying attention to her surroundings, she comes to a road and steps out to cross, I shout to her, warning her to watch out. The car screeches and swerves but it's too late, it doesn't stop in time.
I open my eyes and suddenly I'm crying so hard that I lie down and curl up. I'm not sure how long I lie there for but when I finally stop sobbing I feel a hand on my cheek and her voice rings out as clear as ever, echoing off the trees.
"Carry on
This isn't over
What was I thinking of?
I was out of line
And I would never go
Carry on, carry on"
I start on my front porch, we sat here late into the night and chatted about anything that we wanted to. I remember how excitable she used to get when we discussed music, she loved obscure bands like Elliot Minor, sometimes she would sing really loudly and wake the neighbours "Do you remember that, Anna?" I ask the air "You used to sing Carry On all the time, my neighbours hated your late night karaoke sessions!" I laugh at the memory and continue to my next destination.
I arrive outside a small poetry cafe. "You got us banned from here, didn't you Anna?" I smile "Remember how you told me you were sick of all the Edgar Allen Poe rip-offs? You got up there and sang a rude limerick!" I readjust the guitar on my shoulder and sit down at a table outside the cafe next door. I can't remember how her limerick went, it was pretty awful though. Bad enough to get us both banned from setting foot in there again. It was a shame, we both agreed that they made the best hot chocolate ever. I sigh and put my head in my hands. What am I doing? I want to give up, but I've come so far! I have to carry on. I need to do this. I stand up and continue walking with a renewed sense of purpose to the woods, my last stop down memory lane. We used to camp out there all the time, not on purpose, we'd both fall asleep and end up spending the night on the forest floor!
When I finally arrive in our clearing, everything is exactly how we left it. I sit on one of the flat rocks and take my guitar out of its case. I check that it's in tune, then I begin to play. The song is so familiar that I can play it with my eyes closed, so that's what I do. The second I close my eyes, the memories swirl behind my eyelids. Good and bad in chronicle order, soon I reach my last memory of her: We're walking along a road, on our way home from school. She's singing and not really paying attention to her surroundings, she comes to a road and steps out to cross, I shout to her, warning her to watch out. The car screeches and swerves but it's too late, it doesn't stop in time.
I open my eyes and suddenly I'm crying so hard that I lie down and curl up. I'm not sure how long I lie there for but when I finally stop sobbing I feel a hand on my cheek and her voice rings out as clear as ever, echoing off the trees.
"Carry on
This isn't over
What was I thinking of?
I was out of line
And I would never go
Carry on, carry on"