The New Face of Failure

Three and a half months. Although February wasn’t a full month, she still counted it anyway because the length of that month didn’t ease the pain in her heart. She sat in her hotel room staring at the flat screen TV in front of her. She had on ABC because her favorite show, Once Upon a Time was on. It helped distract her from counting, from thinking about him.

Not a day had gone by since Harper left Patrick that she didn’t think about the decision she made to end their relationship. She remembered waking up that morning, Cassidy holding her in her arms. She remembered the ache in her chest as she thought about Patrick kissing that other girl, the betrayal she felt. Cassidy told her that Patrick didn’t care about Annie and that he was sorry, but it was too late for Harper. She knew that she couldn’t see Patrick without thinking about Annie, at least not at the moment. So she did the only thing she could handle, leaving a note for him and getting back home as fast as possible.

Cassidy told her she was being a little bitch and that if she really wanted to break up with Patrick, she’d have the balls to do it in person, but the truth was, Harper didn’t really know if she wanted to break up with him. She just knew that at that moment, she couldn’t be with him.

Her phone wouldn’t stop buzzing after that day. Right up until school started and the band was going on tour, Patrick texted her and called her. She had locked herself away in her room, claiming to be working on edits from her publisher. Her parents didn’t question it and she didn’t really want to give them insight into her current situation with Patrick. They already had their doubts about him and their relationship, and the last thing she wanted was for them to gloat about being right.

It had been so hard to not text Patrick back, especially after he sent his last text:

HARPER I WISH I COULD SEE U ONE LAST TIME B/4 WE LEAVE TOMORROW. I KNOW UR MAD AND I DON’T DESERVE UR FORGIVENESS, BUT I WANTED U 2 KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE U. I’M NOT GIVING UP ON US.

But, then school started and Dr. Woodall, her literary agent, Mae Fairchild and the editors at the publishing company started taking up all of her time, and soon Patrick’s texts just sat in her messages never getting another glance.

That didn’t mean that she wasn’t counting. The counting was supposed to help her see the distance between them and help her move on, but she didn’t think it was working because soon it was hard to not see Patrick everywhere she went. She remembered when she first heard their first single on the radio in February, when she first saw them on MTV; Cassidy had even bought her their album when it came out, and although she told Cassidy that she wasn’t going to listen to it, she had secretly purchased it on iTunes and played it constantly as she sat at her computer, going through rewrites of her novel or working on homework.

She didn’t want to admit it, but listening to Patrick sing was a way for her to feel close to him again. Her regret was consuming her inside, and every waking moment, she continued to think about him, and she was worried that it would affect her finishing her novel on time.

However, the final draft eventually went to the publishing company around the middle of February and, around the beginning of March, Harper had to take the train with Dr. Woodall up to New York City for the first time. She had went there to review the final copy of the book, complete with cover art and discuss with the book tour.

They had already started some early buzz, having Dr. Woodall do some interviews, hyping up Harper’s talent and designating her as her successor. Then they sent samples of the novel out to all of the big media outlets, and already, Harper was seeing her name pop up on the Entertainment Weekly website. She was getting nervous about all of the attention, and wished that Patrick was there to talk to. It wasn’t that it was because he was going through the same thing, but just that she knew he would be the one who could truly lift her up and calm her down.

“So, Miss Williams, the book should be out in two weeks and then you will be going on your book tour,” the marketing director, an slim and tall man in his late forties name Artie, said to her, pushing an itinerary her way. “We, uh, weren’t able to make the dates align with the dates you had given us…”

“Oh, that’s not a problem, I’m actually glad you didn’t,” Harper said quickly. She glanced at Mae and Diane who both seemed surprised by her statement.

Artie smiled. “All right then. Well, I know this is your first go, so we have someone going along with you on the tour to help you out. He is one of our newest editorial assistants and quite bright. Nicholas!”

The door to the conference room opened and the boy from Chicago walked in. Harper’s eyes widened. “Nicholas?!” She could feel her mood brighten at seeing this familiar face.

He swept his dark wavy hair out of his eyes and smiled easily at her. “Harper Williams, we meet again. I told you fate wasn’t done with us yet.” He walked over and embraced her.

His hug was strangely warm and comforting, something that she hadn’t felt in a long time. When they broke apart, Harper could feel her face getting flushed. “Wha…what are you doing here?” she asked him.

“Ah, well, I graduated in December and they had asked me to come to New York to work. I’ve been living in the city since January.”

“You know each other?” Artie asked them, surprised.

“Yes, Harper and I go way back, all the way back to Chicago when she was kind enough to let me sit with her at a coffee shop so that I wouldn’t have to stand awkwardly like an outcast,” Nicholas replied.
Harper could feel a giddy feeling creeping into her stomach. She glanced at Diane who was scrutinizing her. She glanced away, suddenly very aware of herself.

“Well good, then this will be a lot easier,” Artie replied. “Harper, Nicholas here will be your companion for the book tour. Figured, it would help to have someone a little closer in age to work keep you company. If that is all right with you.”

Harper nodded. “Yeah, that’s not a problem at all.”

After the meeting, Nicholas caught up with her. “Harper, wait a minute.”

She paused and turned around to face him. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to congratulate you. I remember just a few months ago you had seemed like you were never going to become a writer, and now you’re getting your first book published. That is quite an accomplishment.”

“Thanks, it wasn’t all me though, I, um, had some help.”

He smirked, “Yes, I heard Diane telling them all the story of your gallant boyfriend. Is he here in town? I want to take you all out, show you some of the sights.”

Harper glanced down at her feet. “Um, well, no. He’s not. We’re not, um, actually together anymore,” she said slowly, feeling that pain piercing her heart again.

“Oh,” Nicholas seemed more intrigued by this. “I hope it wasn’t a terrible break up.”

She laughed nervously. “Aren’t all break ups terrible in some way or the other?”

“Yes, I suppose so. Well, then, I guess just a solo tour is in order.” He rested his hand on her shoulder. “I am very glad that our paths have crossed again, Harper. Text me and we will hang out.” He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and winked at her before heading off to the bull pen area where all the editors worked.

“He’s an attractive boy, that Nicholas,” Diane said, coming up behind Harper.

Harper jumped, startled by Diane’s voice. “Dr. Woodall, hi! I didn’t even see you there,” she said.

Diane looked at her with apprehension. “Be careful with his type Harper. I’ve dated and married a few men like him. They are beautiful and fancy up front, but behind the curtain, all they care for is themselves. You would be wise to steer clear.”

Harper blanched. She couldn’t believe that Diane Woodall was giving her relationship advice. “Oh, I’m not planning on… I just…”

Diane nodded. “I know, you’re not, but he is. It’s written all over his face. And he’s the kind of boy who gets what he wants by any means necessary.” She gave Harper a sympathetic look then. “I don’t know what happened with that boy in the fedora, but Harper sometimes we make the mistake of our fears and passions getting in the way of our lives and we end up letting go of something great.”

Harper felt embarrassed and a little annoyed that Diane thought she knew anything about what she was feeling and about what was going on between her and Patrick. Feeling rebellious, Harper whipped out her phone and texted Nicholas.

STAYING AT HILTON IN TIMES SQUARE. PICK ME UP AT 7?

She hesitated before hitting send because hitting it would mean one thing: that her relationship with Patrick was really over. It was a bit daunting, and very scary. Her finger lightly hit “Send” and the message went off.

She took a deep breath and continued out of the building to the car that was waiting for her. Just as she was about to get into the car, her phone went off.

WEAR SOMETHING NICE. I WILL SEE YOU THEN ;)

In need of a serious pep talks, she immediately called Cassidy when she got back to her hotel room.

“Wait a minute, you’re going on a date?” Cassidy exclaimed into the phone. Harper couldn’t tell whether or not she was happy about this.

“Um, yeah, I guess. I mean, he’s just showing me around New York City. I’m sure…”

“Oh stop pretending to be naïve Harper, you’ve come too far for that,” Cassidy said flatly. “That’s what you thought about going to see Patrick in concert the first time and look at how that ended up?” Realizing what she had said, Cassidy quickly backpedaled, “Oh shit, Harper, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

Harper glanced down at her toes. “It’s okay, I mena you’re right, of course, but this is different. He’s not, I’m not…” already falling in love with him, she finished silently.

“I know. Sorry. Okay, so what did you pack to wear?”

Harper groaned. “Just this suit that I’m wearing and t-shirt and jeans for tomorrow… oh and my slip, but I don’t think I can go out in that.”

“A slip? What color?”

“It’s gray?”

“Suit jacket?”

“Cassidy, you cannot possibly be thinking….”

“Seriously, Harper, who can tell the difference between a dress and a slip anymore? Come on, I’m not telling you to wear JUST the slip, but it’s not like you can go out and buy a new dress.”

Harper knew she was right. “Okay, I’m going to put it on, take a picture and send it to you okay?”

“Great, and make sure your hair is down and brushed.”

“What!?” Harper had been getting into a habit of pulling her hair into a pony tail ever since the break up. Cassidy called it her breakup hair, but Harper had just been too busy to focus on her hair. “Fine, I guess I can do that.”

“Great,” Harper could hear the smile in Cassidy’s voice. “So, are you ready for this?”

“For what?”

“Moving on from Patrick.”

“Cassidy, I thought we weren’t talking about him,” Harper said, frowning.

“Well, we aren’t technically talking about him. We are talking about your old relationship. I mean, this is a big step for you babe. Patrick was your first boyfriend, first sexual partner,”

“Gross, stop talking,”

“And first a lot of things. This is a huge step forward for you.”

“Cassidy, it’s just sightseeing and dinner. I’m not going to fall in love with the guy and marry him. Plus, I’m sure there’s like a workplace fraternization thing in there since he works for me technically.”

“He does?”

“Yeah, they tagged him to go on my book tour with me as an assistant. So I guess, I kind of employ him?”

"That is so weird," Cassidy remarked.

“Yeah tell me about it.” Cassidy looked at the clock on her nightstand. “Crap, I got to get ready. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Count on it.”

Once she was dressed, in her slip no less, she was waiting in the lobby for Nicholas, her mind running through all of the possible scenarios she could come up with for backing out at the last minute if she needed to. She nearly turned around and ran, but then Nicholas walked through the door. She didn’t feel the butterflies and rush of excitement that she had felt when she first saw Patrick on their first “date” (since it turned out to be one after all), but she wondered if that wasn’t just something that happened once and then never happened again. She would have to ask Cassidy later about it.

Nicholas approached her confidently, smoothing back his wavy hair. “Harper, you look very sexy,” he purred and it made her blush. Nicholas was completely opposite of Patrick. He had so many things that Patrick lacked: confidence, experience, yet there was still something he lacked that Patrick had – Harper just couldn’t put her finger on it.

He bent down and kissed her cheek. “Ready to go?”

She nodded silently, trying not to let her anxiety overcome her. He ushered her out of the hotel and into a waiting taxi. The first thing he did was take her to a trendy looking restaurant in Greenwich Village, where the prices of appetizers made Harper’s stomach flip over.

She decided that the only thing that she could order that she could afford was a salad and that was what she started to order when the waiter came by.

“A salad, that’s it?” Nicholas looked at her astonished.

“Oh yeah, um, I’m not that hungry….”

“Nonsense,” he turned to the waiter. “She’ll have the filet, medium with the potatoes.”

The waiter smiled and nodded, taking their menus from them. Harper watched him leave, feeling helpless. She sneaked a peek into her purse to see how much cash she had on her.

“Harper,” Nicholas said firmly, getting her attention. She looked up at him. “I know this conversation is supposed to come much later during the dinner, but to avoid you freaking out the rest of the evening, this is my treat. Order whatever you like.”

Harper gulped. So this is a date, she thought, her palms starting to get clammy.

“Oh, okay, I wasn’t sure… and I mean, the book isn’t out yet…”

Nicholas chortled. “I know, don’t worry.”

She looked at him curiously. “But wait a minute, you’re only an editorial assistant. I did my research, they make like,”

“Enough for me to get by.” He gave her a pleasant smile and poured some wine into her glass. “Tonight we are celebrating you, Harper Williams, and your success.” he raised his glass to hers and winked.

She blushed, taking the glass and holding it to her lips. She had only ever drank beer and cheap mixed drinks, so she was a little excited to try wine. It was dark in color, and had a dry, fruity taste. Nicholas watched her with amusement.

“And what do you think?” he asked her, sipping on his own glass.

“Um, it’s not beer,” she offered, which made him laugh.

“Yes, definitely not beer. A much finer taste.” He set his glass down and leaned back in his chair. “So tell me about yourself, Harper. We didn’t really get to talk much the last time we met.”

“Oh, um, well I didn’t know where to start…”

“Tell me about your family, where you’re from,” he suggested.

So they spent the rest of dinner talking about the past and Harper quickly realized why Nicholas wasn’t concerned with money. He came from a particularly wealthy family in Chicago, who, she was sure, was still providing for him. He went to boarding schools and played polo (she wasn’t even sure people played polo in Pennsylvania), and he had actually met the President before at a fundraising event his parents had for him (Harper decided not to tell him about her meeting George Lucas because she just didn’t think he’d think it was cool enough).

After dinner, they walked around Greenwich Village and he confessed to her how excited he was to be in New York City.

“It’s always been my dream to be here, Harper. This is where so many writers have come before me, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Langston Hughes, the list goes on and on. This is where ideas are born.” He spun around slowly, his arms outstretched, his long pea coat billowing in the wind. Everything about him seemed larger than life to her, yet he was a character that didn’t seem to fit into her weird, awkward life. She hugged her jacket closer around her body, wishing that she wasn’t wearing that awful slip.
Nicholas stopped spinning and looked at her. “You my dear are my Daisy Buchannan,” he said stepped toward her and taking her into his arms suddenly.

“Oh wow, really? Wasn’t she kind of ditzy and confused all of the time?” Harper said with a bit of hesitancy.

“No, not in that respect. You are the girl that I have been searching for, Harper,” he unbuttoned his pea coat and wrapped it around her. She felt like she was in Bridget Jones Diary, except it wasn’t snowing (though she was feeling really naked at the moment). “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Harper’s eyes widened. “Oh, um, well, Oh,” she didn’t get to finish before his lips were on hers. She had expected to feel a tingling sensation in her body, but all she could focus on was the fact that his lips seemed too wet, his mouth tasted like the wine and his kiss was too rough. It made her yearn for Patrick’s soft kisses. The thought of Patrick threw her off and she pulled away suddenly.

“I…I’m sorry,” she stammered, easing out of his grasp and walking away from him.

Nicholas hurried to catch up with her. “Harper, no, I’m sorry. I should have realized… it’s the boyfriend isn’t it?”

“Ex-boyfriend,” she corrected him. “And no, it’s just… I don’t know if I’m ready for all of this.” She turned and looked at him with earnestness. “Nicholas, you are an amazing guy, I’m just… It’s just… Patrick was my first a lot of things, and it’s not been easy for me to get over.” She could feel her eyes start to get wet. “God, look at me, I’m going to start crying now. So embarrassing.” She wiped her eyes and laughed. “I feel like a stupid little girl, well I am a stupid little girl, and you’re this worldly older guy and I don’t fit in,”

“Harper,” Nicholas said quickly, grabbing her hand from her face. “You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a beautiful and intelligent woman. And we are meant to be together, I felt it the minute we met.”

Harper could see the self-assuredness written all over his face. She had never seen someone exude so much confidence before that it scared her a bit. “Nicholas, we just met, again, for the first time in like five months. How could you know that?”

He shrugged. “How does the wind know where to blow?”

“Huh?”

“I know Harper. I just do,” he took her hands and kissed her knuckles. “And if I must prove it to you, I will.”

And he did, the next month during her book tour, he wined and dined her everywhere they went. Even Mae commented on how jealous she was that she didn’t have some handsome 20-something man to slip into her bed every night.

“Oh, we’re not sleeping together,” Harper had told her firmly. That was something she definitely wasn’t ready to do. She had waited 18 years to sleep with Patrick, and she wasn’t ready to just hop into bed with Nicholas. Especially since she wasn’t sure if they were even really dating. He just took her out and kissed her every now and then.

“And he’s okay with just taking you out on all these dates, and not getting anything in return?” Cassidy had asked her over the phone one day, while she was in Florida. The book had blown up beyond her expectations and the lines of teenagers waiting to meet her had grown significantly. She even got to do some interviews with some of her favorite publications. All of this attention was getting to Harper, so she liked calling Cassidy because she was one of the few connections to Harper’s old life.

“I don’t know, I guess so…” Harper replied unsure. “We’ve kissed a few times…”

“Wow, you seem thrilled by that,” Cassidy remarked sarcastically.

“It’s nice!” Harper said defensively. “It’s just…”

“Not Patrick? Christ, Harper, just get off your high horse and call and make up with him. Trust me, I think he would be more than willing to get back together with you.”

“What has Joe told you?” Harper asked her suddenly, then remembering the promise that Cassidy had made to her, to not bring up the guys and stuff Patrick might have been talking about with them, she said, “Wait, don’t tell me.”

“God, Harper, come on. It’s been almost three months. Haven’t you punished him enough?”

“Punished? It’s not about punishing him, Cass, I broke up with him.”

“Semantics,” Cassidy said flippantly.

“I don’t think you understand what that word means,”

“Look Harper. If you’re not into this Nick guy, you better let him know and stop letting him take you on dates. Trust me, if I know his type, he won’t take no for much longer.” She took a breath, “And if you aren’t into him and if you’re still in love with Patrick, which I think you are, then just call him or text him. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you two are supposed to be together, and Patrick is miserable without you. The tour, the album, all of it doesn’t make him happy. At least, that’s what Joe’s been telling me.”

Cassidy’s words weighed on Harper’s mind as she finished up the book tour. She had always wondered what the difference was when people would say, ‘I will always love them.’ She didn’t understand it. She loved Patrick, that much she was certain about, but her pride wouldn’t let her be with him. Is that what it means, she pondered, while she was sitting at a table on a stage in a large Barnes and Noble, cameras flashing, teenagers gushing as they caught sight of her. Diane was standing up, microphone in hand, introducing Harper. Then she turned the floor to Harper.

“Oh yes, hi everyone!” she said in her most upbeat voice. She was getting very good at hiding her fear and anxiety in front of these strangers who had waited in line to read her book. She glanced at Nicholas, who was off to the side smiling and giving her two thumbs up. “Thank you all for being here, you don’t know how much this means to me….”

After she talked a little bit about the book, using the by now well-rehearsed statements that she and Mae had come up with, they opened the session up for questions. Harper got the usual questions, like ‘Will you be writing a sequel to the story?’ and ‘How did you decide to make Ada and Cross end up together and not Ada and Bran?’

After about fifteen minutes of questions, Diane called for the last question. A girl with pink hair, parted deeply to one side stood up with the microphone.

“Hi Harper, my name is Jessie and I am 19 like you, and I wanted to know, is there a real life Cross? Like is there a guy in your life that inspired him? He just seems so real, you know, and pretty awesome.”

The other girls in the audience all nodded and giggled in agreement. Harper was taken aback. No one had ever asked her about who inspired her characters before if they were even inspired by real people. She swallowed hard.

“Um, wow, Jessie, that’s is a great question, one that I have surprisingly never been asked, before…” she paused, glancing at Nicholas, who looked strangely worried, and then at Diane, who’s eyebrows were raised and whose lips curled into a knowing smile. “Actually, um, Cross actually is kind of inspired by a guy,”

Shrieks of happiness interrupted her from the crowd. Jessie yelled, ‘Shhh” into the microphone.

“Um, and he really is that awesome. He’s the one person before anyone else who believed in me and my writing, and if it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t even be on this stage right now, talking to you….” she smiled to herself. “He saved me in a lot of ways, just like Cross saved Ada in the end and I love him very much…” She trailed off, and looked at Jessie, who looked awestruck. Harper’s face felt hot with the realization of what she admitted to all of these strangers and reporters who were staring at her. The crowd was mesmerized by what she had said, their eyes lit up and their mouths spread wide. Diane looked pleased, but Nicholas’s expression was guarded. If she had made him angry, she couldn’t tell.

Diane finished up the session, thanking everyone for coming out and Harper left the stage to a standing ovation. Her heart beat wildly as she started to realize the ramifications of what she had just said. She wondered if Patrick kept up with the entertainment magazines, if he would read that somewhere online. She then wondered if she hadn’t said all of that on purpose so that he would hear it and know exactly how she felt about him. Mae and Nicholas led her away from the crowd, the store’s security following behind.

“Well, I don’t think even I could make up a better answer to that question if I tried,” Mae exclaimed, as they walked out to the car waiting for them. “You’ve just rocked a lot of young girls’ worlds now because they believe that not only is the love story between Ada and Cross deep, it is also real in some way, and people like that, especially the girls reading your book.” She patted her on the back. “You probably just sold a few thousand more copies dear.”

Harper blushed. “Um, thanks I think.” As they got in the car, she stopped Nicholas, “Um, sorry about that, I wasn’t expecting the question,”

Nicholas just smiled and leaned down and kissed her lips. “It’s okay, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know that Cross was based on Patrick.” He omitted acknowledging the fact that she had said that she loved him. She wondered if in his mind he blocked that part out.

“Oh good, wait, really?”

“Harper, I’m a literary analyst by heart, I can tell when an author uses a real person as inspiration for a character. But I also know that it’s just inspiration, and nothing else.” He winked at her and slipped in the car.

And then a few weeks later, the tour had ended, but she had come back to New York City, where she was now sitting in a hotel room, watching Once Upon a Time, counting the number of days she had gone without seeing or talking to Patrick. Ever since that day, Patrick’s name and face seemed to pop up everywhere she went. She saw it on Cassidy’s screensaver, an old picture from fall semester of Harper and Patrick smiling wide and holding each other after a show the guys had done in Philly. She saw his picture on the latest cover of the Alternative Press magazine, heard his voice over the radio again and again. There was no escaping him.

Suddenly, her hotel phone rang, making her jump. “Who uses those things anymore?” she thought out loud as she picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Yes, Miss Williams? There is a Ms. Fairchild to see you,” said the male hotel front desk clerk.

“OH!” Harper exclaimed. “Okay, yeah, I need to see her.”

“Yes, of course, I will send her up.” He hung up.

A few minutes later, her literary agent was sitting in her hotel room, going over the plans for the big party they were having for her. Her novel was a hit and the publishing company wanted to do something nice for her, and they were doing that by throwing a party for her in New York City.

“So, that should pretty much do it for the party then,” Mae said, pulling a large manila envelope out of her briefcase. “Now, onto other business. This arrived last week.” She pulled out a large pile of paper, and handed it to Harper.

“Oh my God, they want to advance me how much for three more books??” she stared at the contract sitting on her lap.

“It’s an amazing figure, I know. I believe that they believe in you Harper. They see the potential of your book being a series. Now, my question to you is, do you?”

Harper shuffled through the pages. “I mean, I’ve been working on a potential sequel to it, but I never imagined the first one even being a real book.”

Mae smiled. “Harper, you’re no longer just some teenage girl who wrote a book. You’re a famous author now. It is time to start thinking like one.”

Harper looked up at Mae nervously. “What do you think?”

Mae shrugged. “I think you have the capability of doing it. I imagine that school will be a bit of a burden, but that is why I fought for them to give you a lot more up front.”

“A lot more? Mae, I don’t think I’d see that in the first three years of a real job!” She stared at it. “Can I have a night to think about it?”

“Of course, I know it’s a lot to wrap your head around, much less commit to. Three more books? If you think it’s possible, then I’d say we sign and you can start working on it immediately. Read through it because there will be time limits on the writing, editing and publishing of the three books.”

Harper nodded. “Okay.”

Suddenly, there was a knock on her door. “Harper!?” it was Nicholas. She had forgotten that she had told him he could visit her.

Mae glanced at the door. “And Harper, I would prefer it if you didn’t share this with anyone.”

Harper nodded, slipping the contract under the bed. As Mae saw herself out, Nicholas entered the hotel room. He was dressed more casually than normal, in just jeans and a button down shirt with sneakers.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight,” she said glancing around him toward the door. She wished that Mae hadn’t let him in. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck trying to make conversation with Nicholas. Since she basically admitted she still had feelings for Patrick, Nicholas had seemed to get more aggressive in pursuing her, and it made her a little uneasy.

“Yeah, I wanted to surprise you,” he replied, and he leaned down to kiss her lips. She kissed him back, but barely. “So what did Mae want?”

“Oh, um, nothing, just to go over stuff for the party tomorrow,” she said, turning away from him and sitting back down on her bed. She watched him ponder her words for a second before sitting down next to her. He scooted close to her and rested his hand on her leg.

“Has she mentioned anything about any more books?”

Harper stared at his hand. “Um, no, not yet… why?”

Nicholas shrugged. “I know that Becca your editor is supposedly leaving the company to be a stay at home mom or whatever and I think it’d be such a cool opportunity for me to step up you know? Wouldn’t that be amazing? We could work closely together all the time then.” He nudged her shoulder.

“Oh, um, I guess so?”

“Yeah? So put a good word in for me, yeah?”

“Well, I can try, but I mean, I’m just the author though, so I don’t know, you know how much I can do.” She felt a little uneasy about him asking her to do that, not just because she was feeling like he was strangely trying to take advantage of her, but also because the idea of seeing him and talking to him wasn’t very appealing to her.

Nicholas started nibbling on her neck. “Thank you,” he murmured between kisses.

She couldn’t help but giggle uncomfortably. “Oh, um, yeah, no problem.” She strained her neck, hoping he would stop kissing her, but it made him advance further, his hand clutching her knee hard. “Oh, Nick,” she said, her hands pushing him away.

“Oh come on Harper, it’s been like, what almost a month? Don’t you want to do more than just,”

“I’m not feeling well, um, sorry.” She jumped up and ran into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and turned the shower on so she could call Cassidy without Nick hearing.

“Are you taking a shower right now?” Cassidy asked her as soon as she picked up the phone.

“No, I’m hiding out in the bathroom from Nick.”

“Wait, why? Do I need to call the cops or something, Harper?”

“No, it’s nothing like that… he’s just trying to, you know,”

“Screw you? Yeah, I told that was going to happen.”

“Okay, yes, you were right, happy? Okay so stay on the phone with me until he falls asleep.”

“And how long is that supposed to be? Joes supposed to be calling me any minute.”

“Joe? Oh, have you talked to him at all today yet?”

“Why? Want to know how Patrick is?” Cassidy teased.

“Cassidy,”

“Sorry. Hey, speaking of the boys, they’re in New York too.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they have a couple of shows, one tomorrow and one the next day. Maybe you’ll run into them.”

“Oh God, I hope not… I mean I don’t even know what I would say if I saw Pa… them.”

“Um, how about hello? Or, I am still in love with you and I am sorry?”

“Cassidy!”

“Oh calm down. You know I’m right. Don’t worry, New York is a big city, what are the odds that you would even run into them there?”

“Yeah, probably as good as my odds are that Nick will fall asleep any time soon,” Harper sighed. “I think I just need to tell him that I’m not into him like that.”

“Wow, Harper, confronting your problems instead of running away from them? That’s new.”

“Jesus, are you trying to be a bitch on purpose?”

“Just saying. So, I’m guessing the tall, dark, handsome intellect thing has worn off huh?”

“Yeah, you can say that. It’s not that I don’t think he’s cute, it’s just…”

“He’s not Patrick.”

Harper sighed.

They talked for almost two hours when Harper started feeling bad that she was letting the water run constantly, and her mind started thinking about the polar ice caps melting. So she hung up the phone and opened up the door, ready to face Nick. She walked out cautiously, hearing Jimmy Kimmel in the background. She looked at the bed and saw that Nick was passed out, curled up on one side. She blew a sigh of relief and pulled out the sofa mattress and the extra quilt that the hotel always put in the closet and tried falling asleep, but all she could think about was the fact that Patrick was somewhere in New York too. She wondered if she should text him.

-Are you stupid, Harper? – she chided herself. –Patrick is busy now, he doesn’t have time for you anymore. That’s why he hasn’t been texting you or trying to contact you.-

-Maybe he is just waiting for me to make a move – she responded silently.

-Or maybe you’re just delusional. –

And her argument with herself continued until she drifted off to sleep.