Shout the Call

I felt Aaron’s presence in the room before he wrapped his arms around me.

“Honey, are you okay? What’s the deal with your Dad?”

I’d almost completely forgotten that he hadn’t been party to the conversation between me and my father and as much as I really didn’t want to replay it all over again, he needed to know and I needed to pour my heart and soul out to him.

“Cancer,” I answered simply.

“Shit!”

“Yes, shit.”

“Can they treat it?” he asked and all I could do was shake my head; I couldn’t say it out loud. “Oh Bea,” he went on, “I don’t know what to say. I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said, pulling at Aaron’s black knitted jumper and pressing my face to this chest. I couldn’t stop my breath catching as I broke into tears again.

“Let it all out honey,” he whispered into my hair, “let it all go.”

******

“Oops, sorry guys,” Jim said awkwardly, aware he had walked in on a ‘situation’, “um, just to let you now we’re going to have to leave soon. Everything okay?”

“I’ll talk to you later mate,” Aaron answered on my behalf, “What time have we got to be back on the bus?”

“Well now, really so as soon as you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay Jim, cool; are you ready Bea?”

I nodded silently.

******

I didn’t really sleep at all on the bus. My head swam with thoughts on how I would say goodbye to my father and when I would have to do it. Would I write a eulogy? Would I read it? How would my Mom react? Would her heart break too?

After what felt like an eternity, we finally got into Denmark. We parked up outside Train on Toldbodgade 6, one of Denmark’s top music venues according to the brief introduction Jim had given.

“You can take tonight off,” Jim told me after giving us the lowdown, “honestly Bea, take as long as you need.” Aaron had obviously filled him in on the situation.

I shot Jim a look that implied I would do no such thing. I had already taken too much time off, and anyway, I needed to get back on it as much for my own sanity than doing what I was being paid for.

“Jim, honestly – it’s fine. I’m cool,” I said even though it was clearly evident I wasn’t, “anyway, I have all day to meet up with my Dad. Actually, we’ve already arranged a catch up. I just have to find out where and when he wants to meet.”

“As long as you’re absolutely sure Bea,” Jim replied sympathetically, “Hanley will understand; we all do.”

“I know Jim,” I whispered, hugging him tightly, “anyway, I’m getting withdrawal symptoms already – I need my Shout the Call fix.”

******

Train looked amazing inside. The pit allowed ample room for me to shoot but wasn’t big enough to cause a barrier between the fans and the band. I headed to the bar and caught the barmaid just in time.

“Any chance?” I asked.

“Well, I’m not really supposed to…..” she trailed off, obviously wanting to get away. I put on my best little-girl-lost impression.

“Come on, pretty please?” I asked again, “I could really do with a drink right now.”

Barmaid looked around nervously.

“Shit, okay,” she answered anxiously, “just don’t tell okay?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“So, what’s your poison?” she asked quietly.

“I think maybe the question should be what isn’t?” I laughed before pondering over what to have, “Make it a Jack Daniel’s. Please.”

“On the rocks?”

“Of course.”

“Single or double?”

That was easy enough to answer, “Double please.”

She poured my drink and pushed it across the bar in front of me. I took a deep breath, exhaled, picked up the glass and downed its contents in one.

“Woah," I winced, "Same again please.”

******

“Honey, you carry on drinking like that and you won’t be meeting anyone, let alone your Dad,” Aaron said softly as he pulled up a bar stool and sat next to me. I looked at the three empty glasses lined up in front of me and felt pretty disgusted.

“Shit!” I said, shocked I’d got as far as I had.

“Yup – someone’s going for it eh?”

“I didn’t mean to, I mean, oh man – I can’t believe it.”

“Hey, don’t get yourself worked up over it Bea. You just need to choose; drink yourself into oblivion or don’t and go off to meet your Dad.”

Of course, there was no way in the world I was going to miss meeting my father. No. Way.

“Would you like another?” Barmaid asked, “it’s just I really should be shutting up soon so we can get ready for later.”

“No. No, thank you – no more.”

“Good girl,” Aaron said, smiling warmly at me, “do you know where you’re meeting?”

“Not yet, I still have to phone him.”

“Well, what are you waiting for – give him a ring. I’ll walk with you to wherever you end up meeting, you know, just to make sure you get there safe. Is that cool?”

“Thanks honey, I appreciate that.” I said, turning to face him full on, kissing him tenderly. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, found my father’s number and hit dial.

******

“It’s just ringing out then going to voicemail,” I barked at Aaron, starting to worry that after six attempts to call, my father still wasn’t answering.

“He’s probably just getting ready,” he replied looking totally unconvinced of the words spilling from his mouth.

“Or he might be ill. He might have collapsed. He might have….”

Aaron put his hands on my shoulders and gripped them firmly. I was expecting him to shake me; to tell me not to be so silly.

“Look Bea, let’s just calm down huh? We don’t know anything until we’ve seen him. Let me speak to Jim. I’ll ask him if he knows where your Dad is staying. If he’s not sure, Hanley will be.”

He pulled his phone out and put it to his ear, walking to the other side of the room which was probably for the best – I was close to having a full blown panic attack. Breathe, I told myself; just breathe.

After what felt like an age, even though he had only been on the phone a couple of minutes, he headed back over to me looking more than a little accomplished.

“He’s at the Hotel Royal honey. Now, I don’t know where the hell that is so Jim’s going to come with us in the taxi.”

I threw my arms around him and didn’t even try to stop the tears pouring from my eyes.

“Hey hey hey,” Aaron said, stroking my back, “let’s try and stay positive okay?”

He was right, of course, but I just had this horrible feeling deep down in my gut.

******

Jim ran into the room like a man possessed.

“It’s all going to be fine, Bea, just fine,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.

“That’s what I keep saying Jim,” Aaron said, nodding at him in agreement.

“Right, stop your arsing about then,” Jim went on, “the taxi’s outside so let’s get going.”