Dear Agony
1/1
Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby. Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby.
Jack slowly walked around his home. His once shared home, but now only one resides and left with the painful but happy memories of the one who used to live here. The pictures burning a hole in his heart, a larger wound that has yet to heal, it's been five months since the person his world revolved around left him, and his heart had yet to begin to heal.
All that was left was a big gaping hole burned into his heart and mind.
You got the move that I can't let go and every time I look around I see your pretty glow. Save me! I can't help you. Kill me! Sorry, won't do. No more lying! I'm sorry I'm trying..
*13 years earlier*
Jack stumbled through the halls, he has no idea where he was going, where his class was, or where anything was. He just started freshmen year in a new school and area, his mom kept telling him it was for the best, they needed an escape from the terrible place they came from. So Jack and his mother packed up their belongings and flew across the country to their new home, Baltimore, Maryland.
That's how Jack ended up 15 minutes late to his Algebra class, still clueless and as lost as ever and if he actually looked where he was going he would be able to side step away from another body that was built like his own. He ran into another boy, skinny, like Jack himself, and he was as tall as him, which was surprising since a lot of people were small as fuck.
With the quick rake of his eyes up and down the boy, Jack finally composed himself and muttered out a quick "I'm so sorry, man" and went to pick up his notebook that he brought with him everywhere, it was his sketch book and he never parted with it. But, another hand grabbed it before he could. Now, that was the thing about Jack, he loved his sketch book and barely let anybody else see what was on the inside, or even touch it, but this stranger held a good aura and already, the black haired boy could feel himself trusting the stranger.
The stranger handed Jack his sketch book and he took it with shaky hands, still looking into the stranger's eyes. He almost didn't register what the other boy said before his fingers snapped in front of his face. He felt heat rush into his face, and quietly asked what the other said.
The stranger merely chuckled at Jack's shyness, "I asked you where you were headed to. You seem pretty lost." All Jack could do was blush even further and duck his head as he told him he couldn't find his algebra class along with the room number and teacher. He heard the stranger laugh before he said that "That's where I'm off to, lucky for you."
Honestly, Jack was grateful because he wouldn't have been able to find the class at all if he didn't run into this boy.
He was just about to say his name was Jack but the stranger beat him to it, "Oh, by the way, my name's Alex." Jack noted to remember that, and he swears he saw Alex wink at him. So he brushed off the gesture and quietly told him that his name is Jack.
So hard to regret truth, when I can't forget you..
*present day*
All Jack could do was sit around the mountain of notes, letters, and pictures that contains all the memories of his lover, Alex.
Jack was 27 years old and still held onto the boy he ran into in freshmen year, they would have been married by now, they lived the cliche version of high school sweethearts, they waited for so long to tie the knot because it seemed more important like that.
Ever since junior year, they've been together, almost inseparable and they loved calling each other theirs.
Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby. Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby.
*11 years ago*
Jack and Alex have been attached to the hip since their accident in freshmen year, they were juniors now and are close as ever, maybe just a tad bit more. Which is something Alex always overlooked and Jack was fully aware of where his emotions were leading him, he had already came out of the closet in Eighth grade but he never shared that with his best friend.
Jack felt terrible for keeping his true self to his best friend, but after getting bullied so badly after he came to terms with himself, he didn't want that to happen to the person he trusted more than anything. He had no body else, only Alex.
Although, he never knew what Alex was feeling, he hasn't memorized him that much just yet, he just called it wishful thinking when they were closer than regular best friends, especially since they were boys. People at their school usually paid no attention to them, they were always in their own little bubble, especially at lunch. Usually you could find them either holding hands under the table or practically being cuddled so close together they were sitting in each other's laps. They didn't mind though, this was normal for them. It never failed to make Jack's heart swell.
He just didn't know how to tell Alex about his feelings, the same ones he's been hiding for two years. He knew it would be unbelievably hard, coming in terms with his feelings and throwing them out into the open where they're vulnerable. Able to be crushed in an instant just by his best friend.
After another three months of crush and burn plans and coming home feeling tired and lonely, nights spent talking to his mother about it, it came to the point where he started crying because he wanted to tell Alex but at the same time he didn't want to ruin anything between them. Alex was his safety net and has been since he slammed into him two years ago, he had nobody except his best friend.
Jack was at Alex's house, typically. Jack basically livedthere, so it was no surprise when Alex had invited him to spend the night even though it was Tuesday and they had school in the morning, his best friend complained that he hasn't been sleeping very well lately and he needed his best friend it comfort him. Jack could have sworn, his heart exploded from the swell of affection and his stomach explode in butterflies.
When they were laying down to go to bed - they typically share a bed, they felt comfortable around each other so it was only normal, plus Alex's bed was Jack's favorite - Alex cuddled into Jack's side, like normal, but the younger couldn't help but feel like this time, it was different. He didn't know what kind of different, he knew it was just... different. He liked it. Jack could have sworn his best friend fell asleep, but was proven wrong when his soft voice called out his name, Jack just hummed in response, showing Alex that he acknowledged him.
Jack couldn't really comprehend what was happening until he felt soft, chapped lips crash into his own, he still didn't register it when Alex broke off, all he could do was blankly stare at his best friend while Alex bit his lip, hoping he didn't anger the younger.
But all Jack did was smile softly before connecting their lips again.
After that, they were happy, they felt like they belonged together, everything just... made sense.
Will you go into disguise, killing what's to be? If you go I'll follow you, that's a mys.. that's a mystery... Go home! You know I don't want to- Stay here! -all alone with you.
*Present day*
Jack kept reading through the notes, he always kept them locked away, saved every single one, he was glad he did but at the same time he hated himself for it.
He got to a specific one, and he could feel his heart drop and the hole in it get larger. It was addressed to him, from Alex. Senior year.
Hey, Jacky, can you meet me by our tree during lunch? I have something to tell you. - Alex.
That stupid fucking misshapen heart drawn next to his name made Jack's own heart hurt immensely. All he could do was curse at the world and ask why his love had been taken from him, why he had to suffer alone, why he had to deal with all the memories.
*9 years ago*
Jack opened his locker and a note floated out of it to the floor, he bent down to pick it up and read it. He found the fancy and neat hand writing that he's grown to love on the note, he knew this would be another note he would stuff in the box he had hidden in his room. The note told him to meet his boyfriend by their tree at lunch, he was happy to obey because that tree was so very special to them. They only went if it was important, especially the long make-out sessions they had against it made it extra important.
Lunch finally rolled around and Jack made his way towards their tree and found his boyfriend of two years sitting against it, picking at loose fabric in his skinny jeans. When Jack made his presence known, as in he plopped right next to Alex and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and a quiet "hey" - he still hasn't come out of his shy shell, that was later on - to which Alex giggled cutely before returning the gesture.
"So, what d'you wanna tell me, 'Lex?" Jack spoke quietly to his boyfriend. Alex just laughed softly, Jack was still as shy as ever, the elder loved it so much.
"Mmm, I just wanted you here." Alex kept leaning into Jack, word slightly muffled by the younger's shirt as the elder leaned more and more into Jack until he was practically on top of him. Now, Jack has a knack for being uncomfortable in every situation, but right here with his boyfriend on top of him, snuggling into him with his face buried in his neck while he twirled a piece of Alex's hair in between his fingers, he felt so calm and at peace.
But apparently, Alex meant more than what he said when he looked up from his place in Jack's neck and crashed his lips to his boyfriend. Jack wasn't complaining, not one bit, he loved kissing his boyfriend, it was probably his favorite thing.
Although, in between break offs, Alex whispered just loud enough for only Jack to hear. "I love you so much, Jack." It was then that the younger tensed significantly, he was always proved by his family that love didn't exist, love was just a word and eventually, words lose their meaning completely until both parties are left with misery and heartbreak.
But, that's the thing, loving Alex came easy for him, and right then and there he decided on proving his family wrong. Love exists, it always will, and he will always love Alex and Alex will always love him. When Jack finally came out of his thoughts, he saw his boyfriend's eyes, glossy and filled with rejection, he quickly kissed him again before whispering "I love you too, Alex. So very much."
Go away! Can you make it easy? Stay away!
*present day*
Emotions were something that never came easy for Jack, all he knew was that he was beyond broken, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Everything left him with Alex.
Honestly, the word "cancer" never seemed to scare Jack as much as it did when he heard the doctor say that the one that has held his heart since their very first encounter had the sickening disease. He felt sick to his stomach and already then, the big gaping hole in his heart started. Small at first, but finally grew larger and larger.
Five months ago, the disease beat Alex and he remembers going to sleep clinging onto Alex because he knew that the love of his life would never wake up again, with muttered words of "I love you" and "I'll stay strong just for you, you made me strong". It was oh so very cliche, but Jack's emotions for Alex couldn't be expressed with actions nor words. All he could do was be there for his beau, stay there for him and when his time came he could join the love of his life for eternity.
Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby. Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby.
Honestly, suicide flashed through his head many times as he looked through all their memories and when he walked around the house, hoping to hear Alex pad around the house, but he was always met with silence. But, to Jack, suicide seemed cliche.
He would kill himself, but suicide was so cliche. So he lived through it. For Alex. For the love of his life.
For his everything.
Jack slowly walked around his home. His once shared home, but now only one resides and left with the painful but happy memories of the one who used to live here. The pictures burning a hole in his heart, a larger wound that has yet to heal, it's been five months since the person his world revolved around left him, and his heart had yet to begin to heal.
All that was left was a big gaping hole burned into his heart and mind.
You got the move that I can't let go and every time I look around I see your pretty glow. Save me! I can't help you. Kill me! Sorry, won't do. No more lying! I'm sorry I'm trying..
*13 years earlier*
Jack stumbled through the halls, he has no idea where he was going, where his class was, or where anything was. He just started freshmen year in a new school and area, his mom kept telling him it was for the best, they needed an escape from the terrible place they came from. So Jack and his mother packed up their belongings and flew across the country to their new home, Baltimore, Maryland.
That's how Jack ended up 15 minutes late to his Algebra class, still clueless and as lost as ever and if he actually looked where he was going he would be able to side step away from another body that was built like his own. He ran into another boy, skinny, like Jack himself, and he was as tall as him, which was surprising since a lot of people were small as fuck.
With the quick rake of his eyes up and down the boy, Jack finally composed himself and muttered out a quick "I'm so sorry, man" and went to pick up his notebook that he brought with him everywhere, it was his sketch book and he never parted with it. But, another hand grabbed it before he could. Now, that was the thing about Jack, he loved his sketch book and barely let anybody else see what was on the inside, or even touch it, but this stranger held a good aura and already, the black haired boy could feel himself trusting the stranger.
The stranger handed Jack his sketch book and he took it with shaky hands, still looking into the stranger's eyes. He almost didn't register what the other boy said before his fingers snapped in front of his face. He felt heat rush into his face, and quietly asked what the other said.
The stranger merely chuckled at Jack's shyness, "I asked you where you were headed to. You seem pretty lost." All Jack could do was blush even further and duck his head as he told him he couldn't find his algebra class along with the room number and teacher. He heard the stranger laugh before he said that "That's where I'm off to, lucky for you."
Honestly, Jack was grateful because he wouldn't have been able to find the class at all if he didn't run into this boy.
He was just about to say his name was Jack but the stranger beat him to it, "Oh, by the way, my name's Alex." Jack noted to remember that, and he swears he saw Alex wink at him. So he brushed off the gesture and quietly told him that his name is Jack.
So hard to regret truth, when I can't forget you..
*present day*
All Jack could do was sit around the mountain of notes, letters, and pictures that contains all the memories of his lover, Alex.
Jack was 27 years old and still held onto the boy he ran into in freshmen year, they would have been married by now, they lived the cliche version of high school sweethearts, they waited for so long to tie the knot because it seemed more important like that.
Ever since junior year, they've been together, almost inseparable and they loved calling each other theirs.
Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby. Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby.
*11 years ago*
Jack and Alex have been attached to the hip since their accident in freshmen year, they were juniors now and are close as ever, maybe just a tad bit more. Which is something Alex always overlooked and Jack was fully aware of where his emotions were leading him, he had already came out of the closet in Eighth grade but he never shared that with his best friend.
Jack felt terrible for keeping his true self to his best friend, but after getting bullied so badly after he came to terms with himself, he didn't want that to happen to the person he trusted more than anything. He had no body else, only Alex.
Although, he never knew what Alex was feeling, he hasn't memorized him that much just yet, he just called it wishful thinking when they were closer than regular best friends, especially since they were boys. People at their school usually paid no attention to them, they were always in their own little bubble, especially at lunch. Usually you could find them either holding hands under the table or practically being cuddled so close together they were sitting in each other's laps. They didn't mind though, this was normal for them. It never failed to make Jack's heart swell.
He just didn't know how to tell Alex about his feelings, the same ones he's been hiding for two years. He knew it would be unbelievably hard, coming in terms with his feelings and throwing them out into the open where they're vulnerable. Able to be crushed in an instant just by his best friend.
After another three months of crush and burn plans and coming home feeling tired and lonely, nights spent talking to his mother about it, it came to the point where he started crying because he wanted to tell Alex but at the same time he didn't want to ruin anything between them. Alex was his safety net and has been since he slammed into him two years ago, he had nobody except his best friend.
Jack was at Alex's house, typically. Jack basically livedthere, so it was no surprise when Alex had invited him to spend the night even though it was Tuesday and they had school in the morning, his best friend complained that he hasn't been sleeping very well lately and he needed his best friend it comfort him. Jack could have sworn, his heart exploded from the swell of affection and his stomach explode in butterflies.
When they were laying down to go to bed - they typically share a bed, they felt comfortable around each other so it was only normal, plus Alex's bed was Jack's favorite - Alex cuddled into Jack's side, like normal, but the younger couldn't help but feel like this time, it was different. He didn't know what kind of different, he knew it was just... different. He liked it. Jack could have sworn his best friend fell asleep, but was proven wrong when his soft voice called out his name, Jack just hummed in response, showing Alex that he acknowledged him.
Jack couldn't really comprehend what was happening until he felt soft, chapped lips crash into his own, he still didn't register it when Alex broke off, all he could do was blankly stare at his best friend while Alex bit his lip, hoping he didn't anger the younger.
But all Jack did was smile softly before connecting their lips again.
After that, they were happy, they felt like they belonged together, everything just... made sense.
Will you go into disguise, killing what's to be? If you go I'll follow you, that's a mys.. that's a mystery... Go home! You know I don't want to- Stay here! -all alone with you.
*Present day*
Jack kept reading through the notes, he always kept them locked away, saved every single one, he was glad he did but at the same time he hated himself for it.
He got to a specific one, and he could feel his heart drop and the hole in it get larger. It was addressed to him, from Alex. Senior year.
Hey, Jacky, can you meet me by our tree during lunch? I have something to tell you. - Alex.
That stupid fucking misshapen heart drawn next to his name made Jack's own heart hurt immensely. All he could do was curse at the world and ask why his love had been taken from him, why he had to suffer alone, why he had to deal with all the memories.
*9 years ago*
Jack opened his locker and a note floated out of it to the floor, he bent down to pick it up and read it. He found the fancy and neat hand writing that he's grown to love on the note, he knew this would be another note he would stuff in the box he had hidden in his room. The note told him to meet his boyfriend by their tree at lunch, he was happy to obey because that tree was so very special to them. They only went if it was important, especially the long make-out sessions they had against it made it extra important.
Lunch finally rolled around and Jack made his way towards their tree and found his boyfriend of two years sitting against it, picking at loose fabric in his skinny jeans. When Jack made his presence known, as in he plopped right next to Alex and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and a quiet "hey" - he still hasn't come out of his shy shell, that was later on - to which Alex giggled cutely before returning the gesture.
"So, what d'you wanna tell me, 'Lex?" Jack spoke quietly to his boyfriend. Alex just laughed softly, Jack was still as shy as ever, the elder loved it so much.
"Mmm, I just wanted you here." Alex kept leaning into Jack, word slightly muffled by the younger's shirt as the elder leaned more and more into Jack until he was practically on top of him. Now, Jack has a knack for being uncomfortable in every situation, but right here with his boyfriend on top of him, snuggling into him with his face buried in his neck while he twirled a piece of Alex's hair in between his fingers, he felt so calm and at peace.
But apparently, Alex meant more than what he said when he looked up from his place in Jack's neck and crashed his lips to his boyfriend. Jack wasn't complaining, not one bit, he loved kissing his boyfriend, it was probably his favorite thing.
Although, in between break offs, Alex whispered just loud enough for only Jack to hear. "I love you so much, Jack." It was then that the younger tensed significantly, he was always proved by his family that love didn't exist, love was just a word and eventually, words lose their meaning completely until both parties are left with misery and heartbreak.
But, that's the thing, loving Alex came easy for him, and right then and there he decided on proving his family wrong. Love exists, it always will, and he will always love Alex and Alex will always love him. When Jack finally came out of his thoughts, he saw his boyfriend's eyes, glossy and filled with rejection, he quickly kissed him again before whispering "I love you too, Alex. So very much."
Go away! Can you make it easy? Stay away!
*present day*
Emotions were something that never came easy for Jack, all he knew was that he was beyond broken, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Everything left him with Alex.
Honestly, the word "cancer" never seemed to scare Jack as much as it did when he heard the doctor say that the one that has held his heart since their very first encounter had the sickening disease. He felt sick to his stomach and already then, the big gaping hole in his heart started. Small at first, but finally grew larger and larger.
Five months ago, the disease beat Alex and he remembers going to sleep clinging onto Alex because he knew that the love of his life would never wake up again, with muttered words of "I love you" and "I'll stay strong just for you, you made me strong". It was oh so very cliche, but Jack's emotions for Alex couldn't be expressed with actions nor words. All he could do was be there for his beau, stay there for him and when his time came he could join the love of his life for eternity.
Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby. Slow flow baby, when you move slow, honey. I can be free, baby, I can be free, baby.
Honestly, suicide flashed through his head many times as he looked through all their memories and when he walked around the house, hoping to hear Alex pad around the house, but he was always met with silence. But, to Jack, suicide seemed cliche.
He would kill himself, but suicide was so cliche. So he lived through it. For Alex. For the love of his life.
For his everything.