I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream

Andy's P.O.V:

Ashley ran from me, and then off the bus. I know I was way out of order. I've fucked up big time. I grabbed a jacket then run from the bus as well. There was no trace of Ashley, even his footprints had been covered by the constantly falling snow. In the freezing whirlwind, I search for Ashley, grabbing out my phone from my frozen pocket and typing frantically 'Ashy, I'm sorry. I know I was completely out of order, but I was hurt by what you said. And I know now that I shouldn't have been. We need you back. I need you back. I don't want you being out here by yourself in the snow. You're going to get ill' I sent it as an icy tear rolled down my cheek. He has to be out here somewhere.

I keep telling myself that I will find him, as I search, but no sign of him becomes apparent. The cold has gripped my bones, making it very difficult and excruciatingly painful to move; worries about Ashley fill my mind again, because, as far as I know, he hasn't got a coat to keep him warm, lucky he had a long-sleeved sweater then. My stomach lurches at the thought of him getting ill. I can't stop searching for him.

Hoping for a reply, I try his mobile again, calling and texting it several times.
"Ashley, pick up," I whispered into the phone as if it would increase the chances of answering my calls. I knew I would probably be the last person he wants to speak to right now, but I need him, I need to know if he is okay. My heart breaks a little bit inside me when the call goes to voicemail.
"ASHLEY!" I scream up into the air, in hope of him hearing me and responding. I wait. Silence. He was either refusing to reply to me, or he didn't hear it. I was hoping for the latter.

"ASHLEY" I screamed again, as I carried on waking through the streets, listening out for a response. All I received was my echo. Despair started to set in, and I desperately try everything I can think of. Suddenly, I remembered that he may be ignoring ME but he might want to speak to the guys, instantly, I pick my phone up and my numb thumbs clumsily punch in Jake's number... in case you haven't noticed, I normally turn to Jake for anything; he is like a brother to me... just a nice older brother and one you can trust.
"Hey, Andy, we were getting worried, where are you? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine; I need to find Ashley. He's going to freeze to death, Jake. I need him. I need you to speak to him, or something because he isn't returning my calls. I've fucked up big time." I stumble over my words, and they seem to blend into one singular, long word. Luckily for me, Jake has known me for long enough to get used to this.
"Jon has spoken to Ashley; he says he just needs to clear his head for a bit. We hope to hear from him soon, but we need you to come back, Andy. We can't have both of you getting ill..."
"No, I can't leave him out here; I need to find him... Jake, if it was Ella out here you would continue to search,"
"I know I would. But I also know that when something happens to the person you love, you don't think clearly. You need to come back. We can help you find him then."
"How? How can anyone help find him? I don't know where he went, Jake, I've lost him. He's going to hate me."
"You haven't lost him, Andy..."
"But what if he never comes back,"
"He will, he doesn't want to walk away, he just wants to calm down. Just give him time,"
"But I can't give him time... it's freezing out and he doesn't have a coat or anything, he only has that sweater, which he has probably ditched by now, knowing him. We NEED to find him, Jake..." tears spring from my sore eyes, causing me to choke out my words.
"Look, Andy tell us where you are and we will come and get you, we can keep you healthy and then we can look for Ashley again, but he needs you to be healthy for him, so where are you?"
"E-err. I don't really know. I- I'm outside a Wendy's if that helps at all..."
"Great, that does help us, but how fast were you walking, that's like over an hour away by car... we're coming to get you, and we're bringing the bus. Then we will work out what we can do," tears of relief flood my eyes but I know I must also stay out for ash... inside my head I was battling with the voice of reason that was telling me to get onto the bus as soon as it comes and warm up so I can help Ashley. I need to stay for ash, but I won't be able to help him if I'm ill. "JON! ANDY'S AT WENDY'S; WE NEED TO GO THERE FOR HIM!" I head Jake yell. My body felt as if it was on fire because I ached from the cold so badly, and uncontrollable shakes had already set in my body, making it difficult for me to hold my phone to my ear.
"Please come quickly," I mouthed into the phone; I need warmth.

The snow has stopped falling for a while, but it is still icily cold. My phone buzzed, alerting me of a message. My heart skipped a beat as I picked up my phone, Ashley must have replied! Almost instantly my heart sank again, because I saw that he hadn't spoken to me at all, it was Jake. I read the message a couple times 'we spoke to Ash; he said he has found some stuff to keep him warm. He sounded shaky, and was crying, but he is okay. We are nearly there now, so I'll explain everything in more detail then, hope you're okay' tears flow freely from my eyes once again at the thought of Ashley being okay, and he has found some warmth. I replied to Jake: 'Okay, I will see you then, I'm stood out the front' my hands were shaking an awful lot so it took me a while to type the message and send it.

Wondering of how Ashley is coping, I grab my phone, sending him one last text message 'I'm getting back on the bus, I'm sorry I couldn't stay out looking for you. I seriously hope you are okay, and I am really sorry about earlier x' I've given up in trying to get him to reply, but I wouldn't let my mind rest if I hadn't texted him. The bus came swerving around the corner, making me jump out if my frozen skin. It skidded to a halt, and the door was swung open to reveal a very worried looking CC.
"I didn't know what the hell happened, man, I was sleeping and when I woke up you two were gone and no one knew where to. You had me so worried, Andy!" He cried, jumping out the bus, and picking me up, "Fuck. You are freezing man, we need to get you warmed up," he carried me into the bus, and dropped me down on a seat. Jinxx hands me a cup of coffee, and I instantly burst out into tears,
"It was my fault, I hurt him and then when he told me I lost it and called him a man whore and everything. I've fucked up so badly..."
"What was it that pissed him off to start with? He never told us,"
"He said that I was obsessed with that girl, and that he didn't even know who I was anymore," I cried,
"You're not obsessed with her, you are amazed by her for what she has gone through, I know the difference. And I also know that you are wondering if there are others out there that we are helping to find strength and go through hell, man, if you were obsessed with her she would have to get a restraining order," CC said, and I couldn't help but to chuckle slightly at the last part... trust CC to think of something like that. "Ah, you're smiling!"
"Shut it CC" I say, poking out my tongue, "This is serious. And I only take part in serious conversations," with this the whole bus shares a glance at each other and we all burst out laughing.
"How are we going to find Ash?" I ask, suddenly a pain grips my throat as I swallow back my tears again.
"I think it is best if we get the bus back to where we were, and then we could send people out by car every so often to look for him. I just think that not only would having the start point at the same place as he started from would help us, but also, if he is coming back to the bus he will head for where it was when he last saw it and not here." Jinxx said. "It would be our safest bet, and it would give you time to rest; I'll stay with you if you want," I could have hugged Jinxx there and then if it wasn't for the coffee I was holding for warmth.

"Papa Jinxx..." I said, lying down in my bed, "Will he be okay?" a tear rolled down from my cheek as I spoke.
"Yes, Andy, Ashley will be fine, now get some rest, you will need it to help Ash," he said, leaning down and kissing my forehead before tucking me into bed; and you wondered why we called him Papa Jinxx.
I lay in bed for what seemed like eternity before I could even settle down. My mind kept creating images of Ashley suffering from the cold, and thoughts of what could be happening to him. I could hear the guys mumbling between themselves in the other room, and it didn't sound good. I wish my ashy was here to hold me.
"I love you," I whispered, hoping that somehow Ashley would know it's true.