I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream

Ashley's P.O.V:

Last night Andy was moaning in his sleep, and I could have sworn he said my name at least once. Now, most guys would have been freaked out by that, however, I didn't mind. In fact, I thought it was kind of sweet, or something. I'm not actually quite sure what I thought of it, but I know I wasn't freaked out, nor did I feel anything bad about it. I guess I was actually excited by it. The only problem is... I'm straight, and I have a girlfriend; a loving girlfriend, who I am completely devoted to. There is no way she can know this. There is no way I can allow her to find out that I, Ashley freaking Purdy, had a fucking dream about Andy last night.

My head was so confused this morning when I awoke from my slumber, so I had to speak to Andy, just to see if it was all a dream or not, but it only proved to be very real, and it left me in even more of a muddle than before. There is no way I am gay, or even bisexual. I am known as the biggest man whore of L.A. and I didn't get that by banging men. I am, and always have been straight. So why I get nervous around Andy, I don't know. It's just because he is new, I think.

Anyway, I decided to call my girlfriend, Kina, who I love whole heartedly, so I could get over this mess and sort my head out, and I arranged for her to come over. I was really looking forward to this because I haven't seen her in a while, but at the same time I'm sort of dreading it. I was starting to dread it even before Andy going weird, but now I am dreading it more because I feel as if I should go and comfort Andy, but I don't know how to. Plus, I really want to know what caused him to act all weird this morning; surely it couldn't be because of Kina? I don't know. Maybe I will be able to talk to him about it, later on, before Kina arrives. Whatever it was, I just hope he is okay soon.

After this morning, I don't really have a lot of motivation to do anything, but I know I have to make this place look okay for Kina, so I busy myself with chores, but I soon run out of stuff to do because I am always cleaning my apartment. I picked up my phone, half wanting to put off seeing Kina, but also wanting her here, and unthinkingly type a message: 'Hey honey, I hope you're still okay for tonight. I'm really bored right now and I can't wait to see you. I could really do with you right now. Love you xo' I automatically sent it without even registering what I was doing. Well, I was right, I could really do with her being here now, but not for the reasons she's thinking.

A tired sigh flows from my body as I heave myself from my chair and drag myself to my room. I hunt through my clothes to find something comfy yet sexy to wear, although, I'm not sure whether it is Kina or Andy I want to impress most.

My phone buzzes, alerting my of Kina's response: 'Of course I am okay for tonight, I have missed you so much, honey. I can come over at half seven if you would like? Aw, sweetie, I will be there soon, love you too xo' I quickly type my reply saying that it is fine for her to come over at half seven and then return to looking through my clothes. In the end I settled for my cowboy boots and hat, my ripped black skinny jeans, a leather jacket and nothing else. I added a bit of eyeliner and my peach lipstick on before a little perfume...Yeah, that's right, I use perfume, not cologne. So what? After I was ready, Andy arose from his slumber looking a little more rested than he did this morning.
"Morning, sleepy head," I chuckle "nice bed hair, there."
"Oh god, really? What's it like?"
"Oh, you know, like a monster dragged a cat through a lake, then into a tumble dryer before pulling it through a hedge backwards..."
"Well, you get ten marks out of ten for 'confusing the living shit out of Andy Biersack the second he wakes up with your crazy bull-dust'" a smile worked his way onto his delicate face and his sparkle had started to return to his eyes.
"Did I ever tell you how much you suit that lip ring?" I said without thinking, again.
"Err... no... I don't often get people running to tell me about how I suit my lip ring... but... thanks?" His cheeks flushed red and he looked away, holding hands and biting on his lip ring; gosh he looked cute. Wait, what? Did I just tell him that he looked good with his lip ring AND Kina is coming over in a minute? Fuck. "What time is Kina coming over then?" he asked, nodding over to me, so I guess he was talking about me being dressed up.
"Erm she is coming over in about two hours; you slept through most of the day. You look a bit more peaceful though, so was your sleep better?"
"Sort of, but that doesn't matter. Crap, I'm going to get something to eat then, see you in a minute," he walked out of the room, and I couldn't help but smile at how he was seeming a bit more like himself and that he got all shy when I said about his lip ring.

I decided to get some food as well so I walked to the kitchen and start cooking for us. I told Andy to go and put on a movie he wanted and, it turns out, he loves Batman, which in itself is cute because he is a young man who loves a superhero. Throughout making dinner, I would turn to Andy to see him sat forward on the seat, anticipating Batman's next move. It was so cute how transfixed he was.

Finally dinner was ready, a Spanish chicken casserole with vegetables, nothing fancy, I know, but it was the best I could do in the time limits.
"Aw, Ashley, you know you didn't have to cook for me," Andy whined
"I know, but I thought I might as well make it a romantic dinner for two, madam," I faked a posh English accent, which made Andy chuckle somewhat. I placed down the plates and started chuckling to myself.
"What are you laughing at?" he asked
"Aha, I was just thinking that we could just turn out the lights and have a romantic candlelit meal just for the fun of it."
"Oh, okay then. I'll go light the candles, shall I?" he smiled, standing up from the table and grabbing his lighter. I smiled softly back at him, my heart skipping a beat because I didn't think he'd take me seriously or would think I was creepy, but no. I smiled calmly on the outside, whilst on the inside I was acting like a 14 year old girl when her crush asks her out. I didn't care that Kina was coming over in a bit, I was just messing about and having some fun, it isn't as if I fancy him or anything.

It was one of the funniest romantic meals I have ever had. We spent half the time doing this romantic crap where you hold hands across the table, and feed each other, and just shit like that really, but it was so funny because it was very over dramatized.
"You know, you have really blue eyes, right?" This time I was being serious; I loved his eyes, although I couldn't say that.
"Umm... yeah I was made aware that my eyes are unnaturally blue,"
"Well, I think they are lovely, but I suppose you get told that a lot, though," Just at that second the door flung open to reveal a rather underdressed Kina. Not that I mind it when she isn't completely covered, but she had to walk through town like that, and other people were here; she could have at least had more than her underwear and an undone coat on.

Andy instantly blushed and looked away, almost as if he were going to be shot if he looked at her. But then again, I could understand that because we were holding hands across the dinner table, having a fake romantic, candlelit meal and my girlfriend walks in? Yep, that could be the definition of an awkward meeting.
"Honey, what is going on here?" she asked, pretty confused about the situation. I dropped Andy's hand and stood up from my chair,
"Hi, babe. It's kind of weird to explain but we got bored and pretended to have a romantic candlelit meal..."
"You're right, that is weird to explain, are you cheating on me?" she was almost in tears now, trembling as she stood at the door.
"No. Of course I'm not cheating on you, why would I do that?"
"Because you're the biggest man whore of L.A., you never loved me, did you?"
"I WAS the biggest man whore of L.A. but that stopped when I started dating you, and you know what? I don't regret it. I loved you, so why would I cheat?"
"I don't fucking know, but you say you love me, and then you fucking go on a romantic meal with a fucking faggot! It's fucking over Ashley! I was going to end it anyway today, but thanks for that fucking surprise!" She stormed out of the room and ran into the arms of another bloke, who she had obviously been with because he was holding the necklace I had gotten her for her birthday. I opened my mouth to scream back at her, but no words would come, and honestly, was there any need for that language?

Andy jumped up and slammed the door shut before turning to me, his eyes were a mixture of concern and guilt.
"I-I'm so s-sorry, A-Ashley," he stuttered before tearing up.
"No, Andy, don't be sorry, none of this was your fault," I cooed soothingly to him as I pulled him into a tight, reassuring embrace.
"B-but, she said about the romantic meal thing. I-I'm so sorry Ashley, p-please forgive me!"
"Hush, there's nothing to forgive; it's fine," I pulled him closer, burying my head in his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist and buried his head in my hair, crying until there were no more tears left to cry.
"Ashley, can we sit down? I'm tired," I smile a little at him asking permission,
"Of course. Are you okay now?"
"Did you love her?"
"What? Yeah I did, but that doesn't matter now, I didn't think it was going to work anymore, anyway," There was no way I was going to tell him that I didn't think it would work because I was confused of my sexuality. No, I can't be confused, I'm Ashley Freaking Purdy, the straight man whore, remember? Somehow I wasn't so sure.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Andy nod thoughtfully, and we sat silently on the sofa. He looked hurt by what Kina had said about him, and I don't blame him. That was pretty much the only thing I ever hated Kina for; her way of putting people down before she even got to know them.

I stared thoughtfully out of the window, letting a tear roll down my soft cheek. I did love her, and to see her hurt Andy like that, to see her already have another man, well that hurt like hell, and there is nothing I can do about it.
"I love you," I mouthed to the stars, hoping it would soon solve this battle in my head.

I must have been completely lost in thought because I nearly jumped out of my skin when Andy stood up from beside me and walked over to the kitchen, returning with a case of beer and my glass of wine. He passed me my wine, set the beer on the floor next to us then started up a movie; Batman, of course. I had to work very hard to suppress a chuckle when he did this.
"What?" he asked suspiciously... I obviously wasn't as good and suppressing laughter as I had hoped.
"Oh, nothing, I just think its sweet how you love Batman so much," he went red from ear to ear within and instant, looking down at his hands like an embarrassed child.
"Says you with your Hello Kitty stuff," he retorted. Now it was my time to become embarrassed and blush, but what can I say? Hello Kitty is freaking amazing!

Slowly, we drank our way through the liquor, watching Batman and Robin saving the day... I couldn't tell you what they were doing for most of it, as I wasn't actually watching it; I was far too engrossed with my thoughts and watching Andy patiently await their next move, in completely and utter love for Batman. In fact, I wasn't even sure I knew what I was doing, because I snuggled my head up onto Andy's shoulder and scooted up to him. He carefully wrapped his arms around me, and we spent the rest of the movie snuggled up together like that.
"Ashy, I'm tired, can we go to bed?" Andy asked; his voiced filled with sleepy innocence.
"Yes, of course you can," I said, forcing myself to stand up from my warm spot next to Andy. Leaning down to help him up, I press my lips against his, and he kissed back.

He kissed back.