If Jealousy Could Kill

Rina gave a small yawn, her uninjured hand rubbing at her eyes as her legs carried her through the apartment. She knew it was late and she knew that she had missed school, although she didn’t particularly care. With her head killing her and her hand still hurting, Rina was in no mood to be at school. She never thought she would be but right now, she was happy that she had missed school.

Rina moved her hand from her eyes to her hair, raking her fingers through her still messy brunette locks. She didn’t know if anyone else was still home or if they had all left, the only thing she hoped for was Tomomi to be gone. She was thankful for the way the slightly older brunette had taken care of her last night but that didn’t mean she had forgiven her for what she was trying to do to Haruna last night as well. She didn’t particularly want to see Tomomi right now.

The tired brunette rounded the corner into the kitchen and she came to a dead stop when she saw Haruna sitting at the table, her head cradled in her hands. Haruna had heard the footsteps and when she did, she looked up, giving Rina a weak smile. She silently beckoned for Rina to come join her at the table and while partially hesitant, Rina agreed to.

She made her way over to the small wooden table, taking a seat across from Haruna. Rina took in a deep breath, exhaling shakily and keeping her eyes on the ground. The shame still coursed through her body and she wasn’t sure if she could handle looking at Haruna right now. She was nearly afraid that if she did look at Haruna, she would break down immediately. Rina couldn’t shake the feeling that Haruna might be disappointed in her. She knew deep down that Haruna probably wasn’t disappointed at all but it didn’t stop the irrational thoughts from invading her mind.

Haruna didn’t feel the same way as Rina did though; she couldn’t take her eyes off the silent brunette. Haruna’s body leaned forward onto the table, her arms crossed over the sleek wooden surface as her eyes bored into the young girl in front of her. Haruna wanted to say something; she wanted to say anything. She couldn’t think of anything to say though. Whenever she did try to think of something to say, she thought back to this morning and the questions she was dying to ask came back to her mind.

Earlier in the day, Haruna had woken up when Tomomi was getting ready to leave for work. While her girlfriend got ready, Haruna began questioning Tomomi about the odd question she had asked the night before. She was feeling too sick and too tired the night before to question it but today, she felt a lot better and now she was curious. It took a lot of coaxing, hugging, and kissing but Haruna finally got Tomomi to agree to tell her just what she had been thinking when she asked Haruna that one odd question.

However, when Haruna actually got her answer, she didn’t feel so appreciative of getting it as she thought she would. She almost regretted ever getting curious and asking Tomomi. Once Tomomi told her the thoughts and the evidence that had let her to that point, all Haruna could think about was that night from so many years ago.

Thinking back on it, Haruna couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed by Rina. After she had hurt herself the first time, Haruna had made Rina promise not to do it again and if she did want to, Haruna wanted Rina to come to her first. But Rina hadn’t done that at all and that was what made Haruna feel betrayed. She wanted to believe that Rina would come to her in a time of need, although she couldn’t say she was too surprised. This was how Rina operated and this incident was a perfect example of why Haruna hated this part of Rina.

Haruna only desired to help Rina; she only wanted to find a way to get through to the young girl. After all these years, Haruna had not yet found out how to do that. Rina was always the type of person to insist that she didn’t need help and that she’d rather be the strong one who helped others. Neither Haruna nor Mami had ever been able to convince Rina that she could help people while also receiving help for her own problems. She was so caught up always wanting to help and take care of others that Rina often forgot to care for herself.

The eldest brunette desperately wanted to bring this up with Rina but Haruna didn’t even know how to begin with that. How did one even begin to bring this subject up? Haruna couldn’t very well just come out and ask Rina about it point blank, that could scare Rina off from confessing anything to Haruna. She had to find a way to ease Rina into it and that might be the hardest thing to accomplish.

“Are you mad at me?”

The words had been spoken barely above a whisper and Haruna had almost not heard them. She did hear them though, the soft words breaking her out of her train of thought. Haruna blinked a few times, bringing herself back down to earth before she smiled sweetly at Rina.

“No, I’m not. It was a mistake, wasn’t it? Accidents happen, Rina. Just try to be more careful, okay?” Haruna told her. She was regretting saying it was a mistake but she couldn’t bring herself to accuse Rina of purposefully hurting herself. She didn’t have any real proof after all, Tomomi could very well be wrong about her thoughts.

“Right. I’ll be more careful. I’m sorry,” Rina apologized to her. Haruna took in a shaky breath, trying to keep the smile on her face as she spoke to Rina. She had to keep smiling to keep Rina calm. She couldn’t let her emotions take control with this.

“You know, Rina, I’ve got work today…” Haruna trailed off, noticing the sadness that came to Rina’s eyes at her words. “But I can call in sick today if you want me to stay home with you.” Haruna could see the way Rina’s mood seemed to improve even just a little from her words. She seemed rather happy at the prospect of Haruna staying home with her today.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Rina asked in that same soft tone. Haruna couldn’t help but smile at how shy and innocent Rina looked right now. No matter how old Rina got, Haruna would always see her as a little sister. She would always be the little sister that needed to be cared for and Haruna would always be happy to care for Rina.

“Rina, I’m always happy to take care of you. Let me just go call my boss and I’ll make you breakfast, okay?” After Haruna had said her words, she pushed herself out of the kitchen chair to make her way out of the room.

“You’re going to cook?” Rina asked with a hint of amusement to her tone. She was trying to act happier. Haruna turned back to her, trying to hide her smile. She could hear the amusement in Rina’s tone and she knew that meant Rina’s mood was improving bit by bit.

“Oh? Is the injured girl going to deny someone pampering her?” Haruna challenged her with a smirk. Rina giggled softly at Haruna’s attempt at a comeback.

“Of course not,” Rina told her. Haruna laughed softly, shaking her head and muttering something under her breath. She turned on her heels, giving Rina a small wave before she left the kitchen to go find her phone.

Sitting alone in the kitchen now, Rina leaned back in the wooden chair she was sitting on. Her head fell down against the back of it as she brought her hand up in front of her face. She stared at the gauze still wrapped tightly around her hand. Rina could see the speckles of red on the gauze and she knew her wound had bled through the cotton square overnight. She would have to change this soon but she wasn’t too fond of the idea of seeing just how much she had damaged herself.

She could still feel the shame pooling in her body for it. Why had she done it? She knew there were better ways to get Tomomi off of Haruna but… She had chosen to do this for some reason. It hadn’t even crossed her mind, she didn’t even think about it until she woke up again and it was already done. It didn’t make sense. Rina could never recall having ever done anything like this before and she didn’t understand why she did it now. The last thing Rina could remember was reaching for the glass. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor, a sharp piece of glass embedded in her hand.

Rina couldn’t help but wonder if Haruna knew she had done it herself or if she truly believed it was a small mistake. It was a mistake though. It was a stupid mistake that Rina never intended to happen. She could only hope that Haruna didn’t suspect Rina of doing it on purpose and that she didn’t find out Rina had done it on purpose. Rina was scared of the possible ways that Haruna could react to that. Her worst fear was Haruna being disappointed in her. She couldn’t handle Haruna being disappointed in her.

“Now that that is settled…”

Rina snapped herself out of her thoughts when heard Haruna’s voice. She watched as the older girl entered the kitchen again, making her way over to the refrigerator. The older girl pulled the door open, bending over and looking into the fridge, her fingers tapping her chin lightly. Haruna’s eyes narrowed at the lack of food she saw inside the fridge. Everything in there was either not appropriate for breakfast or something that Haruna couldn’t cook.

It also occurred to Haruna that she hadn’t even bothered to ask what Rina wanted for breakfast in the first place. With that thought, Haruna pushed herself up again, turning to the younger girl at the table.

“Do you have any idea of what you would like for breakfast?” Haruna asked her.

“Nothing that you’re capable of cooking,” Rina teased her lightly. Haruna laughed softly at Rina’s comeback, glad to see that her mood was lifting a bit.

“Why don’t I just make us toast? That’s simple enough,” Haruna suggested. Rina giggled at her suggestion but nodded her head nonetheless. Haruna smiled, grabbing the bread out of the fridge before closing it and bounding over to where the toaster was.

Rina watched Haruna work from where she was seated. It only took the older girl a few minutes to finish preparing a few slices for each girl. Once she was done, she grabbed both of the small plates, making her way over to the table. She sat one down in front of Rina before taking a seat on the other side of the table, setting down her own plate.

The two girls began to eat in silence, neither one knowing what to say to the other one still. Rina took a bite of the toast, resisting the urge to wrinkle her nose when she tasted the burnt parts of it.

“You realize you burnt this, don’t you?” Rina asked her.

“Shut up and eat,” Haruna grumbled in response. Rina giggled, beginning to brush off the burnt parts and pick off the parts that clung on. This was always what happened when Haruna cooked. It wasn’t that Haruna was a bad cook per say, she just had a habit of doing things wrong when it came to cooking. No matter what it was that she was cooking, Haruna could find a way to mess it up without even knowing it.

Rina’s mood was improving quite a lot. It was nice to have a simple morning together with Haruna; it had been so long since she had been able to have something like this with Haruna. It seemed like it had been an eternity since she had had a quiet morning with Haruna. Every chance she did get, it seemed like Haruna was too busy with Tomomi. Every other time that Haruna wasn’t with Tomomi in the mornings, Rina had to go to school or work so she couldn’t stay around.

Rina simply missed having Haruna around.

The two girls finished their meal in a relative silence. Once they were finished, Haruna got up without a word, grabbing both of the plates and setting them in the sink. When she finished with that, she turned around, leaning against the counter instead of going back over to the table.

“I guess I’ll go take a shower now…” Rina said softly.

“If you need help changing your bandages, come and get me. I have no problem giving you a hand.”

“You don’t mind?” Haruna gave her a small smile before nodding her head, her mature older sister side kicking in again. She may not like blood or any kind of injury in general but she was the only one here with Rina and she knew the young brunette couldn’t re-bandage the wound on her own. She would have to suck it up and help Rina.

“Of course not, Rina. I’ll always be here to help you,” Haruna assured her. Rina nodded with a smile before she pushed herself out of the seat. She gave Haruna a small goodbye and making her way out of the kitchen.

***

“Haru… Can you come help me?” Haruna turned around from where she sat on the couch, seeing Rina peeking around the corner of the hallway, a pair of pink pajamas settling around her body. The young girl had been gone for no more than fifteen minutes and Haruna knew that must mean she was done now.

“Sure thing,” Haruna told her. She pushed herself off the couch, her legs already getting wobbly at the mere thought of what she was going to see when she went in to help Rina. She couldn’t just leave Rina on her own though. Rina’s cut was in such an odd place that she wouldn’t be able to bandage it with one hand and she couldn’t leave it uncovered to risk infection. Haruna had to be a good friend and a good big sister for her.

The two girls got to the bathroom and Haruna had Rina sit down on the edge of the bathtub. The older girl took a deep breath, exhaling shakily before grabbing the towel Rina had wrapped around her hand. She very slowly undid it, letting it fall away from the young girl’s hand and her eyes instantly widened. The cut was a lot worse than Haruna had imagined it would be, and she knew it probably looked a lot worse last night.

Rina saw Haruna’s terror and she was hit by a wave of guilt. This was all her fault. If she wasn’t so stupid… If she had just been good enough for Haruna then none of this would have ever happened. That was the problem; Rina simply wasn’t good enough for Haruna so she kept craving other people. If Rina could fix that – if she could figure out what Haruna truly desired in a woman – then Rina knew she could take Haruna back. Everything could return to normal.

The injured girl watched as Haruna’s very shaky hands moved to grip the gauze. She figured that she wouldn’t have to clean out the cut since Rina had just taken a shower, her shower should be enough. Haruna grabbed a small cotton square in her other hand, pressing it against Rina’s medium-sized wound and caused her to wince slightly.

“Sorry,” Haruna apologized gently. She wasted no time in beginning to wrap the gauze around Rina’s hand, just wanting to cover up the wound so she could attempt to forget about it. Haruna doing her best to push down the nausea that wanted to come from the sight of it but she could still feel the sickness starting to take over. She had to keep pushing it back though for Rina.

When Rina’s hand was bandaged, Haruna leaned down and gave her covered palm a small kiss. Rina could feel the blush creeping up on her face at the older girl’s actions. Haruna pushed herself off the floor, putting away the gauze and cotton squares before she turned to Rina.

“Can I help you dry your hair? You used to let me in high school…” Haruna felt a bit silly for asking this of Rina. She knew how childish is made Rina feel for Haruna to help her dry her hair but Haruna kind of missed helping Rina with it. Despite how much Haruna disliked high school, she missed it on occasions. She and Rina shared a lot of moments that they no longer shared as adults.

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Rina responded. Haruna’s expression brightened up again as she nodded at the younger girl. She instructed Rina to turn around, making her sit facing the wall. Rina found it a bit awkward to be sitting this way on the tub but she complied anyway.

Haruna grabbed the hair dryer and a brush before turning on the hair dryer. She kept it at a low volume so she could continue talking to Rina as she helped her with her hair. The older girl began her work silently, brushing out a small cluster of hair from Rina’s head and holding the dryer over her.

Rina sat still, her hands on her lap while she silently let Haruna work. This felt nice. She remembered the day she had told Haruna to stop doing this. She felt like Haruna had been babying her but right now, she regretted ever asking Haruna to stop doing things like this for her. She missed it. She missed Haruna doing endless things to take care of her. She missed having Haruna’s undivided attention and her unconditional love.

The younger girl’s eyes slowly closed, the heat feeling nice on the back of her neck. She could feel Haruna’s fingertips brushing against her neck as the older girl reached around her head, attempting to grab some of the hair that had fallen in Rina’s face.

“Do you remember when I used to do this for you?” Haruna asked her softly. Rina’s eyes opened to being half-lidded a small smile on her face. “You let me do it all the time in high school… I miss when you let me do these things.”

“You do?”

“I do. I miss all of these little things I used to do in order to take care of you,” Haruna admitted to her, “I kind of wish we hadn’t grown up so you didn’t feel like you were too old for this.” Rina felt a brush of pain hit her. Why did she ever say something like that? She never meant it. She never wanted things like this to stop.

“I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to start doing it again, you know. You’re really good with my hair anyway; you always make it look so pretty.” Haruna smiled when she saw Rina beginning to twist and twirl her fingers around each other, carefully dancing them so they didn’t brush the cut on her hand. It was always a sure sign of Rina’s nervousness when she did that.

“I’d love to start again,” Haruna told her gently. Rina could feel the blush creeping onto her again as she simply nodded silently. The two girls fell back into another comfortable silence, the only noise being the soft whirring of the hair dryer.

Haruna soon finished, content with how dry Rina’s hair felt. It was still damp in some areas but it was good as it was probably going to get. The eldest girl sat the hair dryer down onto the sink to let it cool, turning back to Rina and stifling a laugh.

“What are you laughing at?” Rina asked, turning around to face Haruna.

“You look like a poodle,” Haruna managed to get out without laughing. She didn’t do well in controlling it afterwards as a few laughs slipped out. Rina scowled at Haruna crossing her arms over her chest.

“You were supposed to fix it,” she said with a pout. Haruna giggled lightly, grabbing the brush again and forcing Rina to turn back around.

“I’ll fix it,” she told the younger girl gently. Haruna stepped away from her friend for a moment, plugging in the flat iron before moving back to her. She ran the brush slowly through Rina’s locks, her fingertips occasionally brushing against Rina’s skin.

When Haruna was sure that the flat iron was warmed up enough, she reached over and grabbed it with her free hand. Rina could feel the heated iron come near her neck and she froze for a moment, remembering the time Haruna had accidentally burned her with it.

“Oh come on, that was one time,” Haruna scoffed, noticing the stiffness and knowing exactly why it had come. Rina giggled softly, her body relaxing as she pushed the unneeded thoughts out of her mind.

“Well it did hurt, you know,” Rina pointed out. Haruna snorted in response, refusing to respond as she sat the brush down onto the edge of the tub. She wound her fingers into Rina’s arm, pulling out a cluster of it and running the iron over her hair to straighten out the waves a bit.

This continued on for an hour. As Haruna’s work neared the end, Rina had taken to tapping her fingers on her legs, beginning to get a bit impatient. She loved when Haruna did this for her but it always took an awfully long time because Haruna had to be so precise with it. The final outcome was always a beautiful result and well worth the hour it usually took Haruna to finish.

“All done,” Haruna said proudly. She patted Rina on the head before grabbing her tools and stepping away from the younger brunette. While Rina pushed herself up, Haruna busied herself on setting everything back in its place before she turned to Rina, admiring her handiwork.

Rina was admiring Haruna’s handiwork as well. She ran her hands over her smooth hair, a bright smile on her face. She turned to Haruna before wrapping her arms around the shorter girl in a tight hug. Haruna laughed softly, returning the hug to her. The two girls separated and another silence overcame them.

"Let's go find you some clothes for the day," Haruna said in an effort to end the silence. Rina nodded to Haruna, allowing the older girl to grip her hand and pull her from the bathroom.

As she got pulled down the hallway, Rina smiled. Haruna was hers for the day and today was the perfect day to take her back. She knew by the end of the day, Haruna would be hers again; she wouldn't be able to deny Rina's affection. The young brunette had faith in that.

Haruna pulled Rina into the younger girl's room, pushing her down onto the bed so she was sitting on it. Rina giggled as she watched Haruna bounce over to the closest, beginning to dig through it. She could remember all the times she had let Haruna do this when they were younger. Haruna always did like to help style Rina and the young brunette was happy to let her. She loved to make Haruna happy.

Rina took a deep breath as she continued watching. She watched as Haruna pulled out a pair of delicacies for Rina to wear, the younger girl blushing as Haruna did this with no shyness. After she had gotten done with that, the older girl went back to digging.

"Do you feel like a skirt or jeans today?" She could hear Haruna ask. Haruna turned to look at her, waiting for an answer.

"A skirt," Rina gave her soft answer. Haruna nodded, smiling before she turned back around and resumed her beaver-like digging. Rina laughed at the way Haruna was looking for her clothes.

She let her head bow, her hands beginning to play with each other. She had to tell Haruna. She couldn't put it off anymore. The more she waited, the more Tomomi took Haruna from her. She couldn't let that happen, she couldn't lose Haruna. She couldn't live without the bossy brunette. She had to fight for Haruna and this was the only way she had left. Sighing softly, Rina pushed herself of the bed.

"Haruna?" Rina asked her softly.

"What is it?" Haruna replied without turning to look at her. Rina took a deep breath, her feet carrying her to Haruna.

Tell her.

Why was she scared? This was Haruna. She knew Haruna loved her, it was the only option. Her fear was all Tomomi's fault. None of this would be happening if Tomomi had never come around.

"Can you turn around for a second?" Rina asked. She could hear Haruna make a small 'hm' noise but she pushed herself up anyway, turning to face Rina.

Rina took the chance. She moved closer to Haruna, forcefully backing the girl against the wall next to Rina's closest. She could see the way Haruna's eyes widened as Rina inched closer and closer.

"Rina? What are you doing?" Haruna asked and sounded nervous. She chuckled softly, trying to duck away from Rina but the younger girl wouldn't have it.

She stopped Haruna's movements, pushing her back against the wall and pressing her body against Haruna's. She could feel the older girl's hot breath that was getting heavier by the second, her nervous eyes searching Rina's. Rina gave her a soft smile, trying to tell her not to be scared.

In one action, Rina pressed her lips against Haruna's in a desperate kiss, her hands wrapping themselves around Haruna's waist. As she kissed Haruna deeply, only one thought went through her mind.

Please love me.