If Jealousy Could Kill

“Haruna, are you in here?” The older brunette in question pushed herself into a sitting position hurriedly, her head snapping over to the door. Her body and her eyes softened when she saw Rina peeking around the door. When their eyes connected though, Haruna felt a shiver go through her. Those didn’t look like the eyes of the little sister she’d spent years caring for and being beside.

“Do you need something, Rina?” Haruna asked softly, looking away from her. She couldn’t bear to look into those darkened, empty eyes any longer. Haruna couldn’t explain it really; she didn’t even know why she’d feel this way with Rina of all people. She couldn’t help it though; something just seemed off about Rina.

“I wanted to apologize,” Rina said in a soft voice. Haruna looked back up at her, giving her a weak smile and beckoning for her to enter the room. The younger brunette nodded before slowly making her way into the room, a small glass held tightly in her hand.

“What’s that?” Haruna asked as Rina slinked her way over to the older girl. The brunette made her way over to the bed before extending the glass to Haruna, a small smile on her face. The smile didn’t sit well with Haruna though. None of this was sitting well with her.

“It’s for you. I made it to apologize for yelling at you. That was wrong of me, I’m sorry,” Rina said. Haruna eyed the glass but felt the need to take it when she saw the hopeful look sparkling in Rina’s eyes. The older girl reached out, wrapping her hands around the glass and slowly taking it from Rina’s grasp.

She brought it closer to her, sniffing the scent of it. It smelled so delicious; Haruna didn’t know why she doubted Rina like this. It wasn’t Haruna’s choice though. There was just a strange look in Rina’s eyes. They were darker than she could remember; empty almost. To Haruna, it seemed like Rina wasn’t actually there. But that was a ridiculous idea. This was Rina; it could never be anyone else. And her Rina would never really hurt anyone.

“It’s so good,” Haruna murmured softly as she took a drink.

“I’m glad you like it,” Rina said. The young brunette took a seat on the edge of the bed as Haruna curled up at the top of it. She brought her legs up underneath her, her half laying and half sitting body leaned up against the wall her bed was pushed against. She gripped the cup tightly in her hands, taking light sips.

“You always did make the best stuff,” Haruna continued in just as soft a tone. She glanced over at Rina and instantly noticed the nervous way Rina seemed to be fidgeting. The young brunette’s hands picked at the shirt she was wearing, her empty eyes trained on the ground.

“I just wanted to make you feel better,” Rina said in a low tone. Haruna nodded her head slowly. Right now, she was just going to chalk up Rina’s odd behavior to her feeling guilty over the girls’ fight.

The two girls fell into silence. Rina continued to stare at the ground while Haruna sipped softly on the drink. As the minutes passed, Haruna soon finished the drink that Rina had brought her, the two girls still not having exchanged many words. There was a lot Haruna wanted to ask Rina but she didn’t want to upset the very fragile girl again.

With a sigh, Haruna sat the glass down on the end table. She could feel her eyelids getting heavier, her vision beginning to cloud. Haruna let out an involuntary yawn, shaking her head in a vain attempt to clear the sudden tiredness. Haruna thought she could see a smile ghost across Rina’s face at her display of tiredness, but Haruna was just going to assume she had seen something that wasn’t there because she was tired.

“Ne, Rina… I’m sorry,” Haruna said softly. Rina looked over at Haruna and sure enough, the oldest girl could see a smile on her face just as she thought she had. Giving another yawn, Haruna leaned her head back against the wall, her arms draping themselves over her body.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I led you on. I didn’t mean to but it’s still my fault. I’m so sorry for causing you so much pain all these years. I hope you can forgive me.” Rina chuckled softly, looking away from Haruna. She couldn’t forgive Haruna because there was nothing to forgive Haruna for. This wasn’t Haruna’s fault; it was Tomomi’s for distracting and misleading Haruna. As soon as she removed Tomomi from the picture, Haruna could be hers again.

“I could never stay mad at you, Haruna. I’ll always forgive you,” Rina responded to her. The younger girl could hear Haruna murmur a soft sound of agreement before another yawn followed it. Haruna didn’t understand why she was so tired all of a sudden. It was a fight just to keep her eyes open, they wanted to close so badly so she could get some much desired rest.

It was only a few more minutes before Haruna did just that. She lost the battle to the exhaustion, her eyes closing and her body falling into a sleeping state. When the silence filled the room, Rina looked over and smiled. Haruna was still leaned against the wall, her breathing gentle as she slept. Rina giggled at the sight, a sudden giddiness coming to the otherwise empty girl. Now she was free to talk to Tomomi without any interference. That’s all she wanted; just a simple talk with Tomomi. She was not going to give Haruna up to her so easily.

Rina pushed herself off the body, gently guiding Haruna’s small body into a laying position. Once she was laying, Rina covered her with the covers, giving her a small kiss. She was surprised Haruna actually fell for this but she wasn’t too surprised the sleeping pills had worked in the end. She was a bit skeptical at first of their effect when crushed up and mixed with water, but they had worked like a charm. Rina had made sure to use extra just in case, she’d used a high enough dosage to knock out a full grown male. For a person of Haruna’s stature, there was no way she could deny succumbing to the pills’ effect.

The younger girl ran her hands through Haruna’s hair before reaching over and grabbing Haruna’s cellphone off the end table. She leaned back on her heels, scrolling through the phone and landing on the number of a particular squeaky voiced brunette. She outwardly smiled and looked down at Haruna’s sleeping form.

“Everything will be back to normal when you wake up.”

***

Rina was seated on the couch, flipping through the channels of the TV when she heard the doorbell ring. She was puzzled at first; she didn’t know who it could be. She hadn’t recalled asking anyone to come over today and she didn’t think Haruna would, she was asleep after all. Rina didn’t know why Haruna was sleeping. She’d woken up herself after evidently passing out only to find that Haruna was asleep as well. She just figured the older girl was wiped out from the emotional fight they had. She would have to remember to apologize later to Haruna for yelling at her.

Hearing the doorbell again, Rina decided it was best to just go answer the door now. Whoever was there seemed to be getting impatient. She tossed the remote to the couch, her feet carrying her to the door. When she opened it, she saw Tomomi standing outside. Her confusion only deepened when she saw this. What on earth was Tomomi doing here? She wasn’t supposed to be here at all today, it was supposed to be a day to just her and Haruna!

“Hi, Rina,” Tomomi greeted happily. Rina gulped softly, a strange feeling coming back to her. She felt kind of disappointed seeing Tomomi here. She knew that she hadn’t called Tomomi so that must mean Haruna had, and that’s what disappointed Rina.

“Oh…. Hi, Tomo,” Rina said. Tomomi was a bit taken aback by the cold and disappointed tone of Rina’s voice, but she felt it better not to question it. “Would you like to come in?”

“Sure…” Tomomi said softly. Rina stepped aside, allowing for the slightly older brunette to step into the apartment. Tomomi removed her shoes before following Rina into the living room. Once there, Rina motioned for the brunette to take a seat on the couch, to which Tomomi did without hesitation.

“Did Haruna call you?” Rina asked her, refusing to sit down herself. Tomomi turned to the ridged brunette, a small feeling of fear creeping into her. Tomomi had been told by Haruna that she wanted a day alone with Rina to get into the younger girl’s head but she’d gotten a text message from her only minutes before asking her to come over. Tomomi had just assumed something had gone wrong with Rina and Haruna needed help.

“She did…. Is everything alright? Where is she?” Rina could feel her heart pick up the pace at Tomomi’s words. So Haruna had called Tomomi. She had broken her promise to Rina of them having a day alone.

“Haruna is asleep.” Tomomi visibly cringed from the darkened tone that Rina had used. She could feel her body tense as Rina turned away from her, the younger girl’s body tense in a similar fashion to Tomomi’s. The slightly older brunette didn’t understand what was going on. How could a simple question seem to make Rina so angry? Something must have happened between her and Haruna.

“How is your hand doing?” Tomomi asked, trying to divert the subject away. “Is it feeling better?” Tomomi watched as Rina brought her hand up, seeming like she was gazing at it before she let it drop to her side.

“It’s fine,” Rina responded shortly. “If you want, you can wait here until Haruna wakes up. I’ll get you something to drink.”

“Okay…” It was all Tomomi could say as she watched Rina saunter her way out of the room and towards the kitchen. She was more than a little puzzled by Rina’s actions. She thought that maybe Haruna’s discussion with Rina hadn’t gone as planned and the young girl was simply upset from a fight… She could only hope that was reality.

In the kitchen, Rina grabbed a glass from the counter, filling it with water. She sighed softly, setting it down onto the counter and hunching over said counter with her head in her hands. Her breathing was labored while she shut her eyes, the thoughts flying through her head. Why? Haruna had promised that Tomomi wasn’t going to be around today, so why had she so blatantly broken that promise?

Even if she did call Tomomi, why had she fallen asleep? After everything that was exchanged between the two roommates, Rina knew that Haruna couldn’t very well think Rina was in a mood to see Tomomi. Even Haruna wasn’t that stupid about these things. She had to have known, so none of this was making any sense to Rina. It was such an odd turn of events.

But if Haruna had called Tomomi…. Did that mean she still valued Tomomi over her best friend since childhood? She thought that she might have a chance at getting through to Haruna today but with Tomomi here now, she knew that there was no way she was getting through to Haruna. She had to find a way to get rid of Tomomi.

The young brunette didn’t notice the haze and darkness creeping up on her. Before she knew otherwise, Rina felt herself falling into what she thought felt like a slumber of sorts. Her mind fell to sleep, but her body didn’t.

***

The slightly older brunette sat on the couch, her back leaned into the soft cushions and her fingertips tapped themselves on her knees. The living room was quiet. The entire house was quiet; not a single sound was to be heard. Tomomi expected to hear something from the kitchen but so far, she had heard nothing. There was a part of her that wanted to try and find Haruna but she almost felt it better to stay put. She thought it would be better to speak with Rina first and try to get her side of things before tracking down Haruna.

With a heavy sigh, Tomomi pushed herself and slowly made her way to the kitchen. She peeked around the edge of it and noticed Rina leaned up against the counter. Rina had her back to Tomomi but the brunette could still see the way Rina clutched her head. She could hear Rina muttering something under her breath, the older brunette only barely being able to make out the words.

“Where am I? What am I doing?”

Tomomi furrowed her eyebrows together. She thought that she might be hearing Rina wrong. Tomomi knew that she had to approach Rina. She had to talk to the younger girl and get to the bottom of this. She had to at least try to help Rina; she was her friend after all. Taking a deep breath, Tomomi decided it was time.

“Rina…?” She said softly as she padded her way into the kitchen. The young brunette twirled around, her arms dropping to her side and her face twisting in confusion.

“Tomomi? What are you doing here?” Rina asked her. Tomomi was a bit startled by the sudden question. Surely Rina couldn’t have forgotten that she had let Tomomi into the apartment just minutes before… Could she?

“Rina, don’t you remember? You let me in.”

“No I didn’t.” Tomomi was even more confused by Rina’s continuous assertion that she didn’t know why Tomomi was in the apartment. The young brunette wasn’t much better. She was just as confused as Tomomi; she couldn’t remember having let Tomomi inside. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought Haruna said you wouldn’t be here today.”

“Rina… We talked about this already. I told you that Haruna asked me to come over. She said there was something important she needed to talk to me about,” Tomomi explained to her. Rina took a step back, a look of hurt crossing her face. She couldn’t believe Haruna would do this. After everything the two girls had exchanged between each other today, Haruna still went and brought Tomomi around.

“I don’t… I don’t get it…” Rina murmured softly. She brought a hand up to her head, laying her palm flat on her forehead, a dull throbbing in her head. She hadn’t let Tomomi in. She knew she hadn’t and she didn’t want to believe that Haruna would break her promise and bring Tomomi over. Even if the two roommates were fighting, Rina still didn’t believe it.

“What don’t you get? Are you feeling okay?” Tomomi took a few steps closer to Rina, watching carefully as Rina shook her head. She seemed to be in pain but at the same time, Tomomi wasn’t sure if that was real pain Rina was feeling. “Are you sick?”

“No… I feel fine.” Despite Rina’s words, she didn’t feel fine. She couldn’t help but get the sinking feeling that she was forgetting something important. It was a minimal feeling to her though, a greater feeling was knowing that Tomomi didn’t belong here today and she wasn’t wanted here today. She didn’t know what Haruna was thinking when she invited Tomomi over but she was going to ensure that the intrusive brunette left her and Haruna alone.

“Are you sure? You can go lay down, you know. I don’t mind waiting for Haru to wake up by myself,” Tomomi offered her. The older brunette was grasping at straws here trying to explain Rina’s odd behavior. She thought that maybe, by some chance, Rina’s delirium could be caused by a high fever or something.

“I don’t need to lie down,” Rina responded. Tomomi outwardly cringed at the seemingly angered tone that Rina had used. It was just a simple “What did Haruna want to talk to you about?”

“I’m…not sure,” Tomomi admitted. “Her message didn’t specify. It had me worried though. I… I knew she wanted to talk to you about the cut so I wanted to make sure you two were okay.”

“What? Do you think I would hurt Haruna?” Rina asked. Tomomi could hear the hurt in her tone mixing with very clear anger. She probably should have chosen her words a bit more carefully.

“Of course not!” Tomomi said quickly in an attempt to quell Rina’s sudden anger. “I don’t think you’d ever hurt Haruna or anyone else. I just meant that… Well I was worried you two were fighting and I wanted to help if you two were.”

“You don’t think I could hurt someone?” Rina asked in a much softer voice now.

“Of course not, Rina. You’re not that type of person, I know you’re not.” Tomomi watched as Rina bowed her head just before the older brunette heard a small and dark chuckle leave the younger girl.

“You’d be wrong about that.” Rina’s words had been barely spoken above a whisper; they were so low that Tomomi didn’t know if she had actually heard them correctly.

“What did you say?” Tomomi asked. She took a few cautious steps towards Rina, making sure to keep her distance still though. “You haven’t done anything to Haruna, have you?”

“Of course I haven’t!” Rina asserted, her head snapping up in a sudden motion. Tomomi squeaked and jumped backwards. Rina’s mood had shifted so suddenly that it had caught Tomomi completely by surprise. “I would never hurt Haruna. I could never hurt her, how dare you accuse me of it.”

“I didn’t…. I didn’t accuse you of anything, Rina. I was just asking an innocent question. I didn’t mean to offend you… I’m sorry.” Rina scoffed, turning her back to Tomomi. Such lies. She had heard Tomomi’s words, she knew what the brunette was insinuating. And she didn’t appreciate such accusations in the least bit.

“Would you stop lying?” Rina asked lowly.

“Eh?” Tomomi squeaked out. Lying? She was doing no such thing. Rina must be even more delirious than Tomomi first though. “I’m not lying, Rina. I really didn’t mean it like that.”

“Of course you didn’t. You’re always the innocent one.” Tomomi whimpered softly at the harsh tone Rina had used. At this point, Tomomi had gotten the hint that Rina was probably mad at her. She still didn’t know why and had no clues as to why but she was going to get to the bottom of it and fix it no matter what.

“Are you mad at me?” Tomomi asked. She didn’t see a reason to beat around the bush, it was probably best to face it head on. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You did everything wrong,” Rina said in a whispered voice. Tomomi had to strain herself just to hear Rina’s words. The older brunette walked a bit closer to Rina, hoping it would help her hear the angered girl more.

“I don’t understand, Rina. What have I done wrong? Tell me and I can fix it,” Tomomi pleaded with her. The brunette could hear the younger girl take in a deep breath before exhaling it.

“You really don’t know?”

“No….”

“You’re either stupid or you’re lying,” Rina said lowly. She walked over to the counter, her hand laying on top of something Tomomi couldn’t see. Gulping nervously, Tomomi walked even closer to Rina.

“I’m not lying. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. You’re mad, I can see that. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done but if you don’t tell me then I can’t fix it…”

“You stole her from me,” Rina said suddenly in a much louder tone. Tomomi squeaked again from the tone, her footsteps freezing. The brunette could see Rina’s body tense again before she heard a small sniffling sound come from Rina. “You took Haruna away from me.”

“Oh…” Tomomi felt horrible. She could hear from the tone of Rina’s voice that the young girl was close to crying now, if she already wasn’t. “Are you…in love with Haruna?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does…” Tomomi said softly. “God. I’m sorry, Rina. I didn’t… I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to steal her from you; I was only trying to help her. Believe me when I say that I love Haruna; I want what’s best for her--”

“And you are not what’s best for her,” Rina interjected roughly.

“Why are you saying that? I’ve been nothing but good to Haruna--”

“That’s always how it starts!” Rina shouted, interrupting Tomomi again. “They always start off treating her like an angel but as soon as she gives them what they want, they started treating her worse and worse until she’s even more broken than she started off. And she’s already given you what you wanted, hasn’t she?”

“What do you mean?” Rina sighed softly, gripping the object in her hand even tighter. If worse came to worse, she wouldn’t be afraid to use it if it meant protecting Haruna.

“You’ve slept with her already, haven’t you?” Tomomi didn’t know how to respond to that question. How exactly did Rina even know that? “You got what you wanted from her, so what’s stopping you from leaving her?”

“Just what kind of person do you think I am?” Tomomi didn’t even try to hide the hurt in her voice. She knew Rina was hurt herself but there was no need for such harsh words. “I love Haruna. I would never leave her. I don’t care if she had never slept with me, I would never leave her side.”

“Yeah right. That’s what everyone says. You’ll be no different from him.”

“Him? Rina, I’m not like him. I’m not like any of the people Haruna’s been with in the past. I love Haruna for who she is, not for her body. I would never hurt her. Why won’t you believe that?”

“Because it’s a damn lie!” Rina shouted. “It’s always a lie! Haruna was never supposed to find another relationship. She was supposed to end up with me. I was supposed to protect Haruna; she was supposed to be mine someday. Haruna was happy with just me and Mami, she didn’t need anyone else. But you… You had to come along and ruin that. You had to trick Haruna and now she’s going to get hurt all over again!”

“Do you really think she was happy like that? She closed herself off from everyone. She let only you and Mami get near her because she was scared of everyone else, do you really think living like that made Haruna happy?”

Rina growled lowly, her eyes squeezing shut. How dare Tomomi? She had no right to make such implications about Haruna. Rina knew Haruna more than Tomomi did. She knew that Haruna was happy before. Mami and Rina had kept her happy.

“You don’t know anything about Haruna.”

“I know more than you think I do…”

“Do you know everything he did to her then?” Rina wanted to turn around and face Tomomi but she didn’t. She kept her back to the older girl, her body remaining as tense as ever. “Do you know why she’s so broken and jaded towards love?”

“I know how he used her…” Tomomi said softly. It pained even her to remember the stories Haruna had told her. The eldest girl would always tell Tomomi these things at her weakest moments, and it always pained Tomomi to see her beloved in so much anguish over the past.

“That’s not all he did to her.”

“What do you mean?” Rina laughed softly. Of course Tomomi didn’t know. Haruna didn’t just tell people these things. Only she and Mami knew what had happened between them, so it didn’t surprise Rina that Tomomi still didn’t know. It just further proved that Tomomi wasn’t right for Haruna.

“He didn’t just use her for some stupid bet. He tried to blackmail her.”

“W-what?” Tomomi could feel the sadness tug at her heart. Every time this subject came up, it got worse and worse for Haruna. The eldest girl’s past was filled with more pain than Tomomi could imagine.

“Haruna really is a pitiable person. She was so naïve when she was younger, kind of still is as an adult. Haruna likes to think she’s in control and protecting everyone but she’s really not, everyone has to protect her instead. He was her first love, you know. Or so she claims, I don’t believe she ever really truly loved him. I think it was just the shame speaking; the shame of not being able to accept her attraction for women. She was eager to please him though; she wanted to believe he loved her. But he didn’t; he never did. He was going to blackmail her; he was planning to tell everyone about how she’d slept with him. But I stopped him… I protected her.”

“How…How did you protect her?” Tomomi was scared to ask that. She was scared of the answer she might get. Rina never answered her question though, it seemed like Rina didn’t even take notice of it.

“He convinced her that no one could love her if she didn’t put out for them. He convinced her that was the only reason anyone would want her. Think about it, Tomomi, why do you think she acts like this? Why don’t you answer me this instead…. If Haruna hadn’t thrown herself at you, would you still have noticed her? Would you still claim to love her?”

“Of course I would!” Tomomi said defiantly.

The brunette could admit that if Haruna hadn’t jumped on her that night, it would have taken her a lot longer to notice her feelings for Haruna but it would still be the same. She knew she still would have fallen for Haruna and she knew she would still desire the elder girl all the same. Her feelings would never change no matter what turn of events could have been taken. Tomomi’s love for her would never stop.

“I told you once, Rina. It doesn’t matter to me. I love Haruna for the soul she has, not for anything her body could offer. None of that matters to me. I want to protect her too. I want to help her, I would never hurt her. If anything, you’re the one hurting her.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re the one keeping her in the dark. All these years you’ve just watched her… You’ve watched her sleep with strangers all just to feel like someone loves her and yet, you never said a word to her. You’re the one making her believe that no one will love her if---”

“I love her!” Rina shouted, cutting off the brunette. “I’ve always loved her, she was supposed to be mine. And she was going to until you came along and distracted her again. Mami and I were doing just fine taking care of Haruna; we were all she needed. She was happy with just us.”

“No, she wasn’t. I know you want to think that she was but she wasn’t. She was suffering silently. She was longing for love but she never thought she could have it… And you helped aid those feelings. You helped her lock herself up for your own selfish feelings.”

“Shut up…”

“You think you’re helping but you’re not,” Tomomi pleaded with her. “You’re acting just like a child.”

Tomomi wasn’t going to be quiet. She had to make Rina see this. She had to help both Haruna and Rina. To do that, she needed Rina to see the error of her ways. Tomomi didn’t wish to hurt Rina but kind words would not get through to her, she had to be rough with her words.

“Haruna is in love, can’t you accept that? I know you love her but… Maybe she doesn’t feel the same? If she loves another woman, can’t you be happy as her friend? Can’t you at least be happy that she’s opening up and getting better? Why do you insist on hurting her and keeping her locked in the dark?”

“I told you to shut up!” The young girl shouted, covering her ears. Rina was tired of it; she couldn’t bear to listen to this anymore. It was driving her insane. She was tired of everyone insulting her and treating her like some stupid child. She wasn’t a child; she knew what she was doing. She knew what was best for Haruna, not Tomomi! She would not stand for Tomomi’s insults any longer.

Rina acted on impulse next. She gripped the object as hard as she could, her body whirling around. Her hand extended outwards, the blade swinging through the air. The next thing she could hear was a shrill scream pierce her eardrums.