If Jealousy Could Kill

“Is everything off, Miss Sasazaki?” the nurse asked. Mami took a look at her body, moving around her clothes to make sure she had indeed get everything ‘dangerous’ off of her. The blonde found this all a bit ridiculous. She felt as though the hospital had completely undressed her just so she could go see Rina, the only thing she kept on were her basic clothes. Her bag, shoes, belt, and everything else had to come off or else she wouldn’t be allowed in. When she thought about it though, she did understand. The hospital only wanted to keep everyone safe.

“Yes, ma’am. Everything is off,” Mami answered finally. The nurse gave her a smile before nodding her head. She turned on her heels, beckoning for Mami to begin following and the blonde jumped at the chance. Mami’s body felt heavy as she followed the nurse down the hallway, she had hardly slept at all yesterday.

After the girls had gotten Tomomi out of Haruna’s room and back to her own, it was nearly midnight. It had taken them forever to convince Tomomi it would be fine to leave a still passed out Haruna. Even when Mami did get home, she didn’t sleep a bit. She kept thinking about Rina and about Haruna; she kept thinking about how they were both confined to hospitals for who knew how long. She thought about Tomomi and the nasty scar she was no doubt going to be left with because of all this.

And she felt guilty.

She tried to remember Miyuki’s words from last night but it was still hard for Mami to not blame herself for what had happened to Tomomi and Haruna. Or for what had even happened to Rina. She couldn’t forget how this all trailed back to her introducing Tomomi and Haruna. She couldn’t forget how this all trailed back to her setting up the couple. She wanted to remember all the good setting them up had done but all the bad it had done kept coming to the front of her mind. It was hard to focus on anything positive when so many negatives clouded her judgment.

“Now, Miss Sasazaki, there are a few things you need to know about your visitation with Suzuki,” the nurse informed her and brought her back to the reality of things.

“I’m listening…”

“Suzuki is considered a high risk patient still. For this reason, we will require security to be in the room or outside of it for your protection. We still do not know what Suzuki is capable and how much of a real danger she poses to other people. This will not be negotiable; it is for your own safety.”

Mami wanted to contest the nurse’s words about Rina being a dangerous person but she really couldn’t deny it. As much as Mami wanted to, she couldn’t deny that Rina was indeed now a dangerous person. The once sweet and innocent girl was gone.

“Furthermore, no touching is allowed. You may not hug her or touch her in the slightest. Likewise, she may not touch you. We cannot take the chance of you slipping her something dangerous or her trying to hurt you. You understand, I’m sure.”

“Of course,” Mami replied politely as they continued walking.

“You can stay with Suzuki until the end of visiting hours if you so choose. We will announce when visiting hours are over so there is no need of worrying if you won’t know when they end. Is all of this clear so far?”

“Yes, ma’am. It’s perfectly clear.”

The two women continued down the hallway in silence. It didn’t take them to reach the room where Mami assumed Rina was waiting for her. The nurse glanced back at her before unlocking the door and pushing it open. She stepped aside, motioning for Mami to enter the room. As the blonde did, she could hear the door close behind her.

Mami stopped just as she entered the room, her eyes surveying the scene. The walls were a serene tan color while the floors remained the stereotypical hospital white. The room was small, barely able to fit the table and chairs that it contained. Up against the back wall was the promised security guard.

Finally, Mami’s eyes found their way to Rina. She was sitting on one side of the table, cross-legged with her head down. Her hands were in her lap and Mami could see her manicured fingernails picking at the fragile skin of her hand. It seemed like Rina hadn’t even noticed anyone come into the room.

Mami took a deep breath as she walked closer to the table. She placed her hand on the plastic chair and cleared her throat. Slowly, Rina lifted her head. Her once empty eyes were now filled with emotion while she gazed wide eyed at the blonde in front of her. She hadn’t expected any of her friends wanting to see her after what she’d allegedly done. She thought they would all hate her.

“Mami?” Rina squeaked out. Mami gave her a soft smile, nodding her head. She pulled the chair out, taking a seat and placing her hands on her lap. “What are you doing here?” As she spoke, Rina bowed her head again, feeling too ashamed to look at Mami.

“I wanted to come see you,” Mami told her. She could see Rina slowly nod her head but the brunette didn’t offer up any words. She could see that Rina’s hands had gone back to their picking, a typical nervous habit of Rina’s. It hadn’t even taken long for an awkward air to settle in between the two friends.

Mami bit down on her lip as she gazed at the broken girl in front of her. Rina was wearing a light blue colored jacket that she assumed Miyuki had brought to Rina earlier in the day and she wore a pair of grey colored sweatpants instead of one of her signature skirts. Rina’s hair looked messy, at least for the young brunette. Rina was always so meticulous with her hair; she never let even so much as a single strand be out of place. For her hair to lay so disheveled over her shoulders was a testament to how Rina was probably feeling.

“How are you feeling?” Mami asked lightly. It was probably a stupid question but Mami did have to start somewhere, it was the only idea she had. She could hear Rina sniffle softly before she answered.

“I hate it here. I want to go home.” Mami could feel her heartbreaking all over again at the distressed and sorrowful tone. She expected Rina to not like it in this place; she didn’t understand how anyone could like it in such a dreary and controlling place. But Rina sounded so much more depressed and broken than Mami had anticipated.

“I know, Rina, but we can’t let you leave. You need to stay so you can get better,” Mami told her. She made sure to keep her voice low and gentle, she didn’t want to say or do anything that could set Rina off. Mami hated that she saw Rina like this but right now, with all the uncertainty surrounding her, Rina was practically akin to a ticking time bomb.

“Mami… Did I…. Did I really…?” She could hear Rina’s voice break. Mami wanted so desperately to walk around the table and wrap Rina in a warm hug but she knew the rules. She didn’t want to get Rina into trouble and she didn’t want to jeopardize her future visits with Rina.

Staring at Rina, Mami really couldn’t believe it. The brunette really and truly didn’t remember ever having attacked Tomomi and Haruna. Mami wanted to believe Haruna was lying to her but the heartbreak and sincerity in her voice told Mami that the brunette was very much telling her the truth.

“I’m afraid so,” Mami told her. The blonde could see Rina shake her head hard and in the light of the room, she could see the tears sparkling in her eyes.

“I couldn’t have. I would never hurt Haruna; you know I wouldn’t do that!”

“I know that you wouldn’t do it but was it… Was it really you? Or was it someone else? Were you really thinking straight?” Rina lifted her head, cocking it to the side in confusion. She sniffled softly, wanting to wipe the tears away but she didn’t dare move any of her limbs.

“I don’t remember hurting either one of them,” Rina admitted lowly. She lowered her head again, letting her long hair fall into her face. The usually straight locks had a curl to them, something that Rina had always hated. There was nothing for her to do about it in here, although it’s not like she had the energy to do anything about it either.

“Have the doctors told you anything?”

“Nothing. They only told me that I hurt Tomomi and Haruna and that… That I could be charged for this…” Mami sighed softly, debating on whether or not she wanted to tell Rina what the doctors had told her. “I couldn’t have done this.”

Was it her place to tell Rina? If the doctors hadn’t told her yet than surely there had to be a good reason for them straying away from telling her what her own diagnosis was. Mami could easily mess up Rina’s treatment by telling her something that her doctors didn’t want her to know.

“How is Haruna doing?” Rina’s question brought Mami out of her thoughts. That was another question Mami didn’t know what to do with. Haruna was alive but for how long? She was still teetering on the verge of life and death; the hospital was still keeping her in a practically comatose state and not giving any reassurances that she’d continue to live. Telling Rina something like that made Mami fear for what it could make the young girl do.

“Haruna is in the hospital.” Mami decided she was going to do her best to answer Rina’s questions while not directly telling Rina that she may have very well just killed the woman she’s been obsessed with for years.

“Is she…okay?” Mami gulped and Rina noticed the tense way the blonde’s body sat now. Rina could feel the tears pooling again; she was having trouble holding them back. “Is she…dead?”

“No, she’s not. She’s--”

“If she’s alive then why are you stalling? Why won’t you answer me?” Mami cringed from the way Rina had raised her voice. Her attempts to not upset Rina were upsetting the fragile girl anyway. From the corner of her eye, she could see the security guard move a bit, a clear sign that she needed to calm Rina down.

“Please calm down, Rina. I’m just worried that--”

“You’re worried that I’ll hurt you too, aren’t you?” Rina interrupted. She bit down on her bottom lip, a shaky breath leaving her. “Are you that scared of me? Am I… Am I that crazy?”

“You’re not crazy, Rina.”

“Look at where we are, Mami. Look at what I did!” Mami pursed her lips in worry when she saw the security guard step a bit closer to Rina. She had to stop Rina somehow. She had to control her.

“Please don’t yell, Rina. Just stay calm and we can solve this. You’re not crazy; you’re sick. You just need help and you’ll get better again.” Mami thought her attempts were working by the way Rina’s body seemed to relax; she knew it was too soon to tell though when it came to the way Rina was right now.

“So Haruna is alive?”

“Yes. They’re keeping her in the hospital; they say she’ll be all right.” Mami knew that was a bit of a lie but she didn’t see the point in telling Rina the truth. Telling Rina that Haruna could possibly die would only upset her and Mami didn’t think she could bear to see Rina taken out of here by security. The friends had already suffered enough.

“And Tomomi?”

“She’s fine; you didn’t hurt her that badly. They patched her up and discharged her today. She’s been at the hospital all day with Haruna, she refuses to leave.”

“Is that so?” Mami could feel a chill go up her spine from the way that Rina had said that. All of a sudden, she was regretting telling Rina about Tomomi’s refusal to leave. “Tomomi really cares for Haruna, doesn’t she?”

"She does..." What else did Mami say? She didn't want to continue a conversation with Tomomi in it in fear of Rina snapping just from mentioning her. She didn't even know how this all was affecting Rina right now. It almost scared Mami in a way. Just yesterday, this woman in front of her attacked two of her friends and now she was sitting right across from that attacker. What was really holding Rina back from doing the same thing to her?

"I don't get it."

"What do you mean?" Mami was almost scared to get an answer to that. Did she even want one? Rina’s mind was a confusing and terrifying place it would seem.

"Why does Haruna love her? After all I've done for her.... Why can't she fall for me?" Rina sounded as if she was ready to cry from speaking her words. Mami kept her hands on her lap, resisting the urge to reach out and grab onto Rina. Why couldn't she just hold her at least once? Mami hated these rules.

"Maybe it just means there someone else out there for you," Mami started. What was she saying? She couldn't possibly be thinking of telling her...? Mami wanted to though. She'd thought a lot about the words Miyuki had said to her. Perhaps it was finally time. If it meant that this could help Rina then Mami was willing to put her heart on the line to do it.

"I don't want anyone else."

"If you give it a chance, maybe you could. You’re so focused on Haruna that you won’t let yourself see anyone else. Look, Rina, I know you love Haruna but it might be time to let go and give someone else a chance. Start over with someone new.”

"Who else would want me?" Mami sucked in a sharp breath, her hands clawing at the blue jeans she wore. Now or never. This could worsen things with Rina but at the same time, it could help things. If there was even a small chance it could help, Mami knew she had to take it.

"I would... Rina, I love you."