If Jealousy Could Kill

The two friends hurried their way through the hospital parking lot from where the bus had dropped them off. Tomomi walked a few paces ahead of Mami while the blonde did her best to keep up with her overly eager friend. Tomomi was unable to control any of the emotions and anxiety that gripped her heart. Her mind was focused on one thing and one thing only, and that one thing was Haruna.

Haruna was awake. She was awake, alive, and breathing. Tomomi knew that didn’t necessarily mean that Haruna was healthy again but she knew that it definitely meant Haruna was at least in a bit better condition than previously. That was all Tomomi could ask for right now. All she could ask for was for Haruna’s health to continue improving.

Tomomi led the two women through the front doors of the hospital, instantly making her way over to the reception desk. The brunette didn’t intend to waste even a single second. Mami made sure to do her best to stay close to Tomomi as they made their way through the throngs of patients mulling about the hospital. The two girls didn’t know all of what was going to happen when they went up to see Haruna and if anything bad should happen, Mami wanted to be close to Tomomi just in case. She knew Tomomi wouldn’t be able to handle any more bad news without breaking down.

“Hello, dearies. How might I be able to help you two?” The receptionist asked. The receptionist gave them a sweet smile as she waited for them to speak up. Tomomi gulped nervously, her breathing fairly heavy. The quick pace she had used getting to the hospital had taken a lot of breath out of Tomomi, she hadn’t even stopped enough to let herself catch her breath.

“We’re here to see Haruna Ono,” Mami responded once she saw that Tomomi was a bit unable to respond at the moment. The receptionist nodded her head at Mami’s statement.

“Let me just look her up in the computer real quick,” the receptionist responded. Mami nodded before she took a step closer to Tomomi so she was standing by the brunette’s side now.

She looked down at Tomomi’s hands, noticing the way her fingers tapped impatiently on the fake marble countertop. She knew Tomomi wasn’t actually being purposefully impatient, she was just eager to see her girlfriend.

“Ah yes, here it is. Normally, we only allow immediate family members to see ICU patients but it shows here that you both have a special clearance to see her. You know where her room is, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Tomomi responded immediately without hesitation or thought. The giddiness and happiness she felt before came back to her. She stepped away from the counter before bowing to the receptionist. “Thank you for your help.”

Instantly after saying those words, Tomomi had shot away from the counter and picked up her quick speed again as she made her way down the hallway. Mami was forced to react quickly if she had wanted to keep up with Tomomi’s long and fast strides.

Due to how fast Tomomi was walking, it didn’t take the two friends very long to make their way down the hallway and get to Haruna’s room. As they approached her room, they could see two nurses standing outside the door talking. When they got closer, one of the nurses took notice of them and gave them a wave.

“You got here quick, Tomomi,” the nurse said with a hint of amusement to her tone. Tomomi nodded, her cheeks slightly flushed from the energy she had to exert to get here so quickly.

“Can I please see Haruna?” Tomomi asked. She knew it was probably rude not to say hi to the nurses or anything of the sort but at the moment, politeness was not on Tomomi’s list of things she wanted to care about. She only wanted to get to Haruna as soon as she could.

“Of course, dear. Would you both like to go in together or would it be one at a time?” the nurse asked. Tomomi looked back at Mami, waiting for her to answer. The blonde chuckled softly and shook her head.

“You go ahead first, Tomo. I think you and Haruna have some things you need to talk about and those things would be better done alone,” Mami told her. Tomomi smiled and nodded her head. She gave Mami a big hug before turning back to the nurse.

“Very well. Now, before you go in, I must warn you of a few things. Ono is barely waking up; she is still tired and heavily medicated. She is also very confused. We’ve not yet explained the situation to her; we don’t want to overload her with too much at once. Do not, under any circumstances, upset her. Causing her distress could irritate her wounds and be detrimental to her health. We cannot stress this enough that you don’t upset Ono. Do you understand, Tomomi?”

“Yes, ma’am. I understand perfectly,” Tomomi said. Tomomi already knew that she would have to pick and choose her words wisely or risk hurting Haruna even further. The last thing Tomomi wanted was to hurt Haruna even further.

“Come on then, I think she will be happy to see you.” One of the nurses stepped aside as the speaking nurse stepped forward. She pushed the door open slowly before stepping aside as well and motioning for Tomomi to go inside.

Tomomi was a bit hesitant at first but she quickly pushed herself forward, taking a few steps into the room. She stopped inside and heard the door close behind her, leaving her in the dimly lit hospital room. Tomomi’s body froze and her breath stalled in her throat as she gazed at the bed in front of her.

She could see Haruna laying down on the bed, her arms stretching out into the air above her. The brunette smiled when she saw Haruna clench her hands into fists before releasing them only seconds later. She nodded her head before walking over carefully to Haruna’s bed. It seemed like Haruna didn’t even hear the footsteps or notice Tomomi’s presence in the room.

The brunette carefully walked around the edge of the bed, her fingertips trailing along the white sheets. Her fingertips eventually touched Haruna’s body briefly, prompting the injured girl to immediately drop her hands down onto the bed. Tomomi finally reached the top of her bed, fully in Haruna’s sight now. The girl looked up at her with curious eyes.

“Tomomi?” she asked. Tomomi outwardly cringed from the weak and frail tone of Haruna’s voice. She had never heard Haruna sound like that before. Even when Haruna was in tears, her voice never sounded so frail. It almost sounded like Haruna was speaking from a distance despite being right next to Tomomi now.

“You’re awake,” Tomomi said breathlessly. The smile was still on Tomomi’s face but it had grown much wider and brighter now. Even if Haruna’s voice was frail, she was still speaking. It was still an improvement. Tomomi was going to do her best to look on the bright side of things.

Tomomi leaned down, placing a careful kiss onto Haruna’s forehead. She pulled away, admiring the way a small smile snaked across Haruna’s face. She moved a bit away from the bed, pulling a chair up along Haruna’s bedside. She reached a hand out, grabbing onto one of Haruna’s frail hands just as she had done only days ago when Haruna’s life had been slipping away from her.

“How are you feeling, sweetie?” Tomomi asked. She spoke her words in a soft and careful tone, not wanting to upset or startle the girl she could see was obviously confused as the nurses had said.

“It hurts,” Haruna said. She coughed lightly, although Tomomi wasn’t sure if that was because of how her voice sounded or from the pain. Tomomi hoped it was the latter though; she didn’t want to think that Haruna was in too much pain. The nurses had said she was heavily medicated, she just assumed the nurses had meant painkillers.

“Do you need me to get the nurses?”

“No. They’ll put me back to sleep… I don’t want to go back to sleep.” Tomomi could feel her heartbreaking from the sorrowful way Haruna had said her words. “I want to spend more time with you.”

“Darling, we’ll have all the time in the world, you know. You’ll get better and we’ll always be together,” Tomomi told her lightly. Haruna laughed softly, her head falling to the side. Tomomi leaned forward, causing Haruna to turn her head back towards her girlfriend.

The younger girl connected them in a kiss, keeping a tight hold on Haruna’s hand. She reached her other hand up, gently touching her fingertips to Haruna’s cheek. She could feel Haruna attempt to lift her free hand to touch Tomomi but the brunette ended up just letting it drop back down to the bed when she found she still lacked the energy for such a simple action. She laid helplessly on the bed, doing her best to get closer to Tomomi, returning her kisses with an eagerness.

Tomomi’s mind slowly began to come back to reality, her mind trailing back to the conversation that she had had with Rina. All at once, Tomomi’s actions stopped. She pulled away from Haruna, pushing herself as far back in the seat as she could go. Tomomi could see the way Haruna’s face contorted in confusion and she could feel a small sense of guilt in her body but she knew it was the right thing to do. She didn’t want Haruna to keep thinking she only wanted her for her body.

“Is something wrong?” Haruna croaked out, coughing once more after she had said her words. Tomomi looked down at the floor, her eyes searching the white tiles in the dim lighting of the room. She remembered the nurses had said not to upset Haruna but Tomomi didn’t really think a simple question would upset her that much.

“Haruna… Can I ask you something? Just promise me not to get upset…” Tomomi knew this was probably not the most appropriate of times to bring this up but she had to know her answer before she touched Haruna anymore.

“What is it?” Tomomi began rubbing small circles on the top of the hand she still held, her eyes now staying intently on the hand.

“All of those times you pushed yourself on me… Did you do it because you thought I wouldn’t love you if you didn’t?” Haruna sighed softly, looking away from Tomomi.

“Rina has been putting things in your head, hasn’t she?” The reply made Tomomi’s eyes widen. She hadn’t mentioned a thing about Rina saying anything to her.

“I guess so… But just tell me if it’s true, I want to know.”

“At first… I guess it was.” Tomomi could feel her heart sinking from the answer she had been given. She did say she wanted an answer but she didn’t actually imagine it would be the one she didn’t actually want. “But things changed.”

“What do you mean?” Tomomi asked. She could see the way Haruna’s head fell to the side again, her breathing becoming much softer.

“The only real relationship I ever had was with him and I guess… I guess in the end it wasn’t even real, at least not for him. So maybe I really never have been in a real relationship. I’ve spent my life going from person to person because no one wanted me for anything else except sex. I’ve never been girlfriend material… Until I met you.”

“Haruna…”

“You rejected all of my advances. You would never let me go any farther than just kissing. I was confused at first; I thought you didn’t want me so I was thinking of giving up. But when you told me how you liked me, I realized you were treating me as if I was worth something. I realized you saw me as something more than just a cheap lay.” Haruna’s words were suddenly interrupted by a fit of coughing that had taken over her. Tomomi nearly sprang out of her seat in fear, unsure of what to do for her girlfriend.

“Are you okay?!” Tomomi asked in a rush, saying whatever came to her mind. “I’ll get the nurses.”

“Don’t,” Haruna croaked out. Tomomi stopped her actions, placing herself back in the chair and staring at Haruna. “I’m fine. It just hurts to talk some times.”

“You don’t sound fine,” Tomomi said helplessly. Even when she was clearly in massive amounts of pain, Haruna was still a stubborn pain in the ass. Haruna chuckled softly, coughing a few more times before a groan followed it. She moved her free hand, draping it across her stomach, right where Tomomi knew the wound was. “See! You’re not fine, Haruna.”

“Yes I am, Timo. It just irritated my stomach a bit, it’s nothing. Believe me, I’d say something if it was that serious.”

“If you say so…” Tomomi would let Haruna pass for now but if she had another coughing fit like that, Tomomi was definitely going to get a nurse no matter how much Haruna objected to it.

“Where was I? Oh… That’s right… Tomomi, I’m sure Rina told you a lot of things, didn’t she? It’s true I’ve slept with a lot of people. I never wanted you to know that but I guess you do now. I just… I wanted to feel like someone loved me. Maybe it was only for one night, but it made me feel like someone could actually desire me. You’re probably disgusted with me now, aren’t you?”

“Haruna,” Tomomi began softly. She scooted forward in the plastic chair to get closer to Haruna before she reached a hand up and touched her cheek lightly. Haruna looked up at her and Tomomi could see the unmistakable tears in her eyes. She hadn’t meant to upset Haruna; she really was beginning to regret choosing now to ask her question. “I don’t care about your past. I don’t care about who you’ve slept with and I don’t care about what you’ve done. I love you for who you are. I love everything about you, even your faults.”

“You’ve got a way with words,” Haruna mumbled softly.

“You’ve become my entire world, Haruna. I couldn’t imagine going back to living life without you by my side. When I first met you, I was doubtful we could even become friends. We’re so different from each but we ended up going together so well. You’re my everything and I love you.”

Tomomi could Haruna chuckle softly, a murmur leaving her lips. She had spoken so low though that Tomomi had been unable to hear her. Haruna’s head fell to the side more, her hair slipping into her face.

“I wouldn’t have cared if you never slept with me… I wouldn’t care if you never sleep with me again. Well that’s a lie. Of course I’d care if you never touched me again; i-it was pretty fun and all. I liked it.” Tomomi could feel a blush come to her face from the words. It was embarrassing but she wanted Haruna to hear this. “I love you for who are as a human being, not for what your body could offer. You’re an amazing person, Haruna, more so than you’ve ever given yourself credit for. You’re an odd person and you’re hard to deal with but I love that about you. It’s a special charm for you.”

Tomomi’s honest ramble stopped as she waited for Haruna to make some kind of response. She waited for a few seconds but no sign of a response came. Haruna’s body stayed still, her arm draped over her stomach and her breathing light.

The younger girl cocked her head to the side before leaning forward. She tiptoed her fingers slowly across Haruna’s head before beginning to pull the hair away from Haruna’s face. Once she saw Haruna’s face, she pouted.

“You’re asleep.”

She sighed softly, hanging her head in defeat and releasing Haruna’s hair to fall back into her face. She sat back into the chair, making sure to stay up just enough so she could continue holding onto Haruna’s hand.

“Of course you would fall asleep when I’m pouring out my heart and soul to you. That’s so like you.” Tomomi laughed softly and smiled. Haruna really was a person who was rough around the edges and there were so many aggravating things about her. But all of those things always only made Tomomi fall that much deeper in love with Haruna.

Tomomi pushed herself out of the chair, giving the sleeping brunette a quick kiss on the forehead. She sat Haruna’s hand back down on the sheets lightly, tugging them a bit higher over Haruna’s body. She gave the sleeping girl one last smile before turning and leaving the room.

Mami had been sitting outside of the room in a row of plastic chairs just opposite of where most of the hospital rooms were located. When she saw Tomomi emerge from the room, she instantly pushed herself up and hurried over to the brunette. One of the nurses from earlier had much of the same idea and came over to Tomomi just as Mami had done.

“What happened? That was rather quick,” Mami said. She thought it would take the brunette a lot longer to finish talking with Haruna, there was so much the two had to talk about after all.

“She fell asleep on me.” Both Mami and the nurse had to hold back their laughs that wanted to come at the forlorn pout on Tomomi’s face. At least it wasn’t something bad like it could have been.

“I guess the pain meds we gave to her finally kicked in. My apologies, Tomomi, we thought it would take a lot longer for her to get knocked out from them. We must have underestimated her body size,” the nurse admitted.

“Don’t worry; she does need her rest, doesn’t she?” Tomomi asked.

“Very much so. Haruna will probably be like this for a few days. We’re going to keep her fairly sedated for a few days to make sure her body will be able to support itself. We’re hoping she’ll be able to sustain herself on her own without the equipment helping her for much longer. I’m sure you saw that Haruna is still hooked up to the oxygen, yes?”

“Of course.” In truth, Tomomi hadn’t noticed that Haruna was still using oxygen to help her. She’d been so preoccupied with just being near a conscious Haruna again that she hadn’t paid too much attention to small details like that.

“She’ll be in and out for a number of days but you can continue to come and visit her as normal. We and the doctor will ensure that Haruna gets as quick a recovery as possible.” Tomomi nodded to the nurse’s words and smile.

She looked over at Mami when she felt the blonde link their arms together. Mami gave her a small smile and nodded her head, silently telling Tomomi to put her trust in what the nurses was saying.

“We should get going for the day, Haruna needs her rest and I doubt she’s going to be awake again today,” Mami told the brunette. Tomomi bit down on her lip but nodded her head anyway to Mami’s statement. As much as she didn’t want to leave Haruna again so soon, she knew that no one here was going to support letting her stay at the hospital any longer.

“Do we have to?” Tomomi asked weakly. Mami gave her a reassuring smile and gave her a quick hug to go with. The two girls parted and Mami lightly tapped her shoulder in a supportive manner.

“We do, but you can come back tomorrow. The nurses will take good care of Haruna and I know she’ll wake up again tomorrow.” Tomomi looked back at the closed door to Haruna’s room before glancing over at the nurse who was giving her the same sweet smile she always had. The brunette sighed in defeat and hung her head.

“We can go home, I’ll come back tomorrow.”