If Jealousy Could Kill

Tomomi's hands nervously fiddled with the end of her shirt, her breathing coming out in labored streams while her eyes stayed focused on the floor of the bus. From beside her, she could see her girlfriend shift from the corner of her eye, no doubt having picked up on Tomomi's nervousness. The younger brunette didn't want to be nervous. In fact, right now, it was the last thing she wanted but she couldn't help it. The thought of seeing Rina outside the hospital struck a fear in Tomomi's heart like no other.

The brunette had felt this way ever since Mami got the call yesterday when the four were out together. Tomomi knew instantly who had called when Mami perked up, although she hoped she was wrong about it. Tomomi had been right though. Once Mami had gotten off the phone, she promptly ran off, simply telling the other three that she would give them a call later. The call wouldn't come until tomorrow morning when Mami asked if Haruna and Tomomi wanted to come to her house to meet with Rina.

Tomomi desperately wanted to say no but Haruna had gotten to it first. She had looked over at Tomomi with a pleading expression that said how much she wanted to see Rina alive and well outside of the hospital. In her heart, Tomomi knew she wouldn't be able to keep Haruna from Rina. Even with this knowledge, Tomomi felt worried. They said Rina was better, but was she really? What if Rina had just lied to them in order to get out? What if she wasn't better at all and still wanted to hurt Haruna?

"It's going to be fine."

Tomomi's frantic thoughts abruptly stalled when she heard the attempted calm tone her girlfriend spoke in. She looked over at Haruna, who scooted herself closer, as much as the bus seats would allow. Haruna laced her hand with Tomomi's laying her head down on her shoulder.

"People will stare, Haruna," Tomomi murmured softly, a small blush on her face. Haruna smiled, simply shaking her head where she still had it laid.

"I don't care. Making you feel better is more important," she responded. Tomomi smiled and lifted their connected hands, kissing the back of Haruna's hand lightly.

"Are you nervous?" Tomomi murmured to Haruna.

"I am... And so are you. But they said Rina was better. We should give her and the hospital the benefit of the doubt, shouldn't we?"

"Yeah, we should," Tomomi agreed. Inside, she wanted to say no but she knew better. Haruna wanted to do this and Tomomi would simply have to put up with it. She would have to be strong for her girlfriend.

She could only hope Haruna knew what she was saying when she said it would be fine.

***

"I'm glad you two could make it," Mami said when the two finally arrived at the blonde's house. Tomomi gripped Haruna's hand tighter, a new sense of fear coming to her now that they were actually here. "Come in, Rina's inside."

Haruna nodded, murmuring a soft thank you before letting Tomomi pull her into the house. None of the girls said much while Tomomi and Haruna carefully removed their shoes before letting Mami lead them further into the house. The closer they got to the living room, the more nervous Haruna became. And she hated it. She hated that she was nervous about meeting Rina, the one person she'd been closest with for years. She never wanted the two of them to come to this.

It didn't take them long at all to reach their destination. When they did, Mami stepped aside, allowing Haruna and Tomomi to get closer. The duo saw Rina, seated on the couch next to Miyuki with the older girl's arms around her shoulders. As soon as Tomomi saw Rina, she instinctively dropped Haruna's hand so she could wrap her arm protectively around the shorter girl's waist.

Mami saw the way Rina's expression crossed with hurt when she saw the action and Mami tensed. She only relaxed when Miyuki whispered something to Rina, seeming to calm her down. Miyuki dropped her grasp from Rina, standing up and pulling the brunette up as well. Rina wanted to go to Haruna; she wanted to give Haruna a long awaited hug but she didn't dare. Not when Tomomi looked at her like that; not when Tomomi was near Haruna.

"Hi, Rina..." Haruna's words began softy, soon trailing off as she looked down at the ground. She could hear Miyuki say something to Rina but it was so low that Haruna hadn't heard any of what was said.

"I'm happy to see you again," Rina spoke up finally. Haruna lifted her head, smiling at the brunette in front of her. The gentle tone Rina had spoken in reminded Haruna so much of the girl Rina used to be.

"I'm happy to see you're out," Haruna responded. Tomomi wrapped her arm tighter around Haruna's waist, pulling the two girls even closer. Rina's body tensed again but she let out a shaky sigh, steadying herself. It wasn't a big deal; she could handle this. She knew she could.

"Why don't you come sit down?" Miyuki suggested. Haruna looked back at an obviously worried Tomomi and nodded her head with a smile. Tomomi sighed softly but dropped her arm from Haruna, going back to having their fingers laced together.

Haruna led her younger girlfriend over to the couch, sitting down with Tomomi next to her. She saw Miyuki offer for Rina to sit down but the youngest girl declined the offer. She wanted to be near Haruna but she didn't want to be near Tomomi. Miyuki nodded her head, linking her arm with Rina's and giving her a smile.

"Sit down, Rina." The brunette in question looked over at Haruna who had spoken. Haruna was no longer looking at them, her attention back onto floor while Tomomi gave her a concerned look. "Or do you want not to be around me anymore?"

"That's not it..."

"You want to go back to normal, don't you?" Haruna interrupted. "So let's return to normal. I don't want any of this uncomfortableness." Haruna paused to look up, her eyes connecting with Rina's. "I want the friendship we used to have."

"You wanted to talk to her, now I think it's time you two talked," Mami spoke up. Rina looked over at her before looking back at Haruna. She sighed softly and hung her head before Miyuki gave her a small push, silently instructing her over to the couch.

Rina finally agreed, slinking over and sitting carefully down next to Haruna. She didn't look at either of them, not wanting to catch Tomomi's eye. Her hands sat on her lap, picking at each other while she remained silent. Haruna saw the nervous action and slowly took her hand from Tomomi. The brunette began to worry as Haruna leaned forward, laying a hand on top of Rina's.

"Why are you nervous? It's just me," Haruna told her gently.

"Because you're scared of me." Rina hated saying those words; they made her feel like Haruna hated her in a way. Rina couldn't bear Haruna hating her in any form.

Haruna didn't know how to respond to that. She was scared of Rina even if she didn't want to be. Sitting here with her was different than when they sat together in the hospital. In the hospital, there was always someone to control Rina if she got upset. But out here... There was no one to control Rina if that happened. They would be on their own and that was what scared Haruna most of all.

"What's that?"

Rina's simple question brought Haruna to attention again. Her mind cleared and she was able to see Rina was pointing at the ring on her finger. Rina brought her hand down, running her fingers over the top of the small diamonds engraved into the band.

"It's pretty."

“Thank you… Tomomi gave it to me.” For a split second, Haruna wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. All of Tomomi’s worried talk was beginning to get to Haruna, what if Rina really actually wasn’t better? Haruna could set her off again with those words and the brunette hadn’t even thought about it. She knew her girlfriend was feeling the same way when Tomomi snaked an arm around her own.

“Tomomi? Is it…?” Rina didn’t finished her sentence; she didn’t want to finish her sentence. She had prepared herself mentally to face a lot but she hadn’t been prepared to face that.

“No,” Haruna said, instantly picking up on what Rina was asking. “It’s a promise ring. Miss Old Fashion over here gave it to me to show her love.” Tomomi huffed softly at the name, poking Haruna in the side so the older girl gave a small yelp. In a way, Tomomi did wish Haruna would stop talking. Not because of the slight teasing but because she was beginning to worry about how Haruna’s words were affecting the young girl in front of them.

“I see she discovered you’re ticklish as well,” Rina said with a smile. Haruna sighed heavily, hanging her head as she heard Tomomi giggle softly.

“Unfortunately,” Haruna said in defeat. Rina smiled at the way Haruna mumbled the words but she didn’t smile at the way Tomomi hugged Haruna’s body closer to hers. Her hands clenched themselves a bit and she could feel Miyuki lay a hand down on her shoulder.

“I need something to drink. I’ll be right back.” Without another word, Rina hurriedly pushed herself off of the couch, moving past the others that sat or stood around the room. Mami and Miyuki exchanged a worried glance but Miyuki only shook her head, silently telling Mami that she wasn’t going to pursue Rina.

Mami sighed under her breath, understanding Miyuki’s actions. Rina couldn’t be alone, especially not at the moment. Someone had to go find her and make sure she wasn’t doing anything rash. The blonde pushed herself off the wall, mumbling to the others about how she was going to check on Rina before she left to follow the younger girl’s path.

When Mami made her way into the kitchen, she could see Rina halfway leaned against the counter, one of her palms pressed against her forehead with her back turned to the door. Mami let a sad smile cross her face and she shook her head slightly. Rina was still so fragile; it was all becoming clear to Mami how fragile she still was. Mami paused for a few seconds before pushing her forward and slowly approaching the troubled girl.

“Rina?”

The brunette whirled around quickly, her body relaxing when she saw it was only Mami behind her. She leaned her body back against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest and look away from the blonde in front of her. Mami stepped forward, leaning against the counter next to Rina.

“What’s wrong?” Mami asked. “Is it still bothering you?”

“A bit I guess,” Rina responded with a shrug. Mami shook her head before laying a hand down lightly onto Rina’s arm. The younger girl looked over at her friend who was giving her a knowing look.

“You have to let it go, Rina. I don’t know what your doctors said to you but I know they had to have said much of the same thing I am saying right now.”

“Everyone keeps telling me the same thing,” Rina muttered bitterly. She looked away from a blonde who was growing frustrated. Rina was supposed to be better so why was she clinging onto these feelings? Mami was questioning if Rina was truly ready to face Haruna or not like she’d originally thought.

“Everyone tells you that because it is the truth, Rina.” Mami reached out to touch Rina again but the brunette stepped to the side to distance herself from Mami. The blonde glowered at Rina. She didn’t truly know what she was doing when she moved over, reaching out and quickly grabbing onto Rina before Rina could move again. She spun the younger girl around quickly, so quickly that it stunned Rina.

“Mami?” Rina asked, a small quiver to her voice. She didn’t know if Mami was mad at her or something else. It wasn’t like Mami to just grab onto someone like she did just then.

“What do we have to do to get through to you?” As Mami mumbled her words, Rina couldn't help but feel like it wasn't an actual question but more of Mami wondering aloud. The younger girl tried to break from Mami's grasp but found herself unable to, the blonde only tightening her grip as Rina tugged lightly.

"Let me go," Rina tried with her. Mami came back to reality and slowly shook her head back and forth. There was one thing she hadn't tried yet. She had one last desperate attempt left and as much as she feared rejection, she feared Rina clinging to Haruna even more. She had to get through to Rina. Somehow and someway, she'd get through.

She took slow steps as she closed the small distance between her and Rina. Her eyes intently watched Rina's expression change gradually into surprise the closer Mami got to her. Before Mami could stop herself, she found herself snaking her arms around Rina’s body as she connected the two women in a small but heated kiss. The blonde couldn't feel Rina move her body at all but she wouldn't let that deter her.

Slowly, she pulled away from Rina, separating them but keeping them close at the same time. Mami kept her arms around the shocked Rina, praying she would give Mami some type of response soon. When no response came after seconds of chirping silence, Mami decided she would need to keep this going.

"I love you, Rina. I don't know how and I don't know when it happened but I fell in love with you. You talked to Haruna about how she never noticed but now you're doing the same thing. You're so obsessed with Haruna that you're not seeing the people who do love you and want you."

"O-obsessed? I'm not obsessed, Mami. Don't say that."

"Open your eyes, Rina. You are obsessed with her. You're chasing after someone who has already told you they don't feel for you like that. For Christ’s sake, Rina! Look at what you tried to do to Tomomi for being with Haruna!" Mami knew her words were harsh but Rina had to hear it. If gentleness wouldn't get through to her then perhaps tough love would.

"I didn't mean to!" Rina fought back in a desperate tone. Mami winced from the pain that mixed with desperation; she hadn't meant to hurt Rina's feelings. She hadn't truly thought about how her words would affect Rina.

"Look, I'm sorry, but you needed to hear that. You need to let her go and move on. Move on with me or someone else but you need to. Stop clinging to something that isn't there.... That was never there."

Another silence came in between the girls, not a sound to be heard in the kitchen. Rina took a few steps away from Mami, feeling a sense of tears coming over her. The woman in front of her saw the distress and instantly stepped forward, wrapping her arms tightly around Rina's body. She hugged Rina close despite how the younger girl struggled. Mami kept up with her affection, slowly feeling Rina's struggling come to a rest before her body slumped against Mami, a few tears slipping out.

"I know it hurts," Mami cooed to her gently, "but it's for the best. Haruna and Tomomi are happy so please... Please try to be happy with me. We'll help you together."

Rina couldn't find it in her to respond. Her body was overwhelmed by the emotion as she clung tightly onto Mami. No matter how she tried, not a single word would leave her throat. The only noise that escaped her was a small whimper or a crying sound. Mami continued to rub Rina's back, whispering soft things until

"I thought I could handle seeing them together..." Rina began but quickly let herself trail off. She had really thought she was ready but standing here, clinging onto Mami, didn't make her feel or seem very ready anymore.

"And you can," Mami quickly jumped in. "It'll be hard at first but I know you can handle it."

Mami held onto the silent Rina for a while longer before slowly letting her hands drop from Rina's body, falling to her side. She stepped back, giving Rina a small smile. Rina quickly wiped her tears away, feeling too ashamed to look at Mami. She really did like Rina; the younger girl couldn't deny that to herself anymore.

"Let's go back out, okay?" Mami said, interrupting Rina's thoughts. The brunette finally found it in her to look over at Mami and she smiled before nodding her head.

Together, the two girls made their way back out to the living room where a trio of their quiet friends sat. Mami cleared her throat, gaining the attention of all three girls. Haruna was the first one to stand, instantly pushing herself off the couch when she saw Mami and Rina had returned. Before Tomomi could grab and stop her like she wanted to, Haruna had already began making her way over to where Rina and Mami where.

"Rina, I'm so sorry, I didn't upset you... Did I?" Haruna began in a worried tone. Rina stepped closer to Mami and the blonde lightly touched her back, trying her best to keep Rina calm without letting Haruna or Tomomi know what was still going through Rina's thoughts.

"No, I'm fine," Rina responded with a shaky tone. Haruna glowered at her in a familiar way that let her know Haruna didn't believe her. Rina let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of her neck. "I really am fine, Haru."

“If you say so,” Haruna murmured in a slight dejected tone. Rina gave her a smile but everyone who looked at Rina could tell that it was a faked smile. Haruna nodded nonetheless, slowly making her way back over to the couch and sitting next to Tomomi again.

Rina stepped to the side, letting herself lean against the wall. Miyuki and Mami exchanged another look and the older girl motioned with her head for Mami to go over to Rina. Mami looked in between the two girls before slowly making her way over to Rina. She reached, lightly touching her fingertips to the back of Rina's hand.

She was really beginning to rethink bringing Tomomi and Haruna here.

***

Rina's vision slipped around the corner, her emotionless eyes staring at the couple that cuddled on the couch. She held one hand to the wall, digging her nails into it while her other hand clutched a small object. She would only watch for a bit; that was all.

"How're you feeling?" Tomomi murmured to the older girl she held lovingly. Haruna mumbled a soft response and Rina could see her attempt to move closer to Tomomi, nuzzling her head against the brunette's chest.

Rina could feel her own chest constrict in pain as she witnessed how happy the couple was together. She still didn't understand what Tomomi had that Rina didn't. She didn't understand how Tomomi could make Haruna love her in so little time when Rina had been unsuccessful in doing so for years.

"I'll be right back, Haru."

Tomomi's sudden words snapped Rina back to attention. She watched as Tomomi maneuvered herself out from beneath the tired Haruna. Tomomi laid her girlfriend's body down before giving her a small kiss. Rina slipped back into the shadows of the darkened house. Tomomi passed by her without a word and as she disappeared down the hallway, Rina slipped into the living room.

She slinked her way over to where Haruna's now sleeping form lay peacefully on the couch. Rina cocked her head to the side, twirling the object in her hand.

"You're so cute when you're not running your mouth," Rina murmured to the girl softly. She brought her hand away from Haruna, a small smile appearing on her face while she gazed at her. She flipped the object on her hand, looking down to watch the light that gleamed off of it.

Death is forever.

Rina remembered those words clearly; they were one of the last things Kaede had said to her before being released months earlier. It had made Rina think. Even now, it made Rina think. She couldn't be with Haruna in this life, but what about the next?

"Rina?"

The younger girl jumped slightly from the sudden mumbled voice. Her eyes snapped down to Haruna who was now rubbing one of her eyes, sleepily looking up at Rina. She tried to sit up but Rina shook her head, motioning for Haruna to stay seated. Haruna agreed without a fight, snuggling into the cushions of the couch as she yawned.

“Why are you up?” Haruna murmured through her sleepiness. Rina slowly slipped her hand behind her back, not wishing for the older girl to see what she was holding. Not yet; Haruna waking up had disturbed her plan.

“I couldn’t sleep… I was thinking too much,” Rina responded honestly. Haruna yawned again before letting her eyes look up at Rina once more.

“Was it about me and Tomomi?” Haruna asked. Rina gulped softly, her body beginning to stiffen. Even through her tiredness, Haruna could see the telltale signs of Rina’s actions. She knew she had hit the right mark. “Is it still bothering you?”

“You should go back to sleep, Haru. You look exhausted,” Rina interrupted with a small laugh. Haruna blew out a huff of air, shaking her head before rolling herself onto her back so she could get a better look at Rina.

“Answer my question,” Haruna murmured out. Rina sighed softly, hanging her head so her long locks fell into her face. Her hand clenched the handle tighter behind her back, her fingertips dancing over the sleek material.

“Does it matter if it is?”

“Of course it does,” Haruna responded nearly instantly. She reached a hand out, lightly brushing it against Rina’s clothes; it was about as much as Haruna could touch the younger girl from where she laid. “I want you and Tomomi to get along. I care about how you both feel.”

“But you’re not going to leave her?” Rina’s question came out barely audible but Haruna heard it and sighed softly in return. She scooted over towards the edge of the couch a bit, moving her hand so she could grab onto Rina’s.

“No. I’m not going to leave her,” Haruna answered truthfully. “I love her and I want to stay with her. But I love you as well; we’ve always been by each other’s sides and I don’t want that to change.”

“I can’t… I can’t be around you if you stay with her…” Rina didn’t know what she was saying; she didn’t see what saying any of this would accomplish. None of it would make Haruna come back to her. There was only one way to do that.

“Yes you can,” Haruna countered her. Her words were interrupted by a small yawn. She shook her head before continuing, “You can handle this because I know how strong you are. Besides, you’ve got someone who loves you as well.”

“Like who?” Rina muttered bitterly. Haruna smiled at the bitter tone Rina had used and slowly began to rub circles over the top of her handle.

“Mami.” Rina could feel her body freeze up again at the name Haruna had said. Was Mami going around and saying things to Tomomi and Haruna? Rina would really prefer it if she wasn’t. “She didn’t say anything,” Haruna murmured, knowing exactly what Rina was thinking.

“Then how do you know?” Rina grumbled. Haruna pushed herself up into a sitting position now, stretching her arms above her head before rubbing her eyes.

“She makes it obvious. It’s not a surprise to anyone when I say that I’m not an expert in love--” Haruna paused her sentence, letting a chuckle slip past her lips before continuing, “But you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that Mami likes you. She’s made it obvious. She was always so worried and frantic about you, she really became a different person while you were in there.”

Rina didn’t respond to Haruna’s words; she didn’t know what to respond with. She could only stand there silently, staring at Haruna while her hands continued to dance over the handle. She began chewing on the inside of her cheek, her eyes darting down to the ground. If Haruna saw it…. Did it mean it was real? Haruna had never misled her before; she could always trust the brunette.

“Give her a chance, Rina. You might end up surprised by what could form,” Haruna continued. She let her body fall back down onto the couch, rolling herself onto her side again. She gave Rina a small smile. “And try to get along with Tomomi, she really does like you, you know. She doesn’t want to fight with you, she wants all of us to get along like we used to. So please try. For me, okay?”

Rina could feel her hands beginning to shake as her eyes bored into the girl who was slowly falling back asleep. She could feel the tears beginning to come to her but she shook her head hard, willing them away. Haruna had said her words so sincerely. She cared so much about Tomomi; even Rina could see that. It meant this was the only way to get Haruna back…

“I can’t…” Rina murmured weakly. She wiped away the tear that had escaped her eye before turning on her heels, slowly making her way back down the hallway. She encountered Tomomi just as she was leaving the living room but ignored the brunette who tried to squeak out a feeble hello to her.

Rina’s hand clutched the handle of her knife unbearably tightly as she walked down the hallway, keeping her head low. She hadn’t been watching where she was going and didn’t see Mami coming out of her room until the two women collided, both of them giving an audible grunt from the impact.

“Rina, shouldn’t you be asl--” Mami’s words were cut off when her eyes lowered enough to connect with Rina’s hand, widening as she saw the metal glinting even in the dim light of the light that spilled from her bedroom into the hallway.

“What’s wrong, Mami?” Rina asked softly, twirling the knife slightly. Mami backed up a bit before extending her hand out to Rina, her eyes darting up to Rina’s face and never leaving for a second.

“Give-give it to me,” Mami ordered her slowly. Rina looked down at the knife, an emotionless expression continuing on her face. She pushed the knife toward Mami, shoving it against the blonde’s chest with enough force that Mami let out a soft ‘oof’. Her hands quickly clamored to the knife so it wouldn’t drop down onto her foot just as Rina made her way down the hallway without a single word.

Rina forced her way into the guest room Mami had let her have, closing the door rather loudly behind her. She didn’t bother to turn on the light as she slunk over to the bed, collapsing onto it face first. She groaned softly, rolling over onto her side. She brought her knees up, curling herself into a ball.

Why?

She knew what she wanted before and she knew what she wanted now. All she wanted was Haruna… So why couldn’t she do this? It was the one thing that would bring the two girls together again; it was the only way she would have Haruna for herself again. Rina knew this. So why couldn’t she? What held her back from achieving what she so desperately longed for?

Rina didn't hear the door creak open and she didn't realize someone had come in until she felt the bed shift beside her. She could feel the arms snake around her waist and her body instinctively tensed. She tried to sit up but whoever was holding her held her tightly and kept her body down.

"Don't be scared." Rina's body tensed more from the sudden words but she relaxed when she recognized she voice as Mami's. "What were you going to do with that knife, Rina?"

"Nothing." Rina's words were barely audible and yet, she felt Mami hug her closer despite it. She could feel Mami sigh softly from behind her.

"What are you doing? Do you want to get sent back there?" Rina could hear the tired and worn out tone that Mami spoke in.

"No..." Rina could feel Mami wrap her arms even tighter around Rina's waist, almost as if the blonde was trying to reassure Rina.

"Then don't hide from me. I'm right here, Rina. Even if you keep pushing me away, I'll be right here for you."