If Jealousy Could Kill

“Yo, maid girl! Where’s our sodas?” Tomomi called from the front room. She and Mami snickered, high-fiving each other. It had only been a few days since the three of them had surprised Haruna at work and they still weren’t letting her live it down. Mami and Tomomi were just having too much fun with it. Seeing the tough girl dressed in such a cutesy outfit waiting hand and foot on her customers was just too good to let her live down. Even Haruna’s empty threats of bodily harm weren’t enough to make the two shut up about it.

Haruna emerged from the kitchen, balancing three glasses in her arms. Haruna wanted so badly to dump both of their drinks over their head as payback for the taunts, but they were at her apartment and she was sure Rina would murder her if she did that to them while they were sitting on her couch. So instead of living out her fantasies, Haruna calmly put the drinks on the coffee table, taking a seat on the couch next to Tomomi as she sipped her own drink.

“Ignoring us?” Tomomi asked, poking Haruna in the cheek. Haruna slapped her hand away, giving her a glare. The cheerful brunette could only laugh in response.

“What’s wrong, Haru? Still embarrassed?” Mami said with a smirk. She was probably enjoying this the most. “Was it really that embarrassing for your girlfriend to see you in such a cute outfit?” At Mami’s statement, Haruna spit out the soda she had in her mouth, choking from the after effects as Mami burst out laughing. “I wasn’t expecting that reaction but that was priceless!”

“Girlfriend?!” Haruna choked out, “where did you get that from?”

“Well I don’t know, maybe from how happy you two were that night we caught you making out?” Mami shrugged after her statement, finally picking up her glass and taking a small drink from it. Tomomi and Haruna exchanged glances before Haruna shook her head. She leaned back into the couch, slinging an arm over the back of it.

“You’re imagining things, Mami. Tomomi and I are just friends.” Tomomi’s face fell at Haruna’s statement but she quickly regained her composure, not wanting either of her friends to see her disappointment. Of course they were just friends. That one incident was just Haruna teasing Tomomi; it probably didn’t mean anything to her.

“Whatever you say,” Mami said, shaking her head with a smirk. “Denial.” Her last word was whispered so the other girls couldn’t hear. Both of them were in denial. At least Tomomi was. She could see the way Tomomi looked at Haruna. The way her eyes showed so much longing and the way she would constantly watch and observe the eldest of the group. It was too obvious. Haruna was a bit harder to read though. She couldn’t be sure if Haruna’s feelings were genuine or if the girl was just having fun messing with her new friend.

“I’m hungry, can I go look for something to eat?” Tomomi asked, looking over at Haruna for permission. She wasn’t really all that hungry; her mind was just begging her to get away from Haruna for a while, even if only for a few minutes.

“Sure, if you can find anything. Rina and I haven’t gone shopping in a while,” Haruna said with a shrug. Tomomi thanked Haruna, shooting up from the couch and rushing to the kitchen. If there was food in the house, Tomomi could find something to eat. The young brunette was capable of eating anything when she was hungry.

As Tomomi searched through the refrigerator, the thoughts plagued her mind. She remembered that kiss, the feelings from that day. They hadn’t left her mind. Haruna was an attractive girl; no one could really deny that. But from what Rina and Mami had said, she also wasn’t someone to settle down with one person. Free spirit and all that jazz she went on and on about. She didn’t like being tied down or restricted to anything. And maybe all Haruna was doing that day was playing with her, messing with her mind. It would make sense; Haruna did love playing with people’s minds. It was kind of a hobby of hers.

Tomomi couldn’t help the soft sigh that left her lips as she leaned her head against the white door to the refrigerator. She didn’t understand it. She had only known Haruna for a few weeks now, but she was already going so close to her and maybe… Maybe she was falling in love with the rebellious girl. Tomomi shook her head at the thought. Love. That was a pretty strong word for her to be using, especially on someone she hadn’t known for very long. She didn’t even truly know this girl, it was still too soon. Was it love or was it just a small crush? Tomomi didn’t know anymore.

“Something wrong?” the deep voice startled Tomomi from her thoughts, her body whipping around and her eyes starring widely at the brunette who stood in the door way. “You looked depressed, that’s not usual for you, Timo.”

“I was just….thinking,” Tomomi said, giving Haruna a small smile. The usually hyper brunette was praying Haruna wouldn’t ask about what. Tomomi wasn’t able to sort out her own feelings in her head, how could she ever figure out how to put them in a way that someone like Haruna would be able to understand? She was sure Haruna would laugh at her or something if she tried. She’d never understand.

“What are you thinking about?” Of course. Of course Haruna would ask. Why did Tomomi think there was even a ghost of a chance of the nosey brunette not asking? “This isn’t like you.”

“Hey, I can think deeply too you know.” Haruna snorted in laughter at the comment.

“You sure about that?” She said as she grinned at Tomomi. Tomomi stuck her tongue out at her, closing the fridge door.

“You’re right; there isn’t anything in this house. Maybe you two should stop being lazy and go shopping.” Tomomi moved towards a row of cupboards, doing her best to ignore Haruna’s pestering questions. She didn’t want to answer that and face the sort of comments Haruna would probably begin making. It already hurt enough; she didn’t need to make it hurt more.

“Eh… We’ll do it eventually.” Haruna shrugged as she leaned against the counter, her arms crossing over her chest. Tomomi remained silent, an awkward silence filling the room before Haruna chose to break it seconds later. “I can’t believe you’re letting Mami get to you. She’s just joking around. You know how she works.”

“I am not. Why would I let her get to me?” Tomomi asked with a weak and nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of her head just as nervously. Haruna laughed seeing Tomomi’s gestures. She really didn’t hide her emotions well. She was worse than Rina was when it came to hiding emotions.

“You’re making this too obvious. It is bothering you. Either you like me a lot or you don’t like me like that at all. I can’t really tell, but I know it’s one of those. You can’t hide it from me.” Well that was a frank way to approach the subject, but Tomomi didn’t really expect any less from Haruna. Haruna leaned her head back, staring up at the pure white ceiling in thought. As much as Tomomi could try to hide her emotions, she’d always be unsuccessful. Her body language and her eyes would always be her downfall.

“Am I really that easy to read?” Tomomi’s question was soft as her hands moved to picking nervously at her arms. Haruna gave a weak chuckle as her eyes fluttered shut, leaning her head back further so the brown locks fell back with it.

“You’re the easiest to read, even easier than Rina and she’s an open book.” Haruna let out a deep sigh, opening her eyes and looking back over at Tomomi. “So which is it?” Haruna was being to the point; she didn’t want to play these games with Tomomi right now. This had all started off as a game but now… Now things were getting more complicated. She wanted to know how the girl really felt and she’d get it out of her no matter what she had to do.

“Which is what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Haruna scolded, “you know what I’m talking about.” Haruna knew that Tomomi was trying to avoid answering, but she wasn’t about to allow that to happen. If Tomomi wanted out of the kitchen, she’d answer the question because Haruna wasn’t about to let her leave this room without an answer.

“Why don’t you answer first?”

“Because,” Haruna said, inching closer to Tomomi, “you never asked me.”

“Do you like me?” Tomomi said breathlessly without hesitation. She wanted an answer. She needed an answer. Haruna smiled, wrapping her arms around Tomomi’s waist and pulling the taller girl close to her. Without verbally answering her question, Haruna pressed her lips against Tomomi’s connecting them in what Tomomi had wanted from the moment Haruna surprised her in the kitchen. Tomomi wrapped her arms around Haruna’s waist, kissing the older girl back with eagerness. She wanted this sort of answer. Haruna pulled herself away from Tomomi, but kept her arms wrapped around the girl’s petite body.

“Did that answer your question?”

“Sort of.” Haruna scrunched up her nose, making Tomomi laugh from the sight. Sort of? What kind of an answer was that? Haruna wanted a straight answer from Tomomi and that most certainly was not it.

“What does sort of mean?”

“So you like me, you made that clear. But do you want to be with me?” Haruna stared at Tomomi, her eyes blinking endlessly as she wracked her mind for something to say. She hadn’t considered that to be part of the question. All Tomomi had asked is if she liked her, not if she wanted to be with her. There was a big difference between those. Did she want to be with Tomomi? She had never actually had a proper girlfriend or boyfriend before. She had only ever had flings, she had never liked being tied down to one person. It involved too much work and pain. She could never imagine herself tied down. Not until Tomomi came into her life at least. Tomomi was….different. She was unique and she gave Haruna a unique feeling. She gave Haruna a feeling she’d never experienced before. Haruna could see Tomomi’s expression start to fall as her silence dragged on. Tomomi pushed herself away from Haruna, putting distance in-between them. “You don’t, do you?”

“I never said that, Tomomi.” Haruna tried to come closer to Tomomi again, only to have the brunette step back for every step Haruna took forward. Tomomi didn’t want Haruna near her. She didn’t want Haruna to kiss her again if it kept meaning nothing to her. She didn’t even want the brunette to touch her right now.

“You never said anything!” Tomomi’s voice was rising in pitch as the pain began to set in. Tomomi wanted to shove Haruna away from her and run away from the girl. She wanted to put as much distance between them as she could. Haruna was just playing with her and that’s what hurt the most. It didn’t matter to Haruna. She didn’t matter. Haruna sighed softly, turning her back to the younger girl.

“I’m sorry, Timo. I just don’t know how to answer that.” Tomomi sighed heavily, wrapping her arms around her body. If Haruna didn’t want to be with her then Tomomi wished that she would have just not kissed her at all. She wished none of this had ever happened. She didn’t want to be another one of Haruna’s meaningless flings; she wanted to mean more to the feisty brunette. She wanted Haruna to love her.

“I expected that. Look, let’s just… Let’s go back out to the living room before Mami starts suspecting something. The last thing we need is her sticking her nose into this.” Tomomi didn’t wait for an answer from Haruna before she pushed past her, exiting out to the living room and leaving a stunned Haruna in the kitchen. Haruna let out a frustrated sigh. What had she just done? She was going to ruin everything. She was going to ruin her friendship with Tomom if this kept up. It was just supposed to be some stupid joke. She didn’t mean for all of these feelings to come out of it.

***

“Ne, Haru, would you mind playing for me?” Tomomi asked. Haruna looked over at Tomomi from where she was sitting on the floor, fiddling with organizing some of the many magazines scattered around the room. It was just Tomomi and Haruna now; Mami had left some time ago after being called into work. She had left the apartment, muttering obscenities under her breath about her “useless prick of a boss”. Mami was not one who enjoyed being called into work on her day off. The blonde Mami was usually a calm person but push one of her buttons and she could explode very easily. It was just lucky for everyone that those buttons of hers were hard to push.

“What do you mean?”

“The guitar, silly. I’ve never heard you play before.” Haruna made an ‘o’ shape with her mouth, feeling a bit stupid for not realizing what Tomomi had meant right away. “Would you play something for me?”

“Well… I guess so,” Haruna said, smiling brightly at Tomomi. Haruna pushed herself off the floor, moving towards her guitar case and pulling out the acoustic guitar. Tomomi scooted to the other end of the couch, letting Haruna sit on the other end. Haruna sat down cross-legged, balancing her guitar.

Haruna glanced up, noticing Tomomi looking at her expectantly. Tomomi really was a cute girl; she was going to make someone very happy someday. But Haruna didn’t know if that someone could really be her. Haruna drew in a deep breath, moving her fingers over the strings as she began to sing softly to an old tune her father had taught her when she was younger.

Tomomi sat in awe as she watched Haruna. The older girl’s eyes were glazed over as she focused on her guitar and on her singing. It was like she was in a different world as she played. And she was good to. She played the small song perfectly, never missing a note. Her voice was soft and sweet to go with. When Haruna ended her soft song, she blinked a few times, finding herself back in reality before looking over at Tomomi.

“That was amazing,” Tomomi breathed, giving Haruna a bright smile. Haruna laughed softly, balancing her guitar against the couch. “How is it that you don’t have a career doing that for a living yet?” Haruna shrugged leaning against the arm of the couch.

“I’m an undiscovered talent.” Tomomi couldn’t help but laugh at Haruna’s confidence. Undiscovered was right. It didn’t get much more undiscovered than what Haruna’s life was.

“You’ll be discovered in no time!” Tomomi encouraged. Haruna ruffled her hair, leaning her head back against the couch. She felt the couch shift a bit, the giveaway that someone had moved. She lifted her head to look over, only to see that Tomomi had crawled over next to her, her big eyes staring intently at her. For the first time, Haruna couldn’t read what Tomomi was thinking. Her face was void of any emotion.

“What’s up?” Haruna asked. Tomomi laid a hand over Haruna’s hand that was resting on the back of the couch, moving herself closer to the brunette.

“I love you.” Haruna’s eyes widened as she ripped her hand away from Tomomi, holding it against her chest, her breathing beginning to get heavy. Tomomi recoiled back from Haruna’s seemingly frightened reaction, the hurt evident in her eyes. “Why does that scare you so much?”

“You’re not supposed to love me. I… I’m not love material. I’m not girlfriend material.” Tomomi cocked her head to the side as she saw Haruna look away from her. If she was “girlfriend material” someone would have wanted her long before Tomomi, but no one ever did. She didn’t even understand why Tomomi was so set on her; there was nothing special about her. There were so many better girls that Tomomi could have. Why was she so fixated on this mess of a woman?

“What do you mean?” Haruna drew in a sharp breath, exhaling shakily at Tomomi’s question.

“You’re the first to tell me they love me.”

“But… Mami and Rina say it all the time.” Haruna sighed. Tomomi’s naivety was astounding sometimes.

“I mean as lovers. Mami and Rina do say it all the time, but they mean it as friends. No one has said it to me as a lover. At least…. No one who has meant it. I’ve just never been girlfriend material to anyone.” Tomomi looked down at the couch, her hands playing nervously with the bottom of her shirt. So that’s what had been going through Haruna’s mind all this time. Haruna had a lot hidden beneath the tough girl exterior that she put on.

“Well, those people don’t know what they’re missing. I think you’d make a great girlfriend.” Haruna smiled at Tomomi’s comment, a red tint coming to her cheeks. Tomomi really was a very sweet person.

“Thanks, Timo. But I still can’t be with you.” Tomomi’s head fell in disappointment as the smile disappeared from her face. That wasn’t what she had been hoping to hear. “But I’ll think about it.”