If Jealousy Could Kill

The blonde knocked loudly and roughly on the door before stepping back, her feet shifting impatiently beneath her. Tomomi really just needed to answer her door already; Mami was getting tired of waiting. Giving a heavy sigh, the blonde crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. Tomomi just wasn’t going to answer, was she? Fine, if the brunette wanted to do this the hard way, they’d do it the hard way. Tomomi hadn’t answered her phone for anyone; Mami knew that meant something was up. Tomomi always answered her phone; there was never anything that could stop her. After ten ignored calls from both her and Haruna, Mami decided it was time to pay the brunette a visit.

The blonde shoved a hand into her pants pocket, fishing out the spare key Tomomi had given her some months ago. She was fairly certain the airhead brunette hadn’t remembered giving her the spare key, so she would probably be surprised when Mami walked in uninvited. But that was entirely her fault; she really should answer the door when someone is knocking. Mami stuck the key into the small lock, pushing open the door with ease.

She walked into the room, her eyes glancing over every piece of it as she searched for Tomomi. Seeing as there was no sign of her in the living room, Mami migrated towards the kitchen, poking her head around the corner. She could only sigh when she saw it was empty. The brunette had to be in here somewhere. Pushing herself away from the wall, she began her slow trek down the small hallway to the lone bedroom of Tomomi’s small apartment. As she made her way down, she could hear a faint sound the closer she got to the bedroom.

Well, she had found Tomomi and probably found her in the exact position the blonde figured she would find Tomomi in. Standing outside of the bedroom, Mami could hear it loud and clear now. Tomomi was crying. Actually, sobbing was more like it, it sounded like the brunette was in hysterics. It didn’t surprise her after what she’d heard in the kitchen yesterday. She didn’t hear it all, but she’d heard enough to know. Mami ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath before laying her hand on the cold doorknob, gently pushing the door open. As soon as she stepped in, she could see the brunette shoot up, having heard the soft creak of the door.

Tomomi immediately turned her back to Mami when she saw the blonde standing there, using her hair to cover her face. The blonde gave her friend a sad smile, seeing her friend’s body shake as she tried to conceal the sound of her sniffling. She was doing her best to conceal the fact she’d been crying. Mami gingerly walked into the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it.

“What are you doing here?” Mami could hear Tomomi’s voice cracking; she really wasn’t hiding her crying very well. “How did you get in?”

“You gave me a key, remember?” Tomomi didn’t respond to Mami’s rhetorical question. Of course she hadn’t remembered if she had asked how. Mami sighed softly; perhaps she was being a little too rough with Tomomi right now. Tomomi was a softie at heart and sometimes she forgot that. “Want to tell me why you’re crying?”

“I am not crying,” Tomomi asserted. Mami could see her bring a hand up to her face, wiping away what she could only assume was the tears. Mami chuckled softly, pushing herself off the door and walking over to the bed. She sat on the end of it, sitting down in a cross-legged position as she stared intently at Tomomi, the young brunette still having her back turned to her friend.

“I heard you.” Tomomi didn’t respond. A small shake would run through her body every few seconds as a sniffle threatened to escape her. “Come on, Timo. You know you can trust me.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Mami scoffed at the comment. She had known Tomomi for years, she knew the girl probably better than she knew herself. There was no problem in Tomomi’s life that Mami would be unable to understand.

“How can we know that if you won’t tell me?” Tomomi wanted to turn around. She wanted to face Mami. She wanted to wrap her arms around the blonde and just cry. But she couldn’t do that. Mami couldn’t possibly ever understand. Mami never fell in love; she never had these kind of problems. She didn’t let herself get subjected to these sort of things. Even if she wanted someone, she never pursued it. It was who she was. How could she ever understand something like this?

“It’s not important.”

“It’s obviously important to you.” Mami had words to counter everything Tomomi could think of to say. She wasn’t going to leave here knowing that Tomomi was so upset about whatever it was. What kind of friend would she be if she did? Maybe she had a bad habit of not taking things seriously when she probably should, but she’d never leave a friend when they needed her. “If you won’t talk to me, will you talk to Haruna?”

“No.”

“Will you talk to Rina?”

“No. She’d just tell Haruna.” Mami groaned in frustration. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. They were just going in circles at this point. She didn’t want to talk to Haruna and she didn’t want to talk to Rina because she’d tell Haruna. It was just one big circle.

“Then talk to me. Tomomi, I’m one of your closest friends. I’m your best friend in fact. There’s nothing going on in your life that I couldn’t understand.” Mami heard Tomomi sniffle a few more times before her body slowly turned, her hands shaking as she held them against the chest. Tomomi was a mess. Her brown eyes were bloodshot, the angry red color staring clearly though. She’d been crying for quite some time. The mascara she wore had started dripping, leaving black streaks along her face. Mami gave her another sad smile, reaching over and gently rubbing off the rest of the makeup marks.

“Thank you,” Tomomi whispered softly, rubbing her eyes.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Tomomi remained silent, the continuous sniffling being the only sound she made for what seemed like forever before she finally spoke.

“It’s Haruna.”

“Did what I say yesterday bother you? I was only kidding, Timo. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Tomomi shook her head furiously, coughing slightly from the force. Her body was weak and exhausted from her previous hysterics.

“It’s not that.” Mami’s eyes glanced down at the bed, a shaky breath exhaling past her lips. It was time to stop beating around the bush; Mami knew now exactly what was wrong with Tomomi and the brunette was trying to avoid coming out with it.

“You like her, don’t you?” Mami glanced up at Tomomi, noticing the brunette was staring at her wide-eyed. That only confirmed it for her that much more. Mami slowly crawled further up the bed, sitting down next to Tomomi. She reached out, grabbing the girl’s shaking hand.

“How did you know?”

“You can’t hide anything from me. Why didn’t you want to tell me? Were you embarrassed?” Tomomi shook her head at Mami’s question.

“No. It’s just…. You never fall in love. You wouldn’t understand.” Mami chuckled softly at Tomomi’s statement. It’s not that she never fell in love; it was just that she never pursued that love. She had seen the heartbreak and torment that love caused, and she didn’t want that for herself. It was better to just stay friends with everyone than complicate things. But Tomomi wasn’t like her. Tomomi needed more than just friendships; she needed a type of companionship that friendship couldn’t give her.

“I do fall in love, Timo. I know how you’re feeling, I understand. I know how hard this must be for you, loving a girl who doesn’t return your feelings.” Tomomi could feel the tears welling in her eyes again. Mami’s words had cut through her like a knife. She knew Haruna didn’t want to be with her, but hearing Mami say it hurt that much more. The blonde noticed the tears shining in the brunette’s eyes and wasted no time in wrapping her in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“I just…I just don’t get it. Why does it have to be her?” Tomomi let her head drop down onto Mami’s shoulder as the blonde rubbed her shoulder affectionately. The tears slowly began to spill over, rolling down Tomomi’s cheeks. “It’s not fair.”

“It’s not. But love has never been fair.”

“I don’t even really know her.”

“That’s the funny thing about love; you don’t need to know someone fully to fall for them.” Tomomi glanced up at the blonde, noticing her eyes were looking up towards the ceiling, the thought behind them evident. “You know, Haru isn’t a bad person.”

“What do you mean?” Of course she wasn’t a bad person, Tomomi knew that. She’d never questioned that.

“She seems cold but she’s not. She’s just scared. Her harsh exterior is just her defense.” Tomomi’s eyebrows furrowed together as she watched the changing and unreadable emotions pass through Mami’s eyes. These were a lot of big words for the blonde to be using. “No one has ever bothered to break down her walls, only Rina and I have. I think she’s lonely.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Mami laughed softly, looking back down at the saddened girl. She patted her shoulder gently, letting her eyes fly back to the ceiling.

“She rejected you, didn’t she?” Tomomi winced and Mami could feel her body tense up. She would take that as a yes. “Then don’t accept it. Don’t give up.” Tomomi pushed herself away from the blonde, causing her to look back over at her. She pushed her body away so they were sitting a part now. What did this have to do with anything? Mami was supposed to be feeling better and bringing up all the negative feelings wasn’t exactly making her feel better.

“I don’t understand.” That didn’t surprise Mami. The brunette still went by what her parents taught her. She still believed it was better for her to wait for someone to come to her than pursue someone; it was tradition for her family. But every tradition needs to be broken eventually, and it was time this one was. It was time that Tomomi learned how to pursue what she wanted and who she wanted. She’d never get Haruna if she didn’t push a little. She had to be the one to put herself out there and take a risk.

“I think Haruna likes you too.” Tomomi looked away, her hair falling into her face, hiding her emotions from Mami. She knew that, but that wasn’t the problem. She just didn’t know how to tell Mami this.

“She told me she did…… But she’s not interested in being with me.” Maybe Haruna hadn’t exactly said that, but she might as well have said it in Tomomi’s opinion. Just when Mami thought Haruna couldn’t get much harsher, she always did. She knew Haruna didn’t mean to be so harsh and was only being honest, but that had to hurt a lot. To know someone liked you, but to also have them tell you they don’t want to be with you, that had to hurt Tomomi a lot.

“Haruna’s a liar.” Tomomi’s head snapped over to look at Mami again. “If she really told you that, then she’s lying. Haruna likes you and she probably wants to be with you, but she’s scared.”

“How do you know this?”

“I’ve known Haruna since high school, Tomomi. I know how she works.” Tomomi couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that left her. And what if she was wrong? It would only get Tomomi further hurt and further damage her friendship with Haruna. “Push her.”

“Mami, I can’t-”

“Yes you can,” Mami said forcefully, interrupting the brunette. The blonde crawled closer to Tomomi, grabbing both of her shoulders. “You need to push her. You need to show her how much you love her. You need to show her you’re willing to go through the effort of breaking down her walls. If you don’t prove to her how much you love her, she’ll never let you in.”

“But Mami…” Where was all this coming from? Tomomi had never quite heard anything like this from Mami before. She’d never offered love advice to Tomomi. But then again, Tomomi had never really needed love advice. Things had never been this complicated before, she had never fallen for a person like Haruna before.

“No excuses, Tomomi. Please. You have to. If you don’t, you’ll stay miserable and I can’t bear to see you like this.” Mami let her hands drop from Tomomi’s body, biting down on her lip as the two of them looked straight at each other. She knew Tomomi was uncomfortable right now, but the brunette couldn’t keep hiding. Tomomi was miserable; Haruna’s rejection was tearing at her heart. Something had to be done about that, Mami didn’t want to keep seeing Tomomi so upset.

Tomomi scooted away from Mami again, putting herself on the edge of the bed, as far away as she could get from the blonde without falling off of it. Her fingers were curled under hers hands that sat on her lap, pressing down onto her legs. The brunette slowly began to shake her head, her gaze breaking with Mami.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Mami. But I can’t.” Mami sighed again, not in frustration but in worry. She knew Tomomi wanted Haruna badly enough that a single rejection from her would put the normally enthusiastically happy girl into hysterics and she knew that deep down, Haruna probably wanted to be with Tomomi as well. If Tomomi wasn’t going to willingly push Haruna, then Mami had to find a way to force them to talk this out. She had to find some way to fix this. If they weren’t going to do it themselves, someone had to do it for them.

“Tell you what, Timo. Why don’t you come by my house tonight? It’ll just be the two of us; I think I’ve got something that’ll cheer you up.” Mami could see Tomomi bite down on her lip, probably because she didn’t fully trust the blonde right now. But really, how much damage could Mami do that Haruna hadn’t already done? There wasn’t much more damage to be done to Tomomi’s ego or heart at this point. “It’ll be fine, I promise.”

“O-okay, I’ll come over,” Tomomi answered finally, forcing a smile onto her face. Going to Mami’s was better than moping around the house. Mami thanked her happily, giving her a tight hug before hopping off the bed without another word, leaving the brunette stunned. “Where are you going?” Mami looked down at her, feeling bad all over again, only this time for trying to leave. It looked like Tomomi was ready to reach out and hang onto her just to stop her from leaving. But she had a plan to assemble, and only had a few hours to do it.

“I need to prepare for tonight, we’re going to have a lot of fun to take your mind off of you-know-who. Will you be okay if I heard home?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Mami gave her friend another hug, the two of them exchanging goodbyes and agreeing on a time for Tomomi to come over. Once everything was settled, Mami left her friend’s house, pulling out her cellphone as soon as the front door was closed. Her fingers quickly pushed the buttons of the familiar phone number, bringing the phone up to her ear right after.

“Yo, what’s up, Mami?” Mami smiled as she heard the bored sounding voice. Tomomi was probably going to be so mad at her for this, but Tomomi was insisting on doing things the hard way. She’d appreciate it later. The blonde drew in a sharp breath, exhaling slowly. Tonight was going to either end very well or very badly. She could only pray it would be the former.

“Can you come over tonight, Haruna?”