If Jealousy Could Kill

Mami jumped up from the chair when she heard the loud doorbell ring throughout her small apartment. She wasted no time in rushing down the hallway towards the front door. A smile graced her face when she pulled the front door open, seeing her brunette friend standing on the other side. Tomomi gave her a small smile, waving in just as small of a gesture. She was looking a lot better from earlier. The angry red puff around her eyes had disappeared and she had fixed her makeup, her natural happy glow slowly coming back to her. At least she was relatively calm now…. Too bad she probably wouldn’t be for much longer. Mami was almost beginning to feel guilty about this, but she took that guilt away by reminding herself that Tomomi would be grateful to her for this in the long run. She just had to get over the moment of betrayal she’d no doubt be feeling soon enough.

“So what did you want me for?” Tomomi asked, stepping into Mami’s apartment. She was curious as to what this “special surprise” Mami said she had planned for her tonight. As Tomomi removed her shoes, she looked down, noticing an extra pair. Was someone else here? She’d hoped this ‘surprise’ would only involve the two of them, she couldn’t think of who else could help cheer her up. The brunette glanced over at Mami, silently asking her the question.

“I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no, no one else is here. You’re paranoid. Now come on, I’ve got something in my room that I want to show you.” The blonde walked past Tomomi, beckoning for her to follow. Being given no other choice, Tomomi diligently followed Mami down the hallway, her hands playing nervously with the ends of her hair. Mami was definitely plotting something. She could see it in the way the blonde moved and how quickly she was talking, Tomomi knew she was willingly falling into some kind of trap.

“Mami, what are you--” Tomomi had started to ask her question when they rounded the last corner into Mami’s room, but her sentence had been cut short when she saw who was sitting at the desk in the room. In the office chair, Haruna sat with it leaned back, her feet resting on the computer desk as she flipped through a magazine. After hearing the footsteps and the words, she looked up, raising an eyebrow when she saw Tomomi, the brunette seeming to be shaking in the spot where she stood. Tomomi looked as if she’d just seen a ghost.

“Haruna, were you raised in a barn? Get your feet off my desk,” Mami scolded, smacking at Haruna’s feet. The brunette laughed, throwing her feet back down onto the carpet. Mami was more high maintenance than she let on.

“You never know, maybe I’m like that Tarzan guy. I could’ve been raised by apes,” Haruna joked.

“Would explain your bad manners,” Mami grumbled. Haruna shook her head, swiveling around in the chair to face Tomomi. She cocked her head to the side when she saw the scared expression on Tomomi’s face. Haruna had to admit that she was a bit confused; Mami had told her it was just the two of them tonight. She had told her she had a special favor to ask of Haruna, but they never got to that favor before Tomomi came. The blonde had kept changing the subject, avoiding the question of what exactly Mami had wanted to ask of Haruna. But now, after seeing the tall and scared brunette, Haruna was beginning to think Mami never actually had anything to ask her.

“Mami…” Tomomi said softly. Mami turned her body slightly, looking over at Tomomi and giving her a small smile. One of Tomomi’s hands was wrapped around her free arm that laid motionless by her side, her fingernails gently picking at the skin on her arm. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be near Haruna at the moment, she just needed a little time away from her. This was supposed to make her feel better, but there was no way she could feel better when Haruna was sitting right there.

“So I may have lied a little.”

“A little?” Haruna interjected, “how about a lot?” Mami shot a glare at the mouthy girl before clearing her throat and clapping her hands together. No more distractions, it was time to get down to business. The faster Mami got this over with, the better it would be for everyone.

“This’ll be fun, I promise. Just take a seat, Tomomi. The three of us need to have a little chat.” Tomomi hesitated but eventually walked slowly over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. It’s not like Mami was really giving her a say in the matter. Even if she tried to leave, she knew the blonde wouldn’t allow it. Mami didn’t look like she was very strong, but she was. Or perhaps Tomomi was just very weak. The blonde could easily drag Tomomi back into the bedroom with ease; she’d forced Tomomi to do enough things this way.

“Now spill it, Mami,” Haruna ordered. Mami rolled her eyes at the order. Bossy as usual. But this time, Haruna wasn’t going to be calling the shots. It was Mami’s turn to be in control.

“I will in a minute but first, I need to get something important from the kitchen. I’ll be back…” Mami’s sentence trailed off, the blonde turning on her heels and walking briskly over to the door. Tomomi’s eyes widened as she saw the blonde reach for the doorknob, turning back to smile at the two girls. That wasn’t good. “That is, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Mami!” Tomomi shouted, launching herself off the bed, trying to prevent the blonde from closing the door. She was a little late though. The blonde pulled the door shut, wincing a little when she heard the smack of Tomomi crashing into the door. Well, that’s what she gets for not thinking clearly. Although, Mami couldn’t say she blamed Tomomi for freaking out. “Let me out!” Tomomi shouted, trying to pull the door open. Mami held the knob tightly from the other side, keeping the door shut tightly. There was no way Tomomi would get it open with Mami holding it shut.

“You can come out when you two talk this over.” Tomomi drew in a sharp breath as her panicked actions continued. Her hands gripped the doorknob tightly, trying to pull it open with all of the strength she could muster. But it was all in vain, nothing she did would make Mami’s tight hold budge. The blonde was just too strong. Giving up on trying to force the door open, the brunette resorted to banging loudly on the door, shouting through it at the blonde. Maybe she could annoy Mami into letting her out if she shouted enough. Maybe if she made enough noise, the neighbors would hear her and Mami would let them out.

“Let me out! You can’t keep me in here!” Still sitting at the chair behind Tomomi, Haruna had her head turned to the side, her eyebrows furrowed together. Why was Tomomi freaking out like this? Mami would be back soon, it’s not like she could keep them in here forever. Maybe Tomomi was claustrophobic and just didn’t like small spaces, but even that didn’t make sense. Mami’s bedroom was pretty spacious, it’s not like the blonde was trapping them in a closest or something. Tomomi was just overreacting like usual. Although, Haruna wasn’t particularly enjoying being locked in a room either. She was making a mental note to get back at the blonde for this.

“Tomomi…” The brunette’s actions stopped instantly when she heard the familiar voice call her name. She placed an open palm hand on the white door for support, turning her body a little to look over at Haruna. “Why are you so scared?” Tomomi gulped, her hands beginning to get clammy. All of these questions and she didn’t want to answer a single one. She wasn’t going to tell Haruna the truth, it wasn’t an option. Everyone always said that lies weren’t the answer, but the truth was only hurting them. Lying was better. She had to think of a lie and she had to do it now.

“I-I don’t like closed spaces is all.” Haruna laughed softly, shaking her head and sitting back in the chair. Well that was new. Tomomi turned her back to Haruna again, her shoulders slumping forward as she laid her head down onto the door, banging it softly against the white wood. How could Mami do this to her? She was supposed to be helping her, not making things even worse.

From the other side, Mami finally let go of the doorknob, realizing Tomomi had given up on trying to open it. She grabbed the small rope she had hidden beneath a small table in the hallway, quickly tying one end to the doorknob and the other to an anchored shelf before Tomomi decided she was going to start pulling on the door again. With the rope tied securely, Mami knew there was no way anyone was opening it until that rope came down. If only her door couldn’t be unlocked from the inside, this would be a lot easier. The blonde leaned her ear against the door, hearing a soft talking sound coming from inside the room.

“Don’t panic, Timo. It’s not like Mami can keep us in here forever.” Mami laughed softly at Haruna’s confidence. Boy was she ever wrong about this one. Mami would keep those two in there for as long as this took. She was going to guarantee Tomomi’s happiness, she wasn’t about to let that soft girl give up on it just because Haruna was being difficult.

“Want to try me?” Mami asked. Haruna scoffed, rolling her eyes at the blonde’s comment. If she wanted to play that game, then Haruna would play with her. And she’d win too; Mami wasn’t going to beat her at her own game.

“I’ve got work in the morning; you can’t keep me in here all night.”

“If you two don’t talk this out, then I guess you’re not going to work, huh?” Tomomi bit down on her lip, closing her eyes tightly. It was only 7pm; she couldn’t bear the thought of being trapped in this room until the next morning. If she was alone, it’d be a different story but right now…. No, it wasn’t an option. She had to get out of here soon or else she’d go crazy.

“And what if I can’t afford the bills if you make me miss work?”

“You’ve missed work before; one day isn’t going to kill you.”

“You need to sleep at some point,” Haruna countered. There had to be something Haruna could use to get Mami to let them out of this room.

“That’s what the couch is for.”

“Rina will come looking for me.”

“Rina is easy enough to distract.” Haruna laughed at Mami’s comeback, finally admitting defeat. The blonde had an excuse prepared for every comment that Haruna could make, she won this round. The brunette pushed herself off of the chair, walking over to Mami’s bed and collapsing on top of it. If they were going to be in here for a while, might as well make herself comfortable while she waited for freedom. Haruna stretched out her arms, laying them beneath her head and cracking open an eye to peek at Tomomi. The brunette was now sitting on the floor, her back leaned against the door with her face buried in her hands. Haruna was beginning to grow tired of this new attitude of hers.

“Want to come lay with me?” Haruna offered. Tomomi looked up at her, before pulling her knees up to her chest, burying her head into her knees and ignoring the older brunette. She wasn’t going to go anywhere near Haruna, especially if she was going to make suggestions like that. Tomomi wasn’t a toy and she wasn’t going to let Haruna treat her like it anymore. She was going to teach the sassy brunette a well-deserved lesson. Haruna sighed softly after seeing Tomomi’s reaction. “So you’re mad at me then.”

“I’m not mad.” The reply was muffled but Haruna heard it. The brunette rolled her eyes. Such a lie. If she wasn’t mad then she was hurt. It was all the same really. Haruna really didn’t think she had hurt Tomomi that much. It didn’t seem like Tomomi was that upset when she’d originally said it. It was just a small rejection; Tomomi was overreacting to it. But then again, Tomomi overreacted to everything. Haruna had just hoped that this would be one of those things that Tomomi would be able to understand and take well, but she’d never been more wrong about that.

“Then what is it? You won’t come near me. You won’t answer my calls. You freak out when you see me today. Something’s up.” Haruna pushed herself up into a sitting position, bringing her legs up so she sat cross-legged now. Her arms were draped over her knees as she stared at the sad girl on the other side of the room. “If it’s about what happened yesterday…. I’m sorry, but my answer remains the same. This is better for the both of us.”

“Leave me alone.” Haruna growled lowly, her hands balling into fists. Enough of this. Tomomi was not going to be allowed to treat her like this. If being sincere wasn’t going to get through to her, then she’d resort to hostility. Something had to get through to her eventually. Haruna wasn’t right for Tomomi, and she had to make the girl see that. Tomomi was a sweet and sensitive person; she deserved someone better than Haruna. She would have to break Tomomi’s heart for the girl’s own sake.

“Get over it.” Haruna cringed after she’d said her words; maybe that was kind of overboard. Tomomi’s head shot up at the harshly spoken words. Haruna could see the hurt in her eyes, but she didn’t care. No, that wasn’t true. She did care. She cared a lot actually but she wasn’t going to show that to Tomomi. Even if the only thing she wanted to do was hold Tomomi and tell her how much she loved her, she wasn’t going to do it. She had to stay strong and keep herself away.

“Excuse me?” she asked. Haruna sighed softly, ruffling her hair a bit.

“I know it hurts, but you need to get over it. Life sucks and so does love. You’re always going to be heartbroken by people if you fall in love. I’m just sorry I had to be the first to teach you that.”

“I wouldn’t be heartbroken if you hadn’t treated me like your toy.” Haruna let out another growl, her eyes diverting from Tomomi. How dare she accuse her of that?

“I never treated you like a toy.” It was Tomomi’s turn to scoff. Yeah right. If that wasn’t treating Tomomi like a toy, than what would she call it? She’d played with her emotions and then had the audacity to tell her to “get over it” as if it was no big deal.

The young brunette didn’t respond to her friend, instead she let an awkward silence fill the room. As the silence tore through the girls’ minds, Tomomi’s mind thought back to Haruna’s words. It made her think; did Haruna get hurt in the past? Tomomi was finally realizing that she didn’t know much about Haruna’s past. In fact, Tomomi was realizing she didn’t know anything about her past at all. It was a complete mystery. Maybe she could start with something small. At the moment, Tomomi didn’t want to talk to Haruna. She wanted to stay mad at her and stay ignoring her but the truth was that Tomomi could never stay mad at Haruna. No matter how she tried, she just couldn’t do it. She wanted to get to know every part of Haruna and get to know the real person behind her guard.

“Haruna…” Tomomi let her sentence trail off, waiting for the brunette to look at her. When she did, she decided to continue her question. “How did you meet Rina?”

“Why are you interested in that?” That was a valid question considering Tomomi’s own question had been completely random. Rina had nothing to do with this and yet Tomomi was bringing her into it.

“I want to know more about you.” Maybe Mami was right. Maybe if Tomomi showed more interest in getting to really know Haruna, then the hidden girl would open up to her. What better way to do that then to start with her best friend? Doing all of this could maybe show her how much Tomomi loved her. She wouldn’t push; she’d just show a bit of curiosity. No harm in that. Haruna let out a soft sigh, falling back down onto the bed. Tomomi was her friend, telling her the story couldn’t hurt. She was feeling bad over her earlier comment; she kind of owed it to Tomomi to tell her something.

“Rina and I met back in grade school. I was really shy back then, I didn’t have any friends. No one liked me, so I got bullied. I guess being so quiet, I made for an easy target. I never tried to fight back. I don’t think I’ll forget the first day I met Rina. She protected me. She was the first and only one to ever try.” Haruna paused her explanation, rolling onto her side, her arms wrapping tightly around her body before she continued. “She started getting bullied too. She became a target just for trying to protect me. If she hadn’t… If I’d just been stronger… None of it would have ever happened.”

“Haruna… I… I don’t know what to say.” It was hard for Tomomi to imagine. Haruna was such a strong and confident person, Tomomi couldn’t imagine her being shy and reserved. To think she had once been so shy and to think she had gone through something like that…. It just wasn’t possible to imagine.

“So I guess that’s how we met. We bonded over being hated by everyone else. Growing up, it was just the two of us. All throughout school, no one wanted to come near us. Everyone always made excuses to stay away. During middle school, I decided to change. Rina needed someone to protect her; we both needed someone to protect us. So I decided it had to be me. Rina is too soft and sweet to fight back; she’d never be able to. Not in the way we needed to fight back. She could use her words all she wanted, but words weren’t enough. If I didn’t change, we’d both just continue getting hurt. So I made people scared of me. I decided to stop being the scared little girl who let everyone push her around and I… I became the bully.”

“So… How did you meet Mami then?” Tomomi wanted to comment on the story she’d just been told, but she didn’t know what to say. What do you say when someone tells you something like that? Haruna laughed softly as she recounted the memory of meeting Mami, that one was a bit of funny tale.

“We met in detention actually. Mami was a class clown; she was always making trouble just to get people to laugh, so she ended up in detention a lot. It was kind of like her second home, she was there nearly every day. I ended up there a lot too; I got into a lot of fights in high school. It was a wonder either of us actually managed to graduate with how much trouble we caused. I guess we were both just in detention so often that we eventually became friends. You know what they say, trouble attracts more trouble.”

Tomomi stayed silent, her hands fiddling with the edges of her hair. So that explained a bit about why Haruna is such a guarded person, but it didn’t explain her negative views towards relationships and love. That’s what she really wanted to know. She wanted to know why the older brunette had such a bad view of love; she wanted to know the real reason Haruna had turned her down. But really, how do you ask someone that question? It’s not as if Tomomi could just come out and outright ask Haruna why she was so scared of falling in love. That’s not exactly an appropriate question to ask people and given the tension in the room, Tomomi was fairly certain that Haruna would get mad at her if she did dare to ask.

“I guess that didn’t satisfy your curiosity, huh?” Tomomi’s attention snapped back to Haruna, the brunette now curled up in a ball on the bed. Tomomi gulped audibly, guess silence really does speak volumes if Haruna was able to deduce that from just her silence without even looking at her.

“I just… Why are you scared of love?” Tomomi wanted to slap herself. Why would she ask that? The question had just came out. That was so stupid of her. But instead of getting mad, Haruna let out a small sigh. She flipped her body back down onto her back, covering her eyes with one of her arms. She was letting Tomomi in too much, but she couldn’t stop herself. She wanted Tomomi to know more about her, telling her all of this just seemed like the right thing to do.

“I watched Rina date a lot of people in the past, all of them hurting her. I can still remember all the nights I stayed with Rina, comforting her when she got her heartbroken. I’ve never seen love work out; it’s always ended with someone getting hurt. It’s always ended with heartbreak.”

“Did you ever fall in love?” Haruna bit her lip hard at the question, her arms wrapping even tighter around her torso. She didn’t know how to answer that. She always maintained the idea that no one ever wanted her. She always told people that she’d never fallen in love and no one had fallen in love with her. But maybe that was a bit of a lie. She could remember one person. One relationship. But she didn’t see it as a real relationship. She was nothing more than a simple bet – an excuse for him to try something new. It wasn’t a lie that no one ever truly loved her romantically, it was just a lie that she’d never been in a relationship.

But she couldn’t tell Tomomi this. She’d promised herself she’d never tell anyone about it again; it was too embarrassing. She’d been so foolish to believe someone could actually love her; she was foolish enough to believe in love when she told herself she never would. Besides, it wasn’t like he mattered anymore. He was long gone. Disappeared in fact. No one knew where he went; everyone just assumed he skipped town. Nothing was ever asked. It wouldn’t do any good telling Tomomi; it would just upset both of them. Some things were just better left unsaid.

The seconds turned to minutes as Tomomi waited for an answer, her eyes glued to the vulnerable girl in front of her. It almost felt weird; Tomomi had never seen the brunette be vulnerable but right now… It was like there was a completely different person was in front of her. As the silence continued, Tomomi decided to push herself off the floor, walking gently and slowly over to Haruna. She sat down on the edge of the bed, seeing the brunette look up as she felt the bed shift. Her eyes immediately diverted away from Tomomi, the brunette not wanting to look at her younger friend. How could she? She was acting so pathetic right now. She hated when she got like this. So vulnerable and exposed. She didn’t want to be that weak ever again, she didn’t want to give people a chance to hurt her again. Everyone depended on her to be the strong one, weakness wasn’t an option.

“Haruna, you don’t have to tell me,” Tomomi cooed softly, reaching out and laying a hand on Haruna’s shoulder. She could see Haruna shift her body away, but Tomomi refused to remove her hand from the older girl’s body. She wanted to make Haruna see that she didn’t have to go through these feelings alone. All of the anger and hurt Tomomi had once felt for Haruna had completely disappeared when she saw how truly soft the brunette could be.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve treated you horribly. All of this is my fault.” Tomomi could’ve sworn she heard Haruna’s voice break, almost like she’d been on the verge of crying. But that couldn’t be true, Haruna never cried. She wouldn’t start now, not over someone like Tomomi.

“Don’t apologize, I’m not mad anymore.” Tomomi could see the older girl start to uncurl herself, pushing her legs out into a laying position again and using her arms to push her torso up. She scooted her body up into a sitting position, grabbing both of Tomomi’s hands when she was settled. The two girls sat side by side, Haruna gripping Tomomi’s hands tightly as their eyes stayed locked.

“There is one person,” Haruna said, speaking for the first time in what felt like forever to Tomomi. Tomomi felt confused for a moment until she remembered the last question she’d asked. Haruna leaned closer to Tomomi but the brunette wouldn’t let her, her hands breaking free from Haruna’s grip and coming up to push Haruna away, holding her a good distance back. Well… Haruna couldn’t say she didn’t deserve that reaction. She fully deserved it.

“You’re not doing this again,” Tomomi murmured. “You’re not playing with me anymore.”

“I’m not playing, Tomomi.” The younger brunette’s hands fell off of Haruna, her eyes blinking blankly as she stared at Haruna. The brunette pushed herself closer to Tomomi again, giving her a soft smile. She was still scared. The feeling was foreign to her; she didn’t know what it is or where it would lead her, but something about Tomomi just felt right.

“Haruna, what are you--” Tomomi felt herself get hushed when Haruna placed a single finger against her lips.

“I don’t know what’s going on or what I’m feeling but you…. The feeling you give me makes me feel different. This feeling you give me…. It just feels right.” Tomomi grabbed Haruna’s wrist, pulling her hand down and lightly kissing the back of it. She’d gotten through the barriers. She was warming Haruna’s heart.

“Give me a chance, Haruna. Just one chance to let me show you how much I love you. If it doesn’t work – if you don’t like it – we can end it. I won’t feel bad about it, we’ll still be friends. One chance is all I’m asking.” Haruna gulped softly, her eyes searching Tomomi’s for any signs of lying. She wanted desperately for her to be telling the truth. The younger brunette pulled Haruna close to her, letting Haruna drop her head onto her chest, her eyes fluttering shut as she listened to Tomomi’s soft heartbeat. “I think what you’re feeling is love; and I want to show you how amazing love can be.” Haruna smiled as Tomomi kissed the top of her head.

“So it is love.”