The Correlation Between Peppermint and Eyeliner
Relapse? (Saying Sorry-HH)
Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I had the hugest wrwiter's block, (which I still have). And a lot of, ahem, distractions have kept me away. Y'know, like first kisses and a skater boy...Anyways. Here you go. Sorry it took so long. I know, you';re probably just like "Screw it all, I don't want to read this whole writer's note, I just wanna read the damn story." So, go. Go. Go. *gives you cookie* <3 Tori
Part 27
Over the next week, it seemed as though Alex had never been happier. She wasn’t paranoid. She wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t just remembering playing. She was playing.
Billie noticed how she was always herself before, but he came to realize that the reason he always felt as if there was something missing was because there was something that was missing. It was her guitar. It’s crazy how someone can be perfectly normal giving up playing, but not for Alex. She had lost her grandfather, and her guitar was the only thing left for her to hang onto him.
Then she sold it, for something that she had lost complete control of. But now, she had it back. And it wasn’t leaving her anytime soon.
Billie frantically looked through desk drawer after drawer. He was looking for a paper of some sort, something that obviously had value. He looked underneath a folder, knocking a few things off of the desktop in the process.
“Billie, slow down!” Alex laughed. “We’ll find it. Don’t worry.” She sorted through some papers that were under the bed.
“But I have to find it.” Billie scratched his head after rummaging the whole contents of his desk. He ran over to the nightstand, and began flipping through the pages of his notebook. He turned around when he saw Alex had gotten up and out of the room.
His foot kicked Alex’s purse during midturn, causing it to fall over and empty out its contents.
He bent down and began pushing her wallet and many tubes of lip-gloss back into the bag. He stopped and stared when he saw something that he knew he shouldn’t have.
A small plastic bag, filled with a substance he immediately recognized.
Cocaine.
He looked at it blankly, a few thoughts going through his mind.
I thought she said she was clean, he thought.
He looked up at the doorway where Alex, still presumably happy and unaware, ran and leaned against the doorframe.
“Billie, I’m gonna run to Wal-Mart for a sec. You need anything?” she asked, not noticing what he was holding in his hands.
What Billie wanted to do was hold it in front of her face and ask her exactly why he found it in her purse, but instead he managed to form words other then that.
“No, I think I’ve got everything.” His voice almost squawked.
“Okay. Be back in a bit.” She said and turned out of the doorway.
Billie sat there holding it in his hands and staring at the doorway, trying to figure it all out.
Billie paced the living room, waiting for Alex to get back from going to the store. He went over how he was going to keep cool, and his confusion-caused anger under control and confront her about it. It was all piling in on his brain. It didn’t seem like she was high lately. There weren’t any signs at all if she was.
The front door creaked and Billie stared deer-in-headlights at the door handle, preparing himself to control.
She opened the door holding a few bags and looked up at him. Her expression went from excited to confusion in a millisecond, probably from noticing Billie standing there straight up, like a father waiting to punish his teenage daughter from disobeying curfew.
“Uh, Billie? Is everything okay?” she asked slowly.
He looked down at his feet, the evil green monster breaking free.
“No, Alex. What the fuck is this?” He yelled and held up the baggy in the air, a foot away from her face.
She dropped the bags carelessly to her sides. She stood there in shock, but guilt poured out slowly.
“Billie, let me-“
“I thought you said you were clean?!” he yelled.
“Just let-“
“And after all of this? You’re still,” he exasperated and angrily ran his hand threw his hair.
“Billie!” she shouted. Tears threatened to fall. He made no eye contact.
She closed her eyes hard, hoping to calm herself down. “Billie…” she whispered angrily.
“What, Alex! How can you possibly fucking explain this?”
She covered her eyes as a tear escaped down her cheek. “I haven’t…” she started.
He slowly looked at her.
“I haven’t used.” She shook her head.
“Then why do you have it?” he cooled down a bit.
“I don’t know!”
She leaned back against the door. “I don’t know.”
He was confused. “Is it, yours?”
She nodded. No more tears were falling, although she sure felt like there were.
He walked over and got inches away from her face. “You haven’t used?”
She shook her head.
“But yet you keep it in your purse?”
She looked at him.
“Alex, that’s dangerous. What are you thinking?”
She sighed. “I just need to remember.” She said quietly.
“Remember what?” He looked at her perplexed.
“I need to remember what it feels like to be that person.” She explained, but it was still hardly understandable. “The person that ruined me.”
”Alex,”
“Me. I need to remember how much I screwed up!”
He got it now. “So you’re punishing yourself?” it hurt him inside to even have those words escape his lips.
She looked down, ashamed.
“But that is such a big burden.” He whispered and put his hands on her shoulders.
She looked up and into his eyes, with hers filled with tears. “I know.” She nodded and choked out tears.
He pulled her close and she cried on his shoulder. “Alex, you have to let it go.”
“I can’t.” she sniffed. “It haunts me.”
They stood there, her trying to calm herself down, him trying to process.
Part 27
Over the next week, it seemed as though Alex had never been happier. She wasn’t paranoid. She wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t just remembering playing. She was playing.
Billie noticed how she was always herself before, but he came to realize that the reason he always felt as if there was something missing was because there was something that was missing. It was her guitar. It’s crazy how someone can be perfectly normal giving up playing, but not for Alex. She had lost her grandfather, and her guitar was the only thing left for her to hang onto him.
Then she sold it, for something that she had lost complete control of. But now, she had it back. And it wasn’t leaving her anytime soon.
Billie frantically looked through desk drawer after drawer. He was looking for a paper of some sort, something that obviously had value. He looked underneath a folder, knocking a few things off of the desktop in the process.
“Billie, slow down!” Alex laughed. “We’ll find it. Don’t worry.” She sorted through some papers that were under the bed.
“But I have to find it.” Billie scratched his head after rummaging the whole contents of his desk. He ran over to the nightstand, and began flipping through the pages of his notebook. He turned around when he saw Alex had gotten up and out of the room.
His foot kicked Alex’s purse during midturn, causing it to fall over and empty out its contents.
He bent down and began pushing her wallet and many tubes of lip-gloss back into the bag. He stopped and stared when he saw something that he knew he shouldn’t have.
A small plastic bag, filled with a substance he immediately recognized.
Cocaine.
He looked at it blankly, a few thoughts going through his mind.
I thought she said she was clean, he thought.
He looked up at the doorway where Alex, still presumably happy and unaware, ran and leaned against the doorframe.
“Billie, I’m gonna run to Wal-Mart for a sec. You need anything?” she asked, not noticing what he was holding in his hands.
What Billie wanted to do was hold it in front of her face and ask her exactly why he found it in her purse, but instead he managed to form words other then that.
“No, I think I’ve got everything.” His voice almost squawked.
“Okay. Be back in a bit.” She said and turned out of the doorway.
Billie sat there holding it in his hands and staring at the doorway, trying to figure it all out.
Billie paced the living room, waiting for Alex to get back from going to the store. He went over how he was going to keep cool, and his confusion-caused anger under control and confront her about it. It was all piling in on his brain. It didn’t seem like she was high lately. There weren’t any signs at all if she was.
The front door creaked and Billie stared deer-in-headlights at the door handle, preparing himself to control.
She opened the door holding a few bags and looked up at him. Her expression went from excited to confusion in a millisecond, probably from noticing Billie standing there straight up, like a father waiting to punish his teenage daughter from disobeying curfew.
“Uh, Billie? Is everything okay?” she asked slowly.
He looked down at his feet, the evil green monster breaking free.
“No, Alex. What the fuck is this?” He yelled and held up the baggy in the air, a foot away from her face.
She dropped the bags carelessly to her sides. She stood there in shock, but guilt poured out slowly.
“Billie, let me-“
“I thought you said you were clean?!” he yelled.
“Just let-“
“And after all of this? You’re still,” he exasperated and angrily ran his hand threw his hair.
“Billie!” she shouted. Tears threatened to fall. He made no eye contact.
She closed her eyes hard, hoping to calm herself down. “Billie…” she whispered angrily.
“What, Alex! How can you possibly fucking explain this?”
She covered her eyes as a tear escaped down her cheek. “I haven’t…” she started.
He slowly looked at her.
“I haven’t used.” She shook her head.
“Then why do you have it?” he cooled down a bit.
“I don’t know!”
She leaned back against the door. “I don’t know.”
He was confused. “Is it, yours?”
She nodded. No more tears were falling, although she sure felt like there were.
He walked over and got inches away from her face. “You haven’t used?”
She shook her head.
“But yet you keep it in your purse?”
She looked at him.
“Alex, that’s dangerous. What are you thinking?”
She sighed. “I just need to remember.” She said quietly.
“Remember what?” He looked at her perplexed.
“I need to remember what it feels like to be that person.” She explained, but it was still hardly understandable. “The person that ruined me.”
”Alex,”
“Me. I need to remember how much I screwed up!”
He got it now. “So you’re punishing yourself?” it hurt him inside to even have those words escape his lips.
She looked down, ashamed.
“But that is such a big burden.” He whispered and put his hands on her shoulders.
She looked up and into his eyes, with hers filled with tears. “I know.” She nodded and choked out tears.
He pulled her close and she cried on his shoulder. “Alex, you have to let it go.”
“I can’t.” she sniffed. “It haunts me.”
They stood there, her trying to calm herself down, him trying to process.