The Sharpest Lives

"Stop," I mumbled, a bit disoriented.

"Miss, we hav-"

"Stop," I repeated. "Stop stop stop," my head rolled from side to side, flinching every time I felt the nurses fingers on my skin. Normally I would sit here, not say a word, and get this over with, but I can't anymore. Needle after needle. Injections after Injections. My arms were torn apart from needle holes from the underside of my elbow all the way down to my wrist, on each arm. How long had it been? Weeks? Months? Of everlasting "therapy" or "treatment".

"Miss, we just have to get the IV in.." the nurse went on.

A list of incoherent mumbles and pleads escaped my mouth weakly as I tried to slide as far as I could from the on coming needle. I can't take it anymore. I can't take another one of those god damned things poking into me. I can't take another look from anyone in here. I can't take the pain or the sickness. I can't take the nurse that's voice makes me cringe. I can't take the bills. And I can't even take the smell of this damn hospital.

But, I especially can't take the feel of myself rotting, withering away from this sickness. This disease.

I've held it together for so long, keeping quiet and pushing through this agonizing process. But, it's catching up to me. All the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or constipation, fevers, chills, damaged skin, need to always be sleeping, and pain.. Oh so much pain. Everything going on inside my body had to be slowly killing me. On top of all this, this morning I found out I will never be able to have kids.. I'm infertile.

And the best part is chemo might not even fully work.

Is this what I get for what happened in Germany?

"Miss!" The nurse called me, but when I felt the cold tip of that needle, I shot up from the chair. I started to hurriedly make my way out of the room, knocking over a metal table as I did, the noise making my head hurt. I wanted to help pick it up, but instead I used it as my way to get out of here.

By the time I pushed my way outside and busted through the door, the bright sunlight was beaming down at my eyes. It only made my head hurt, still being hungover from last night. Ever since my incident in Germany, alcohol has been my only friend. But my drinking is always the worst the nights before my hospital visits, which is a lot. I'm not supposed to, of course, but I don't care. It's become a routine. I drink and drink and drink so I can forget, but end up only forgetting where my bed is. Then I wake up, hangover worse than anything in the world, and drag myself to the hospital only to get jabbed a billion times and told in voices that tried to put off care, but only held 'i have a billion other patients and you reek of alcohol lets hurry this up' that I am slowly just slipping.. getting no better. Then I'd come home again. I'd throw up what seemed to be more times than I can count, both a side effect of my chemo and hangover. Then can you guess what happens next? I drink more. Crash. Throw up more. Repeat.

Maybe I'm trying to subconsciously kill myself.

I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my hoodie.. It's the middle of summer.. I'm always cold now. I sighed and started walking down the sidewalk, heading home. I don't have a car, barely even have a house anymore. Maybe I should work on that.. seeing that if I didn't do chemo anymore, I'd have to sit and wither away somewhere, and either if I do chemo or not, I'm still going to have to walk everywhere, which will soon prove to be impossible.

And the walk home was a lot harder than imagined today. I live in a rugged old part of Georgia, the only place I can afford, my house being basically mostly wooden and cabin-like. I've never been one to want anything more, this suits me, no matter how crappy it is. But, luckily I had my trash bin outside still, because when I walked up a sudden wave a nausea washed over me and I had to run to it, emptying out my stomach inside.

I hate throwing up. And I mean really hate it.

When I emptied everything out, I gagged and spit, leaning up and wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my sweater. My head was now throbbing even more, but when I started to hear loud screams coming from what sounded to be an infant, it got worse. Why? Why did there have to be a baby here now? When my head hurts like no other and I just found out I'll never be able to have one?

I pushed myself away from the trashcan and tried to straighten my posture as I walked to the door, really just wanting to finish my bottle of whiskey.

What have I even become? I'm letting myself rot away to nothing.. Alone and an alcoholic. Fun.

"Acacia!"

I froze, the sound of that voice making my bones grow cold. It sounded so familiar... And that name? Where had I heard that name before? I slowly looked to the side to see if I was hallucinating or not, but when I did I saw a woman that looked fairly real. The woman looked dirty, old, sickly bony, hair all over, teeth yellow, bags under her eyes, red veins weaving around her pupils, and she reeked. I could tell from here that she was a drug addict, but something about her struck me deep down. "Ace," she snarled my name this time and the sound of it made my eyes widen. It was like things buried so deep down inside my brain just pushed through the surface, short flashes of all the days I was locked in a rat infested basement with only a can of food for weeks. All the yelling, all the screaming, and the way she said my name..

"You don't look so good," she eyed me up and down. "Whatever.. It's good to see you again," she smirked. She started backing up without another word, creepily smiling at me as she did, and I just watched her go, my mind boggling around. "Have fun with your sister," was the last thing she said before she started walking off off.

I felt like I had been hit with a freight train, I know her. That was my mom. My birth mother. The one that was arrested when they found me in her basement as a child... She got out. How did she even find me? Why?

My head started to get dizzy and my feet wobbly, the only thing keeping me from passing out is that annoying sound of that infant screaming. Fuck! My eyes widened again and I took off in a run to my door, only a few feet away. The screaming was getting louder as I got closer, but I couldn't narrow it down as I stood on my front porch. I looked around frantically and then tried to listen carefully past my rapid heart beat. I jumped back off my porch and ran down the side of my rickety old house, slowing down when I got to the back. On the grass, loosely wrapped in what looked like a dirty hospital blanket, was a little baby. It was scream crying as it lied on it's back, right in front of my back door.

I was frozen just looking at the infant. My.. My sister?

Anger struck upon me. My mother. The one person who ruined me. The one person I''ve hated with everything in me, never to forgive. And I don't hate many people.. She was here and left me her child... My fists were clenching together so hard I'm sure I drew blood. I wanted to scream, to chase after her and shoot her dead. But, instead I slowly walked towards the baby. I crouched down and scooped it up off the ground, noticing immediately she was a girl.

She was still screaming as I got her situated into my arms, the noise making my head spin as I marched back around to the front of my house. I looked for my mother, to see if she was in sight, to see if I could get to her and.. and.. what? What would I even do? Kill her? Give her back this baby? She probably damaged it already in the short time she had with it, and I'm surprised it doesn't have brain damage from all the drugs she was probably on..

My full body was now quivering with anger, pure hatred.. But, I soon felt something brush against my lower cheek. I looked down and saw the beautiful baby girl had stopped crying, sucking one thumb while the other hand was resting on my cheek. She looked up at me with big blue eyes, and instantly my heart melted.

I had no stable house, job, nor health. No experience and in no way am I ready for this.. But, I'm not putting this baby up for adoption, no way. This was my little sister, and at this moment, I fell in love with this baby. Maybe this was a gift?

I would take care of her through thick and thin. I would finish my chemo, get a better job, and do anything I needed to give her a good life..

I smiled down at the baby, feeling my heart beat for the first time again with love.

I fixed her blanket, which was dirty, but it was bright pink and written in sharpie on it was 'Frankie.'

********(end of flashback)***

1....2....3...

Ace breathed in, trying her best to ignore the smell of decaying flesh and dead bodies. 1....2...3... She counted again, sounding out the panicked cries and words from others, a large amount of fear hovering over her. They were in the middle of the city, at the CDC's front door, that happened to be locked and shutters down. Biter bodies were almost on every inch of the ground around them, making not only her heart, but also her stomach hurt.

But, luckily from what Ace can tell, none of those bodies are little 4 year old girls.

"Walkers!" Daryl called out and Ace snapped her eyes open. She needs to focus. Daryl ran up and took one out with his crossbow, and since Ace was the only able one near him, she pulled out her knife and ran towards the other after getting a nod from Daryl. He wasn't going to have time to reload his crossbow. The sickening crunch of skull cracking and blood splattering rang clearly in her ears and she watched as the body fell. It was wearing an army suit..

She must have been staring at it for too long because a hand clasped around her arm and yanked her back more rough than necessary. Daryl shoved her back with a grunt.
Daryl and Ace regained their spots back in the tight formation, only a moment after he was yelling again. "Less bullets we got!" His voice was raspy and full with anger. Anger being what most of these people portrayed when they were scared.

"He made a call!" Dale added to an angry Daryl.

"Well it's the WRONG DAMN CALL!" His voice was venomous and Ace watched as Shane came up, him yelling and shoving Daryl back. What that was doing for them, Ace doesn't know. But, they're all just freaking out. Shane moved and started pressing Rick, who's face was filled with guilt and fear, but also desperation. Lori was immediately on him as well, not trying to silent her panicking as she gripped onto Carl.

"Fort Benning.." Ace mumbled, still thinking that was their only and best option. Lori and Andrea immediately shot her down, but Shane heard her easily and agreed. "Rick, she's right.. Fort Benning, still an option," Shane, panting lightly pressed on, only to receive negative comments from scared group members. It was already getting darker by the moment, and they had next to no fuel... no food.

And then Ace watched, shock on her face as Rick started to yell and bang at the shutters. Ace didn't know what to do.. She went from standing tense and ready at Dale's side, or near Sophia and having her clutch onto her shirt, or to the outside of the group, next to Daryl's side, trying to work as a team on watching out for the oncoming threats. But, when Rick started going off about how the camera moved, she just watched.

As Shane argued with him and tried to get them all to leave, Ace's face paled. Frankie wasn't here. No ones here.

"YOU'RE KILLING US! PLEASE! YOU'RE KILLING US!" Rick yelled and banged more, causing more people to panic and for Shane to pull him away. The noise was only causing more biters to wander up and more fear to linger over the group.

Lori ran up to help drag Rick back so Ace moved to Carl's side, letting him grip onto her as she started pushing him away lightly, moving fast to the cars. Ace could feel the wetness of his tears on her, which only made her more determined to get him out of here.

A large and loud screeching made them all freeze, though. Those shutters had opened.

Ace frantically spun around, her eyes wide and searching the group, eventually catching Daryl's and watching as his face was lit up from the light escaping from the building. Oh my god the doors opened..

"Get the back!"

Carl ran from Ace's side to his mothers and Ace spun around, this time bringing up her gun and backing up slowly with Daryl at her side, the rest of the group already heading inside. And when Ace backed into the building, she slowly let her gun lower, Daryl and Dale closing the doors.

All was quiet besides Rick calling out, his voice bouncing off the walls of the large building. The sound of a gun cocking in the distance did make Ace tense and grip her gun, but she didn't turn around. She was afraid to. Afraid to find out if Frankie was here or not.. Not wanting to be let down after getting her hopes up.

Rick started talking to the man here, only one man, and trying to convince him to let them all in. Ace let her eyes close, straining her senses in her ears, trying so badly to hear Frankie's voice or soft, small footsteps. Please, let Frankie be here..

"You all submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission," the man said. Ace felt like the blood had been drained from her body. Not a needle.. Not another god damned blood test.. Ever since the years of chemo, she's developed almost a phobia of needles.. Which really sucks for someone who should be getting shots 24/7. "We can do that..." Rick agreed, but couldn't be more wrong. Ace could not do that.

Everybody started rushing outside to the cars to get their stuff before top side locked down, brushing past Ace and giving her odd looks when she didn't move. She felt like she might fall over if she did take a step, just thinking about the needles and the fact that Frankie is most likely not here was making her dizzy. "Here," Shane's voice wasn't harsh anymore to her when he came back, handing her her back pack. She slowly looked up and took the bag from him, giving a thankful nod as she did. He returned her nod, "you alright?" he gave her a pressing look and she hesitated. But after a moment nodded her head vigorously. She didn't need to be weak in front of all these people. "Vi, seal the main entrance," the doctor called out. Vi? So there is someone else here? That means Frankie could be here...

She finally turned around and lagged behind everyone as they started following the Doctor who introduced himself as Jenner. She searched every nook and cranny she walked past with her eyes, trying so desperately to see Frankie. But, when they were led into an elevator, she let her head hang low. She even felt her lungs feel like they were growing tighter as they went underground, where the needles were, and possibly no Frankie.. But, she didn't say anything about it as usual, just followed behind everyone as the exited the elevator, the silent observer.

They were lead into a huge room, filled with computers and electronic devices, but no people. The doctor again called to that Vi person to turn on the lights, which she did, but she was no where to be seen. Rick noticed the same thing. "Where is everybody? The other doctors? The staff?" Frankie?

"I'm it."

It turns out Vi is just another computer.

Ace didn't move forward anymore, letting space become bigger between her and the rest of the group. He's it. This doctor is it.. No Frankie, no other researchers, no survivors... no hope. Just him.

Ace kept her posture strong in front of these people, but yet again the color was draining from her face when they were now led into a small room to get their blood drawn. Ace looked around, trying to see if she could make a run for it, but like the doctor said, everything was locked down..

They all shuffled into this room and Jenner sat at a small table, allowing everybody to come up one by one. Ace stayed by a wall in the back, trying to press so far into the corner that she'd disappear. She was trying to give her self positive, encouraging thoughts. You can do this. You've done it a thousand times before. It's just one needle..

But, as soon as she thought of a needle, she had to gulp to remain strong. She couldn't even count to three to control herself.. She was living in the zombie apocalypse and she was the most afraid of a needle? Coming from a man who was trying to help them?

Eventually everyone went, leaving Ace to go. They were all still in the room, all still looking at her. She stood there for a while, eyes widened and body in a panic. She wanted to scream. But after the awkwardness grew to a maximum in the room, she shakily made her way over to the doctor. She sat down slowly and lifted her arm up, setting it on the table. "Please," she whispered, voice cracking so only the doctor could hear, but he still rolled up her sleeve. He froze when he got it up to her elbow, seeing all the old needle puncture wounds and small holes that got infected or bruised from her last treatment. I'm sure it could look a lot like she was a heroin addict.

Jenner cleared his throat and looked up to the rest of the group. "There is a dining room down the hall," he started. "You all may head there and help yourself to whatever," people all looked at each other when they heard dining, which meant food. "Except you," he looked sternly to Ace. Luckily not everyone noticed and had already started leaving the room, but not Daryl, Shane, or Rick. They slowed their walk, eyeing Ace. Two just wanted to protect the group and know whats going on, but one just wanted to know what was up.

Ace even wanted to know what was up, and when they all left, she turned to look at Jenner. "Now.. you don't look like a heroin addict," Jenner stated, looking down at her arm and letting his fingers run over her old wounds. "M'not," Ace mumbled. "Chemotherapy gone wrong."

"Cancer," he nodded to himself.

"Schwannoma neurofibrosarcoma," Ace informed him. It was a mouthful, but really all it meant was multiple tumors in her spine. When she found out she had cancer, she studied it a lot, trying to really figure it out. But, all that stuck with her was that it was a big pain in the ass with no cure, the name of her type, and that her survival rate is 50/50. "I needed a lot of chemo and a risky surgery to get rid of it.. But, uh..-"

"It's back," he finished for her, already knowing where she was going. She looked down and nodded, and to her luck, he let go of her arm and rolled her sleeve back down. "After you get some food and a shower, meet me down in the computer room," he told her then stood up, offering a hand. She accepted and followed him out. Wait. Did he say shower?

By the time they reached the dining room, laughter could be hear up-roaring from inside. But, the only ones who noticed Ace and Jenner come in where Shane and Daryl, yet again eyeing her. Ace went to a counter separate from the groups dining tables, sitting up on a stool after she grabbed a plate of food. She was listening as they laughed and joked together, enjoying themselves. She was an outsider here, not even a part of this group.

She did look up when more laughter came roaring out, noticing that they had tried to get Carl to drink some wine and he hated it. It made a small smile play at her lips, seeing his disgusted face, but when she looked up, her smile faltered. Daryl was leaning against a table behind them, gun loosely sticking out from the front of his pants, strong arms supporting him, and a bottle of wine teasing near his lips. Ace was taking in his appearance for a while, but had to think hard on how to swallow her food as she looked back down. What the hell? She never was one to overly be attracted to anybody, most people just annoying her to no end. She always saw their personalities first, that being her main concern and most of them not being approved, but she just noticed how attractive Daryl was.. He must have been approved somewhere along the lines of "stupid bitch" or "what? don't tell me ya can't handle your drinks, princess.."

"Stick to soda pop there, bud," Shane said to Carl who was giggling.

"Not you Glenn," Daryl cut in. "Keep drinkin little man, I wana see how red your face can get," Daryl teased, as he got up. He was definitely more social and not as big of a grump when drunk and fed. He walked over to the cupboards that happened to be behind Ace, so she just focused on the plate of food in front of her, savoring every bite while she felt Daryl's eyes burning into her back.

He set down his bottle of wine and switched it for a bottle of southern comfort he just found, but noticed Ace had none. "Thought ya said ya could handle your drinks, Princess," he teased so only she could hear, remembering last night. Ace rolled her eyes. "I can," she stated quietly. "Jus' don't want any."
"T'hell ya talkin about? Drink up," he slid her over his bottle of wine and Ace eyed it. Sure, she had a drink with him last night, but that was small, controlled. If she got drunk now, having this what seemed to be unlimited supply of alcohol, she would get bad again. She didn't want to relieve all those horrid nights and hungover mornings, but seeing and smelling that bottle in front of her was driving her wild.

Just one, small drink..

Ace grabbed the wine and brought it to her lips, taking a satisfying drink. It wasn't as strong as whiskey, but that's fine. She doesn't need any of that. Daryl smirked at her and then over heard Rick giving Jenner cheers and added a "boo-yah!" which made Ace smile lightly. At least these people could make her feel the tinniest bit better after finding out her sister wasn't here.

It wasn't until Shane asked what happened to everyone here at the CDC that all the smiles faded. But, Ace was glad someone brought it up and listened intently. Turns out everyone either ran or killed themselves..

*

"Mommy, I won again!" Sophia laughed as she placed her last set of cards down. Ace smiled lightly as her and Carl high-fived each other. Sophia came down to the room Ace was given here in the CDC and asked if she wanted to play some games with her and Carl. Ace was just about to get into her shower, but she could not say no to that innocent face.

They had already played multiple of the board games here, and then their favorite, go fish. "You're very good. Much better than me," Ace said lowly to both Sophia and Carl, making them smile.

"Hey Sophia, sweetie, I think we should give Ace a break, let her go take her shower," Carol said, looking up from the book she was reading. Carl and Sophia pouted, which made Ace smile, and she was about to say it was fine, but Carol spoke up again. "Anyways, I think it's time for bed soon, huh? Might be able to finally get some sleep, it's a miracle," Carol sat up and Ace gave her a nod before heading out of the rec room after saying goodnight to the kids. She really was looking forward to that shower.

Luckily, there was no mirror in the bathroom attached to her room, she didn't want to see how awful she looked. She could feel it. She could feel her knotty rats nest for hair, her dirty, bruised, and sickly body, the tiredness in her eyes, and the hunch she always had in her back.

She nearly had to peal herself out of her clothes before stepping in the stream of amazingly hot water, making her senses tingle.

Ace made her shower quick, not wanting to use too much of the limited water, but also gave herself enough time to enjoy it and wash off completely. And when she stepped out, completely refreshed, she savored the feeling.

There was a towel and a brush inside the cabinets under the sink, so Ace gladly used them. Once dried off, she grabbed the brush and started dragging it through her hair until it was smooth again. Her hair never was the same after she lost it all from the chemo. It grew back more thin and straight, the color not as prominent either. Most of the time she just tied it back with her bandana or something, but for now she let it hang as she went back out into her room. She pulled out the drawers of her dressers, and smiled when she saw there was a bunch of clean clothes in here, for both men and woman. They were all plain and boring, but thank god she finally found some clean undergarments.

She put on a fresh pair, which surprisingly fit, and then packed the rest in her bag. She shrugged and put on a pair of mens underwear over them, and buttoned up her old flannel shirt back on before spotting the bottle of wine she left in here. She put on a pair of clean socks she found and smiled momentarily. She is so comfortable.

Ace then sighed, walking over to grab the bottle and head out the door. She had a feeling she'd need it for this talk with Jenner... She found her way down to the computer room he showed the group earlier and stopped at the doorway, looking around for someone, only barely spotting Jenner sitting at a computer. "Ace," he acknowledged her, hearing her footsteps. He spun around in his wheely chair and Ace came over, leaning against one of the computers while taking a drink of the wine.

"Please sit," he brought over a chair and Ace hesitated, but sat down, noticing all the papers scattered in front of him. "On a side note from your cancer, I noticed your Heterochromia," he got right to the point.

"What?"

"Heterochromia Iridis.. Your eyes, they are two different colors," he explained, Ace not knowing it had a name. "I thought it was just a birth mutation.." she mumbled.

"In ways yes, it is, but those two colors.." he trailed off, searching her eyes, making her grow a little uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. "I'd say it is more of a disease, then genetics.. Mutation could be a possible term."

"You think it's related?" She mumbled. "..To the cancer?"

"No. I believe it's something else," he seemed to be deep in thought. "It's harmless, nothing to worry about until you're sixty and going blind," he said that so easily, mostly because they both know it would be rare for anyone to live that long, but Ace was still taken aback. "But, anyways, are you sure your cancer is back?"

Ace nodded without hesitation. She could feel it, not only the pain, but the way it made her feel like she was withering away.. It's hard for someone to forget the feeling. Ace took another long drink.

Jenner looked as if he was about to say something, but then glanced upwards, shutting his mouth when he did. Ace followed his line of sight, seeing a big digital clock, counting down to something. She wondered what that was about and why it made him change his mind.. "Get some sleep tonight, I'll look into it."

Ace looked back at him, "thank you." She stood up, letting him get back to whatever he was doing with a bunch of papers in front of him. Ace started walking back, letting her socks slide a little bit, but then stopped, remembering something. "You.. You haven't had any little kids around here?"

"No. I'm sorry," he looked up at her for a moment. Ace nodded, trying to give him a thankful smile, but she quickly turned around, letting her mouth fall agape in sadness. In pain.

She stumbled back to her room, passing by Rick, but not giving him a glance as she downed more of the wine. She wished she had some whiskey now.

And when she got into her room, she just stood there, looking around. She spotted her big, empty bed in the middle of the room. Ace slowly walked over, letting the hand holding the wine bottle dangle down loosely as she looked at it. She let her eyes get lost in the plain white of it. They were here, in the CDC. They were safe, fed, and given the small luxuries they were missing out on, but Ace's heart was broken. Another place her little sister wasn't. Frankie was out there alone, possibly dead or worse, having suffered in fear and pain either way. And the thought of that tore at Ace completely. Frankie should be the one here in safety, not her. She was dying anyways.

Ace took a big breath in, only to have it come back out as a choked sob. She quickly took shaky breaths in to quiet it and brought the bottle up to her mouth, pouring the red liquid down her throat as silent tears rolled down her face..