Status: who knows where we will go...
Can You Save Me Now?
I Always Have.
I couldn't help it, really. She seemed like she wanted an apology, so I gave it to her. And then she acts as if I went and stabbed her in the back. GOD SHE'S SO DIFFICULT! I couldn't hold back the words that spilled out of my lips then, in the car. I had to fight the tears that threatened to spill... it would do me no good for her to see my cry.
That night -- I really didn't speak to her much before -- but that night meant a lot to me. We got paired up that day for an assignment, and I was so happy... I'd finally get to talk to Molly Marie. And then she came to my house drunk, and I freaked out. She didn't notice, most likely, she was too busy venting. But what broke my heart the most was the fact that she may not really even love me anymore. I thought she did, because it felt that way. The way she looked at me when she thought I wouldn't notice, when she was really just the one zoning out made my heart beat inhumanely fast.
I kicked a rock with my shoe, causing it to ricochet and come back to hit my ankle. A quiet curse escaped my mouth, but I kept walking, digging my hands into my pockets.
"Carter!"
Molly's voice pierced the terrible silence that made my head throb.
"Please," she called again, catching my wrist and stopping. "Please, Carter, wait."
I began to jerk my arm away, but stopped, feeling light headed all of the sudden. I was just angry, I knew, nothing was wrong with me physically. I just wanted to feel the satisfaction of letting my anger out somehow, that's all. "...what?"
She fell quiet, and I sighed loudly, lifting my gaze and looking over my shoulder. M & M's eyes locked with mine, and I couldn't look away this time. Her feelings were openly expressed in her gorgeous eyes, crying for help. Crying for me.
"I don't remember that. D-did that all really happen?" She asked in a hushed whisper, making it so that I had to strain to hear her. She tugged on my wrist gently when I didn't answer.
I laughed, but it wasn't my usual laugh. As opposed to its well-known light, warmheartedness, it was bitter. Cold. Angry. "Of course it did. Would I lie about something like that?"
"I don't know..."
"You don't know!" I finally pulled myself away, tossing my fist with full force into the nearest tree, leaving it there. I welcomed the pain that erupted through my knuckles and up to my shoulder. She jumped slightly, and I closed my eyes, reminding myself that she wasn't used to seeing me angry. No one was. "Of course you don't know."
"Carter... I want to know." Hesitantly, I felt her come up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and placing her head against my tense back. "Tell me. Talk to me."
My arms fell to my sides, and I ducked my head. Molly Marie buried her face between my shoulder blades, and I let her, silently reveling in her touch. "I love you, Molly Marie. I always have."
Something that sounded like a squeak of surprise came from her lips, and I turned around, taking her hands in mine and squeezing them gently. I looked at her for a moment, and then my eyes fell, watching my thumbs trace over her knuckles.
"You do?"
I nodded slowly. "But I'm not going to force you into anything, you know that. You know that like the back of your hand even if you don't remember all of the promises I made to you. If you don't love me anymore, I understand--"
She cut me off with a glare, pulling a hand away to slap me straight in the face. My head was turned to the side from the hit, and I kept it there, eyes widening slightly, confused.
That night -- I really didn't speak to her much before -- but that night meant a lot to me. We got paired up that day for an assignment, and I was so happy... I'd finally get to talk to Molly Marie. And then she came to my house drunk, and I freaked out. She didn't notice, most likely, she was too busy venting. But what broke my heart the most was the fact that she may not really even love me anymore. I thought she did, because it felt that way. The way she looked at me when she thought I wouldn't notice, when she was really just the one zoning out made my heart beat inhumanely fast.
I kicked a rock with my shoe, causing it to ricochet and come back to hit my ankle. A quiet curse escaped my mouth, but I kept walking, digging my hands into my pockets.
"Carter!"
Molly's voice pierced the terrible silence that made my head throb.
"Please," she called again, catching my wrist and stopping. "Please, Carter, wait."
I began to jerk my arm away, but stopped, feeling light headed all of the sudden. I was just angry, I knew, nothing was wrong with me physically. I just wanted to feel the satisfaction of letting my anger out somehow, that's all. "...what?"
She fell quiet, and I sighed loudly, lifting my gaze and looking over my shoulder. M & M's eyes locked with mine, and I couldn't look away this time. Her feelings were openly expressed in her gorgeous eyes, crying for help. Crying for me.
"I don't remember that. D-did that all really happen?" She asked in a hushed whisper, making it so that I had to strain to hear her. She tugged on my wrist gently when I didn't answer.
I laughed, but it wasn't my usual laugh. As opposed to its well-known light, warmheartedness, it was bitter. Cold. Angry. "Of course it did. Would I lie about something like that?"
"I don't know..."
"You don't know!" I finally pulled myself away, tossing my fist with full force into the nearest tree, leaving it there. I welcomed the pain that erupted through my knuckles and up to my shoulder. She jumped slightly, and I closed my eyes, reminding myself that she wasn't used to seeing me angry. No one was. "Of course you don't know."
"Carter... I want to know." Hesitantly, I felt her come up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and placing her head against my tense back. "Tell me. Talk to me."
My arms fell to my sides, and I ducked my head. Molly Marie buried her face between my shoulder blades, and I let her, silently reveling in her touch. "I love you, Molly Marie. I always have."
Something that sounded like a squeak of surprise came from her lips, and I turned around, taking her hands in mine and squeezing them gently. I looked at her for a moment, and then my eyes fell, watching my thumbs trace over her knuckles.
"You do?"
I nodded slowly. "But I'm not going to force you into anything, you know that. You know that like the back of your hand even if you don't remember all of the promises I made to you. If you don't love me anymore, I understand--"
She cut me off with a glare, pulling a hand away to slap me straight in the face. My head was turned to the side from the hit, and I kept it there, eyes widening slightly, confused.