Status: who knows where we will go...
Can You Save Me Now?
In One Sense or Another
"She's beautiful," Carson noted thoughtfully, sitting on top of the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen. Molly Marie was sound asleep on the couch, smelling of alcohol and other smells I really wished that I wasn't able to recognize.
I grunted, causing Carson to laugh. "Yeah, I know."
"Calm down man, what did you expect? She was going to a party, not a baby shower or some crap like that."
I wanted to lash out at him, yell and scream and just pour all of my frustration out until I was exhausted. But I didn't. No. Somehow, it was much more satisfying to not respond that way; it felt like my anger was being internally fed by being bottled up.
Molly wakes up with a start, and almost as an instant reaction, Carson jumps to his feet and strides over purposefully to the girl in a sleepy panic. I don't remember a time when I loathed the way someone walked.
"Good morning sleeping beauty," Carson put on his best smile, and I bit back words that could have said a lot.
"Do you know where Carter is? What's going on?" She looks up at me as I walk into the room, and flinches, noticing the look on my face. Good, she knows I'm upset. I wouldn't want her to be ignorant of something so obvious.
Carson shrugs, and I brush past him, walking into Carson's bedroom where I crashed the night before. Well, crashed would be the right word for it. I didn't sleep very much, because I was thinking about the happenings of yesterday so much. I've never been angry at Molly Marie before, but this... this is different.
I hear shifting in the room I just left, and Molly calling out for me to come back and talk about it. I pretend to not hear her and start to clean up the mess that is Carson's bedroom. It was only for the sake of having something to occupy with, to be able to throw the laundry across the room and into the basket instead of something else.
"Carter, look at me."
"Why should I?"
"You're acting like a child."
I spun around, then, hands balled up tightly at my side. "I'm the one acting like a child? You're the one who went and nearly--" I cut myself off, my throat making a subtle choking sound as I try to contain myself. There's no use in blowing up at her.
"Nearly what, Carter, what did I nearly do?"
Oh well. "You nearly got raped! Or were you too drunk to notice that you were butt naked, and that slime was touching you? Did you even notice? Care? I bet you didn't. I bet you KNEW that that creep was going to be there, but went anyway!"
"Well, what does it matter? You didn't seem to care before," Molly remarked, eerily calm when I felt like I was about to boil over. I saw the way her eyes changed slightly, as they always would when she was putting a lot of thought into something.
I throw my hands in the air and turn around, kicking the bedpost with my foot. Pain shoots up my leg, but whatever.
"You know what, fine! Fine." She walked out of the room and suddenly I felt very scared of what she was going to do. The way her shoulders and jaw were set did not mean anything good for me.
"Molly, come back here!"
I ran to catch up with her, only to see her pressing Carson up against the wall, kissing him as if she had something to prove. My entire body felt hot, and I wasn't sure what to do, what to feel.
Molly Marie finally tore away from my friend, who was breathless and confused, staring me down. "So if you didn't care before, you wouldn't care about that. Would you?"
Carson looked between the two of us, and with the quietest of mumbles, retreated, red-faced and guilty, into the kitchen.
I felt myself melt, as if all the tension left my being to leave an empty shell, barely holding itself together. "Of course I cared, Molly Marie. I never stopped."
"Then why are you so angry at me?"
I stopped myself before repeating what I said about her and A.J. earlier, sucking in a sharp breath. "You have no idea how nervous I was for you. I had no idea what you were getting into, and I wasn't sure... what if you overdosed, or -- or did something you regretted? You're hurt enough already, Molly. I don't want you to suffer any more than you already are."
She seemed to lose all of her anger then, just as I had. She stood there, silent, and lowered her head. Sighing, I closed the distance between us and pulled her close, my lips resting carefully on her forehead. "I thought it was obvious. I thought I might have lost you, in one sense or another."
I grunted, causing Carson to laugh. "Yeah, I know."
"Calm down man, what did you expect? She was going to a party, not a baby shower or some crap like that."
I wanted to lash out at him, yell and scream and just pour all of my frustration out until I was exhausted. But I didn't. No. Somehow, it was much more satisfying to not respond that way; it felt like my anger was being internally fed by being bottled up.
Molly wakes up with a start, and almost as an instant reaction, Carson jumps to his feet and strides over purposefully to the girl in a sleepy panic. I don't remember a time when I loathed the way someone walked.
"Good morning sleeping beauty," Carson put on his best smile, and I bit back words that could have said a lot.
"Do you know where Carter is? What's going on?" She looks up at me as I walk into the room, and flinches, noticing the look on my face. Good, she knows I'm upset. I wouldn't want her to be ignorant of something so obvious.
Carson shrugs, and I brush past him, walking into Carson's bedroom where I crashed the night before. Well, crashed would be the right word for it. I didn't sleep very much, because I was thinking about the happenings of yesterday so much. I've never been angry at Molly Marie before, but this... this is different.
I hear shifting in the room I just left, and Molly calling out for me to come back and talk about it. I pretend to not hear her and start to clean up the mess that is Carson's bedroom. It was only for the sake of having something to occupy with, to be able to throw the laundry across the room and into the basket instead of something else.
"Carter, look at me."
"Why should I?"
"You're acting like a child."
I spun around, then, hands balled up tightly at my side. "I'm the one acting like a child? You're the one who went and nearly--" I cut myself off, my throat making a subtle choking sound as I try to contain myself. There's no use in blowing up at her.
"Nearly what, Carter, what did I nearly do?"
Oh well. "You nearly got raped! Or were you too drunk to notice that you were butt naked, and that slime was touching you? Did you even notice? Care? I bet you didn't. I bet you KNEW that that creep was going to be there, but went anyway!"
"Well, what does it matter? You didn't seem to care before," Molly remarked, eerily calm when I felt like I was about to boil over. I saw the way her eyes changed slightly, as they always would when she was putting a lot of thought into something.
I throw my hands in the air and turn around, kicking the bedpost with my foot. Pain shoots up my leg, but whatever.
"You know what, fine! Fine." She walked out of the room and suddenly I felt very scared of what she was going to do. The way her shoulders and jaw were set did not mean anything good for me.
"Molly, come back here!"
I ran to catch up with her, only to see her pressing Carson up against the wall, kissing him as if she had something to prove. My entire body felt hot, and I wasn't sure what to do, what to feel.
Molly Marie finally tore away from my friend, who was breathless and confused, staring me down. "So if you didn't care before, you wouldn't care about that. Would you?"
Carson looked between the two of us, and with the quietest of mumbles, retreated, red-faced and guilty, into the kitchen.
I felt myself melt, as if all the tension left my being to leave an empty shell, barely holding itself together. "Of course I cared, Molly Marie. I never stopped."
"Then why are you so angry at me?"
I stopped myself before repeating what I said about her and A.J. earlier, sucking in a sharp breath. "You have no idea how nervous I was for you. I had no idea what you were getting into, and I wasn't sure... what if you overdosed, or -- or did something you regretted? You're hurt enough already, Molly. I don't want you to suffer any more than you already are."
She seemed to lose all of her anger then, just as I had. She stood there, silent, and lowered her head. Sighing, I closed the distance between us and pulled her close, my lips resting carefully on her forehead. "I thought it was obvious. I thought I might have lost you, in one sense or another."