Excerpt

August 18, 2012 3:25 am

I covered my eyes.

As if I was a kid thinking that if I couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see me. But even as I did, trying to drown out his crazy, idiotic ranting, he’s all I could think about. It’s quite annoying.

“Are you even listening?!” He yells.
Without looking at him I shake my head no and remain silent.
I could tell this wasn’t going to be one of those fights where if I just nod and say I was sorry it would be over. No. This is going to go on all night if I let it.

“But you’d rather listen to that asshole right?”
I peak at him through my fingers. He’s standing in the middle of his living room with one hand on his hip, pointing to an imaginary, Tom.

I nod from my place on his couch. I didn't even get my purse off before he came in yelling at me.

“When you act like this, yes. I’d much rather be talking to someone who listens to what I say and not just pick out every other goddamn word and claim the most ridiculous shit”

“When I act like what Mia?! What do you expect? You stroll in here at 3 in the morning, after you’ve been out all night getting drunk with some other guy!”

“It wasn’t just he and I! There were other people there, he just walked me home”

“Oh yea because that’s how it always starts with you, isn’t it?” he asks cynically. I know where that jab comes from and I decide to tolerate it no longer.

“I’m not having this conversation with you again”
I stand up and storm off to the kitchen. He of course follows right behind me. As I fill a cup with water from the sink he says.

“Why can’t we have this conversation? If there’s nothing going on then you should have no problem reassuring me of that”

“No…It’s not about reassuring you anymore” I spit back pointing at him, dropping the untouched cup into the sink. “It’s like a witch hunt with you now. Everything I do, everything I say, you assume I’m either fucking someone else or thinking about it”

“Because you say shit that leads me to no other conclusion Mia! How would you feel if I told you I fell asleep in some other woman’s fucking bed? Or-“

“That wasn’t-“ He holds out a hand as if to stop me from speaking.

“Or! If I fucking went to the same woman’s house alone in the middle of the night!”

“First off I told you it wasn’t like that! It was a party, I was really fucked up and he let me sleep in his bed. Nothing happened! You’re just looking for a fight!”

I grip the edge of the counter now trying to keep my cool. I hate fighting of any kind with anyone. So to imagine that I have the same fight with someone I love over and over again is fucking torture.

“I’m not; I just want you to be honest with me! Just tell me if you’re cheating on me.”

“Oh my goooood” I groan smacking my forehead with my palm before sliding it down over my glasses. After a few long breaths I calm my nerves as best as I could and reply.

“Fine. You want me to be honest? He is my friend. I am not fucking him nor have I ever fucked him. I do not have intentions on fucking him and I don’t think about fucking him. Is that better?”

He just stares at me with this betrayed look on his face. As If these weren’t things he constantly questioned, even if he’s never actually said them out loud.

“Did I cover all my bases? Are there any loopholes you’d like for me to tie up Christopher because this shit is getting old”

But low and behold as he always done with no acknowledgment of anything I’ve just said he says with a stoic expression.

“You never answered me, how would you feel-“

“Oh my fucking god” I grunt leaning my head back on the kitchen cabinet.

“If I did the same things you do. And it’s not even like you do them and apologize when I say I have a problem with it”

“Because I’ve done nothing to apologize for!”

“You just do it and when I say something you call me crazy and get pissed at me” he says gesturing from me to him.

I sigh a shaky breath and feel the telltale sign of tears in the back of my throat.

“I gave you honesty. What more do you want? Because if you’re looking for an apology you will never get one, if I truly believe what I’ve done is wrong then I will”
I say digging my index finger in my chest

“You’re so fucking inconsiderate” he sighs shaking his head looking away from me his hands now gripping his waist.

“I’m inconsiderate?!”

“Yes you are, because if I did the same thing and you came to me and said, baby, I don’t like you hanging out with that girl, or baby I’m not comfortable with it then you know what I’d do?”

“What baby? What would you do?” I ask sarcastically tilting my head to the side with my arms crossed over my chest.

“I’d be considerate of your feelings and I’d never see her again, simple as that” he shrugs.

“No it’s not that simple! I have male friends. I’m not going to stop seeing them because you feel uncomfortable; I’ve never asked you to stop talking to Sinclair!”

I hate that bitch and her fucking stupid name. She’s a passive aggressive asshole that hates the fact that Chris chose, a little ghetto girl, over her. Even though as he says there was never any competition.

“That’s irrelevant, she knows I love you”

“And he knows I love you!”

He shrugs, “That doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t just want to be friends with you”

“Even if that were true, it wouldn’t matter. How many times do I have to say I love you, I don’t want anyone else but you?”
He doesn’t say anything.

We stand in silence for almost two minutes, him gazing at the floor and me at him. We’re in a stalemate. That is until he thinks up another question that I’m not supposed to get upset about, but we end up fighting over anyway. Before this can happen and when I become too tired to stand, I walk out of the kitchen, brushing past him as I did.

“Mia” he croaks looking after me.

But I ignore him and continue on to his bedroom. The bed is still made from earlier, which I don’t find surprising at all.

As I kick off my shoes and throw off my dress, leaving my underwear and bra on I climb into his bed. I keep my back to him when he follows me in. Though the windows are open letting in a breeze I don’t bother covering myself. With my eyes closed I listen as he walks over and gets in the bed beside me.

“Mia” he calls me again.

“I’m tired. We can argue some more over breakfast” I sigh dejectedly. If I hadn't been so tired I'd have gone home.

“No, I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I’m sorry” he sounds genuinely regretful, but I’m still pissed at him.
I simply nod. This is nothing new.

“I mean it”

He puts his hand on my bare waist and tries to turn me on my back. I scoot away.

“Not now Chris, I’m tired”

He sighs and kisses my shoulder.
“Please, I’m sorry baby”

I don’t know why but the moment he says it tears pour from my eyes, one by one down into the pillow. He succeeds in turning me this time, but I refuse to look him in the eyes as I wipe the tears away beneath my glasses.

“Oh, Mia” he gasps upon seeing my tears.

I shake my head, “I’m fine”

“No, no, no, don't say that…I didn’t mean to make you cry” he moves so he’s housing me. His left arm rested beside my right shoulder as he leans close to kiss my unresponsive lips. He brushes his right hand over my hair and rubs my scalp.

“I’m so sorry” he mewls softly, wrapping his arms around me and lifting us both up so he could hug me.

I don’t hug him back but focus on trying to stop the tears for my own sake. I hate crying in front of people.

He cradles me and kisses my shoulder and neck.

“I don’t mean to be this way, I can’t help it”

“Chris we’ll talk about it later, I promise. I’m so tired” I sigh truthfully.

“Okay” he replies letting me go.
I lie on my back and hold up my arms for him to lay with me the way he does.

He wraps his arms around my waist and as he rests his head on my chest says.

“I love you so much Mia, I’ll do better. I swear”

The tears finally stop but I sniffle a little as my fingers work through his hair.

“You say that, but you never show it” I mumble.

“I know, I know, I’ll try harder.”

I don’t say anything but sniffle again and sigh.

“You love me still?” He looks up at me and scoots a bit higher.

“Always will”

He smiles and kisses me chastely before moving beside me and pulling me close to his chest. His arm still wrapped around my waist.

“You believe me?” he asks as he rubs circles into my hip. “About changing I mean”

I put my hand atop his and lace my fingers through his.

“Yea” I lie.