Sleepyhead

Early morning sunlight peeked in from behind the curtains, falling upon her eyes in a painful burst of light. Eyelids squeezed tight and she slowly turned her back on the unwelcome brightness.

She wanted it dark. She didn’t want to see anything. She wanted to forget the world and she hoped the world would forget her.

Unshed tears burned behind her closed eyelids and she sucked in breath through her nose. She only wanted to forget… but she could still see those unseeing eyes staring at nothing, vacant and lifeless. It was her fault. All her fault.

She had fucked up this time. There was no fixing this. Death couldn’t be fixed.

She wished she couldn’t remember, wished she couldn’t still see his lifeless form behind closed eyes. She had loved him… still loved him.

She let out a sob as her stomach churned and hopped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom in time to empty her stomach. The acid burned her throat as the tears flowed freely now. She dry heaved a few times over the toilet before falling back onto the floor to lean against the wall behind her.

She continued to cry, breathing heavy and head dizzy as she tried to gain some semblance of control. She wasn’t sure how long she was there for, but as her tears slowed she remembered the bottle of sleeping pills her mom kept in the medicine cabinet.

She wanted to sleep; she wanted to forget.

She was back in her bed, eyelids heavy over her burning eyes. She was so tired, her head a great weight upon her pillow. She could see him beside her on the bed, smiling at her, life back in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. She saw his smile grow as her eyes began to shut. She felt her own lips curve upwards. “I can’t wait to see you.”

So very tired. She was heading towards sleep, towards forgetting.

Going, going, gone.