A Million Reasons

It has been a week since the whole coffee shop breakdown and it has been, give or take a little awkward. I still see all the guys just about everyday, but John is not-so-subtly avoiding me.

I sit up in bed and stretch ever so much like a cat and throw the blankets off as I stand up to walk down stairs. I grab a mug from the cabinet and fill it with steaming coffee.

"Hello?" I hear a familiar voice call out.
"I don't think Jared's home right now."
John walks into the kitchen, "Oh okay." He says and turns to leave.
"Wait," He turns around "He should be home soon anyways, you could uh just stay here." He nods and sits down beside me.
"Would you like some coffee?" I question.
"Sure." I stand up and fill a mug with coffee and set it down in front of him, as if a peace offering.

After an awkward silence, I finally blurt, "Why have you been avoiding me?" I instantly regretted saying it, but I couldn't figure out what else to say.
He turns to me, "I-I haven't, what are you-"
"John." I say and give him a 'stop giving me bullshit' look.
He looked defeated, "I don't know, I just I wasn't sure what else to do."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Well you see, Lauren and I got back together." My heart sunk a little when I heard that, but I tried to hide it as much as I could.
"Okay?" I said
"Well, I thought- I don't know."
"What don't you know John?" I tried not to laugh at how nervous he was acting.
"I-I don't know Macy."
I laughed a little, "Well can we be friends again?"
He looked relieved, "Yeah, as long as you don't pull something like that." He chuckled.
"Deal," I said "So-"
"Macy!"
"In the kitchen." Jared walked in, holding a few bags and lots of alcohol. "Starting early?" I said.
"Ha ha," He said whilst setting the bags down on the counter. "No, the guys are coming over later." I nodded.
"And your mom called." I sighed loudly. "You're going to have to face her sooner or later."
"I know, I know I was just hoping for later." I stood and started walking towards my room.

I grabbed my phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?" I heard her worn-out voice answer.
"Hi Mom, it's me."
"Oh my god Macy. Where have you been, I've been calling all over the place."
"Mom, I'm fine, I'm at Jared's, I just wanted to get away for a while. Besides, I could be asking you the same thing."
"Don't talk to me like that, you know I have to work."
"Yeah, but you could at least pick up your phone so I know you aren't dead."
"Macy, I've been busy."
"Too busy for your own child." I muttered.
"Macy," She warned.
"Mom what do you want me to say, I was living by myself, and I had no idea even where my mother was. I had no one but myself, so I asked Jared if I could stay with him for a while, it's not a big deal. He's been more of a parent then you ever have been." I instantly felt guilty.
There was a short silence, making me think that she had hung up before I heard her steady breathing.
"Macy, I didn't know you felt that way."
"Well Mom, now you do." I felt warm tears falling down my cheeks.
"I-I don't know what to say."
"Nothing Mom, it's over with, there isn't anything you can do about it now."
"Honey," She sounded all too fake. I heard mumbling in the back ground, "I have to go, but remember that I love you." Before I could say anything, she was gone.

I kept crying, not caring that I probably looked like a total fool in that moment. I heard a faint knock on my door, before vigorously rubbing my eyes, and mumbling "Come in."

It was John. Of course. "We're going over to Garrett's-" He said as he walked further into the room. "Macy, what's the matter?"

"Nothing." I said smiling. It must not have worked though, because John gave me the same look, saying, "Macy, I'm not stupid. Tell me what's the matter."

"It's just my Mom." He gave me a 'go on' gesture. "And I don't know, she's never here, and then she pretends to care, and pretends that I matter and I just couldn't handle it, I miss it when she used to be home all the time, and used to do my homework with me and used to actually love me and ." I rambled, wiping the tears from my eyes.

John leaned over and hugged me tightly, surprising me a little.

When he pulled away he said, "Are you okay now?"
I laughed a little, "Yeah. I think so."
"Okay." He said and started towards the door.
"Wait," I said, and he turned around. "Thanks John, really."
"No problem."

_________________________________

We all sat in the small living room of Jared's house with all of his friends there, each drinking from a plastic red cup. Most of them were passed out by now, but a few of them were still mildly awake. John sat on the opposite side of the room, with his gorgeous eyes glued to his screen. I sighed and stood up, walking to the kitchen. I hated being the only one who wasn't allowed to drink while everyone else had fun. I grabbed a cup and filled it half way with some form of alcohol.

"You know you are only 18 right?" I heard a voice behind me, making me jump.
"I forgot actually, but what is a little bit going to do to me?"
"Nothing." John said matter-of-factly.
"Well then," I said before I took a big, confident swig. I swallowed the bitter liquid, before shuttering and coughing a little. John laughed at me. I glared and set the cup down.

"So why aren't you drunk yet?" I asked whilst pouring myself a glass of water.
"Because I have to go home tonight."
"And why is that?"
He hesitated, "Because Lauren's coming over."
"Oh okay." I said walking towards the basement. "Do you want to watch a movie before you leave?"
"Yeah, sure."

After a lengthy decision, we watched a boring romance movie.

I yawned and could feel myself drifting off, but I tried to stay awake. Not long after, I gave up and fell asleep.

__________________________________

I woke up to guys mumbling upstairs and the annoying menu on the movie replaying before getting up and walking into the living room seeing all the guys popping aspirin into their mouths and holding their heads as if it was going to fall of their shoulders. I laughed lightly at the sight and a few of the guys raised their heads to glare at me. I ran upstairs to grab my camera and took a shot of the moment.

Everyone was just lying around, and I felt like some fresh air, so I grabbed my camera and my book and went for a walk. I walked and I walked until I found an abandoned park where I sat under a large tree and read until it got dark. I continued walking, not paying attention to where I was going, and I soon realized that I had no idea of where I was. I sighed and tried to backtrack with no luck. I pulled out my phone, and dialed.

"Macy?" I heard a groggily voice answer. "What's the matter?"
"John, I'm sorry. I didn't think. Never mind, I'll be fine."
"Macy. It's fine. What's wrong."
"I'm kind of lost." I said feeling embarrassed.
"Do you know what street you're on?"
I looked around until I found a tall sign. I squinted and it read 'Warner Road'
"Uh, Warner Road?"
I heard keys jingling, "Okay, hold on, I'll be right there." I hung up and sat on the sidewalk, cuddling my arms around myself until I saw bright headlights. The truck came to a stop in front of me and I sat down, quickly shutting my door.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing. I lost track of-"
"Macy. Calm down. It's okay."
"Okay. Thank you." He nodded. We eventually pulled up to an unfamiliar house.
"Where are we?"
"My house." I gave him a questioning look. He shrugged, "Just call him in the morning, he's probably sleeping anyways."
I followed him up the stairs and into the entryway.
He led me into a bedroom, "You can sleep in here, I'll sleep on the couch."
"John, you can sleep in here too, it's not like we haven't done it before." I said as I sat down on one side of the bed. He gave up and lied down on the opposite side.

"Good night John." I said but only got a soft snoring back in response.