The Dead Can't Testify

Hopeful hell, partly abandoned by the selfish acts completed only to help satisfy my cravings. Masses of what appear to be vomit and lesser known judgement seen only by the wise words of my story teller, for I am something far greater than humanity. Later and later the sky seems to fade darker and yet I’m still faced with the burden of undergoing treatment for the so-call illnesses I never have had, yet I’m told I’ve always possessed. One blast of cool, sweet liquid is all I need and I’m done. My body healthy and happy, just how nature intended it to be. But alas, this world is too cruel and far too naive to understand my kind. It always has been.

The isolation in which I feel is comparable to a cocooned caterpillar. But, unlike the insect in question, I’m forever doomed to stay inside my shell, never truly being able to break out into something beautiful. Something far more appealing than my current state of being.

I made a deal, you see. Death blessed me with the undeniable choice of whether to live or to die. A desperate man on his death bed, barely 24. I’d been a butler to the Lord Lawson for years and I vowed to forever protect them. I couldn’t let life slip away so easily, so I complied. And with my word I was transformed into this. This.. creature.

Life and death was taken from me. My only other option was this never ending purgatory of sorrow. I was sure that this deal would have made me happy. You see, I always cherished my life. I may not have had much for most of it but when I grew older I found a purpose. I'd always been an affectionate person, my love unconditional and outstanding. So, naturally, when I was offered a job at Lord Lawsons manor it felt a though I had found something quite special. Something worth living for and thus, I was happy. I never wanted anything else.. until that night.

Not only had my body changed, but so had my heart. My soul and my personality was corrupted. I no longer felt the love I had always felt. Suddenly, I was as cold as the dead as empty organs inside of me. I felt nothing but hunger and, as it turned out, lust. When I wasn't craving what I needed to survive, I was craving almost the opposite. Life and death perfectly displayed in the two things I could actually feel. I suppose I could appreciate the irony.

Since it was local news that I had fallen ill, I was away from my job for a month or so. Of course, I was still living in the manor and attempted many times to do my job, mistress Lawson insisted that I stayed in bed and got some rest. She said it was so when I returned I wouldn't fall sick as quickly but she was kind and I'm almost certain she knew I was really okay,

When I did eventually return back to my duties, things were so obviously different. For months I had been distant and their son, Jesse, had noticed. He and I were the best of companions back then. He never treated me as staff, well only his father really treated me as their butler but that was fine. It was who I was at that point and I was happy, life was great.. until I died. Either way, Jesse had noticed my change in behaviour. He started questioning me, asking me if I was eating and if I was sick to tell him immediately. Apparently my skin had gotten increasingly paler and I had becoming slightly slower with my orders and although I was no longer human, I wished to appear so for a long as possible so I apologised profoundly but he dismissed it with a smile. He was so very kind and extremely thoughtful for the son of a Lord. I’d heard many horror stories about how abusive these households could be but luckily for me I was hired at a young age and kept there. It was a lovely place and my masters were kind. They gave me a wonderful life and for I was forever grateful

But I no longer had that privilege. I was cleaning the banisters one day and it suddenly dawned on me that I’d lost so much. That this decision meant giving up so much. Of course I would have eventually died.. but was living really worth it when you were on borrowed time? So many disorientated thoughts paced throughout my mind. I’d never see the blood rise in my cheeks after Madame Lawson complimented my tie or feel the quickening of my heartbeat after running ever again. I could never fall sick again or feel any pain at all, though to anyone else that would be wonderful, to me it distanced me further. All of the thoughts were terrifying. It paralysed me briefly and I pondered the thoughts for days. If I was no longer breathing.. then did I still posses the powers of humanity? For the next couple of months I was faced with that very problem.

After a while I’d found that regular food wasn’t satisfying me any longer and my craving for raw meat started to grow. No one ever warned me of such effects and I found myself starved and weakening. I knew full well what I wanted but I couldn’t do it, no matter how much I wished. I couldn’t.. could I?

Well apparently I could, because my lust towards Jesse broke down my self control.

It started off with small touches, flirty glances and secret smiles. Completely inappropriate but with my newly gained personality it didn’t seem all that strange. But, to my surprise, after a while he began returning the favour and that was when I knew I had him. By then my idea of morals had died. I was slowly losing my grip on what it really means to be human. How to feel regret and sadness.. all I knew was that I needed what I craved and nothing could stop me. So, when I found myself locked in a room with the young master undressing me, I felt my eyes wander. Not only to the pale flesh (though not quite as light as my own) that stretched over his collar bones but to his neck. The blue and purple underlines of his wrists and now, his manhood. It was almost like a devilish kink, though this one finished too quickly and ended in complete demise. What was left of my humanity felt for him, he didn’t deserve this. Death so untimely simply so another could live.. The least I could do was to give him the best orgasm of his life.

Life.. oh how funny. It was the one thing I craved most over everything. Pure, uninterrupted life until my natural clock had stopped but no, it seems like nothing is ever that easy. After Jesse’s passing, Madame Lawson found his body. Obviously I was blamed. Of course I was the reason, but even so. I was cast out. I suppose, after all, nothing good ever lasts long.

That was definitely true considering what happened next.

Back then I had a mother, a father and even a younger female sibling and even though I had resided at the Lawson manor from ages 16 until 24, I still kept in touch. I wouldn’t say we were close, but we were relatively happy.

Once the town had heard about what had happened at Lawson manor, I was deemed cursed by the devil. An outcast. I had no choice other than to return home after the whole ordeal but the authorities back then made them home bound me. Shamed in the worst possible ways.. my own mother spitting in my face. I was basically a prisoner in my own home, and well, I was treated as harshly as one too. As sickly as an animal. My father showed no mercy as he snatched me away and hid me in the cellar. I was bound and gagged, beaten everyday. My mother too much of a coward to free me and my sister uninterested in my existence.

That carried on for weeks. I was getting progressively weaker so it was harder for me to break free. The beatings never stopped and the torture.. unimaginable. I grew cold, angry as one would but even more so, irritated. After a while I didn’t feel the blows I received and concentrated more so on freeing my hands from the rope they’d been bound in. Luckily for me, it eventually wore and my father never saw me coming. I had to do unthinkable things to regain my strength. That bastard would leave me days on end in isolation so I feasted on the revolting blood of rats. I endured it all, and it made me stronger. I had to be to overthrow him eventually.

I bided my time and once he decided to come back for more, I was ready. It all happened so fast that it's almost comical. Sometimes he’d bring my mother and sister down to see what kind of monster I'd become, thought I’d never give them the satisfaction of knowing. I played innocent and I could see it hurt my mother. She so carelessly believed everything, as she should but I was her child! I didn’t care, she did this to me. And on this particular occasion, he bought the family down so I was able to get it all over with quickly.

It was rather ironic. I remember not their names since time had washed away most memories. I think I chose not to remember after what they did to me. I still had the vague memories of that night but not much else. I do, however, remember the noise of which the drumming of their bodies fell out of time. The feel of soft flesh piercing over both my gaze and my bones. The taste and feel of their natural juices flowing freely down my throat as I made use of what they had left. I couldn’t leave them like that. Some may call me selfish, a brat. But over all, I beg to differ. I couldn’t let them live on while I was locked away and suffered. I wasn't to blame and I wasn't an animal. I was simply better than them and they chose to defy me in the worst possible way.

I did only what was necessary to get by, I had to do it. It was for their best interest anyway. You see, never had agreed with my parents choice of income anyway. That was the precise reason as to why I became at servant. I wanted a pure job, one of which I wouldn’t have to be paid for my body. What shocked me most when my darling sister expressed interest in my mothers field of expertise. I let it go for years since myself and my sister never got on all that well anyway. But that night brought out the worse in me. The bitterness and resentment I felt.. Spare not two harlots and my whoremonger father, they’d be better off dead. I never was too fond of prostitutes anyway.

Once I had fled, with much deliberation, I decided that a normal life was no longer necessary for me. I craved the adrenalin of the hunt, the kill and the slaughter. It was strange how much my personality had altered. Before, back when I still depended on my lungs, the thought of ever harming a fly made my insides squirm. I never ate anything with a pulse.. But now I had this virus and it needed to be treated. I was going to do this. Fuck everyone and everything else.

Through history I stayed. I’d learned a long time ago that my saving grace was nothing more than a trick from the devil and over time I came to accept that. I was no longer the man I once was and to even refer to me as such could only be seen as comedic. I became a parasite, a menace that benefited no one. Still, I learned my place. Hiding in plane view was the easiest way to blend in. Nobody was looking for someone who was always there, lurking in the darkness and yet passing you on the street everyday.

I moved around a lot in my time so people never suspected my age and soon, found myself entering into the 21st century.

It was an odd time to live in. Throughout my life I’d seen many advances in technology and even in language but never had I witnessed things grow so rapidly. We have devices now in which you can talk to people over the other side of the world. Machines used to access information in seconds and the means to be able to capture ones image and listen to yourself talk. It even has colour.

Personally, I believe I adapted well with all the change I had to endure over time. Moving around and only striking in darkness helped disguise my crimes and being immortal helped dodge all the DNA investigations. Not that I’d ever make the mistake of leaving any trace of me anywhere anyway. I wasn’t stupid. However, during Autumn of 2003 I moved to San Diago in America as my stay in London had been short lived. A woman had witnessed one of my acts and I had to flee immediately. I stowed away in the luggage room on plane and ended up here. It was hot, that was the first thing I noticed. I’d never lived anywhere quite like this but it wasn’t like I was incapable. It wasn’t as if the sunlight rumour was true, after all. In fact, back in the days of my youth I enjoyed the sun immensely. It’s a wonder why I never considered a hot country before.

I slept on the streets for a while, just to get a taste of the life I was about to endure. I had enough money to pay for a house but I suppose I enjoy tempting fate. After a while I eventually settled in a slightly run down part of town. At night gangs of youths would plague the street and everyday it served me much amusement. It was hilarious that they believed that they could possibly be the dangerous ones. Their knifes would barely graze me if they ever attacked and I’m sure their frail, bony bodies would snap as easily as a twig. They were nothing. Why people were so terrified of their stupid little clubs honestly baffled me. Though, I suppose not everyone has the capacity that I had.

For years nothing interesting happened. I was just another guy that so happened to be particularly reclusive. I was never bothered and I never bothered anyone beyond what I needed. My bitterness and anger had slowly evaporated over the years. I wasn't as blood thirsty as I once was so now I was pretty calm, only taking what I needed. In fact, I even decided to indulge in modern technology for once. I bought a computer and a TV, my love for entertainment returning. I never realized how wondeful TV shows could be. So that was my life for a while. I watched TV and existed. Sometimes I'd take walks at night and go to a club to pick up willing participants.. I know I'm attractive and sometimes you have to indulge your, ahem, physical urges.

Even so, I was bored. My existence was supposed to be never ending and exciting, yet it felt as though I had hit a wall. Nothing peeked my interest and as a result I became lazier. I needed something to spark my interest once again but the problem was, I had absolutely no idea what.

And then, then I met Victor.

It was during one of my walks that I saw him. He was standing at the bridge over looking the ocean. His legs thrown over the banister and he was shaking slightly. I couldn't blame him, the drop was tremendous. He didn’t look very safe and even though human interaction wasn’t my strongest point anymore, I still felt a protective sense of urgency to warn him of the dangers ahead.

“What are you doing child? Get away from there, you’ll fall to your death.” I shouted, my voice a little hoarse. It’d been a few weeks since I needed to actually speak and apart from that, I tended to stay quite. I never needed to talk when I was alone.

The boy turned to look at me as soon as the words left my lips. I was a still quite a bit away but the moon, along with my heightened senses, illuminated him and I could have sworn I felt my unbeating heart shatter. Sometimes, durig exceptionally emotionally stressful situations, I could feel human again, if only for a second. This was once of those cases because the boy in question was so small but looking at his face made a horrible wave of sympathy wash through me. He was breathtaking. His skin lightly toasted and bronzed, his hair fell in soft curls around his face. His lips were full and plump, perfectly kissable and oh so desirable. His eyes, however, were somehow completely darkened. Even still, the boy was an object of absolute lust. What on was he doing standing at a bridge? Surely he wasn't that stupid?

“That’s the point.” he called back a moment later, his voice cracking as the words spilled out of his lips. I frowned, taking a few steps closer to the boy.

“What?” I questioned dumbfounded, this being a situation I’d never found myself in before, “You cannot possibly mean that?” my tone was questioning but I meant it as a statement. Why would this wondrous creature want to do such a thing. I'd taken notice of social norms and he was definitely this centuries idea of handsome. Even so he continued to look at sea in front of him and I found myself feeling conflicted. He was trying to kill himself, wasn’t he? Oh my, today's youth was rather stupid.

“I do. Mean that, I mean. I do mean it.” he stuttered out. I cocked an eyebrow in further confusion.

“But why? Young sir, if I should be so bold as to say-”

“Who even are you? I'm guessing you're not from around here” he interrupted and it had just occurred to me that my vocabulary was slipping back into how I was accustomed. Back to when I was still a butler. The thought made me stiffen and I cleared my throat quickly, trying to think up a suitable answer. Technically I wasn’t, but..

“You’d be surprised.” I settled with and he nodded once. I took that as an incentive to move closer towards him. I got almost half way to his small figure when his head shot up quickly.

“Stop. Stay exactly where you are.” He spoke quietly but the sternness in his voice was apparent. If I wasn’t the man I was today I might have found it intimidating. No human was going to give me orders but even so I considered the given the situation and promptly stopped, letting it go.

“Are you really going to do what I think you are?” I asked bordly. Usually I wouldn't care about silly humans but his stupidity drew me in invoked emotion from me for the first time in years. I couldn't let the opportunity pass me.
He hesitated for a moment and sighed, nodding towards the ground once more and I took the opportunity to get nearer. He didn’t seem to notice, so I kept making my way closer until he spoke again.

“Well, I was trying to, yeah.” I was only a few feet away from him now. Frowning, I continued.

“But.. why?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” He muttered out and I almost scoffed at his stubbornness. Were teens these days really as stereotypical as the media made them? According to this boy, the answer was indeed yes.

“But you have your whole life ahead of you! You’re so young, surely-”

“You wouldn’t understand!” he yelled, this time turning towards me as I stood right next to him. For a moment he looked shocked that I was so close without him noticing and then I realized that this was the first time I had met his gaze. Despite his other traits that made him physically irresistible, his eyes were truly a sigh to see. They were wide and glossy. The most innocent pair.. and possibly, quite possibly the most troubled. They were remarkably sombre. It was like he’d seen the utmost horrors of the world and the memories were forever reflected in the soft amber speckles in his iris. I think.. I think I understood now.

I took a deep breath because, hey, I’m all for dramatics.

“Oh, no. I understand perfectly. Tell me, child. I assume you’ve seen many hardships in your life .. Please enlighten me? What on earth tipped you over the edge?” He seemed surprised by my words and stopped, almost as if he was frozen in his spot. I guess he considered what I said for a moment before he finally spoke again.

“Why should I tell you?” I looked at him and felt myself smile. He was so.. so innocent, so naive. His mind so young with eyes so troubled. Why this being of utter beauty wanted to end his life was far beyond me. To me, the mere idea of it was unheard of. What could possibly push someone so far? I will admit, through the ages the thought of ending my own life had crossed my minds many times but I’m sure I also had those thoughts as a human, too. It was only natural to think about ones death.. but this was taking it to a whole other level.

“Why not?” I reasoned, “If you’re going to do it anyway, why can’t you tell a total stranger your reasons first?” he looked at me and for the first time since I had gotten here, he smiled. And oh, oh I could have sworn I felt the slight twitching in my stomach. Baby butterflies arising from their long stay inside their cocoons fluttered almost violently.. it was a craving I was used to, the attraction. The seduction for blood always felt this way but for some reason this seemed to be much, much stronger than usual.. but those thoughts needed to disappear. I was excited but it wasn’t the time.

“My life is pretty useless. I hurt everybody. I just feel.. low.”

“How do you mean?”

“Everybody hates me, I’m just.. sad. I’m really sad all the time and I irritate the people around me because I’m always so miserable.. God, I sound so whiny. I’m so sorry.” He apologised while I stood in mild shock. Pausing for a moment, I looked at him in confusion. He was sad, so, so very sad. I could sympathise, of course, but this whole situation made me uncomfortable. This beautiful boy, he seemed so radiant, so full of life and love and happiness. He should be full of life and love and happiness, so why wasn’t he happy? And oh gosh, why on earth did I care?!

I took a moment to consider my words before pressing on. “I’m certain that’s not the case, child, I’m sure many people love you,” his eyes held the air of disbelief at my words but I continued anyway, “Why on earth would you think otherwise?”

“As I said, you wouldn’t understand. Who are you, anyway? And more importantly, why are you pretending to care?” By now my legs were beginning to tire now so I tentatively took a seat next to him and he turned towards me. Droplets of water were now forming in the corners of his eyes by now. Brilliant, I knew where this was headed. Still, I didn’t have the heart to mock him. Not in this state, at least.

“My name is Kellin, and I care because you’re so young and so beautiful, yet you’re willing to throw yourself into the ocean because you’re sad. That, to me, makes little to no sense.” The words left my mouth before I really knew what I was saying and now I had a puzzled teen looking up at me in awe. Fuck. “So answer me this, would throwing your life away really be worth it in the long run?”

He ignored my question. “Y-you think I’m beautiful?” I could do nothing but nod and he smiled slightly yet again, that stupid fucking feeling coming back. Being this close, I could practically feel his heartbeat elope my body like a loud bassline you can feel in your chest. He smelled and looked incredible, there was no doubt that he tasted remarkable, too. This, dear sweet Kellin, is how you treat your food. Seduce him, take him and taste him. These thoughts of adoration need to stop. “Oh.. no one’s ever called me beautiful before.”

“Well, I can assure you that after all of my time on this planet, I doubt I’ve ever seen someone of such remarkable beauty,” he blushed and put his head down, “Now, answer my question. Is it really worth is?”

“I, um.”

“Exactly.”

“Why do you even care? You’re just some guy whose trying to sweet talk me out of jumping. You probably don’t mean any of that. You just don’t want a death on your hands.” I couldn’t help but smile at his words. If only this poor boy knew..

“Believe me, I wouldn’t care. But you, boy, there’s something different about you. I think I understand what the problem is here, though,” I paused, making sure he was looking at me. He was so young and simple minded and obviously he was going to be sad. I doubt he was older than 20, a mere baby in the eyes of the universe. I knew what was wrong, for I had the exact same problem.

“I believe that your constant sense of self doubt has caused you to believe that you’re irritating and a nonsense to be around, correct?” he whispered out a small ‘how did you-’ but I cut him off and I carried on regardless, “So you constantly blame yourself for everything when I know that isn’t the case. I’ve known you for maybe 10 minutes and I can see right through you. You think you’re annoying, so you hold back. You’re quiet, but you’ve opened up so much to a total stranger. You’re restricting yourself for the sake of other people and it’s making you sad, even though your actions would have little to no effect on them if you did what you really wanted. So, you see, you don’t really want to die now do you? You're really just looking for a reason to live. Sweetheart, you simply want to start living.” I said, words coming out confidently and strong. He seemed completely taken back by what I’d just said so I waiting for a moment, noting our closeness and the smell of him somehow becoming stronger. We sat in silence for awhile longer before he did anything else. He looked at me, now completely dead in the eyes and nodded slowly.

“I-I think you might be right.” I smiled, about to say something but his words interrupted my own, “But I wouldn’t know where to start? I’m only 18 and I don’t even know how to live. I have 0 chance of changing”

“If you’d allow me the pleasure, I’d surely help you out. I understand exactly what it’s like to forget how to live. I'd want nothing more for you to realize that life is such a precious thing, you mustn’t throw it away so carelessly.”

“Would you really? I mean, still a virgin, how pathetic is that?!” he kinda giggled to himself helplessly but I could see the flecks of pain in his eyes and he admitted that to me. And then, suddenly, everything made perfect sense. Virgin blood. Surprisingly enough, I’d never closely encountered any virgins above the legal age in all my time here, so that must explain the attraction. Desire practically burned at the bottom on my gut as my eyes raked over the perfect specimen once again. He was so pure, I craved so needlessly to touch him, take away all his innocence and ruin him. My vampitic side was heaving, begging what was left of my human compassion to take him. Still, I felt almost compelled to retract my offer. I knew if I helped him discover himself, so to speak, and start living again, I’d no doubt try my luck. My human side begged me, I could feel the words of rejection forming on my lips as I bit the inside of my cheek. There’s no point in fighting it. If this boy so desperately wants to live, then I was going to help him. But, I was going to get something out of it, too. My urges were growing far too strong now. My parasitic side had won. I was bored and horny. Fuck it.

Swallowing thickly, I swore I could almost feel my eyes darken with lust. I was going to show him how to live. I was going to completely destroy him.

“How on earth are you still a virgin? Haven’t people got any class any more? You’re simply breathtaking.” I reached a hand out to his face, swiping a piece of loose hair out of his eyes. My demeanour turning seductive. Even in the darken sky I could make out his slightly pink tinted cheeks at my words. Such a silly human indeed.

“I’m really not.” he countered but I took this as my chance to move even closer to his body, my hand still in his hair, stroking lazily. I continued smiling and caressing him as his eyes glanced downwards for a split second, then back up to meet my gaze. I smirked. I wasn’t obvious, all those rumours about how vampires aren’t able to see their own reflections were bullshit. I knew, and have always known how attractive I am. Hell, from the age of 10 I’ve had both male and females begging for my company, even just for a night. That was probably the reason why the Lawson’s took me in, actually. A pretty servant meant that the house wasn’t much of an eye soar but it simply wasn’t the time. I knew this boy found me attractive, it was, in sense, impossible not to.

“Oh, but I think you are,” I moved my hand up to cup his cheek now, feeling the heat of his blush under my finger tips. His skin was oh so soft and seemingly delicate, it made me shudder. How was this boy for real? “I’ve never encountered such a pretty little thing before and that’s the honest truth,” I sighed for dramatic effect, “You want me to show you how to live properly, yes?” I asked. He looked nervous as I stroked his cheek but he nodded slowly anyway. I smiled, bringing my hand down and resting it on his leg. “Do you trust me?” again, he nodded and I almost laughed. Poor child.. “Well then, will you allow me the pleasure of knowing your name. Because I really need to know it if we’re going to begin the first activity.”

“And what’s the first activity?” He asked nervously. Oh, sweetheart, if only you knew.

“Will you tell me your name, first?” he hesitated for a moment.

“It’s Victor, but everyone just calls me Vic.” I felt a grin stretch across my face. Victor, eh? Ah, yes, what a perfect name for such a young man. I couldn’t help but let a bubble of laughter escape from my lips. He looked at me cautiously. “Um, I know it’s stupid but-”

“Oh, no no no, it isn’t that.”

“Then what is it?” He asked and I took the opportunity to lean forward and whisper in his ear as my hand began stroking down his side.

“I was just thinking out how brilliant your name will sound coming from me later on..” His eyes widened momentarily as he realized what I was implying. He honestly looked terrified at my words so tentatively I added, “With your permission, of course?” as my hand began snaking down around his back. I pulled him closer to me and ducked my head, leaving little kisses on his neck while I waited for an answer.

“Uh” he muttered out, obviously trying to suppress a moan, “Yes! Okay, okay yes oh fuck yes.”

and just like that, I had this perfect creature exactly where I wanted him.