Lies 1-50

My eyes were watering as I stared into the computer screen. I started to rub them, but ended up poking my left eye, so I went to the bathroom and washed them out with water. They burned even more, but I sat back down and kept typing. I had come up with this amazing story that I couldn't write on paper. It needed more room than the 8 by 11 sheets would give it.

"Charlotte what are you doing up?" Noah's cracked voice came sharply at me while I typed. I looked over at him with his squinty eyes and tight boxers and bare chest and noticed how hot he looked just standing there with a slight hard on.

"Typing Noah. Go back to sleep."

"I can't sleep when all I hear is CLICK CLICK CLICK."

"Close your eyes and imagine something else. Ignore me, I need to get this down."

"Can't you do it in the morning?" he begged.

"No, ABSOLUTELY NOT. If I even close my eyes for too long it will dissolve from my brain. I can't."

"Alright, then move over."

I stood up and he sat down and patted his leg. I sat on his thigh and vigorously typed away. The words spilled out of my fingertips like they were rockets waiting to explode. I couldn't get over how effortlessly the sentences just wrote themselves.

"She walked through the forest. Behind her she felt a presence, but she wasn't sure exactly what it was. Her breathing picked up speed and she ran as fast as the wind next to her. She barely noticed her name being whispered over and over again. Suddenly-"

"Noah stop, you're distracting me!" I hissed.

"Sorry, I'll stop. That's really good."

"Thanks. Now shut up."

"If you don't stop typing like that you're going to get carpal tunnel."

"It would be proof of all my hard work."

I could almost hear him roll his eyes. After living together for a month and a half I had learned his every action, and I was able to predict them.

"Charlotte, you think too much. Calm down and come to bed."

"NO!"

"SHUSH!" Skinner barked and rolled over in the bathtub. He hit his head on the faucet and cursed me a few times.

"Sorry." I said trying to hide my laugh desperately.

After I let a few more thoughts fall into words, which took an hour, I yawned and told Noah, "Alright. Bed time for the author." I smiled a huge cheesy grin.

"Hey, how about some fun before bed."

"Noah we're in a flipping hotel room with three other guys. I don't want my first time with you to be like that. I'm not ready yet either."

No, Noah and I had never done that sort of thing yet... I was just a little scared. Alexander drove that fear into me through a feeding tube.

"We could break into a room down the hall. Come on. Please?"

"I'm not ready yet."

"Please?"

His bright green eyes had their lashes fall over them in a batting motion for a few seconds until I started laughing and finally said yes. Inside I was shaking more than ever and I wanted to throw up. On the outside, I smiled to hide my fears.

He led me down the hall and picked the lock to the biggest room in the hotel. He saw the tenants leave yesterday, and no one came in so he decided that one would be the best.

"You've been planning this?"

"Sort of..."

He gave a small smile and led me into the room. It was a red and white room with a bottle of champagne at the foot of the bed.

"Wow Noah, this is beautiful."

"Nothing's more beautiful than you."

"I'm going to smack you. You just ruined the moment with bull and now it smells like a cow in here. Thanks."

He laughed and replied with, "It's not bull."

I rolled my eyes and we started to kiss. I absent-mindedly locked the door behind us and we made our way toward the bed. My insides were shaking even more violently and I was ready to puke then and there, but I held it down and tried to relax.

We were undressed and on the bed when I couldn't hold it back any more and I puked.

"Charlotte, are you okay?" Noah asked.

"Fine. I'm just not ready for this yet." I stood up and pulled on my clothes quickly and ran back to our room, ashamed.

I brushed my teeth and crawled into our bed where I curled up in a ball. Tears were pushing to break out; I was ashamed and embarrassed.

He crawled into bed next to me silently and put his arms around me. "It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm really sorry."

"N-no don't b-be. I'm sorry I r-ruined your ni-ight."

"You didn't. I should have waited. Don't cry, I'm here for you babe."

"I know."

He tightened his grip on me and wiped off my tears with his fingertips.

"Don't cry Charlotte. We won't try that again until you're ready."

"I'm sorry... It's just because of Alexander..."

"I know baby, I know."

"No you really don't. I've never told you who Alexander is..."

"Who is Alexander?"

"Alexander was my son."

"What?"

"He was my son. I'll tell you the long story later if you want to hear it, but Alexander was born on December first when I was 18. He was healthy and happy and he was so loved."

"What happened to him?"

"He died of SIDS. You know, sudden infant death syndrome. I woke up one morning and started to get ready for school. He was still asleep, or so I thought, so I kissed him before I walked out the door. Noah, he was so cold. He was under so many blankets but he was so cold. I called to my mother and she rushed us up to the emergency room. He had been dead for hours, they said. My mother had him tested for everything, but when they couldn't find an answer they declared him a SIDS baby. I cried for days. I was too weak to get out of bed, so I skipped school. Mom got mean. She was so harsh with me. After I graduated she told me I needed to learn responsibility and she made me get a job for rent. After a week of college, I dropped out because the jobs were so much work I had no time for studies. After that she got meaner and made me get more jobs to pay for an even higher rent. Oh my God, he was so cold."

I was shaking violently on the outside by that point. The tears had dried up in my eyes and I had nothing left to cry. All I could do was shake.

"Charlotte, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Noah?"

"Yes?"

"Promise me you'll never leave me like Alexander. Promise me?"

"I promise Charlotte. I love you."

"I love you too."

That was the first time I'd said 'I love you' to someone since the day Alexander was buried.